TW: Read at your own risk

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Take the time today to love yourself. You deserve it.

PLAY WITH ME

CHAPTER THREE | FIRST VICTIM

KHIMBERLIE

Nakatutok ang mata ko sa computer habang nagba-browse ng iba-ibang design ng sex toys mula sa Web site na nakita ko. Ang totoo, naka-order na ako kanina pa at ang sabi ng nakausap ko mula sa customer service, anytime ay mare-receive ko na ang package na ini-order ko.

Napangiti pa ako nang i-click ko ang James dildo na siyang binili ko din. Nakatitig ako sa image na nakikita ko mula sa monitor. It was so real like. The size, the veins, even the color. Parang totoong etits ng lalaki. And I can't wait for my own James toy. Once I got a hold of it, I am going to use it to know if the reviews were true.

But I felt guilt and I immediately closed the laptop and buried my face on palms. Nakakahiya ito. Kahit walang nakakaalam ng binili ko, nang gagawin ko, still, nahihiya ako sa sarili ko.

Ganito na ba kalungkot ang buhay ko at kailangan kong mag-resort sa paggamit ng silicone dildo toys para lang mapasaya ang sarili ko pagdating sa sex?

Ako na rin ang sumagot sa tanong kong iyon sa sarili ko. I decided to buy that toy so I can please myself even if I am single and alone. I am done with men. Men who kept on breaking my heart. Men who kept on giving me false hopes that I could have my happy ever after. Men who always ghosted me. Men who kept on leaving me alone and making me feel worthless for myself.

Lagi na lang ganoon. Ilang beses na akong nasaktan at umasa at pagdating sa huli, maiiwang mag-isa. Pagkatapos ng isang gabing tikiman sa kama, naka-block na ako. Wala na akong matatanggap na text. Wala nang tatawag kahit para mangumusta man lang.

All I wanted was a partner. A relationship that would make me feel that I am wanted. But sad to say, hindi ko makuha iyon. I am a woman that was so open for sex. I knew that it was part of the biological needs of my body. Pero ayaw ko na naman na kung sino-sino na lang ang makaka-sex ko. Sawang-sawa na ako sa kung sinong-sinong lalaki ang nagpapakasasa sa katawan ko.

And when I found this website and the positivity that I read about pleasuring one-self with the use of sex toys, I knew I found the solution to my lonely nights.

I knew people would judge me for this. I knew the stigma and the struggle to overcome the use of this was hard to understand by other people. Especially that I am living in a very conservative country with people who has a backward mind. It was so hard for them to understand the use of these things. Not that I am going to be proud of that I am using a toy to satisfy myself, but it was my decision to make and no one could make change my mind about this.

I opened my laptop again and kept on browsing from the website. I am proud of the owner of this company that she was not ashamed of telling and educating people that it was okay to use this kind of things. What was her name? Jasmine Riverte. I am looking at her photo, her profile and I couldn't help myself not to be jealous of her because she was too outspoken about this even if there were so many people hates her. I was following her social media accounts, her interviews and the way she carries herself, the way she talks about her toys, I envy her confidence.

I am reading the reviews about the toy that I bought. James dildo was a favorite. Laging out of stock. Mabuti nga at nakabili pa ako ng huling stock nila. It comes with a free lubricant and after care instructions on how to clean the toy to prevent accumulation of dirt and bacteria.

I was giggling while I was reading the reviews. And one stood out among the rest.

This silicone monster with real like size and girth plus nerves will make you feel like the Queen you are always meant to be. I tell you the orgasm that will hit you will feel like your soul will separate from your body. Trust me, you deserve this sweet monster. This will never let you down like those men you love who always telling promises they cannot keep.

I cackled with what I read. I cannot wait for my new toy to arrive.

Napatingin ako sa pinto ng unit ko nang marinig kong may nag-buzz doon. Agad akong tumayo at sumilip sa peephole at nakita kong delivery rider ang naroon. Naka-uniform pa ng sikat na movers app ngayon. Agad kong binuksan ang pinto at iniabot sa akin ang isang brown paper bag. Pina-receive sa akin ang item at deretso ng umalis ang lalaki. Tumingin pa ako kaliwa't kanan para ma-check kung may ibang tao sa hallway at naipagpasalamat kong wala. At least walang mga Maritess na mag-uusap-usap na may kumakatok na namang lalaki sa unit ko. Kalat na kalat na kasi dito na papalit-palit ako ng lalaki.

Pagkasara ko ng pinto ay dumeretso ako sa kama ko. Ang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko habang nakatingin sa brown paper bag. Alam kong ito na ang order ko. The monster James. Nanginginig pa nga ang kamay ko habang binubuksan ko ang paper bag. Sa loob noon ay isang kahon. Walang kahit na anong nakalagay. Brown box lang din na may nakalagay na Thank you for your purchase. Napaka-discreet ng packaging. Walang mag-iisip na napaka-eskandaloso ang laman ng box na ito. Nang buksan ko iyon ay nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ko ang actual sex toy. And true enough, it was like the real thing.

Okay. All right. This was it.

Tumingin ako sa paligid at tumayo ako. Pinatay ko ang mga ilaw sa paligid at iniwan lang ang mga pin lights na nasa sulok ng silid. Sinindihan ko rin ang mga scented candles na naroon para mag-set ng mood. I played a soft jazz music too. This was my first time and I wanted it to be memorable for me. I wanted to feel the excitement, the feeling of taking care of myself.

When the mood was set, I went back to my bed. Removed all the clothes from my body. I placed the toy beside me and took my laptop too. I searched different genre from a porn site and I clicked hot dads. I always have a thing for older men but sadly, I always ends up with those douchebags.

I found a film with a handsome forty-ish porn actor. He began to kiss his partner. They began to strip naked each other, touching each other's body parts. It was so sexy. I could feel the vibe that I was getting aroused of what I was watching. I started to touch myself. Gently massaging my breasts. Slowly tracing my hand down between my thighs. Until I found my slit drenched with my own wetness. I closed my eyes and imagined that I was the one on the porn film. I kept on imagining that the handsome and hot porn actor was taking care of me.

I took the toy. Put a lube and gently slide it along my wet slit. The ache between my legs was unbearable. Until I pushed the toy slowly inside me. I couldn't help myself not to moan so loud. The feeling was surreal. This was better than the real thing.

I began to move the toy in and out. I spread my legs wide while I continued to play with the toy. I shivered thru the heat that crawled right into my core. This was the first time I felt something electrifying like this. The feeling was so good. I couldn't imagine that a toy like this would bring so much satisfaction in me. My pussy was taking it all. Deep right into me. My toes were curling and coiling as the building of my orgasm was here and ready to explode.

I could feel the throbbing of my clit. The smell of sex filled my whole room. I am craving for the release. I moved the toy savagely in and out of me. I could hear the slapping of the silicone plastic against my wet pussy. My other hand mauled my breast, twisting my nipples between my fingers.

Until I felt the release was coming. I bit my lower lip as I gave a hard push of the toy deep inside me. I felt the dizzying climax burst and I couldn't help myself not to scream in pure pleasure.

I was gasping for air when I took out the toy and throw it somewhere on my bed. I was still panting while smile was forming in my lips. This was the best orgasm that I had in my whole life. I looked at the toy and definitely, this one would be my best friend.

I was still panting when I heard a buzz from my door. Who could it be? Wala na akong inaasahang bisita ngayong gabi. Kinuha ko ang sex toy at inilagay sa pouch noon. Mamaya ko na lilinisin at aalamin ko na muna kung sino itong nagba-buzz. Dinampot ko ang robe na nakapatong sa couch ko at isinuot tapos ay tinungo na ang pinto.

Nang sumilip ako sa peep hole ay nakita kong lalaki ang nakatayo doon. Naka-cap na may pangalan ng movers app at may mask. Sino kaya ito? Hindi naman ito ang nag-deliver kanina.

"Ma'am, delivery po." Narinig kong sabi niya.

Delivery? Wala naman na akong inaasahan na delivery. Binuksan ko na lang din ang pinto para malaman kung ano nga ito.

"Delivery?" Taka ko.

"Ma'am Khimberlie Lazaro?" Paniniguro pa niya at tiningnan ang hawak na papel na naka-attach sa hawak nitong paper bag.

"Yes. Ako nga pero wala na akong inaasahang delivery ngayon."

Hindi sumagot ang lalaki. Nakita kong tumingin siya sa akin tapos ay walang sabi-sabing itinulak ako papasok sa loob ng unit ko. Bagsak ako sa sahig tapos ay mabilis siyang pumasok at ini-lock ang pinto ng unit ko.

"What do you want?!" Sigaw ko habang paatras sa kanya. Hindi sumagot ang lalaki at nanatili lang na nakatayo sa harap ko. Napasigaw ako nang marahas niya akong hawakan sa buhok tapos malakas niya akong sinuntok sa mukha. Isa. Dalawa. Nahilo ako doon. Pakiramdam ko ay nabasag ang mukha ko at bungo ko. Ramdam ko ang pag-agos ng dugo mula sa ilong at bibig ko. Kahit gusto kong lumaban ay hindi ko magawa dahil sa sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari. Para akong manyikang basahan na binitbit ng lalaki at inilagay sa kama. Nararamdaman kong itinatali niya ang mga kamay ko sa magkabilang dulo ng kama at ganoon din ang ginawa niya sa dalawang paa ko.

"S-sino ka? B-bakit mo ito ginagawa?" Pikit na ang isang mata ko gawa ng malakas niyang pagkakasuntok sa akin. Hindi siya kumikibo. Sinisiguro lang niyang mahigpit ang pagkakatali ko tapos ay tumayo siya sa harap ko mula sa dulo ng kama. Umiiyak ako sa takot at kaba dahil sa nangyayari. Ramdam ko na hindi maganda ang kalalagyan ko dito.

"P-Please... if you want money, take my money. Take whatever you want to get. Please... stop hurting me. Don't hurt me." Umiiyak na pakiusap ko.

Hindi pa rin sumagot ang lalaki tapos ay nakita ko siyang kinuha ang pouch kung saan nakalagay ang sex toy. Binuksan niya iyon at inilabas tapos ay narinig ko siyang napatawa.

"Ganito kalungkot ang buhay mo kaya nagtiyaga ka na lang sa plastic." Napa-tsk-tsk pa siya tapos ay isinampal-sampal iyon sa pisngi ko. "Walang thrill dito" Itinapon niya sa kung saan ang plastic toy. "Nandito ang thrill."

Pagkasabi niya noon ay dinampot niya ang hawak na paperbag kanina. Mula doon ay may inilabas siyang bagay na hindi ko maintindihan kung ano. Wait... I knew what was this. I saw this on the Web site that I was checking earlier.

It was a strap-on.

But when I looked closely on it, I felt the chill of fear crept inside my body. This was not just an ordinary strap-on. This was something. Something sick and only with a sick mind would do or use something like this.

It was a strap-on but instead of the attached dildo, the one that was attached was a sharp customized knife. A very long knife.

"Oh my God! What the hell is that?!" Umiiyak na sabi ko. Nakita ko ang lalaki na sinimulang isuot sa sarili niya ang strap-on na iyon. Kitang-kita ko ang tulis at talim ng kutsilyo na nakakabit sa strap-on.

"Para mas mag-enjoy ka." Sabi pa ng lalaki at pumuwesto sa pagitan ng hita ko. Napasigaw ako nang pabigla niyang ibuka ang mga hita ko tapos ay napapailing siya.

"Ginamit mo ang sex toy 'no?" Napapalatak pa siya. "Kayong mga babaeng makakati, hindi n'yo alam, binababoy ninyo ang inyong sarili dahil sa paggamit ng ganyang bagay. Nakakadiri ang mga uri mong babae. Marumi ka. Basura ka."

Ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit ng lalaki boses. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko sa takot at sumisigaw ako kahit alam kong walang makakarinig sa akin. Panay ako sigaw ng tulong pero alam ko, walang darating na tulong sa akin.

Humahagulgol ako sa iyak habang pilit kong iginagalaw ang mga kamay ko sa pagbabakasakaling makatakas mula sa pagkakatali. Paulit-ulit akong nagmamakaawa sa kanya na huwag niya akong saktan.

"Please... please... parang awa mo na. Huwag mo akong saktan."

Wala akong sagot na narinig sa lalaki. Nanatili lang siyang nakaluhod sa pagitan ng mga hita ko. Nakahandang gawin ang kung ano man ang nasa isip niya. Kinikilabutan ako nang makita ko ang talim ng kutsilyong nakakabit sa strap-on na suot niya. Nakatutok iyon sa pagkababae ko.

"Baboy ka. Nakakadiri ka. Dinudumihan mo ang dangal ng mga babae. Ang mga katulad mo na addict sa makamundong pagnanasa ay walang karapatang magtagal pa dito sa mundo. Gusto mo ng sex 'di ba? Ibibigay ko sa iyo ang sex na hinding-hindi mo makakalimutan."

Pagkasabi niya noon ay pabigla siyang umulos sa akin. Ang lakas ng sigaw ko nang maramdaman ko ang pagkahiwa ng laman ko mula sa pagkababae ko. Nanlalaki ang mata ko sa kanya. Paulit-ulit niya iyong ginagawa, ang pag-ulos at pagbaon ng kutsilyo sa katawan ko hanggang sa maramdaman kong namamanhid na ang buong katawan ko. Hindi ko na maramdaman ang sakit. Nanlalamig ang buong katawan ko.

Hindi ko na magawang sumigaw. Latag na ang buong katawan ko. Sa nanlalabo kong paningin ay kitang-kita ko na puro dugo ang katawan ng lalaki. Nagtatalsikan pa sa mukha niyang natatabingan nang suot na face mask.

Unti-unti ay nararamdaman kong nahihirapan na akong huminga. Ramdam ko na tila may mabigat na bagay na nakadagan sa dibdib ko. Nanlalabo na ang mga mata ko. Ang pandinig ko ay unti-unting humihina at hindi ko na maintindihan ang sinasabi ng lalaki.

I knew I was dying. I was gasping for air and I knew I am bleeding out. Until everything went blurry and the sound around me was slowly fading away.

I had the urge to close my eyes and went to sleep, and I knew, I would never wake up again.------------

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