Olivia

"Hey cutie." I said casually through the phone when the jerk finally decided to call. "Finally remembered me I see." As if things didn't suck enough, his school was a five hour drive from mine and I hated that distance. That's just a cruel, cruel fate to have.

But it had been eight hours before he called. Eight hours and I already dreaded this whole idea of going away for college. It would be better if we went to the same university.

During the first three hours I started listing my 'If Jon was here' items and I'm not going to show you but just know that the list is much longer than your favorite book, for the next three... I kept fighting with myself trying to decide whether to call him or not because I could not take the fact that as more hours go by, the farther away he gets. And then the eighth hour, he called, which made me so relieved because I could no longer keep my sanity through my internal struggle of calling him or not.

"Stop being dramatic, I literally just parked my car, cut me some slack." He said and laughed a little.

"Really? How come? It's been eight hours already.." I said, double checking my alarm just to be sure. It'd really be humilliating if it hadn't been eight hours already because it felt like it. I was right though, it had been eight hours.

"And my ass hurts because of that. The traffic was heavy, apparently today's moving day at some other schools too."

"How's it look there?"

"Amazing, honestly. I can't even believe this is a real place." And my ears rang because the selfish part of me didn't want him to like it.

"So I guess that means you're not about to change your mind about this whole college thing anytime soon then?" I joked half-heartedly. But if I'm being honest, it's not a joke at all. I had been wishing he'd hate the school and transfer somewhere near me.

He laughed and the sound was absolutely beautiful that things inside me started to flutter.

"Liv."

I rolled my eyes, I knew what was coming. "I know, I know, everyone's gotta go through college alone. Just know that you suck for making me go through it alone."

He laughed again, same effects on my part. "I know and I'm sorry." He said teasingly.

I've had him by my side for so long that him leaving felt so crazy and wrong. I actually feel like he's not supposed to be more than five miles away from me, that was the maximum space for our breathing room. He can't be there while I'm a million miles away, that's not how it works.

"You gotta fix your stuff or something?" I asked as the silence began to become loud. Ugh, I hated phone calls. It feels so awkward than it's supposed to be.

"Uh, nope, I can keep talking to you."

"You're just being nice and I love you for it but go fix your shit." I said and hung up.

I didn't want to end the conversation. It started okay and then my brain got into thinking and it told me all the things I've been trying not to hear.

I'm not strong. Not without Jon. He kept me strong, sane and a lot of other things and I never admitted it to him because I didn't want to say just how much more I needed him than he does me.

I never had to admit it because I was never without Jon. Until now.

And now here's the truth right in my face and it's scary because I don't want to go back to the time when I was weak and scared and stupid. Being Jon-less made me turn into that.

I don't want to go back to that.