My stomach burns like a candle trying to hold its flame, waves of anxiety crashing off every wall of my organs. I can physically feel my heart rattling against my chest. I count its beats to try and calm myself.

I get to thirteen in the less than ten seconds it takes for Kat to begin, but before she can start, my eyes flick up to Tara sauntering in. She sits down next to me, "I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I was getting bored- hi! I'm Tara!" She gleams to Kat, her smile quickly fading when she realizes our intense looks. Not directed at her.

"Tara, Kat. Kat, Tara." I weakly grin, gesturing between the two of them with my hand.

"Am I allowed to be here for whatever death sentence I just inserted myself into?" Tara questions. I notice her holding her breath.

"You look so familiar.." Kat ponders, squinting her eyes at Tara.

"She's been to a few of the house parties." I inform.

You can almost see the light bulb turn on in Kat's head, "Wait! Oh my god! You're the one who tased that creep in the balls!"

Tara's lips curve into a proud smile, "Yeah, that was me!" She chuckles, flipping some hair over her shoulder.

The three of us laugh. I needed to laugh so badly.

Some of the pain eases in my chest.

"So anyway," Kat rewinds, "Everything went to absolute shit. The guys all kind of turned on Colby for what went down in New Zealand. Except Sam of course. He had his opinions, but he is his best friend, so y'know. The animosity caused a lot of fights. Elton's way of expressing that I guess was through pranks, but he ended up taking things way too far. By the time the lease was up everyone went their own ways." She paraphrases, leaving me desperate to hear more.

I hesitate on what I'm about to ask. I have to force the words out, "How's Colby been?"

She blinks a few times, "Well.. from what Sam has told me he's turned into a total hermit. He hasn't made a video in months. The only time he leaves his apartment is at night, but no one knows where he goes. We'd try to get him to go out with us, but he would never agree. That's really all I know."

"Oh, he's out seeing a bitch for sure!" Tara grimaces, "Sorry.." she purses her lips when she catches my glare.

I look to Kat to try and get confirmation on Tara's assumption, but she simply shrugs.

"And Sam.. I just don't know. We still talk, but things just aren't the same. He has this wall up. Like, how could you be with someone for seven years and not be certain.." She trails off.

I try to pull her out of her thoughts, "Don't do that. If he isn't ready for you, he doesn't deserve you. Neither of them did."

"Wait," Tara chimes in, "I have a crazy idea."

"What?" Kat and I ask in unison.

"I go to mad parties.. what if I, y'know, go undercover. Figure out one they're at and see what they're doing?"

The three of us exchange mischievous looks.

I mean hey, I'm not necessarily going to run into anyone.

Wait, no. This is totally fucked up. I shouldn't even be concerned with what Colby is doing.

But I do miss him.

Fuck me.

Kat raises her eyebrows at me, telling me silently that she's game.

"And if they are fucking around, you two show up to the next one with guys?" Tara suggests deviously.

On one hand, that's totally spiteful. On the other hand, if Sam and Colby have moved on, and we know about it, this could help both of us move on too.

"Fuck it."

I already know I'm going to regret this.