Colby's POV

"Colby? You ready?" Sam calls to me from the other side of the bathroom door.

I finish putting concealer under my eyes. I could use half the bottle and it still wouldn't be enough to hide the dark circles. I look like shit.

Every time I close my eyes I see her tear stained face. Her rosy cheeks and puffy eyes...

"I'll be out in a minute!" I reply, checking myself over in the mirror once more, deciding I've done the best I can at covering up my lack of sleep.

I shake my hands by my sides, trying to let go of some of the tension trapped in my muscles. I really don't want to go out. Just thinking about putting on a happy face and making useless conversations is draining me already.

I step out of the bathroom and meet Sam, who's leaning up against the kitchen counter on his phone. He looks up from his screen. I can see the pity he's trying to hide, "You're a good friend for going." He attempts to make me feel better. I give him a weak grin. I'm not a good anything. I haven't been.

We get into his car and I lean my head against the window. The drive is void of conversation. I just spend it tuned into the radio.

Every song reminds me of her.

I grind my teeth absentmindedly, dreading the next few hours of my life.

***

Corey's company erupts in a chorus of "hey's" and "yo's" when we arrive. We wave and smile and make our rounds greeting everyone.

This is hell.

It doesn't take long for Corey to find us, "What's up guys!" He beams, giving us each a side hug.

"Happy birthday, brother!" Sam cheers. I reckon I'm the only one that could know how forced his tone is. He's better at hiding his pain than I am, but I know him like the back of my hand.

Corey lightly bats my shoulder, "How've you been, man? It's been a while." He asks genuinely.

I sigh, "Getting by." I answer simply, my shoulders tightening at the lie.

He picks up on my avoidance, simply nodding and pursing his lips, "Well, you guys help yourself to drinks and snacks. Try to have fun, okay? Thank you for coming.. it means a lot to me.." He returns to another group of people, leaving us alone.

The familiar feeling of guilt swallows up my stomach.

Sam and I grab a couple drinks before deciding to isolate in the corner. Reflecting on myself a year ago, I'd never be antisocial, hiding from everyone. Maybe it's better this way.

Maybe it's just because I haven't been around people in a while, but I can't shake the feeling of eyes on me.

Sam finishes his fourth shot, thudding his glass hard on the coffee table. I peak over at him. He's staring blankly ahead of him, consumed in his thoughts, "Talk to me." I nudge him. He snaps his gaze up to me, unaware of the trance he was just in.

"Did I make a mistake?" He asks me in a low voice, trying to make sure no one else can hear, "It feels like a part of me is missing."

I clasp my hands together and let my head hang, "All I can say to you is, I wish I would've fought harder for Y/N. If you want Kat back, do it before she hates your guts.." Her face appears in my mind as I speak her name out loud.

"I don't think Y/N hates your guts." He argues, tapping his glass with his finger in thought.

"She has every reason to." I grunt, leaning back into the couch. That bitter feeling begins crawling its way into my chest.

I scan the room, trying to find a possible source for my paranoia. My breath gets caught in my throat as I catch someone approaching us.

I slap Sam's knee and he looks up in the direction I'm glaring in.

He instinctively pushes his hand down on my thigh to keep me seated, "Didn't think I'd see you here." Morgan's voice scratches my ears in the most unsettling way.

I bite down on the inside of my cheek and look to the left of her. If I look her in her eyes I'll fucking snap, "And what made you think I'd want you anywhere near me? Fuck off." I spit with disgust. My stomach burns the intensity of a thousand flames.

She places her hand on the table and leans closer to me, "Y/N's gone now. You don't have to pretend there was nothing between us." She hums with a smirk.

I aggressively push myself onto my feet, fighting against Sam's pressure on my leg, "Don't you ever fucking say her name! You have never meant more to me than a drunk fuck!" I don't hold back, shouting right in her face. A few people nearby look over. She jolts back from me, trying to look hurt but I know it's all a sick act.

"Fuck this." I grit, grabbing Sam's keys from him and quickly storming out of the apartment.

Sam chases after me, calling my name.

"I'll get you an Uber!" I spin on my heals to face him, out of breath from the adrenaline soaking my veins, "I need to get the fuck out of here!"

He stands there defeated, letting me go.

***

The cool night air refreshes me as I sit atop the old roof. I used to come here all the time to escape. Now I come here because it makes me feel closer to her..

I want to go back to the time she first told me her name.

She was the only one that was ever able to find me, and in turn I lost her.

I look up to the stars, trying to find comfort in the fact that the same ones are looking down on her.

I turn to my side, envisioning her sitting beside me like we once did. It feels like soon, I will have remembered her longer than I had known her. I wonder if she thinks of me too, or if she's cleansed me from her mind altogether.

My phone vibrates from my pocket. I angrily fish it out, annoyed to be disturbed. Someone sent a post to me. I unlock my phone and Instagram opens up to a slideshow from tonight. I didn't take any pictures with anyone, so my curiosity peaks at the reasoning I was even sent this. I swipe through the images, hoping to god no one caught my outburst on camera.

I have to tighten my grip on my phone to keep from dropping it off the roof. In the background of one of the photos, positively overlooked by any eyes but my own, Y/N and Kat vaguely stand next to a girl I don't recognize.