Author's Notes:

A very special thanks to my two beta readers for chapters 25 and 26, RozamarieH and TheTrebbledMom

When I originally posted this chapter, I decided that the theme song for it was "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers.  Feel free to Google it.  Michele Morrone sang a version of it (where he is singing shirtless, I might add) on his Instagram feed on April 5, 2020, if you're interested.

-=o0/&\0o=-

Some days, all you want to say, from the time you wake up in the morning until you fall asleep at night, is, "Fuck."

I wasn't sure whether to trust my babushka's statement or chalk it up to the early stages of dementia, but either way, I knew that if Rose was going to come back to me, it wouldn't be that simple. Everything really worthwhile in life comes with a price. And after Sunday, that cost would be high.

It had been days since I showered or shaved. I hadn't even combed my hair, which was just snarled, stringy, and gross. I probably smelled. I slept in my clothes half the time and they were covered in wrinkles and food stains, but I didn't care anymore. I could barely sleep most nights, so the wrinkles probably weren't as bad as they could've been. I didn't cry in front of anyone, but between the lack of sleep and the crying I'd done when I was alone, my eyes were red and swollen. Other than when I was forced to or simply had no other option, I hadn't eaten and I never went outside. I didn't talk to anyone at all unless I was answering a question. Between my paleness, my gauntness, my isolation, and my red eyes, I probably seemed like the undead.

I had to leave for school again in ten minutes. Surprisingly, once I popped the battery door back on, my cell phone had survived my throw across the room on Sunday night with only a few minor scratches. I sat on my bed, re-reading my text logs from Monday night, letting the tears burn my eyes as they clouded my vision once more:

Me: Rose, will you please let me explain?

Rose: You had a chance to explain. You said nothing.

Rose: Now that you've had a chance to think up some more lies, you suddenly feel all chatty?

Me: It's not like that

Rose: Just stop, Dimitri. I won't let you use me anymore

Me: But Rose, I love you

Me: You said that you love me, too

Rose: Love fades

Rose: Mine has

Rose: Now leave me alone

Me: Just let me explain, please

Rose: - DELIVERY FAILED. THIS NUMBER NO LONGER ACCEPTS YOUR CALLS. Message 503-217 -

-=o0/&\0o=-

I'd been sitting alone at my desk in homeroom with my head down on the desk surface. Class was due to start in five minutes, so I had time to talk with Ivan in the hallway, but I didn't want to deal with any of his questions yet. Or ever.

"Dimitri! What are you doing in here all alone?"

Fuck, it was Jill. I'd forgotten she was in my homeroom class. I kept my head down and pretended like I hadn't heard her. I heard her pull out the chair next to mine and sit in the empty seat beside me.

"Are you not feeling well?" she asked, "Maybe you should go home sick."

I continued laying against the desk. On the plus side - sort of - I guess this at least means that Rose is still speaking to someone who knew my secret.

Jill began tapping on my shoulder, saying "Dimitri? Dimitri? Dimitri?"

"Go away," I bellowed, internally groaning a little at the gruff tone I had used with Jill. Just because my world was crumbling around me didn't necessarily mean I had to treat everyone else like trash.

"Do you want me to call the school nurse?" she asked, craning her head over me.

"No," I scoffed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, taken aback by my demeanor. Jill and I had never really been more than friends and we'd had a very amicable mutual split, so it was easy for us to drift back to our casual friendship after our breakup. It was clear that she cared and wanted to help now.

"It's over," I told her.

"What's over?" she asked, sounding all too confused. I still hadn't lifted my head to look at her, but I could picture that insecure clueless look that was just so Jill.

"My life," I told her, sounding maybe only half as depressed as I felt and speaking into my desk, "My whole life. Everything."

"Everything?" she asked, and I could hear the smile in her voice, "C'mon, Dimitri, it can't be that bad, now, really?"

I turned to face Jill, letting her take in my unshaven face and my red-rimmed eyes. Another traitorous tear slid down my cheek as I faced her.

"Everything," I told her, "Everything good left with her."

Jill looked at me and covered her mouth as she gasped. "Rose?" she exclaimed, "Rose left you?"

I nodded sluggishly, but that was all I could muster.

"But she seemed so in love!" she said, "She seemed like she'd never been this happy - in all of the time I've known her!"

"Happiness is a lie," I told her, grimly, "And so is love."

-=o0/&\0o=-

"Dimitri," Ivan asked me for maybe the thousandth time as we went through the lunch line at school, "I just want to know what happened. Can't you tell me? I mean, it seemed like things were going so great."

"I don't want to talk about it," I told him for my thousandth reply as Ivan paid for his food.

"Maybe I can get Jill to find out more," Ivan said, as he began to walk away from me.

I stopped him, grabbing his arm. "No!"

"Why not? It's not like you'll tell me anything," Ivan said, "It's either Jill or I go to Rose's house and ask her. It's the grey one - right?"

I got in Ivan's face, gripping his bicep tightly and nearly growling as I told him, with my teeth gritted, "You are not going to Rose's house! She needs to be left alone! Is that clear?"

A look of fear passed over his face as Ivan nodded. "Okay," he uttered, barely above a whisper. A few seconds ticked by as we stood like that and then Ivan said, "Are you going to let me go now, Dimitri?"

I hadn't even realized how tight my grip was on him. My knuckles were white and I could only imagine how his arm felt. I let my fingers loosen on Ivan's arm. He pulled free and walked away to sit down at a table with our friends. Normally, I would have sat at the same table he was sitting at, but today I just wanted to be alone. I took my food and sat at an empty table in the corner of the cafeteria.

I began chewing my food, not really tasting anything. A few minutes went by and I noticed that my apple and milk were finished. All that was left to eat was my slice of pizza.

Pepperoni Pizza.

Like Rose had eaten that first night we met.

I sighed.

"Hey, are you Dimitri Belikov?" a masculine voice asked.

Without even looking up, I bit into my pizza and said, through my mouthful of food, "Yes. So what?"

"May I sit here?" he asked.

Irritably, I told him, "It's a free table."

"I just wanted to talk to you about track and field," he said, "Coach Alto asked me to throw discus like you are now when I was just a little younger than your age."

That made me look up for the briefest of moments. In front of me stood a muscular man who looked to be in his early twenties, with flame red hair and freckles, clothed entirely in our state university's red and blue athletics attire. He extended his hand as to shake it. "My name's Mason Ashford. I'm the track and field throws coach for State University. I'd like to talk to you about your future."

I could care less about my own future, but for my family's sake, and because my mama always told me to be polite to strangers, I couldn't afford not to make nice with this guy. I extended my hand to shake his, keeping my face down so that he couldn't see the red rims around my eyes.

"You look like something's bothering you, Dimitri - do you mind if I call you Dimitri?" I noncommittally shrugged and then shook my head. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" he asked, as he sat across from me.

I thought about lying and just trying to play it off until he went away, but there was just honestly no playing this off. Plus, I had done enough lying recently for my whole life. "Yes," I told him honestly.

"Are you stressed about the state track meet?" he asked me.

"No," I said, and still deep in thought I just blurted out, "It's actually about a girl - woman, really."

"Ah," he said, "I know the feeling. I was actually suffering through something very similar when I was competing at states. Bad timing for it," he continued, changing the subject, "I actually just got done talking to the Zeklos kid over there. Ivan - you know him?" I gave a small nod. "He seems like a decent guy. He has the height like you do, but he's a little skinny for a thrower. Still, he's a nice guy. Anyways, he said he was a friend of yours. He spent the last ten minutes talking you up to me. He said that there's no one more deserving of winning the state title than you, and he told me all about how hard you've been training; said you'd been lifting extra hard for extra sets last week training for the meet, but that you're off your game lately. I don't doubt it's because of this girl that you're thrown off, but you've really been doing all of the right stuff, Dimitri."

"I try, sir," I said.

"Call me Mason - or Mase," he told me, with a smile in his voice, "Let me be frank with you, Dimitri: I hope to see you next year at State."

Ah, this again. All the recruiters trying to get me to go to their schools so that I can make them more money - and pay more money in tuition that my family didn't even have. My sudden bout of politeness might just have to evaporate if he can't take 'no' for an answer.

Not that it matters, really, anyways. Not without Roza.

"I can't really afford it, 'Mase'. My family doesn't even make enough to send me to Springfield Community College without my working a part-time job to pay for it," I told him.

"Belikov, I've seen your stats. I've got a lot of scholarship money to give to someone and I'd love to be able to give it to a St. Vlad's alum. Show me you've got the right stuff at the meet and it could be yours. If you take first at states this Friday - and I know you could - I'm talking about a full ride, including room and board. Even textbooks. I'm sure that assistance could help your family."

I turned my face up to him again, out of shock, letting him truly take in my empty expression, my tear-stained eyes, my stubble-covered face, wrinkled clothes, uncombed hair, and overall disheveled appearance for the first time. For the incredible offer he had just made, he might as well have been offering me the moon. A full ride for four years at State - five if I red-shirted for a year - would be more than one hundred twenty-five thousand dollars. That's nearly what my family's house cost!

I didn't want to think about future happiness and opportunities. Not without Roza. All of it was meaningless without her. But for my family, I had to try for this scholarship. I couldn't let them lose this chance.

"Wow," he said, taking in my appearance for the first time, "This girl's really done a number on you, hasn't she? Do you want to talk about it?"

I began to shake my head, but then I thought, Why not? I don't know this guy. He doesn't know me. It's a perfect way to talk it through with an impartial outsider. I gave him a sincere almost-grin and said, "Okay."

"Tell me about her," he said, smiling.

"She's just the perfect woman," I began, suddenly thinking of all the great things about Roza, "I've never met anyone like her. When it comes to things that really matter, she is just absolutely fierce. She'll do anything - even something totally crazy - for the people she cares about. And she has this quirky sense of humor that always makes me smile when I'm trying to be serious. We were so in love. When we kissed, it was like the whole world stood still and we were the only two people who ever existed. We had a really bad fight Sunday, but before that, I never had a moment with her when just simply being with her didn't bring me peace or happiness." Without even meaning to, I had opened up my heart to her memory, thinking of Rose and loving her with reckless abandon.

"It sounds like you have it bad. Pretty, too, I take it?"

"It's more than just that she's pretty. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen: dark eyes full of fire; long, silky dark hair; soft, full, pink lips; a smile that sparkles and just lights up the whole room; and the cutest dimple on her right cheek." Not to mention her amazing body. Although I tried not to dwell on it, my skin felt hot at the mere thought of the view and feel of her soft skin and curves beneath my hands.

"If I didn't know better, I would almost say you were talking about the same woman who broke my heart," he said with an almost smirk on his face, looking off into the distance as if he were remembering something, "What did you fight about?"

"I lied to her," I told him, but then I corrected myself, saying, "Well, actually, I didn't lie; I just didn't correct her when she made a wrong assumption."

"But you didn't actually lie? Outright, I mean?" he asked.

I shook my head and frowned. "No."

"Maybe you're looking at this wrong, Belikov," he told me, "I'm gonna go way beyond your typical coaching mentor here and share my personal experience with you. Here's what I did at the state track meet: I had just - after nearly ten years of feeling like I was in love with this girl I had practically grown up with - confessed that I had feelings for her and she had told me that I was one of her best friends, but that I could never be more than that. I felt like my world was over. But I used that feeling. And I used that time away from her to focus on my events. No distractions, no interruptions, just me, my strength, and my sport. Dimitri, use this as a chance to go into this track meet completely focused and unfettered - and channel all of that anger and frustration from this fight with your girl into it. Take this event and kick its ass."

I took a deep breath and just stopped from shaking my head 'no' at his suggestion. I didn't think I could do what he was asking. I couldn't let Roza leave my thoughts. I couldn't not focus on her. Without Rose, I just didn't want to win anything anymore.

"And maybe if you give it a little time, this girl - what's her name?" he asked.

"Rose," I croaked out, my voice cracking at the mere mention of her name.

Mason gave a brief chuckle. "She even has the same name," he said, "Maybe if you give it a little time, Rose will come around and realize that this is as much because of her own assumption as it is because of anything you said. Maybe she'll come back to you?"

"Not likely," I told him, "No one holds a grudge like Rose."

"Wow," he said, with a chuckle, "She really is a lot like my Rose. Takes me back to my St. Vlad's days. At least your friend, the Zeklos kid, seems like a really nice guy and it seems like he's really in your corner. Did you ever hear of Jesse Zeklos?"

I winced. Just hearing about Jesse again anywhere near the context of Rose made me bristle. "I knew of him, mostly second-hand and by reputation. And he's Ivan's cousin."

"Yeah, I could see the family resemblance," he said, meaningfully, "You know what I mean about him, though. I can see it in your eyes."

Both at the same time, Mason and I said, in perfect unison, "Rose dated him."

He pinned my eyes with his suddenly shrewd gaze. I think he realized it the same time I did. We were talking about the same girl!

"Well," he said, "it seems we have more in common than I thought, Dimitri. Rose Hathaway - Mazur - is an amazing woman. I would've guessed she's a bit old for you, Belikov, but I guess love doesn't have a clock."

I nodded and then frowned, suddenly feeling even more despondent. If only he knew that was the source of my problem...

Mason said, with a consoling look, "If she's the one you're reeling from, I get it. Believe me, I get it. I told her I could never see myself loving anyone else but her and she - instantly - replied by telling me that she could never see me as more than a friend. If it makes you feel better, if Rose hadn't shot me down, I never would've gone out with my wife, Meredith." Mason pointed to his wedding band. "Married two years and counting; never been happier. And Rose and I are still good friends."

I shook my head and scowled. "That's not going to happen in my situation. There's no one but Rose for me," I told him, frankly.

"Do you want me to put in a good word for you?" he asked, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I could only stare at him. Why would he do that for me, when we just met? Especially to the girl he had loved - and knowing that my best friend was very closely related to the scum of the earth that hurt Rose before?

"I'm really good at reading people, Dimitri. I can see how you feel about her and that you're a good guy. Way better for her than Jesse. I'd be glad to talk with her to try to patch this up for you."

"You don't have to -" I began.

"But first," he said, sniffing slightly, "take a shower. Clean yourself up a little. Pick yourself up off the floor and dust yourself off. And you've gotta win states. First place. Or at least show me that you tried to win. You've got to show me that you can keep on living your life and pick up the pieces without Rose - that you can still go on."

"I'll win it," I told him, resolute in my plan, "But I'll do it for her. I'd do anything for her." Even if there was the tiniest of chances that he could get through to her on my behalf to get her back, I would take it.

-=o0/&\0o=-

I looked at the clock on the wall as I was just walking into the house from work for the night. It was eight thirty-two. As the house phone rang again, I finally broke down and reached to pick it up from the kitchen wall.

"Hello?" I asked.

I was met by silence on the other end. Just as I was about to hang up, I heard Ivan's voice ask, "Is - is Viktoria there?"

I growled. "Ivan," I told him, "You hurt my sister, I swear to God that I will hunt you down and strangle you with your own intestines, then pluck out your eyeballs before you lose consciousness and show them to you."

"Whoa! Dark, Dimitri! I just want to talk to her on the phone! Not like I want to make her my personal sex slave or something." I began to breathe a little easier and prepared to get Vika, then Ivan added, in a quiet but teasing tone, with a little laugh, "Although, that honestly doesn't sound so bad, either!"

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose, and then called out for Vika, adding in Russian when she came to take the phone, "Don't trust this asshole. He just wants to get down your pants."

Viktoria took the phone and said, "Hello," and carried the phone to her room. A few moments after she came back out and hung up, she said to me, "You worry too much. It's my own business when and who gets into my pants. But that's not what Ivan wanted. He's worried about you, Dimka. He really cares - and he wants to know what happened with Roza. He's a nice guy. You should give him a chance. And he would do just about anything for you. You know you really hurt his feelings today?"

I wasn't sure if Ivan was playing some sort of game with Vika or not. "Hurt his feelings?" I asked, "How so?"

"You haven't talked to him since Sunday except to answer questions about trivial things like what page you're on in the textbook or to tell him to go away. He says that at lunch today, you grabbed his arm so hard that you left a hand-shaped bruise and then made him feel like you thought he was complete trash for even thinking to ask what happened," Vika said, "He didn't even want to tell me what happened with you two, but he kept asking me if I knew what happened to you and if there was something I could do to help you. Finally, I just asked him to help you himself and that's when he told me."

It hit me then just how much I was letting this affect everyone else. I missed Rose. I love Rose - past, present, and future tense. I ached for Rose, heart, body, and soul. It hurt to even think of her. But I couldn't treat everyone else like shit just because she had left me. Rose wouldn't want me to act that way, whether I was with her or not.

I picked up my cell phone and sent Ivan a text:

I'm sorry

This Rose thing has been really hard on me. I CAN'T talk about it yet, tho

Still bros?

Almost instantly, Ivan replied, using the nickname that only my Russian family had used up until this point. Bros 4 life, DIMKA. But it doesn't mean I won't want 2 know when u r ready

I replied, It's gonna be a while

Ivan: I can wait. That's what friends do

-=o0/&\0o=-

Author's Notes:

Wonder what you're missing? Wonder what comes next? Wonder what the ^&*$% HonestPassion13 is thinking? Facebook is the place to answer all those and more.

I know things look especially bleak right now, but I promise there is a happily-ever-after ending coming. I love Rose and Dimitri ending up together too much to leave them like this.