#PTGEpilogue Epilogue 

"Are you crying?" Joey asked. Mabilis akong nagpunas ng mga mata ko. Pero mas mabilis pa rin ang tawa niya. Biglang naramdaman ko na naka-tingin lahat ng bisita sa amin.

"Shut up."

But she didn't. Of course, why would she? Torturing me's one of her favorite pastime.

"Takot kang takbuhan ni Kitty?" she jested.

"She won't run," I replied. I was sure she wouldn't. It's been a long journey to get where we are now. Sobrang daming nangyari. Sobrang daming nasaktan. It's been a long time coming, but I am really glad that we're here now.

Getting married.

Fina-fucking-ly.

"So self-assured, Jax, huh? Parang dati lang kulang na lang iyakan mo ako para lang sabihan si Kitty na 'wag kang titigan nang titigan," she said, still in laughter. I was almost tempted to ask her to leave the church dahil hindi ako makapagconcentrate dahil sa pang-aasar niya. "Tapos—"

But all sounds were drowned when I heard the song being played. Natutok ang mga mata ko sa pagbubukas ng pinto.

Here she is... Finally...

I still couldn't believe how it all started.

"Happy birthday, Joey!"

Halos mabingi ako dahil sa sigaw ng mga kaibigan ni Joey. But I tried to smile. I shouldn't be rude. They're my sister's friends... no matter how loud they were.

I quickly shuffled to the table to get food. I just wanted to eat dinner and call it a day. Badtrip yata si Judge kanina kaya sinigawan kaming lahat. For three hours. Gusto ko na lang itulog 'to kasi wala naman din akong maiintindihan kahit mag-aral ako ngayon.

Habang pinupuno ko iyong plato ko, nagulat ako nung bigla akong kalabitin ni Joey. She held her hand out.

"Regalo ko?"

"Pagmamahal ko muna. Wala pa kong trabaho," sagot ko.

Inirapan niya ako. "Kuripot ka talaga!" she said. Binalik ko ulit iyong atensyon ko sa pagkain. 'Di kaya bangungutin ako sa dami ng kakainin ko tapos matutulog agad ako?

After I was contented with the content of my plate, papaakyat na sana ako nang tawagin na naman ni Joey iyong pangalan ko. Lumingon ako tapos medyo tinago ko sa likod ko iyong plato. Nakaka-hiya. Ang daming laman ng plato ko.

"Aakyat ka na?"

I nodded.

"Ugh. Kausapin mo naman friends ko!"

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ano'ng sasabihin ko?"

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know. Try to be sociable? Alam mo ba feeling ng may friends?"

Inirapan ko rin siya. "I have friends."

"Iyong nagsasalita. Iyong tao. Books are not human, you know?"

Napailing na lang ako. Did she really think that I did not have friends? I have friends in school. I mean, we didn't do what Joey and her loud friends do because we didn't have the luxury of time... but they're my friends.

"Ewan ko sa 'yo," sabi ko na lang sa kanya tapos umakyat na talaga ako. I wondered kung hanggang ano'ng oras sila dito sa bahay. Pakiramdam ko kasi talaga may naiwan ako sa baba, kaya lang tinatamad na akong bumalik. Baka tuluyan na akong hatakin talaga ni Joey. Parang life goal niya na maging kaibigan ko iyong mga kaibigan niya. I just didn't like their idea of 'fun.' Laging nawawala sa bahay si Joey kasi biglang nasa ganitong lugar, sa ganyan na lugar. Pasalamat siya busy palagi parents namin kaya pinapabayaan lang siya.

Ayokong hinahatak ako bigla. Masaya ako sa kwarto ko.

Balak ko sanang matulog na nang magchat bigla iyong classmate ko. May pahabol na assignment pa. Napa-buntong-hininga agad ako.

"Jax!" Joey shouted when she saw me downstairs. I knew I was going to be staying up all night, so I needed caffeine to awaken my system. Pagod na iyong katawan ko pati isip ko, pero 'di naman mag-a-adjust mga prof ko dahil lang pagod na ako.

"Ano ba?" naiinis na sabi ko nang hinatak niya ako papunta sa sala kung nasaan mga maiingay niyang kaibigan.

"Stay ka muna dito? Kahit 30 minutes lang."

Agad kumunot noo ko. Isang chapter na 'yun sa pinapabasa ni Sir. Tsk. Dapat talaga magdala na ako ng electric kettle sa kwarto ko para pag ganito na nandito mga maiingay na kaibigan ni Joey 'di na ako kailangan bumaba.

"Sige na, please? Birthday ko naman."

I sighed. Bahala na nga.

Joey shoved a bottle of beer in my hand. I drink. Every once in a while. I really didn't like drinking per se, but I like the conversation whenever alcohol's involved.

"Musta?" tanong ng mga kaibigan ni Joey. Sumagot lang ako. 'Di naman ako bastos. 'Di ko lang talaga sila masabayan kasi nga maiingay sila. Nagsasalita naman ako. Depende sa topic. Depende sa kausap.

Nang mapansin nila na wala ako sa mood makipag-usap, nagsimula na silang mag-usap tungkol sa basketball. Lumipat ako sa kabilang sofa. Tinignan ko iyong wallclock. Thirty minutes lang naman daw. Para walang maisumbat sa akin si Joey. Para pa namang may imaginary list 'yun ng mga kasalanan ko sa kanya. Akala mo ang perfect niyang kapatid.

"Hi..."

Agad na napa-tingin ako sa babae sa tabi ko. Si Katherine. Iyong pinaka-maingay sa kanila.

"Hello," sagot ko.

Ngumiti siya sa akin. "Political Science kinukuha mo, no?" she asked. I nodded. "Pero sabi ni Joey lumipat ka raw?"

I nodded again. Bakit ba kinu-kwento ni Joey buhay ko sa ibang tao?

"Ano'ng degree mo before?" she asked again.

I sighed. "Accountancy."

"Oh. Bakit ka lumipat?" she asked.

Tinungga ko iyong beer. Bakit 'di na lang iyong si Anj ang lumapit sa akin? Mas tahimik pa 'yun. Mukhang balak alamin nitong si Katherine buong buhay ko.

"I just don't like it," I simply replied, but she kept on hounding me with follow-up questions. And I kept on drinking and drinking until I didn't realize that I already finished five bottles.

"Buti ka pa you're confident with what you want..." she said, sighing.

"Bakit?" I asked. It's probably the alcohol. Bakit ba bigla akong naging curious sa kanya?

"Wala... My parents wanted me to take Business Ad kasi nga ako magmamanage daw ng business namin... But I really don't like managing stuff. I like working with people, but not that kind."

"What do you really want?"

"Hmm... For one, I want to work for NatGeo. Ang awesome nun! Going to different places and getting to explore? It's like work and pleasure!"

"Why don't you do it?"

She shrugged. "I'm a chicken," she said with a little laugh. "But still, I took up Foreign Studies just to antagonize them... silver lining na lang iyong nakilala ko sila Joey dahil sa degree ko."

I nodded, not knowing what to say next when her phone vibrated. Napa-tingin ako doon.

"You watch Unsolved?" I asked when I saw a notification pop on her phone's screen.

She looked at me, eyes wide. "Yes! You're watching also?"

I nodded. "Yeah... Although I like the True Crimes more."

She nodded earnestly. "Same! Although fun din naman iyong Supernatural, but I love True Crimes talaga. Ano'ng favorite mo?" she asked.

We continued to talk. We talked about a lot of conspiracy theories. Ang dami niyang kwento. Ang daldal niya pala talaga.

"Hey, you two," Joey said, yawning. "Nasa guest room na sila. Tutulog na rin ako."

Agad akong napa-tingin sa orasan. Well, shit. It's 4am already.

Katherine looked at me, and smiled. "Well, gotta sleep already. May lunch pa kami ng parents ko," she said. "Good night. Nice talking to you, Jax."

I looked at her, and nodded. "It was nice talking to you, too, Katherine," sabi ko bago umakyat na rin ako para matulog.

The next days were busy. Lagi naman akong busy. Ayoko ng walang ginagawa. Pero isang araw, 'di na ako naka-tiis dahil tingin nang tingin si Joey sa akin. Tinignan ko iyong mukha ko sa reflection sa kutsara. Wala naman akong dumi sa mukha.

"Ano ba?" naaasar na tanong ko.

She was still eyeing me. "Nothing."

"Tsk. If you want to say something, sabihin mo na."

"Tsk ka rin. Wala nga. Kumain ka na."

Pero tingin pa rin siya nang tingin. Na-badtrip ako umalis na ako after nung unang plato ng kanin ko. Gutom pa ako, e! Sa school na nga lang ako kakain.

Pagdating ko sa school, sa library agad ako dumiretso. I couldn't stand being around Joey lately. She looked at me like I committed some sin! And I kept on asking her what's the problem, but she wouldn't tell me.

Seriously. Ang gulo ng mga babae.

The next few weeks, pansin ko na palaging nasa bahay si Katherine.

"Hi," sagot ko nang bumati siya sa akin. Dumiretso ako sa kusina para humanap ng pwedeng kainin. Pagtalikod ko, nagulat ako dahil naka-sunod siya sa akin.

Kunot ang noo ko habang may hawak akong tinapay. "Hinahanap mo ba si Joey?"

She smiled, and shook her head. What's wrong with her? She usually had a lot to say. Tinignan ko lang siya. 'Di ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Tapos bigla ko pang naalala iyong paper na kailangan kong tapusin kasi deadline na mamaya kahit kakabigay lang talaga niya kahapon.

"Akyat na ko," paalam ko sa kanya kasi weird naka-tayo lang siya sa harap ko. Mabilis akong naglakad palayo sa kanya. Pakiramdam ko kasi sinusundan niya ng tingin bawat lakad ko.

Weird. Nasan ba si Joey? Bakit hinahayaan niyang pakalat-kalat kaibigan niya?

Pagdating ko sa taas, agad akong kumatok sa kwarto ni Joey. Binuksan niya iyong pinto.

"Nasa baba kaibigan mo."

Kunot ang noo niya. "Ha? Sino?"

"Katherine," I merely responded tapos dumiretso na ako sa kwarto ko. Nilapag ko iyong sandwich ko sa lamesa habang kinukuha iyong libro na babasahin ko. Agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko nang marinig ko iyong matinis na sigaw ni Joey.

Tsk. Girls.

Hindi ko napansin iyong paglipas ng mga sumunod pang araw dahil laging marami akong ginagawa. 'Di ako nauubusan ng gagawin. Minsan kapag patapos na ako sa ginagawa ko, naghahanap na agad ako ng bagong gagawin. Mana talaga ako kay Mama. Ibig sabihin din ba nito yayaman ako?

"What?" I asked when Joey barged inside my room. Naupo siya sa kama ko.

"Ano'ng gusto mong birthday gift?"

"Silence."

She rolled her eyes. "Seryoso nga? Ano'ng gusto mong regalo?"

"Di mo naman ako binibigyan ng regalo."

"Ugh. Dami mong sinasagot na 'di ko naman tinatanong. May problema ka ba sa comprehension?" pang-iinsulto niya sa akin. Sarap sipain palabas ng kwarto.

"Gusto ko ng bagong iPad. Okay na?" sagot ko sa kanya.

"May iPad ka na."

"Jumped from my bag. Mas mahal magpagawa ng screen," simpleng sagot ko. I couldn't risk angering Joey. She has a tendency of pulling my hair when she's mad at me.

She nodded, then as quick as that, she's gone from my room. That weirdo.

I wasn't expecting anything for my birthday. My parents usually just deposit money in my account para ako na ang bibili ng gusto ko. It's more efficient that way. They're both busy, and I understand that very well. Isa pa, baka 'di ko magustuhan kung anuman ang bibilin nila. This way, everybody's happy.

Pagka-gising ko, agad na napa-kunot ang noo ko dahil may brown na paper bag sa ibabaw ng study desk ko. Lumapit ako roon.

Happy birthday, Jax

-K

Binuksan ko iyong paper bag. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil may box ng iPad doon. Agad akong pumunta sa kwarto ni Joey. Kumatok ako nang kumatok hanggang buksan niya na iyong pinto. She was still yawning when she faced me.

"Kanino 'to galing?" I asked, holding the iPad box in front of her.

She yawned again. "You know who it's from."

"Sino nga?"

She grunted. "From your not-so-secret admirer."

"Name."

She groaned. "It's from K! Use your brain. It's not as if marami kang friend para mahirapan kang isipin kung sino si K," she said before she slammed the door right on my face.

K...

Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Kinatok ko agad nang kinatok si Joey. Galit siya nang buksan niya iyong pinto.

"K... as in—"

"Yeah, as in that K. And don't ask me why. I don't understand it either! As if naman ka-crush-crush ka," she said, rolling her eyes. "Magpasalamat ka na lang. Mahal-mahal niyang iPad mo!"

Naka-tulala ako.

I didn't understand.

What?

"The next time she comes here—"

"What do you mean next time?"

She rolled her eyes again. "Duh. Friend ko siya?" she sarcastically replied. "Just be nice, okay? I don't know if you like her or what—it's not my business... but as your younger sister, I implore you to be nice to her. I know you can be mean sometimes. Don't do that to her or to any of my friends. Susunugin ko mga libro mo."

And then the door was slammed onto my face yet again.

When Katherine went to our house that week, agad agad akong umakyat sa kwarto kahit dapat talaga titignan ko muna kung ano iyong pagkain sa kusina.

It felt... weird.

It's as if I could feel her eyes watching every little movement I make! I felt uncomfortable. I wasn't used to someone being so... unashamed of watching me.

I had girls who had crush on me. I got a box full of love letters. But none of those girls were as bold as Katherine. Parang wala talaga siyang hiya na tumingin sa akin. Dumating na ako sa punto na kapag nakikita ko siya sa school, umiikot ako para lang 'di kami magka-salubong. 'Di ko kasi alam ano'ng sasabihin ko sa kanya. I was scared of Joey. Baka kung ano masabi ko sa kaibigan niya. Baka sunugin niya talaga mga libro ko.

"I swear she's staring at you..." Yago said when I asked him to accompany me.

All throughout college, laging naka-tingin lang sa akin si Katherine. When I graduated, she gave me flowers. I thought she was gonna confess in front of my parents. I swear, she's giving me heart attacks! Akala ko makaka-limutan niya na 'yang crush niya dahil 'di niya na ako masyadong nakikita. The building of law's in a different place...

But apparently, I thought wrong.

She still got that little crush. Wala bang gwapo sa SCA? Bakit ayaw akong tigilan nito?

"Do you know her?" Yago asked.

I sighed. Nasan ba si Joey? Nakita ko na palapit si Katherine. Mabilis akong naglakad. Humabol sa akin si Yago. Tawa siya nang tawa.

"You know that girl, no?"

I rolled my eyes. "Remind me why I let you come with me?"

He just raised his middle finger. Pa-ikot-ikot kami sa school. Nasaan ba si Joey? Nang 'di talaga namin siya mahanap, iniwan ko na lang iyong pinapa-bigay ni Mama sa isa sa mga maiingay niyang kaibigan.

Pagbalik namin sa school, mabuti na lang marami kaming cases na kailangang basahin. Mabuti na lang din nandun si Rory kaya 'di na ulit ako kinulit ni Yago.

Peace, at last.

But my peace was short-lived.

"Morning," I greeted Joey.

"Magte-take ng LAE si Kitty," she said, her brow arched, as if she was waiting for me to say something. Ano'ng sasabihin ko sa kanya? Lalo na parang laging ready siya na magsunog ng libro.

"Ah," tanging sagot ko. Maraming school sa Pilipinas. Pero sino nga ba ang niloloko ko? Alam ko na kung saang school siya papasok. Tsk.

"Wala ka bang tips?" she asked.

"Mag-aral siya," sabi ko bago ako bumalik sa kwarto ko.

I guessed I really should change my locks. I had a feeling that when we're finally in the same environment, there would not be much room for me to run.

And I was right.

Before the start of second sem, I was in a bookstore looking for things to buy. Paubos na iyong isang box ko ng yellow paper. Sobrang daming digests last sem. Naka-ilang ballpen din ako sa dami ng sinulat ko. Kailangan ko na ulit ng stocks. Panibagong laban na naman 'to.

My initial plan was to ignore Katherine. As long as we didn't see each other, everything should go according to plan. 'Di ko alam pa rin hanggang ngayon kung bakit may crush siya sa akin... Pero kung ako ang crush niya, pakiramdam ko naman marami akong kapareho sa school. Nag-aaral lang naman talaga ginagawa ko sa buhay ko. 'Di naman ako mahirap hanapan ng katulad. Sigurado ako makaka-hanap din siya ng bagong crush.

"Seriously..." bulong ko sa sarili ko nang 'di ako maka-tiis at nilapitan ko na siya. She was scanning the books. Baka kung ano ang bilhin niya. I knew Katherine's well-off. She's the heir to their logistics business. But still, why waste money when you can save? 'Di niya rin magagamit mga libro kapag mali binili niya.

Tsk.

"Mas okay 'to," I said, handing over a better book than the one she was looking at.

Instead of thanking me, she arched her brow. Huh. Weird. Usually, parang naka-heart shape na iyong mga mata niya.

"Bakit pinapansin mo ako ngayon? May period ka na naman, no?"

"Tss." Binawi ko nga iyong libro.

"Bilis naman mainis nito," she said, pouting. "Mas okay 'to?" she asked, kinuha pabalik iyong libro.

I nodded. "Mas okay 'yung discussion dito kay Amurao. Pero sa Crim II mo, kay Reyes na 'yung basahin mo," sabi ko. Marami pa sana akong sasabihin pero napa-tigil ako nang makita ko na naman iyong paghuhugis puso ng mga mata niya.

Tuwing nasa harap ko si Katherine, kinakabahan ako kasi pakiramdam ko bigla na lang siyang aamin sa akin.

"Okay, okay. Sa Persons, kaninong libro ang maganda?" she asked. She kept on asking questions after questions. Ayaw niyang tumigil sa pagtatanong. Para bang naipon lahat ng tanong niya. Sabagay. Lagi ko siyang tinatakbuhan. Kasalanan niya. Natatakot ako sa kanya. Umabot na ako sa punto na ginamit ko iyong Tinder sa phone ko. 'Di naman sa 'kin 'yun. Kay Yago 'yun. Naki-install sa akin kasi baka awayin siya ng girlfriend niya kapag nalaman na nagtitinder pa siya. Labo din.

"Jax!"

Agad akong napa-lingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses. Nakita ko si Cha na papalapit sa amin. Naka-ngiti na naman siya. Usually kasi naka-kunot ang noo niya. Competitive kasi si Cha. Kaya dati inaaway niya kaming dalawa ni Yago kasi laging mas mataas grades namin sa kanya.

"Bumibili ka rin ng books?" she asked. I nodded. "Ano'ng bibilin mo sa transpo na book?"

"Wala pa. Kapag nagsabi na lang," sagot ko. Maraming tanong si Cha sa akin. Kitang-kita ko kung paano umirap si Katherine. Parang bata talaga. Kulang na lang magmaktol siya dahil nasa iba iyong atensyon ko.

I definitely didn't need someone like her. I had a lot on my plate. Demanding girlfriend's the last thing I would want.

I kept on ignoring her rolling eyes until I saw her bending her legs. Ilang libro iyong dala niya. For someone small like her, sobrang bigat na nun.

'Tsk. You're making your own problem,' I said as I got the book from her hand. I couldn't help it! She looked helpless! She's so small compared to the books she was holding. But then... I saw how she grinned from that simple act. Tsk. I was definitely making her like me even more.

The next day, Cha was hounding me about the 'incident.' Sobrang lakas ng boses niya kaya narinig din ni Yago.

"Girlfriend mo?" Cha asked.

Yago wiggled his brows. "May girlfriend ka?"

I sighed. "No. Hindi ko siya girlfriend."

"E sino siya?"

"My sister's friend. Pwede bang tigilan niyo ako? May kinakabisado ako," I said, then waved the codal in their faces. Sobrang dami ng ginagawa namin sa school, pero laging may oras si Cha—lalo na si Yago para inisin ako.

Thankfully, nagtext si Sir na dadagdagan ng twenty articles iyong for recitation mamaya. Normally, I hated last minute addition kasi naka-ready na sa isip ko kung ilan ang imememorize ko, kung ilan ang oras na kailangan ko. But seeing how Yago at Cha wouldn't stop bothering me, kahit ilang articles pa siguro mas pipiliin ko.

"Hmm... Seems like she's really not your girlfriend," Yago said, his arm draped around my shoulders.

Nasa cafeteria kami. Ang malas ko lang dahil nandito din si Katherine. Seriously. Parang sobrang liit ng school dahil palagi kaming nagkikita. Akala ba niya 'di ko napapansin na lagi siyang dumadaan sa harap ng classroom namin?

"Tsk." Then I removed his arm on me.

He laughed. "So, you're the mad kind of jealous?" he shouted before me. I almost wanted to punch him because I was worried Katherine might hear him.

This was what I wanted, right? She's finally with some other guy. Tsk. Makapag-aral na nga lang.

One day, while I was waiting for my ride, nakita ko si Katherine. Usually, I'd think na sinusundan niya ako... kasi totoo naman. Ilang beses ko na siyang nahuli na naka-sunod sa akin. She'd just smile like she wasn't being creepy. But tonight was different. She looked... sad.

I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but how would I even start? Ito mahirap kapag 'di mo masyadong pinapansin. Paano na kapag gusto ko siyang pansinin? Out of character masyado.

So, instead, I settled with clearing my throat. 'Di niya yata talaga mapansin na nasa tabi niya ako. She's so focused with watching the cars pass by.

"Wala ako sa mood masungitan," was the first thing that she said.

Umawang ang labi ko. Ang sungit. 'Di bagay.

But then, I remembered all the times during my first year when I'd go home with a bad temper. The first year's the easiest, actually... but it's also kind of your welcome to a whole new world. The adjustment period's there. 'Di ako sanay sa bilis ng mga pangyayari. Naiintindihan ko si Katherine. Joey always mentioned that Katherine's an achiever. Marami akong alam tungkol kay Katherine dahil laging kinu-kwento siya ni Joey kahit 'di naman ako nagtatanong.

"Everyone gets a bad recit," I just said, hoping that it's enough to make her feel better... kahit konti.

"Not me. I never get bad recits. Until law school."

"There's always a first time."

"Nagkaron ka na ba ng bad recit?" she asked. I didn't want to lie. I always manage to answer my prof's questions... Swerte lang talaga siguro ako. Ang mga natatanong sa akin, nababasa ko palagi. "E 'di ikaw na."

"Ang sungit mo."

Napaawang ang labi niya. "Wow, ako pa?!"

I nodded. "Katherine, it's barely a month since you started here. You can't take everything to heart—hindi ka tatagal. If you had a bad day, then sorry. But there's always tomorrow. Bawi lang."

That's the best advice I could give. That's the realest, too. You wouldn't last in law school if you'd take every bad day seriously. It's just a bad day. You could catch up tomorrow. Do better. Be much more prepared. That's just it.

"Thank you," she said, smiling. Finally. Akala ko kung ano pa kailangan kong sabihin para tumigil iyang pagsimangot niya.

"Sleep when you get home," I said when her ride stopped in front of us. I opened the door for her.

"Mag-aaral pa ako," she said, pouting.

"Don't study when you're frustrated," I said, closing the door after her. "You won't learn anything."

"Marami 'yung coverage para sa Consti."

"Wake up early," I replied. "You need a fresh mind. And don't be too hard on yourself."

She nodded, accepting defeat. "Okay..." she said. "Good night, Jax."

I watched as her ride disappeared into oblivion. Kinuha ko iyong cellphone ko. Nasan na 'yung sundo ko?

The next time, alam ko na magkikita kami ni Katherine. Joey practically forced me to bring Katherine with us. Hindi ko alam kung wala lang ba talaga akong tiwala sa kapatid ko... pero malakas ang pakiramdam ko na kinausap niya sila Mama para 'di na tumuloy kasama.

"Seriously?" I asked Papa when he just said na 'di na sila makakasama sa pagpunta namin kila Joey.

Papa nodded, but he didn't look too sorry na 'di niya makikita iyong nag-iisa niyang anak na babae. "Oo, e... Maraming ginagawa sa hospital."

Kinunot ko iyong noo ko. "Kahit wala kang clinic hours ngayon? Kahit kakatapos lang ng major operation mo?"

Papa laughed. "Anak ka nga ng nanay mo. Napaka-rami mong pagdududa sa buhay," he said, and just tapped my shoulder. "Nilagay na sa likod ng sasakyan mo 'yung stocks ng grocery ni Joey for the week. And say hi to Katherine for me."

Napa-hinga ako nang malalim. Seriously. There's something going on. Ni hindi ko mahanap si Mama para pagbintangan siya. I had no choice but to drive to Katherine's house. Tsk. Bakit ba alam ko kung saan siya naka-tira? Si Joey kasi laging nagpapahatid dito. Akala mo walang driver ako laging inuutusan.

I greeted their guard and their househelps first. I told them that I'd bring Katherine back as early as I could. I knew Katherine's family wasn't around. It must be hard... but it wasn't obvious since she's always smiling.

Sometimes, I just wanted to pat her head and tell her that she's doing a great job. It's hard to live without your family. She's one hell of a girl for being able to pull through.

"I thought kasama sila Tita?" she asked.

"Work," I just replied. Ano pa bang sasabihin ko? "Sleep first," I said when she yawned.

She shook her head. "No. I'll keep you company. But can I play a song lang? Can I plug my phone?" she asked, and I nodded. I usually didn't listen to music. Although I like listening to audio books.

"Ugh," she groaned.

"What?" I asked even before I could think. Tsk. Why was I so curious? May iba ng crush si Katherine. Para akong tanga.

"New list of cases," she said, then whispered, "May list kaya si Iñigo."

I was screwed.

Narinig ko pa lang iyong pangalan, ramdam ko na may pumitik sa loob ko. Totoo pala talaga 'yun... marerealize mo lang ang halaga ng bagay kapag may Iñigo na umaaligid.

"For?" I asked, feeling a bit competitive. Ano bang ibibigay sa kanya nung Iñigo na 'yun? Ahead naman ako sa kanila. Mas marami akong alam sa school.

"Crim."

"Who's your prof?"

"Mercado."

I nodded. Shit, buti na lang! He was my prof last year. I got the highest score in Criminal Law. And as far as I was concerned, 'di naman nagpapalit ng syllabus 'yun.

"Just read digests," I said. 'Di naman kasi nagtatanong si Atty masyado. As long as you know the doctrine of the case, you're good.

She frowned. "Grabe. Never thought na sa 'yo pa manggagaling 'yan."

"What? There's no shame in reading digests kung 'di talaga kayang tapusin," I said. Kahit ako, minsan digest na lang binabasa ko. Impossibleng matapos lahat ng pinapagawa sa sobrang dami. I didn't see anything wrong with that. Basta naiintindihan ko, okay na.

"Tss. Kahit na. And I tried searching online, but walang detailed enough na digest."

"I'll send you mine."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "What?"

"If his syllabus is still the same, you're good to go," I said, although it was as if I could already imagine Yago's taunting grin. Kasi kahit nagmakaawa na siya sa akin dati na pahiramin ko siya ng digests, 'di ako nagbigay. Pinaghirapan ko 'yun. Manigas siya. Tapos ngayon, ang bilis kong mamigaw? "I personally made the digests, so you won't worry about the details."

"Why... are you being so nice?" she looked accusingly.

I pretended not to hear her question.

But I knew the answer.

God, this was weird. Ako na 'yung may crush.

I didn't know how to act around her, knowing na may crush na ako sa kanya. Mas madali dati nung iniiwasan ko pa lang siya! Kaya tuloy nung kakain na kami, ako na 'yung nagbayad. Nakaka-hiya pag pinagbayad ko siya.

Tsk. Ito talaga problema. 'Di ko alam ano'ng gagawin. Ngayon lang talaga ako nagka-crush. Masyado akong busy sa school. Balak kong magka-girlfriend after law school pa...

Itong si Katherine Tyrese Arellano... Panira ng plano.

"What's wrong?" Yago asked.

Our prof's running late. I was already done studying, and I had nothing better to do. Nakita ko na naman si Katherine kanina nung papaakyat siya sa floor niya.

"Is it that girl? Iyong first year?" Yago asked.

"Yeah," I replied. There's no use to hiding it. Halata naman.

"What's the problem? 'Di ba crush ka naman nun?"

I shrugged. "Not sure. There's another guy."

"Psh. I'm sure you're better than whoever he is," he said, trying to cheer me up. "That girl's always passing by our room. Pretty sure she still likes you. Otherwise, ang layo ng hagdan para dumaan siya sa room natin."

I didn't reply. I didn't even know what I'd do to whatever this was. I knew I was busy... being in a relationship's the last thing on my mind. But I didn't know... every time I'd see her with someone else, it ticks something bad inside me.

Nasan na ba 'yung prof ko? Gusto ko na ulit mag-aral. Kung anu-ano pumapasok sa isip ko.

Pagpasok namin sa room, tumabi na si Rory sa amin kaya 'di na ako kinausap ni Yago. Dumating naman na rin iyong prof namin. May recit. I usually hated seeing the index cards being shuffled. Second year na ako pero hindi pa rin ako sanay. Malakas pa rin iyong tibok ng puso ko tuwing nakikita ko iyong yellow index cards...but tonight, I needed distraction—any kind of distraction.

"Yuchengco," Justice called.

Agad akong tumayo. I read and reviewed, but still, kinakabahan pa rin ako. 'Di na yata talaga 'to maaalis.

"Discuss the jurisdiction of the different levels of court," Justice asked. I sighed. Ito pa 'yung topic namin nung first week. Buti na lang 'di ko nalilimutan mga pinag-aralan ko dati kung hindi, baka wala akong naisagot. Ang layo na kasi ng topic namin ngayon.

I stated the exclusive jurisdiction of the MTC to the Supreme Court. Kabisado ko pati kung saang batas nanggaling. Walang follow-up question. Gusto ko pa namang tanungin ngayon. Alam ko kasi na lilipad na naman isip ko mamaya kapag sigurado na akong 'di na ulit ako matatawag.

"Gomez de Liaño," Justice called. Yago quickly stood up.

Naka-tingin ako sa salamin sa may pintuan. If Yago's right... if he's right that Katherine still liked me, sigurado ako na dadaan siya...

Fuck.

Was she... was she crying?

I worriedly drummed my fingers against the desk. Gusto kong lumabas, pero alam ko rin na kapag lumabas ako, 'di na ako makaka-balik. Bawal lumabas habang may klase. At sabi ni Justice, may quiz daw kami mamaya.

Pero umiiyak siya.

Alam ko, umiiyak siya.

Tsk. Bahala na nga.

Mabilis akong tumayo. Lumabas agad ako, at naglakad sa direksyon na dinaanan niya kanina. Akala ko wala na siya, pero nagulat ako nung nandun pa rin siya. Her shoulders were shaking. I felt bad. I wanted her to be strong because that's the only way here in school... but I also couldn't stop her from being hurt. Some professors are just too harsh. And not everyone's strong enough to handle criticisms. That's why law school's really just for the strong hearted.

"Katherine."

She halted. She turned, and looked at me. Her face's stained with tears... Shit.

"Jax..." she said, biting her lower lip as tears continued to flow.

"What happened?" I asked. I wanted to take a step closer, asking her what's wrong... but I couldn't. I felt like I was stuck on the floor.

Umiling siya. "I don't want to talk about it," she said. "Can you do something for me?"

"Of course," mabilis kong sagot. I wanted to do something for her... I just didn't know what. I was afraid to move. She looked really fragile right now.

"Ten seconds," she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

Well, fuck.

I couldn't move. I could feel her slightly shaking. I wanted to caress her back and tell her that it'd be fine, pero hindi ako makapagsalita. I was afraid that I'd say the wrong word. 'Di ko kasi talaga alam ang sasabihin ko para tumahan siya.

Instead, I stayed. Until the tears stopped falling.

"Sorry," she said when she finally let go. Was I wrong to want her to cry some more? Ganito pala pakiramdam ng niyayakap.

She was still sniffing. Gusto ko siyang abutan ng panyo kaya lang naalala ko na nasa loob nga pala ng classroom iyong bag ko. Parang bigla rin niyang na-realize iyon dahil napa-tingin din siya sa classroom ko. The recitation was very much on-going... Tsk. Buti na lang natawag na ako sa recit. Bahala na nga kung tuloy talaga iyong quiz mamaya. 'Di ko naman siguro ikaka-bagsak iyong isang walang quiz.

"Balik ka na sa classroom," she said. 'Di ako maka-sagot. Paano ako babalik? E 'di nasigawan ako dahil lumabas ako. "Sige na. Okay na ako," pilit niya pa rin. "Baka magtaka na mga classmate mo bakit sobrang tagal mong nagCR."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. Paano ko ba sasabihin 'to? Weird naman kung sasabihin ko sa kanya iyong totoo... kasi bakit nga ba ako lumabas? Crush ko lang naman si Katherine. Crush tapos pinagpalit ko iyong grades ko?

Ako pa ba 'to?

Kailan pa naging mas mahalaga ang babae sa grades?

"Bilis na."

"I can't," I finally said. Pakiramdam ko kasi hihintayin niya hanggang sa bumalik ako sa loob. Mas delikado kapag bumalik ako ngayon. Ayokong mapanood niya na sigawan ako ng prof ko. Nakaka-hiya.

"Bakit?"

"I..." I trailed, trying to find the right words... I didn't want to tell her the truth... but I also didn't want to lie. Saan ba iyong middle ground nito?

"You what?" she asked when more seconds passed without me saying a thing.

"Nothing," I said. Tsk. Lie by omission. It's the best option right now. Ayoko talagang nagsisinungaling. Kasi alam ko na isang araw, babalikan din ako ng kasinungalingan ko. Even in law... though shall never break the law... you can circumvent it, but never break it. It's the rule.

She nodded. "Okay. Balik ka na sa classroom," pilit pa rin niya.

"I can't go back."

She arched her brow. "Why?"

"I left."

"So, pag-umalis, bawal bumalik?"

Tsk. Ano ba'ng tanong 'yan?

"Bawal lumabas kapag ongoing 'yung recit," sagot ko dahil alam ko na 'di niya ako titigilan hanggang sa 'di ako nagbibigay ng maayos na sagot.

"Bakit ka lumabas?" she asked, but I didn't reply. "Why did you go out, Jax?" I shrugged. "Jax, bakit ka lumabas kahit alam mo na bawal?"

"Nothing," I replied, then began to walk the opposite way.

There's no fucking way that I'd tell her that the reason why I ditched my 4 hour class was because I panicked when I saw her crying! Paano ko sasabihin 'yun? Pagkatapos ng ilang taon na tinaguan ko siya? Paano?

"Hey! 'Yung gamit mo sa classroom?!" she shouted, following me. Tsk! 'Di ba niya ako titigilan hanggang 'di ko sinasabi 'yun?

"I'll ask Yago to bring it home," I replied.

"Sino si Yago?" she asked, trying to catch up with me. But she's so small. Her legs are short. So small. Ang cute.

"A guy classmate."

"So, kailangan may specification?"

I nodded. "I don't want you glaring at him like you're doing with Cha."

Buti na lang naka-talikod ako. I specifically didn't want her to see that little smile on my face. I knew she's jealous. She didn't like Cha because she thought there's something going on. I like seeing her jealous. Made me weirdly happy.

"What?!" she shouted. Mas binilisan ko ang lakad ko dahil alam ko na naka-sunod siya sa akin. 'Di pa rin kasi maalis iyong ngiti sa mukha ko. Pinilit ko na mawala muna iyon bago ko binagalan ang lakad ko.

"Can I borrow your phone?" I asked. I needed to call my ride. And Yago. Mag-aaral pa ako mamaya. Nandun sa taas lahat ng gamit ko.

But with the way Katherine shook her head, it almost seemed like she's hiding some top secret on her phone. Alam ko naman na mukha ko iyong wallpaper niya. Siyempre tabi siya nang tabi sa akin kapag nag-aaral ako. Kapag bumubukas phone niya malamang nakikita ko.

"Why?"

"I'll call Kuya Eduard. 'Di ko makita 'yung sasakyan."

"Okay. Wait lang. 'Wag kang gagalaw," sabi niya. Tumalikod na lang ako para bigyan siya ng space para palitan iyong wallpaper niya. "Here."

Mayamaya, dumating na si Kuya Eduard. I told him that I needed the car. Malapit lang naman iyong bahay nila dito. May pera din sa sasakyan para sa toll. Binigay ko na lang sa kanya para pamasahe. May gas pa naman yata. Makaka-uwi pa naman siguro ako mamaya.

"Let's go," I said.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "What?"

"Come on. Hop in."

"Do you want to go home?" I asked. Balak ko sana siyang dalhin sa paborito kong lugar. Pero kung pagod na siya, ihahatid ko na lang siya sa bahay. Kanina pa siya umiiyak. Nakaka-pagod 'yun.

"No."

"I'll have you back before 12. Is that okay?"

Thankfully, nandun pa rin sa dashboard iyong five hundred peso bill. Bumili muna ako ng pagkain kasi baka gutom na siya. Nakarating din kami sa pupuntahan namin. I was thankful because it looked like she liked the place. She was smiling. Again. Thank God.

"Wow," she when she got out of the car. Naka-tayo siya sa harap ng bangin, naka-ngiti. Naka-upo lang ako sa likod ng sasakyan habang pinapanood siya. I definitely like her more when she's smiling... when she's crying, it makes me want to take care of her.

"Nice, huh?" I asked.

She nodded. "Everything seems so small from here..."

"I go here whenever I get a bad day. Just to put things into perspective. Na kahit gaano kalaki iyong problema ko, at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal. That I'll be fine."

"Thank you," she said to me, smiling.

I smiled, feeling accomplished because I managed to replace her tears with a smile. "You're welcome."

"Bakit mo ako dinala dito?" she asked. Naupo siya sa tabi ko. I almost froze when a cold breeze passed by us. Naamoy ko siya bigla. Ang bango niya. Ang bango talaga. Tsk.

"You looked like you needed this."

"So, kapag may classmate kang bad recit, dinadala mo rin dito?" she asked. I couldn't answer. Pakiramdam ko bumibilis iyong tibok ng puso ko. Tsk! "Bakit mo nga ako dinala dito?" she asked again.

"I told you, you looked like—"

"Oh, let's cut the bullshit. Busy kang tao. Busy din akong tao. Ano ba 'tong ginagawa mo?"

"What do you want to hear?" I replied, still not looking her in the eye. I was afraid she'd see how nervous she's making me. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely, the tables have turned.

"Kung ano 'yung ginagawa mo?"

"Helping you."

"Do you help everyone na nahihirapan?"

"No."

"So, bakit ako?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. She wouldn't let this go.

"Bakit hindi ikaw?" I asked. Because that's the question I had been hounding myself for the past years... Bakit hindi si Katherine? Alam ko na gusto niya ako. And she's pretty and smart and sometimes nice... but I never allowed myself to see her as more. But as we both moved in the same environment, I was forced to see the reality...

It just hit me straight to my face.

That there's nothing not to like.

I was overcompensating... maybe. I just felt bad for all the years that I'd ignore her. 'Di ko kasi talaga alam kung ano ang gagawin ko sa kanya. She's confident... and I guess that kinda threw me off. 'Di ko alam kung paano siya kakausapin. Tuwing kinakausap niya ako dati, talagang kinakabahan ako... para kasing palagi siyang may masamang balak sa akin.

That grin of hers? It was dangerous.

"Can I study here?" I asked. As days passed by, after that fateful night when she blackmailed me into confessing what I really feel, I found it harder and harder to be apart from her. There's just really something about her that made me want to be around her. All day long.

"Dito?" she asked.

I nodded. "Pwede?" tanong ko. Baka kasi nakaka-hiya na kila Manang. Lagi akong nandito. Tinatanong nga nila Mama kung nasaan ako palagi kasi wala ako sa bahay madalas. Kulang na lang talaga maglagay ako ng mga gamit ko dito.

"Dala mo gamit mo?"

I nodded. "In the car."

She wrinkled her nose. I love it when she does that. She's so cute. But sometimes, scary... Most of the time scary... My fierce little kitten.

"May magagawa pa ba ako?" tanong niya. I smiled as I shook my head. Alam ko naman na 'di niya ako matitiis. Mabilis akong lumabas para kunin iyong mga gamit ko. Naka-dalawang balik ako dahil medyo marami akong dala. Tatlong book kasi ginagamit ko kada subject.

"Let's eat muna," she said.

"Ikaw na lang," sabi ko.

"Kumain ka na ba?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Umuwi si Papa. Sabay kaming kumain."

Gusto sana ni Papa na isama ako manood ng basketball, pero tumanggi ako. He was eyeing me curiously. Lagi kasi akong sumasama sa kanya dati. 'Di naman ako mahilig sa basketball talaga, pero mahilig si Papa. At saka laging busy 'yun sa trabaho. Kaya kapag may chance na magkasama kami, sumasama agad ako.

Pero syempre 'di ko sinabi sa kanya iyong totoong dahilan kung bakit 'di ako sumama. Tutuksuhin ako 'nun. Matagal na nung sinasabi sa akin na ligawan ko si Katherine. Alam ko na tatawanan niya ako kapag nalaman niya ang mga nangyayari.

Nilabas ko iyong reviewer ko nang parang automatic na nahagip ng mga mata ko iyong pangalan na 'yun. Tsk. Akala ko ba wala na siya? Bakit pabalik-balik sa eksena?

'Di ko naman girlfriend si Katherine...

Hindi pa.

Wala pa akong karapatan mag-inarte.

"What?" she asked when I cleared my throat. I couldn't help it. It rubbed me the wrong way whenever she'd talk to that guy. Alam ko kasi na may gusto sa kanya. Baka biglang matauhan si Katherine. I was afraid that one day, she'd wake up and realize that she can do much better...

And honestly? The thought's frightening.

I knew I was far from being perfect... I just hope that despite that, she'd choose to stay.

"San list ng case mo?" I asked. "Bagalan mo kumain," I said when I began to log in to my account. Maigsi lang naman. Mabilis lang 'to. Mamaya ko na sisimulan iyong sa inaaral ko.

"Uy..." sabi niya nang magsimula na akong magdownload ng cases niya. "Mag-aral ka na. I'll do that."

"Just eat," I replied. Kaysa kung sino gumagawa, ako na lang. Kaya ko rin naman. Dali-dali lang magdownload, e.

Umiling siya. "No. I appreciate the thought, but I really don't like the idea na nababawasan 'yung time mo mag-aral dahil sa 'kin."

"I don't like the idea of some other guy doing this for you."

It was true. Why ask someone else when there's me? Someone who's willing to overcompensate for him being such a dick and ignoring her all these years?

Maybe I should tell that to her. She could definitely ask me to do things. I'm willing. Always. Sometimes, it's starting to scare me how fast things are changing...

But I wouldn't have it another way.

I like where I am now.

"Let's make this official. Be mine," she asked. I stood in front of her, frozen because of her brazen attitude. I had been practicing for days... trying different ways of asking her to be my girlfriend. But here she is, asking me casually. Like she wasn't giving me this heart attack. Again.

Seriously.

Katherine's bad for my health.

I was pretty sure she'd kill me one day.

"Ano? Magsalita ka naman," she asked when I remained silent. Paano ako magsasalita? Mga tanong niya! Nakaka-gulat! "Ayaw mo ba?" she followed-up.

"Gusto," sumagot agad ako. Baka biglang magbago iyong isip niya.

"Bakit 'di ka sumagot agad?"

"You stole my moment," I said. I love a lot of things about her... but sometimes, I wish she'd let me lead this relationship. She's just really... wow, she'd kill me with all the heart attacks.

Umawang ang labi niya. "What?"

I took a step forward. I took a deep breath. Here comes nothing.

"For four years, you always charged at me. Always the one who looks first, always the one who initiates the conversation. But now..." I said, then shook my head with disappointment. "You really couldn't give this to me?"

I took another step forward.

She tried to take a step back, but I quickly held her arm.

"Stop running," I said, staring at her eyes. "Don't even try."

"A-ano ba?" kinakabahan na tanong niya. Good. So it wasn't only me. Kinakabahan din pala siya sa 'kin.

"Katherine Tyrese Arellano," I called her name. God, even her name's beautiful.

"A-ano?"

"Be my girlfriend?"

"Q-question ba 'yan o statement."

"Question, of course. We're living in a democratic country."

She bit her lower lip. "Pwede akong magno?"

"You can try," I said, inching my face close to her. I was probably a jerk for doing this, but I wanted her to say yes. I didn't want her to overthink this.

Magyes ka na.

Please.

"Pwede kong i-try?" she asked.

"Katherine," I said... more like begged.

"What?"

"Girlfriend na ba kita o ano?"

"A-ano'ng pinagkaiba kapag boyfriend na kita?"

"I'll kiss you," I replied, remembering how she answered me before. I hope this made her heart skip a beat the way mine did when I first heard her saying this.

"Seryoso ka ba?" she asked.

I nodded. "Pangarap mo 'yun, 'di ba?" I teased.

"Ang kapal!" she said, pushing me. I definitely enjoyed watching as her face turned red from embarrassment. I definitely love embarrassed Katherine—one of my favorites.

I laughed. "Heard you telling Joey that you want me to be your first kiss," I said. "Let's make that come true tonight."

"Napaka-epal mo minsan!"

I was laughing. God, she's so cute! Kapag ako inaasar niya, okay lang sa kanya. Kapag ako, ayan, hinahampas niya agad ako.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't—"

But all words were forgotten when she tiptoed and kissed my lips.

What the—

And she's running!

"Katherine!" I shouted. That girl! Who in their right mind would kiss someone and run from him?! Balak niya ba akong 'wag matulog kakaisip?!

"Mapanaginipan mo sana 'yan!" sigaw niya.

"But are we together now?" I asked the most important question.

"Obviously!" she shouted before running faster. I swear, it's the fastest I'd ever seen her run.

* * *

When Katherine said that if she's my girlfriend, she'd let me kiss her, she wasn't kidding. Probably every hour of the day, we'd kiss. And I wasn't complaining.

Kung dati kapag tinatanong ako kung ano ang hobby ko, pagbabasa lang ang sinasagot ko... May nadagdag na ngayon.

I definitely would like to add kissing Katherine as one of my hobbies.

"God, you're so hot!" she said, pushing me to the sofa. Kakauwi lang namin dahil may pinuntahan ako para sa debate society. Nasa sasakyan pa lang kami, naka-patong na sa binti ko iyong kamay ni Katherine. Kaya nga binilisan ko iyong pagda-drive, e... I knew there's a rainbow at the end of the road.

I laughed because she was so aggressive. Agad siyang naupo sa mga binti ko.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked as she made herself comfortable on my lap.

But instead of answering, she cupped my face and kissed me so deep... sobrang lalim na bigla kong nalimutan iyong sasabihin ko sana. Katherine pushed me again hanggang sa mapa-higa na ako sa sofa. She was kissing me and grinding on me. Napapa-dasal na lang talaga ako dahil ano ba ang gusto niyang mangyari?!

"Wait," I said because honestly, I was so fucking tempted. She was grinding on me, for heaven's sake! Tao lang ako! Ano ba'ng gusto niyang gawin sa 'kin?!

But Katherine, being sin personified, just parted her hair to one side... And it literally made me part my lips. Fuck. My girlfriend's so hot. I'm one lucky son of a bitch.

"Ano?" tanong niya.

And I forgot again what my problem was. I pulled her down and kissed her again. We were kissing so hard that I yelped when we both fell down on the ground. Good thing it was carpetted. But even then, we didn't stop kissing. I swear, an earthquake could happen, and we still wouldn't stop kissing. It's that fucking good.

"Not that," I said when I felt her targetting my boner. She was grinding on that. I could feel myself about to beg. She's so unfair. Mamamatay na talaga ako.

"What?" she asked, grinning as she continued torturing me.

"Stop teasing me," I groaned. I held her legs to steady her.

But this kitten wouldn't stop!

"If you won't stop, something would disappear tonight," I said.

She arched her brow. "And what's that?"

I stared at her. "Your virginity. It will disappear."

She laughed. "Hmm... Talaga?"

I laughed, too. Why was I even surprised? I forgot my girlfriend's Katherine Tyrese Arellano. She's no ordinary girl. She's got me wrapped around her fingers.

"Yes. So, please stop."

She was smiling... grinning even...

"Since I still can't give you that," she said as I heard the sound of something unzipping. My breathing hitched when I felt her touching my thing. "Congrats on winning the debate, Mr. Yuchengco," she said before she started to stroke it.

Well, fuck.

* * *

It had been nights after that night, but I still couldn't get it off of my mind. Katherine... babaliwin mo talaga ako.

Even during finals week, 'di rin ako makapag-aral nang mabuti dahil lagi kong naiisip iyon! Damn, Katherine!

"What can I do?" I asked when I saw her crying. My chest tightened at the sight of her crying. I hated that. That's one of the things I hated seeing.

"H-happy birthday, Jax," she said, instead. "S-sorry n-ngayon lang kita nabati..."

I got the gift. My eyes widened when I saw what it was. Shit... this cost a lot. It's almost a million! For a watch!

"Katherine," I said, unable to accept the gift. It's too much.

"Tanggapin mo na lang, please? At least sasaya ako kapag tinanggap mo..." sabi niya. She looked so sad that I was almost tempted to accept the gift... If it's the only thing that could make her happy.

"I told you, just spend my birthday with me and it'll be fine," I said.

She nodded. "I know... but I want to give you this," she said, then got the box from my hand. Tinanggal niya iyong relo mula sa lalagyan, tapos sinuot niya sa akin. "Happy birthday, Juan Alexandro."

"This is too much," I said, sighing. It's still too much. She's already more than enough. I didn't need any material gift from her.

"That's not your only gift," she said.

"Meron pa?"

"Remember when you said that the only gifts you want are me and my time?" she asked and I nodded. "Well, there's the time..." she said, pointing at the watch around my wrist. "As for me?" she asked, then planted a chaste kiss on the side of my lips.

"I'll be waiting for you later in the study room... Bilisan mong magsagot, okay?"

Hindi agad ako naka-galaw. Kinailangan akong hatakin ni Yago dahil magsisimula na iyong exam. But as soon as I got the booklet and questionaire, I answered so fast. I swore, it's the fastest I had answered in my whole life.

I didn't even review my answer! Mabilis ko iyong pinasa. Sobrang sabi ko kay Kuya Eduard na bilisan ang pagda-drive. Ikamamatay ko talaga si Katherine.

Pagdating ko sa bahay nila, dumiretso agad ako sa study room na 'yan. Halos maputol ang hininga ko nang makita ko siyang suot ang jacket ko... And her hair's in a bun... God, she'd kill me.

"H-Hindi ka ba talaga naka-sagot dahil sa sinabi ko?" she asked.

"No, not how I usually fare in exams," I replied.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, but I quickly held her chin up and made her look at me.

"No, no apologies, Katherine," I breathed.

"But you'll fail—"

"I won't."

"Sabi mo—"

"God, let's stop talking already," I begged because I couldn't last for any more second without touching her. I grabbed her face and kissed her. I didn't want to stop. I never wanted to stop.

I didn't know what was happening anymore. All I knew was that no one could stop this from happening. Ilang buwan na akong naghihintay. Pakiramdam ko mamamatay na talaga ako kapag 'di pa natuloy ngayong gabi!

"I..." I said as we were kissing each other. Sinubukan kong ibaba iyong zipper ng jacket, pero nanginginig ang mga kamay ko.

"Don't be nervous," she said as she helped me pull the zipper down. "It's all yours, Juan Alexandro."

Oh fuck.

She's naked.

Shit.

It's really my birthday.

"Happy birthday," she said, stepping out of my jacket.

"Fuck, I love you so much," I said before we continued the night.

* * *

We were good—so good... but things started to get awry after our trip to Ilocos. I was well aware that her parents didn't approve of me. Alam ko rin naman na hindi naman makikipaghiwalay sa akin si Katherine dahil doon... but I wanted her parents to like me. It's a big deal for me.

But I noticed that even though she wouldn't admit it, she's having a hard time because she wasn't on speaking terms with her parents... And I wanted to help her... but how could I?

'Anak... Iyong mga magulang mo... Nagcrash daw iyong eroplanong sinasakyan nila kanina... Wala daw naka-ligtas...'

Ever since that day, Katherine wasn't the same. She's always silent. Minsan, nakikita ko na bigla na lang tumutulo iyong luha niya... I wanted to be always there for her... Kaya hindi ako umalis. Alam ko na kailangan niya ako. She didn't even have to ask. I would stay by her side for as long as she needed me to be.

"Mr. Yuchengco!" Atty. Dela Cruz shouted at me. "I'm asking you a simple question—a very simple one!"

I remained standing. I studied... just not enough. Hindi ko matandaan iyong eksaktong mga salitang gusto niyang marinig. He wanted me to recite the provision, verbatim, but I couldn't. I stayed up all night finishing Katherine's digests.

"I'm sorry, Atty," tahimik kong sagot.

But that didn't stop. He continued to berate me for the next hour. Hindi na rin siya nagturo. Umalis siya agad. All my classmates were looking at me—a mixture of pity and confusion were painted on their faces.

"That's all right," Yago said, tapping my shoulder. "Bawi next time."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure about that. I was aware how I wasn't exactly faring well in my quizzes. Papasa naman ako... kung walang grade requirements. But in order to proceed to fourth year, I needed to get an average of 80. Hindi ko na sigurado kung aabot ako doon.

"Hey..."

I sighed. "Not now."

"Jax," Cha began. "Napagalitan ka rin sa CivPro. Alam mo naman na delikado kapag doon ka tumagilid."

"Alam ko."

"Then why aren't you fixing it? Gusto mo bang ma-kickout?"

Hindi ako sumagot. I knew that even if I did explain, she would never understand. She's not in my position. She didn't know how I feel. I wanted to take care of Katherine first. She's the most important. My grades? Kaya kong habulin. Ma-kickout ako? Maraming ibang school. Ma-delay ang graduation ko? I'd still graduate.

But Katherine needed me.

She lost her parents... I didn't want her to lose anything else.

I know my priority.

"Jax."

Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. She lost a lot of weight. Lagi ko siyang dinadalhan ng pagkain, pero hindi niya rin ginagalaw. I just wish I could take even some of the pain away. I didn't like seeing her like this. I knew her parents wouldn't want her to be like this.

"I heard... I heard napagalitan ka... na naman."

Huminga ako nang malalim. Damn it, Cha! Bakit ba nakikielam siya?

I fixed a smile on my face. "Yeah... My fault. I forgot the provision word by word," I said, trying to make it sound casual.

"Sabi ko naman sa 'yo unahin mo 'yung sa 'yo, 'di ba? Bakit ba ayaw mong makinig sa 'kin?" she asked, looking at me like I just disappointed her.

"Nakikinig ako. Nag-aral naman ako. Malas lang dahil natanong 'yung hindi ko kabisado."

Umiling siya. Nakita ko kung paano nagsisimula na namang magtubig ang mga mata niya. Gusto kong lumapit, pero kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata niya.

"Bakit ka nagsisinungaling?" tanong niya habang pinapanood ko kung paano bumagsak ang mga luha sa mga mata niya.

"I'm not lying."

"But you are... you're lying to me... and you're hurting me... Sa tingin mo ba matutuwa ako sa ganito? Na dahil sa akin napapabayaan mo 'yung pag-aaral mo? 'Yung mga pinaghirapan mo? Sa tingin mo ganon akong klaseng tao? Ganoon ako ka-selfish?"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita.

"Kasi... kasi kung ganito..." Tinignan niya ako. "Magbreak na lang tayo."

Umawang ang labi ko. Hindi ko maintindihan iyong nararamdaman ko. Parang... parang ang gago.

"What?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Magbreak muna tayo."

Umiling ako. "No."

"Jax—"

"Is this just a joke to you, Katherine? Ganoon lang kadali sa 'yong makipaghiwalay sa 'kin?"

Mabilis siyang umiling—kasing bilis ng pagtulo ng mga luha niya. "Hindi naman sa ganon—"

"But that's how I see it. Parang ang dali lang sa 'yong sabihin 'yang break na tayo!"

"Kasi 'di mo naiintindihan. Ayoko ng ganito. Ayoko na inuuna mo ako. Ayoko na nakikita na unti-unting nauuwi sa wala lahat ng pinaghirapan mo. Dahil sa akin. Dahil lagi mo akong inuuna."

"That's my choice—"

"But that isn't mine!" she shouted. "I refuse to bring you down with me! That's not what I want for you!"

"But what about what I want for myself? Isn't that important?"

Her chest was heaving. She was looking at me, tears streaming down.

"You don't understand."

Umiling ako. "No, I don't. And I don't want to break-up," I said before I left her crying.

I don't like drinking... but tonight, I wanted to drown myself in alcohol. I texted Yago, asking him to drink with me, but he's busy. I texted anyone—I just wanted someone to talk to.

"You know, alcohol doesn't solve problems, right?"

I slid a bottle towards her. "It's on me tonight."

Cha sighed, taking a seat beside me. "Ano'ng problema?"

Hindi agad ako nagsalita. Paulit-ulit na bumabalik sa isip ko iyong mga nangyari kanina... Iyong mga sinabi niya... I knew she was right. She had a point. But I also knew myself. I wouldn't stand there and watch her waste away.

"She wanted to break-up," I said, downing the beer. "You gave her the idea."

She sighed again, and downed the beer, too. "I didn't tell her to leave you. I just told her what's happening. And you know, as your friend, as someone who's been suffering with you since day one? Nakaka-hinayang. You're a bright student, you know? You're even the favorite—because you're the humble one but if Yago learned the word humility, pretty sure he'll be the favorite. Kaya alam mo 'yun? I don't care if sabihan mo ako ng nakikielam ako. I just want you to know what's happening... and it's not pretty."

Naka-titig ako sa bote sa harapan ko.

"I don't want to break-up."

"Then learn how to prioritize. You know, it's not love if you're losing yourself in the process of loving someone? That's called stupidity, my friend," she said, tapping my back. "Don't wait until she leaves you. Ayusin mo sarili mo. Katherine fell in love with Jax—iyong matalino, suplado, alam ang priorities... not this mess. You're not you."

After that night, I vowed to straighten myself up. Binibilisan kong mag-aral. I make sure I already studied enough before I begin doing Katherine's homeworks. It's not that much. I just do her digests.

"Jax," tawag sa akin nung isang kaklase ni Katherine. Huminto ako, tapos tinignan siya. She smiled, and put her hair behind her ear. God. I didn't have time for this. "Ah... Nagmessage ako sa group namin na hindi approved ni Atty iyong extension sa pagpass ng digests. Mamayang 7pm iyong deadline. 'Di kasi online si Katherine baka 'di niya mabasa."

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko. "Ano'ng subject?"

"NatRes."

I looked at my wristwatch. It's only 4pm. I tried contacting Katherine while I was on the way home. Hindi siya sumasagot. I had no choice but to get the digests from her room. Dumiretso ako sa school. I even had to write in fucking cursive dahil mahahalata masyado kapag ako iyong nagsulat.

I just needed to finish the remaining twenty. I ignored my phone as it vibrated. Cha kept on flooding me with texts. Shit. Bahala na nga.

It was 6pm when I managed to pass her digests. Kinailangan ko pang sumaglit sa mall para bumili nung kailangan na folder. Pagbalik ko sa school, nagtext agad ako kay Cha para sabihin na male-late ako. May presentation kasi sa isang subject.

From: Cha

Ikaw kumausap kay Sir. Badtrip na talaga sayo yun. Binggo ka na raw

Shit naman.

Pagdating ko sa school, kinausap ko agad si Sir. Ang tagal kong naka-tayo sa hallway. Pinagtitinginan na kami dahil kanina niya pa ako pinapagalitan. He kept on saying that if I don't fix myself, hindi na talaga ako aabot ng fourth year. Na kailangan ko ng maghanap ng bagong school.

"I'm sorry, Sir..." I kept on apologizing.

He sighed. "You'll report next meeting. That's your last chance."

I nodded, and thanked him.

Pagdating ko sa bahay, nagulat ako nang may kahon sa kama ko. Pagbukas ko, nakita ko iyong ilang tshirt ko. Agad akong bumaba, tinanong kung kanino nanggaling iyon. Sabi nila, dumaan daw si Katherine kanina.

"What's with the box, Katherine?" I asked.

"Your things. Tama na muna. Let's take a break."

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa manibela. "No. I'm driving there. Let's talk."

"Wag na, please... Sinabihan ko na iyong guard na 'wag kang papasukin sa village... 'Wag mo na akong pahirapan... Hindi ko gusto 'to, Jax, pero ayaw mo akong bigyan ng choice..."

I had to stop over. Hindi ako makapagdrive nang maayos.

"Ano ba'ng gusto mo?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"I told you. Gusto ko na unahin mo 'yung sarili mo. Pero ano'ng ginawa mo na naman? Gusto mo ba talaga na 'wag grumaduate? Gusto mo ba na sisihin ko 'yung sarili ko—"

"You don't have to feel guilty—"

"But that's exactly what I am feeling! You're making me feel guilty! Sinabi ko na sa 'yo dati, ginawa mo pa rin! Ano sa tingin mong mararamdaman ko? Sa tingin mo matutuwa ako? Papalakpakan kita?! Kinausap na rin ako ng parents mo, Jax! Tinawagan na sila ng school kasi lumabas na 'yung midterm grades mo. Puro bagsak. Pati parents mo nadadamay na! Ano pa bang kailangan kong sabihin? Ayaw mong makinig sa akin! Dapat talaga maghiwalay muna tayo kasi 'di na tama 'tong ginagawa mo."

I fisted my shaking knuckle. Huminga ako nang malalim.

"I'm sorry..." I calmly said. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll... I'll do better next time, okay?"

But she didn't listen. I begged her. Over and over again. But she wouldn't listen.

Pumunta ako sa village nila. Hindi ako pinapasok. Mukha akong tangang naghihintay sa wala.

"Stay at home," sabi ni Mama.

Umiling ako. "I have to go to class," I said. I tried to stand up, but it felt like the world was spinning before me.

"You're burning. Bakit ka ba kasi nagpaulan kagabi?" she said, pushing me back to bed. "I'll ask your dad for a medical certificate, okay? 'Wag ka munang pumasok. Ni hindi ka nga maka-tayo nang maayos."

But I stood up. I needed to go to class. I couldn't miss any more class. Makikickout ako... Ayaw ni Katherine. Magagalit siya. Kailangan ko pa siyang kausapin.

Naka-kapit ako sa railings hanggang sa makababa ako. Nagpahatid ako kay Kuya Eduard sa school. Matagal bago ako nakarating sa classroom. Umiikot ang paningin ko.

"Are you okay? You're paler than usual..." Yago said, feeling my forehead. "Bakit ka pumasok? You're burning!"

Umiling ako. "May quiz ba?"

"Wala. Lecture lang daw ngayon."

I smiled. "Good. Tulog muna ako. Gisingin mo ako kapag nandyan na si Sir."

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal, pero ginising ako ni Yago. Pinilit ko na makinig kahit wala akong maintindihan. I couldn't miss another class. I needed to catch up. I needed to proceed to the fourth year. I needed to graduate. I needed to prove to Katherine that she didn't need to dump me.

"Mr. Yuchengco, you don't look well," Sir said. "Mr. Gomez de Liaño, kindly accompany him to the clinic."

Yago sighed, and helped me stand up.

"Sabi naman sa 'yo dapat 'di ka na pumasok. Mukha ka kayang malapit ng mamatay," he said while we're walking towards the clinic. Pero agad akong napa-hinto nang makita ko si Katherine.

"Katherine," I said, but she quickly avoided my stare.

She looked at Iñigo. "Tara na," she said.

Sinubukan kong humabol, pero pinigilan ako ni Yago. "Dude, let her go."

Umiling ako. "No—"

"Kausapin mo bukas. 'Wag ngayon. Unahin mo naman sarili mo."

I stood there and watched her disappear. I didn't know what to do anymore.

I did what she asked. I studied—harder than I ever did in my life. I talked to my professors and asked for consideration. They said that they normally do not allow it, but they knew me well, and they knew that I'm a good student that's why they'd let me do extra work to pull my grades.

Everything's looking up.

Si Katherine na lang.

"Katherine," I said when I saw her in the hallway. Hindi ako maka-punta sa kanila. Hindi pa rin ako pwedeng pumasok sa village nila. Dito ko lang siya sa school nakikita...

"Can we talk?" I asked.

She sighed. "No."

"Please?"

Umiling siya. "We're still taking a break, right? Bakit hindi mo maintindihan? Tanga ka na ba?"

Huminga ako nang malalim. "I'm sorry, okay?" I asked. "But can we talk? Please? I did what you asked. Okay na ulit 'yung grades ko—"

"Do you hear yourself? Bakit mo ginagawa dahil sa akin? You should do it for yourself, Jax. Hindi para sa akin. Hindi para kahit kanino. Hindi ganito."

My jaw clenched. "Ano ba'ng gusto mong gawin ko?"

"Wala. Gusto ko, tigilan mo muna ako. Kasi kung hindi... I'd have to transfer school. It's suffocating, Jax. You're suffocating me. Kahit saan ako magpunta, nandun ka. Ayaw mo akong tigilan. You're annoying me."

I pursed my lips.

Ang sakit niyang magsalita.

Mahal ko lang naman siya.

"Yan ba 'yung tingin mo sa 'kin?"

She nodded. "Yes."

Tumango ako. Huminga nang malalim. Pinahid iyong luha.

"Okay..." sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa mga mata niya. "Let's not take a break anymore. Let's just end this. You'll never hear from me again. I'll try not to be in your way again. I don't want to see you ever again."

"Hi..."

I smiled. "Hi."

"Ready to marry me?" she asked. God, she's beautiful. She's wearing a cream colored gown. I swear she's the most beautiful person in the world.

I nodded. "I've been ready since the first time I told you I love you."

We both faced the altar and exchanged vows. Kanina niya pa ako tinatawanan dahil hindi daw niya akalain na sobrang iyakin ko. I wasn't ashamed, though. Si Katherine lang naman ang nagpapaiyak sa akin. From then to now, she's the only one I allow to make me feel all kinds of emotions...

And our future kids. I'd allow them.

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife," the priest said.

I grinned at her. "Finally, huh?"

She laughed. "Remember what I told you before? Nung nasa college pa lang tayo?" she asked. My forehead creased. "I told you that one day, I'd marry you... And look where we are now."

"I didn't believe you then," I said.

She laughed. "Right. You looked at me like you wanted to run."

"And I did... right?"

She nodded. "Tinukso ako nila Joey nun. Tinakot daw kita..." she said, smiling while reminiscing. "But all my efforts paid off. You're mine. Legally."

I wrinkled my nose, but I didn't argue. She's right. I'd been hers for a very long time. Even when we broke up, I never tried to date anyone else. I just didn't like wasting my time. I knew that if it wasn't her, it wouldn't work with anyone else. She's the one that I want. It's either her, or I grow up alone. Those were the only choices.

"You may now kiss the bride," the priest said.

I removed her veil. I stared at her face. Damn... I'm a lucky son of a bitch.

I heard our friends shouting as I kissed my bride. Sinigawan pa kami na tama na nung matagal kong hinalikan si Katherine.

"Ano 'yun? Live porn?" Matt asked. Napa-iling na lang ako. Minsan, 'di ko pa rin talaga alam kung ano ang trip sa buhay ng mga kaibigan ni Katherine. But she's happy with them, so it's fine with me.

We took a lot of pictures. I was contented standing on the sidelines, watching my wife as she smiled and laughed with her friends.

"Congrats," Cha said.

"Thanks. Nakita mo na?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Yeah..."

"Did you talk?"

"Not really the kind of talk you're asking," she replied. "But we will. Later."

I did not comment. That's her life. Alam ko rin na si Cha iyong tao na hindi ko mapipilit gawin kung ano ang ayaw niyang gawin. But I also knew that she loves Iñigo—even though it was just crazy how they first met.

The reception was held in a ballroom hall in a hotel. Konti lang ang tao. I suggested that we hold a beach wedding or even a garden wedding since Katherine really enjoyed Joey's wedding. But she said that she wanted to be wed in a church, and even though she wouldn't say it out loud, the number of security outside the church and outside the ballroom showed that after all these years, she's still worrying about our safety.

But she shouldn't.

It's done. It's all over. Those responsible were all rotting in jail.

"Thank you..." Katherine said, her arms wrapped around my waist.

"For what?" I asked, kissing the top of her head.

"For this... for everything..."

I smiled as I hugged her tighter. We were watching our friends dance and laugh when we saw Cha and Iñigo emerging. Cha's eyes were red. Agad kaming nagka-tinginan ni Katherine.

"What's the problem?" Katherine asked, worried.

Cha couldn't speak. Umiiyak siya. Napa-tingin ako kay Iñigo. He's beginning to look like his old self again. He used to look like a hermit simula nung nawala si Cha.

"Oh... my god..." Katherine said, her eyes wide with surprise as Cha raised her hand and showed us the engagement ring back on her fingers. "For real?!"

Cha nodded. "Yeah, but I don't want to overshadow—"

"Guys, they're engaged again!" Katherine shouted, even jumping. Napa-tawa ako. I have a cute wife.

Napailing na lang si Cha. "So much for privacy."

"Congrats," I said. I honestly wanted them to be back together. They're both miserable when they're apart... like Katherine and me. We're much stronger when we're together.

Cha smiled. "Thank you! So, is it like a tradition now? Someone getting engaged during someone else's wedding?" she asked, laughing.

I looked around and saw Katherine jumping with her friends. Napailing na lang ako. My wife looked at me, motioning me to join them in their stupid dance.

"Sige na," Cha said, pushing me. "Enjoy your first dance. Matagal mong hinintay 'yan."

Agad akong lumapit sa asawa ko.

"Are you ready to begin the rest of our lives together, Atty. Yuchengco?" I asked.

"Can I file a motion for reconsideration, Atty. Yuchengco?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Motion denied. With finality." She laughed, and I swear, that's my favorite sound in the world.