Playing Dirty Little Secret No More

"What do you mean Charlie isn't dating Jillian?" Cecilia's golden eyebrows are puckered together while her lips are molded into a frown. A cold, harsh breeze sweeps by as silence fills the space in between them. She and Hayden are standing outside of the library under a flickering lamppost, the full moon dangling above their heads. The streets are deserted, no other pedestrians in sight.

"It's exactly what it sounds like," the boy says tiredly. "We were wrong. She's not the least bit interested in girls. In fact, according to her, she's very much attracted to guys." He doesn't understand why he feels troubled revealing this newfound information to her. But for some reason, there's this restless sensation swirling around inside of him, leaving him feeling rather unsettled. Perhaps he should have patched things up with Cecilia first. It's too late for that now.

"Does she like you?" she questions, immediately on the defensive end of the spectrum.

"What?" Hayden gawks, mouth agape. "Where did that idea come from, Cecilia?"

"How would you explain the situation then?" his girlfriend huffs, trying her best to gather her thoughts. Next, Cecilia begins to pace up and down on the sidewalk, hands curled into fists, her long nails digging into the skin on her palm. "Did she try to take advantage of you? She must have. How else would you have found out that she's heterosexual," she retorts before she claws her scalp in aggravation. "I shouldn't have trusted her. I let my guard down and gave her the opportunity to steal you away from me," Cecilia accuses, anger and fear evident in her tone.

Hurt that Cecilia would say such terrible things about the girl, who has been nothing but generous towards them, without any knowledge of what happened, Hayden's nostrils flare. He's already allowed people to sputter terrible things about Charlie without defending her honor and he's not willing to make the same mistake twice. She's his friend. "Charlie isn't somebody who'd do that," he says, eyes narrowing pointedly at Cecilia. "And you know what? I don't appreciate you speaking badly about her, especially after everything she's done for us."

"Are you honestly defending another girl in front of me?" she swallows, disbelief written all over her face. "Your real girlfriend."

"I am," Hayden confirms without reluctance, his head held high. He doesn't know what's come over him. Initially, he had showed up with the motive to make up with Cecilia and tell her all about Charlie. Therefore, it had most certainly not been his intention to get entangled in another argument with her. However, unlike the first fight they had, which when compared to the one they are partaking in at the moment seems awfully trivial, this one is, without question, much more severe in nature because it directly involves Charlie.

Cecilia freezes and stares at him with a look of betrayal smeared over her face. Is the person standing before her really the same boy who'd promised he'd pluck the stars straight out from the sky for her so long as she wishes to have them? Desolately, she is only able to mutter a quiet, "Why?"

Hayden is quick to offer her a response, as if he's been prepared for her to ask him that all along. "Because she's my friend and that's what friends do for each other. And for your information, she told me after I went to ask her how she and Jillian resolved their issues since I thought it could help us. If it wasn't for Charlie, you and I, we would have broken up already. If she wanted to take advantage of the situation, she could have simply told everyone the truth, but she didn't."

"Do you... Do you like her, Hayden?" Cecilia finds herself holding her breath as her body begins to tremble. Why isn't he saying anything?

"I'm dating you, aren't I?" he replies.

She feels her breathing stutter. "That's not the answer to my question."

"Are we seriously going to fight again?" Hayden sighs.

"Yes, we are," she declares.

"You're really not helping me right now, Cecilia. I'm leaving." And with his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket, he turns to leave, only to have the girl run after him and latch onto his arm, hindering him from moving forward.

"Hayden, you can't just walk away every time we fail to see eye to eye."

Hayden inhales deeply and shifts back towards her. Then, he glances down to the place where her fingers are coiled around his arm and, gently, he removes himself from her grasp. "You were the one who walked away the other night," he reminds.

"You were supposed to chase after me," she chokes out, crashing into his chest, her arms now encircled tightly around his torso. "Hold onto me like how I'm holding onto you right now."

"How was I supposed to know that?" he returns.

Cecilia draws back, tears welling up in her eyes. "It's common sense, Hayden!" When did things become so complicated between them? Cautiously, Hayden raises his hand up in order to caress her cheek, but right before his skin could touch hers, his arm falls back down and he averts his gaze from her. Who is he trying to fool? Things have always been complicated between them. He had been well-aware of that fact from the moment he laid eyes on her. He had just chosen to ignore it because he thought love would conquer all. Apparently, he had been wrong.

Perhaps, they're just not meant to be.

Perhaps, it's time for things to come to an end, for them to come to an end.

It seems like it's the only logical way to spare the both of them from suffering from any more heartache, which is likely to ensue if they keep this relationship up.

"I can't do this anymore," Hayden confesses quietly, detaching the girl from him.

Fear grips her heart and Cecilia stumbles a step back. "What can't you do anymore?"

"This," he begins, mustering the courage to stare into her pale green eyes, which are still glossy from the tears. "Us," he finishes, his own heart cracking as he forces himself to look away.

"What... what are you saying?" Cecilia croaks.

Is this what he really wants? He could still turn back. No, he has to do this. "I'm saying we should break up," Hayden says at last. "It'll be for the best anyways. I don't want to interfere with your studies. I don't want to be your dirty little secret anymore."

"Hayden, you don't mean that," answers Cecilia, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry I'm a little sensitive but I don't want to lose you. You know how much you mean to me." She can't let this happen. She refuses to accept it. Sure, she hasn't been the perfect girlfriend, but so what? Everyone has their faults. Her feelings for him, they're sincere and she doesn't want to let an amazing guy to slip through the cracks. Never in her life has Cecilia encountered someone as genuine and kind as Hayden Knight. Someone who is selfless and has the ability to make her believe in the world again. What would she do without him?

"You don't need to apologize for how you feel," he remarks, the guilt devouring him whole. "This is for the best. I should get home. My mom's waiting up for me. Your dad's picking you up, right?" He takes her silence as a yes and with one last lingering glance, he makes his departure.

Had he done the right thing? Hayden's knuckles begin to turn white, his grip on the steering wheel tightening, as the tears in his eyes ready to escape their confines. "This is for the best," he whispers despite the excruciating pain throbbing inside of him. He has always done everything Cecilia has asked of him. He has always placed her before everyone and everything else, including himself. Always has Hayden been willing to comply to her every wish and command in attempt to make her happy.

But as he thinking about it now, he can't help but feel like he might have overindulged her.

Recklessly, the boy pulls over to the side of the road as he lets out a strangled yell. His head falls forward onto the steering wheel as the tears start to stream down his face. A relationship is supposed to be a compromise between the two parties. It's very clear, however, that the only person who has been making adjustments and changes is Hayden. He does love Cecilia, but even his love has its limits. He would have told her that he loved her, but doing so would probably do more harm than good. Doing so would just make it harder for the both of them to move on.

He meant what he said to her. No longer does he wish to be her dirty little secret. Keeping their relationship concealed from the rest of the world had been arduous and exhausting, and a small part of Hayden feels elated.

Because sometimes letting go is less painful than holding on.

The next day, Hayden awakens to his parents screaming and shouting vehemently. He tries to muffle out all of the cursing and crying by pressing a pillow over his head but his efforts end in vain. Realizing that he will not be able to return to sleep, Hayden decides to get dressed and go out for an early morning run before he has to head out for school. The sun has yet to breached the sky and his folks have already managed to get into a fight. How did they wind up like this?

Although they haven't officially broken the news about their divorce to Hayden yet, he knows it's coming. The boy will not be naïve, nor will he have wishful thinking. He can see the love they used to harbor towards one another has vanished and now their marriage has become nothing more than their own version of hell. To be honest, yes, it will be difficult for him to get accustomed to his parents being separated at first. However, it'll be much easier than having to listen to them verbally attack each other every second of every day, that's for sure.

After running around the block a couple times, with the sun in clear view, Hayden finds himself standing in front of a familiar house painted a royal blue. Hesitantly, he rings the doorbell and a minute later, Charlie swings the door open. She is in the midst of drying her hair with a towel when the sight of a sweaty Hayden causes her to cease what she's doing. What is with this guy and showing up at her doorsteps unannounced? He's seriously got to stop this.

Well, at least she could seize this opportunity to bring up the conclusion of their fake relationship. "Knight, what are you doing here this early in the morning?" she questions, brows furrowed.

"I'm ready," Hayden breathes as he looks up at her.

"Ready for what?" She blinks. Could he be thinking about the same thing?

"Ready to talk," he says softly, his voice almost inaudible. Next, he takes a step closer to her and wraps his arms around her body. The towel falls to the floor as Charlie stands as stiff as statue in his embrace while Hayden's eyes flutter shut in return.

"My parents..." he rasps out. "They're getting divorced."    

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Author's Thoughts: Someone saw that coming. You know the drill. Please do leave comments and votes if you'd like. You have to understand both Hayden and Cecilia are at fault here. They might love each other, but just because you love each other, doesn't mean you'll be together.