“Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them,” - The Fault In Our Stars, now in theatres!

Chapter 3 

At this point, I started to think that becoming a vampire might be the only good option that I could have.

Sun was bad for me. With the lack of sleep and stress compiled together, seeing such strong light straight into my eyes made my stomach churn. Today’s PE class happened to be outdoors and at the face of full-on 11AM sunlight. 

I was so sure that I was five minutes away from melting my skin and bones. We had short shorts uniforms, but the exposed skin was still smarting from all that heat. Also, the guys took this time to ogle all of the girls’ legs, and that wasn’t something that I’d like to be so early in the morning: an objectification.

But then I had to take back my words when I saw Kevin among the crowd who scanned my legs.

Kevin had been my first ex, and before he went out with Noelle, he had been mine for about two years, which amounted to forever in the teenagedom. Although now I had nothing but hatred and regret towards him, I could still see why the younger me had stuck with him.

He was classically good looking, that Kevin. He was tall and broad-shouldered and put considerable amount of wax on his hair, and he always knew where to put his hands. Lots of guys didn’t know this little trick to make themselves look less awkward: knowing where to put your hands would make you look comfortable and self-assured, and that was what I had liked from my ex-boyfriend.

I saw Noelle coming up to him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. That was what my ex-bestfriend had liked from my ex-boyfriend.

But I could see it. Kevin and I had been together two years, before we had that really bad fallout, thus I knew him and I knew that right now, he was scanning me.

I stared back at him, intentionally tipped my chin a bit so that my eyelashes could cloud my gaze a bit. I tested a smile, and when I saw him recoil a bit, I felt a wave of confidence. I still got it. I still got it.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Noelle fuming at our little moment of stares.

Mr. Gallagher, my P.E teacher, was focusing on the girls playing softball. I was one in the background, waiting for my turn to throw the ball. I walked toward him when he called my name, and I chose the long road so that I could circle around Kevin.

My inner self was doing a little victory dance inside my head. If there was one thing that made me happy these days then it would be making Noelle’s day a little less serene.

The ball was mine then, and I was quite surprised to see Noelle stepping up against me instead of meek Marissa.

“Hiya, friend,” she blew me a kiss, just like we had used to do whenever we had met each other.

Her presence, complete with the swinging bat and a face full of vengeful determination, amused me at the same level it scared me. I knew completely Noelle’s capacity to be cruel, especially since she so callously dropped me and convinced our friends to be my enemies after my fallout with Kevin. Now that she saw me flirting with her boyfriend, however, I knew that she was reaching her boiling point.

The very lips that had made my social life crumbled was now tightly shut. Noelle didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to, for everything that she could say to me had been displayed on her face. Her life-long disappointment to me as a friend, her frustration, her resentment, I could see it all. Right now I knew why the phrase ‘if looks could kill’ was overused.

I glanced to behind her shoulder. Kevin was right behind her, but his gaze wasn’t focused onto his girlfriend. Once in a while, it strayed towards me. Specifically, my legs.

And as if she had eyes behind her head, Noelle’s nostrils flared. She knew.

And she was jealous.

Joy.

“Come at it already!” Noelle was shouting.

I swished my hair, intent to keep her furious for a little more while. I threw the ball, but not at her, no. I threw it to behind her so that it would be Kevin who’d catch it.

Bless his reflexes, he did catch it, and as the ball stayed still inside his fist, the whole mass were alternating their gazes between me, him, and Noelle.

Of course, the old love-triangle would be back. We had made such a huge commotion a few months ago, when me and Kevin broke up, and Noelle unexpectedly took his side because she claimed me to be evil.

Kevin looked genuinely confused as to what to do with the ball, but Mr. Gallagher, bless him, gave him instructions.

“So what are you waiting for? Give it back to her!”

For a moment, there was hesitation. I could see what was happening inside his thick skull. ‘Do I need to give him directly back to Alea? Or do I give it to Noelle so that she can give it to her?’

He chose the first option.

He walked towards me, and as he passed his girlfriend, he gave her a gentle tap on the shoulder, as if assuaging her. He kept his distance, although not quite enough, when he handed the ball back to me.

I smiled at Noelle when I accidentally brushed my hand with his a second more than necessary.

After Kevin went back to his post, Noelle’s face became visibly redder.

“And why don’t you just throw the damn ball? And no funny business this time, Azalea. Throw the ball to the girl, not the guy!” Mr. Gallagher had always been infamous for his short temper and his relatively harsh words for a teacher. I sighed loudly and conceded.

Noelle didn’t look like she was half-hearted when she swung the bat and hit the ball square. I felt the ball swooshed past me, and I thought that if only Noelle hadn’t missed by a few millimeters, I would need to go to Asia to fix my face with plastic surgery.

And then I heard that thump sound, followed by another sound of someone falling.

I turned around as the other students started to collectively scream/shout/cheer. Mr. Gallagher was on the floor, his nose bleeding and his eyes half-open in a confused daze of someone who had just gotten a very bad case of concussion.

-

“So the big guy fainted?” Marcus asked.

“Noelle always religiously follows ever body-combat class in gym; she hits like a boss! I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Gallagher doesn’t wake up for a few days.”

School was over, and it had been a good day for me. So good, in fact, that I called Marcus to tell him about the little incident. Noelle had been sent to the counselor and apparently had been yelled at. Now she got what she had been craving ever since we got into high school: undivided attention from the whole student body.

“I’ve never heard you this excited before,” Marcus said. “Aren’t you talking about Noelle the bitch? Why the hysteria?”

This kind of direct question that demanded a direct answer shut me up.

“You still there?”

I slapped myself in an attempt to bring back my soul to my body. “Yeah, just lost track of my thoughts.”

“Anyway,” Marcus began. “I saw my brother going out with the Lexus. Very probably he wanted to pick you up.”

“Oh,” I liked talking with Marcus. Apparently, we shared a lot of opinions about things. But then there were some topics that were best left undiscussed. Like Matthew. It was extremely weird, and not to mention guilt-inducing, to talk about Matt while having a (non) platonic relationship with him.

“I think you just ruined a surprise,” I said as I saw the Lexus that Marcus had just mentioned stopping in front of me.

Marcus didn’t say anything, and just hung up.

“And screw you too, jerk,” I whispered to the phone.

“You surprised?” Matthew said as he got out of the car, his eyes twinkled in a self-satisfied manner that always adhered whenever he did something ‘boyfriendly’ towards me.

“Yeah,” I smiled at him as I kissed him on the cheek. “What’s the occasion?”

“Oh you know, just missing you. We’ve been kinda out of touch lately, Miss Snobby. You never really stay on the phone more than five minutes for me,” Matthew was smiling when he said all that, but the little twitch in his eyes confirmed that he was legitimately pissed.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s ok.” But we both knew it was not okay. I got inside the car and he started driving, and once again, it all fell into a sudden burst of silence. Matthew and I had been going out for quite a while, but since most of our relationship consisted of long-distance, we didn’t really talk much except for sharing Facebook links and/or Instagram likes. It was quite pitiful actually, because whenever we got together, we had almost nothing to talk about.

“So where are we going?” I asked.

“You know, we can just hang out.”

“Yeah, where?”

“Guess,” Matthew winked, and for a guilty moment, I was reminded of his brother. Unlike Marcus, however, Matthew didn’t have the heart or the guts to wait for my answer. “It’s my house.”

-

It was nearly a month since the last time I was here.

The house was still huge, it was still innately intimidating, it still contained Marcus inside. I didn’t know if the third fact was infuriating or exciting.

After a couple of weeks of talking to Marcus via the phone, I took the conclusion that he was what I’d call predictably unpredictable. It was as if he’d go out of his way to prove to people that he was far from what they expected him to be, and more often than not, he was successful in his endeavor. I wasn’t sure if Marcus would come and flirt with me when me and Matthew hang out in the house, or if he’d treat me as if I wasn’t there. Neither prospect delighted me.

But then I forgot the third option, which is him not being in the house.

Matthew brought me to the living room. It was still around four o’clock, so it wasn’t the time to eat any heavy food. We opted for snacks, and Matthew brought some DVDs. He provided a few genres and I chose a children’s movie.

The look that he gave me as I pointed at ‘Meet the Robinson’ was pure disappointment. Worse, I didn’t even know why. I didn’t expect be so clueless about my own boyfriend.

After the movie was over, Matthew brought me to the kitchen. Apparently, both of his parents were out for mid-week holiday (that was a freaking thing?!) so he and his brother got the house for themselves. But then, Matthew had said, Marcus wasn’t the kind of guy who hung around outside his room, so practically the house was all ours.

As soon as Matthew’s lips were shut after saying all those things, we heard Marcus’s voice.

“And you should have seen her! Okay, so I know I sound like I’m exaggerating, but I’m really not-“ he was talking on the phone, mouth full with muffins and legs on the top of kitchen table.

Marcus quickly noticed our presence and hung up the phone, without even saying goodbyes or any pleasantries to the poor receiver on the other end. His eyes widened a bit when they saw both of us.

“I thought you’re taking her on a date,” he said.

“I thought you wouldn’t be out of your room,” Matthew said.

There was a bit of muffin crumble on the corner of Marcus’s lips, and my eyes followed his tongue when it crept out and licked the crumble clean.

“Ok, ok, I’m outta here,” Marcus said as he got up. He didn’t even look at me as he stormed away from the room. Just before he was out of earshot, however, Matthew called him.

“You can have dinner with us,” he said, a bit hesitantly. “If you want.”

For the first time since a month ago, my eyes and Marcus’s locked, and we both knew that tonight would be a really long, really tiring one.

-

Just like I had predicted, it took a tremendous amount of effort to prevent internal bleeding in my brain. My poor heart was beating far too fast as my gaze kept creeping towards the younger Hawthorne, sometimes involuntarily. The three of us were sitting at the massive dinner table, me and Matthew side by side, and Marcus across us. Looking at both of them, I felt crazy for being so attracted to the crazier one.

Or maybe I was just in ‘that’ place of my life, that I found myself thinking Marcus was the more attractive one.

I kept playing with my salad but not actually eating it, until finally someone called me out of it.

“Don’t beat the poor salad,” Marcus said.

“I was just about to eat it.”

“It’s Azalea, right?” finally, he acknowledged me more than just a mere guest. I had to bow down my head to hide the momentary smile that slipped up my lips.

“Yes,” I answered. “It’s Marcus, right?”

Our feigned ignorance at each other brought mirth to his face, too. But then his face turned serious when he gestured at my food. “Is that all you eat for dinner?”

“I’m on a diet.”

Matthew put a consoling hand on my shoulder, as if praising me on my endeavor.

But then his brother lost all the remaining tact that he had and scrutinized me. His eyes went up and down while his lips thinned a bit in disastifaction.

“Do I pass the inspection?” I said curtly.

“Barely. You’re only skin and bones.”

Finally, though Matthew came to my rescue. “She looks great. And it’s a good thing that she eats like a proper lady.” Strangely, the words that should have been my shield morphed into a sword.

Marcus, who looked happy to find another reason to fight with Matthew, grinned. “Sorry, unlike you, I’m not into girls with bodies like 13 year old boys.”

“She’s not like that,” Matthew tried to keep his composure.

“And who’s talking about your girlfriend?”

I coughed. “And both of you seem to forget that the topic of this heated debate is still here and listening.”

I could hear Marcus laughed again. “Can I know your weight?”

“Hey!” the question was for me, but for some reason Matthew was the one who sounded offended. “You just don’t ask girls how much they weight!”

“Oh shut up,” Marcus said, and then, his brown eyes were on me again. “So?”

“So what?”

“Your weight.”

I was silent, contemplating whether to give him the right number or not. Matthew never asked me these kind of questions, and I was pretty sure that my other ex-boyfriends had never even come close to ask something that personal. I had built the image of a no-nonsense girl, and it seemed to ward off any stupid questions from boys.

And yes, ‘How much do you weight’ was one of those stupid questions, but the way Marcus asked it, without any other intention aside from curiosity, made me feel comfortable disclosing it.

“How much do you think?”

“110,” the answer came quick. “Soaking wet.”

“Boo,” I put on a stern face, but the smile still came through. “It’s almost 120, and I’ve been trying to keep it down to 110.”

“You’re almost 120? I thought you’re like, 115 or something,” Matthew sounded genuinely surprised.

Once again, words that should have comforted me irritated the hell out of me. Marcus started to laugh, and it was so contagious that I started laughing, too.

And then my phone rang.

I quickly rummaged through my bag, and I saw my house’s number at the screen of the phone. My mother’s voice boomed in as soon as I tapped ‘answer’.

“Wheeerree arreee yoouuu, Azaalleeeaaa?” typical Mom, she elongated every single word when she was pissed.

“I’m at my boyfriend’s, Mom.”

“Wwwhyyyy yyoouu diiiiddnn’tt tell meeee beeefffooorree? We were looking for you eveeerryywhere!”

For a moment, the statement made me smile. My mom wasn’t the kind of person who would say sweet things just for the hell of it, and my parents never really acted like they needed me around. We just never really clicked, and besides, they loved my sister, who worked abroad, far more than me.

“What is it, Mom? I can come home now if you want.”

“Ah, I just wanted to ask you to buy some chips, but then it’s okay if you’re not going home anytime soon,” using the passive-aggressive tactic that I so hated.

“Mom,” I sighed. “What flavor do you want?”

“But you’re at your boyfriend’s house. What’s his name again? How come I never meet him? Anyway, you’re at his house and we’re just here alone and I was really craving for some chips but The Voice was on…”

I sighed again. “Mom, I can home now if you want, I’ll also buy some snacks.”

“But Azalea,” my mom was about to embark into another one of her soliloquys when my phone was out snatched from my reach. I blinked several times, at a loss for what had just happened. Marcus was holding my phone.

Both me and Matthew watched as Marcus coughed into the receiver.  “Azalea’s mom,” he said cheerfully. “Sorry for the shock, I’m the one speaking through your daughter’s cell because clearly I can’t stand looking at your daughter making that sad, sad face as she promised you she’d buy some snacks,” he winked at me. “ Anyway, ma’am, I’d just like to say that Azalea here doesn’t drive any car, and I’d still want her to stay here for a little longer. So if you don’t mind, please tell me your snack of preference and I’ll go out to buy it for you. It’ll be nice if you will also tell me your home address, too, and don’t worry because I’m not an axe murderer.”

There was quite a long pause, and I was on the verge of fainting from too many explosions inside my head. Marcus was still smirking, too confidently, even. My mind was torn between three facts that had just happened. 1. Marcus definitely could be polite if he wanted to. 2. That was very probably the most romantic thing a guy had ever done for me that wasn’t just a re-enactment of some cheesy romcom. 3. My mother really, truly responded to the whack job.

“Who am I?” Marcus repeated my mom’s question, before the crease beside his lips deepened as he winked at Matthew. “Of course, I’m Azalea’s boyfriend, ma’am.”

-

“I’m leaving,” Matthew was, for the first time since I’d ever met him, stubborn about something.

“Why should you?” Marcus wasn’t letting go of the car keys.

“Because you just pretended to be me, you freaking shit, and I don’t want her parents to think that I’m some kind of sleazy douchebag!”

“I bet I can charm them faster than you ever will,” Marcus didn’t lose a beat.

“Why don’t we take a peaceful alternative and let your driver to do it?” I suggested. “You have a family driver, right?”

“No!” both brothers nearly shouted simultaneously.

I was taken aback, but then decided to let them do their weird sibling rivalry thing. Typical guys. They had egos that were way too inflated that they had to be the hero of everything.

For some weird reason, I felt flattered.

“And why in the world did you say those things to Alea’s mom?! That’s freaking idiotic!” Matthew was still jabbing fingers in the air around Marcus.

“Idiotic? Dear brother, the way you just sit around doing nothing while your girlfriend is being tormented-“

“Not tormented,” I coughed.

“Being asked a really ridiculous favor then,” Marcus corrected, “is the only idiotic act that I could see happening inside the room.”

“Whatever! I don’t pry into other people’s business. But you claimed to be me, so I have to go!”

Marcus said ‘Ha!’ very loudly as both of his hands went up to the air. “You actually want me to stay here, just the two of us, with your girlfriend?”

-

Five minutes later, Marcus finally earned the privilege to go to the mini market to buy some snacks for my mom. A truly daunting task, if I may say, and not to mention endlessly embarrassing. I couldn’t understand why such a trivial matter could induce such a heated argument between these two crazy brothers.

After the sound of Marcus’s car was out, Matthew finally sighed, the tension visibly leaving his face.

“Tired?” I asked him.

His smile said ‘hell yeah;. “I’m just afraid that… well, our parents don’t want him out of the house because of…”

“Yes?”

“Don’t say this to anyone else, but Marcus was an ex-user of you know, drugs,” he said it very carefully.

“Apparently, things got bad when he was abroad, so Mom and Dad thought it was better if he came back here, sober up, and finish his studies somewhere near.”

I nodded, at loss for what to say. Marcus touched on a bit of his past with me, but then I had the feeling that it was something that he never really wanted to talk about. I felt like I was betraying him as I heard Matthew talking about him.

“When the letter came from Yale, we were all overjoyed. Marcus has always been the smart one, you won’t believe his IQ tests, and he’s always been a good student. Studious, serious, hell, I didn’t know if he ever made friends with all the time he spent studying,” Matthew sighed. “And then he set off to early college and he became… wild. He had good-for-nothing gold-digger friends and he practically stopped going to classes five months in, it was a disaster.”

Matthew then stared at me, probably hoping for some comments about his brother. I stared back at him, trying my best to find something bad to say about Marcus, but I couldn’t. I felt like I knew what he was going through. He hadn’t told me anything, but he looked smart enough to not voluntarily destroy his life for nothing. I felt like there should be a valid reason behind all that.

But looking at Matt’s hopeful eyes, I knew that he wanted to hear none of it, and only wanted confirmation that I wasn’t at all attracted to his brother.

“I don’t think he’s that bad,” I said diplomatically.

Matt’s silence was enough indication that my answer didn’t satisfy him at all. It was pretty clear that both brothers didn’t have the best relationship in the world, but I never would have pegged Matthew as the kind of guy who would want other people to hate on his brother.

The mystery was quickly solved just seconds later.

“My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with him, Alea.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Really?” the tone came out far colder than what I had intended.

Matthew nodded slowly. “Yes, it happened long before I met you. We were just going out for two months around that time, and I introduced her to Marcus. A few weeks later, I saw her inside his room, under his covers.” He closed his eyes as if to alleviate the pain. “We were very young that time so I didn’t believe that they slept together, but it was still cheating.”

I quickly did some mental math. Marcus and I had met a month ago, and the progression of our relationship had been going fast. Sure, nothing physical had been going on between us, but I knew that sooner or later, if this kept going on, it would be inevitable.

“Really?” that was all I could manage.

“I don’t want to lose you, Alea,” he took my hand and squeezed it.

And he had said it so perfectly, with the right expression and the right tone of voice, and even the right gesture. But then something felt missing, because whereas I could literally feel Marcus’s interest towards me, Matthew’s words felt… empty.

I looked right at Matthew’s eyes. “Why do you think I will leave you for him?”

“I have a feeling that he’s taken a liking towards you.”

“Say, he does have a liking towards me,” I said carefully, planning my next words so that it didn’t look as if I had a hidden agenda behind my question. “Why do you think so? I mean, what happened to you guys was tragic, but it was years ago, and now I’m sure he has also matured. He wouldn’t be that much of an asshole to go for his brother’s girlfriend, right?”

“Because you’re extremely attractive, that’s reason numero uno,” Matthew said smoothly. “And because he thinks I’m a rival to beat, that’s reason number two.”

The second reason surprised me. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “He’s obsessed with me. He wants to beat me at everything. Whatever I have, it will immediately becomes a shiny thing and he will want it. That’s the kind of guy Marcus is.”

And then everything suddenly made sense.

I sometimes questioned Marcus's motive of suddenly wanting to know more about me immediately after we first met. Some guys could be forward, but I had never had someone like him. Someone so intent, so forceful. I humored myself with the idea that maybe he saw something in me, that maybe he thought I was more than my looks. Maybe he liked the way we bantered, or maybe he saw that I was a bit different from the other girls he had gone out with.

But then none of that mattered, because in the end, it boiled down to this: their stupid sibling rivalry.

I was nothing but a mere trophy, a token of Marcus’s, another win over his brother.

The bastard came back about half an hour later, his mouth forming a huge grin as he raised his eyebrows when he saw me. I got up from the sofa, took Matthew’s hand and asked him to drive me home. I didn’t say anything to him, and when he smiled at me, I didn’t smile back.

That night, my insomnia came back, and I was awake until about three. Today was supposed to be the day I picked up the phone and called Marcus, but I didn’t do it.

Marcus didn’t call me either.