#PTG39 Chapter 39

I was never religious. I could never even remember if my parents ever brought me to church... I knew how to pray, sure, but that's all there was... When my parents died, I questioned God... Why was He doing this to me? I had never even spent that much time with them... pero kinuha agad sila. They even died when we weren't in a good place. It just... sucked. So bad. I hated everything back then...

But I had Jax.

That thought made everything feel a little bit lighter.

Now? I pray. Every night. Before I open my eyes, before I close them... I say a little prayer. Because I didn't have anything to hold on to anymore... Sa dasal na lang. Doon na lang ako kumakapit sa mga panahon na pakiramdam ko, pasuko na ako... I kept on reminding myself that all these would end... That surely, my life wasn't supposed to end so horribly...

That I have Jax.

I have my friends.

I have people who would be sad if I give up.

"I don't want to see you," I said immediately when I saw Iñigo waiting for me. Bukas na iyong bagong hearing... Bakit siya nandito? Gusto ba niya akong takutin? Tanggalan ng pag-asa? Sa tingin niya ba meron pa ako noon? Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin...

"Ms. Arellano..."

I clenched my fist. Agad na nanlabo ang paningin ko. Sa sobrang galit. Sa sobrang lungkot. Naghalu-halo. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas nangingibabaw.

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

Iñigo smiled. "Sit. Please?"

Malalim ang paghinga ko. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanila na paalisin nila ang tao sa harap ko... Ayoko siyang makita... Alam ko nawalan siya... Alam ko pareho kaming nawalan... Pero hindi ko ginawa sa kanya lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin... Hinding-hindi ko maiisipan na gawin iyon...

I remained standing. I didn't want to sit. I didn't even want to be in the same room as him... to breathe the same air as him...

"I want... I want to apologize."

Hindi ako nagsalita. I had nothing good to tell him.

"I know you won't believe me... but I never did anything illegal... I just wanted to win the case... I needed to win the case..." he said. He paused. He took a deep breath. He looked like he needed to calm down... to collect himself... but he was failing.

Sinubukan niyang ngumiti, pero hindi niya magawa. Mabilis ang naging pagtulo ng luha sa mga mata niya. Tahimik akong naka-tingin sa kanya. Tahimik na pinapakiramdaman ang sarili ko. Matutuwa ba ako? Matutuwa ba ako na nasasaktan siya? Sapat ba iyon para mabawasan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko?

"Remember before? When you told me that whatever they give me, I have to give back? If not now... you said you're sure that one day, they'd ask me for a favor and I won't be able to say no because I accepted a lot from them?" he asked, looking at me as I watched as tears escaped from his eyes.

I couldn't feel anything.

I just... couldn't.

"When... When I learned that you were involved in a case, I was working in another case. I was supposed to work on that... but Congressman... He wanted me to take your case. Alam niya na magkaibigan tayo... Alam niya na kung anuman ang alam ko tungkol sa 'yo, magagamit ko para manalo..."

I looked at him.

"Congrats. Nanalo ka."

Mabilis siyang napa-pikit. "Katherine..."

I stared at him, unable to feel even an ounce of pity. "Bakit mo ba sinasabi sa 'kin 'to? Gusto mo bang maawa ako sa 'yo? Pagkatapos ng lahat, sa tingin mo kaya ko pang makaramdam ng awa?"

Mabilis siyang tumayo. Lumapit siya. Umatras ako.

"Don't get any closer, or I'll scream."

He stopped.

"I didn't want to do that..."

"Yet you did."

"He threatened to kill Cha!"

Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. I knew that. I knew it was a possibility... but that didn't lessen the sting of his betrayal. It would never justify what he did.

"I had to do it!" he said, begging to convince me to believe in him. I just stood there, staring at him as he tried his best to convince me... But we both knew it was futile...

We already reached too far...

And I was afraid that after everything, there's just no more going back to how it was before.

"I had to accept your case... I had to do my job... Kitty..." nahihirapan na tawag niya sa akin. "I just did my job. Please don't hate me for doing my job."

Naiinis ako. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil sunud-sunod na naramdaman ko ang pagbagsak ng luha ko. Iñigo... he didn't deserve my tears. He didn't deserve any sympathy from me...

"Didn't you even find it weird when I started my arguments with your baby—"

"Don't speak about my baby!"

Pero hindi siya tumigil. Tumingin siya sa mga mata ko. Lumaban.

"You know me... Kilala mo ako... I always save the best for last... Didn't you think that if... if I really wanted to win the case, I wouldn't save that for last?" he asked, taunting me to look at him. "Kitty... you know once... once in my life... I thought I loved you... Ganoon ba kawalang-kwenta ang tingin mo sa akin? Did you really think I was capable of betraying you?" he asked. "And did you really think that I would purposely question the judge? Hindi ako tanga. But I fucking did that for you! And yet you keep on looking at me like I betrayed you."

"You did. You betrayed me, Iñigo! You sent me here! You sent me here to rot!"

Umiling siya. "You know that only one will win in court! Stop blaming me for doing my job!"

Lumapit ako at tinulak siya. "Stop talking about this being your job when it's really about my life! You fucking asshole! Everyday, I think about just fucking killing myself! Kasi pagod na pagod na ako! Tapos ang kapal ng mukhang mong sabihin sa akin na trabaho lang 'to?!"

Pinabayaan niya ako na itulak siya. Sampalin siya. Hanggang sa mapagod ako...

Pagod na ako...

"I won... Fair and square..."

Umiling ako... "Truth... that's what should win in court, Iñigo... Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago... You're a big disappointment," I said as I walked out, and shut the door behind me.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Jax asked.

I looked at him. His eyes promised me that after this, it would be done... I would hold on to that. Kahit hanggang ngayon lang.

Tumango ako sa kanya. "Yes," I breathed.

"Iñigo... They said he visited you?"

Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin. I didn't want to talk about him. I didn't even want to think about him. Alam ko... Alam ko na mahirap ang pinagdadaanan niya. Pareho kami. Pareho kaming nawalan ng anak... but would that be ever enough to justify every bad thing that we did? Sapat na ba 'yun?

"I don't want to talk about him."

Jax nodded. "Alright," he said, looking me in the eye. "Are you ready?" he asked again.

I looked at him, and faked a smile. "I am..." I said, although all I really wanted was for this to reach its ending.

Mabagal ang bawat hakbang ko pabalik... Para bang unti-unting bumabalik ang mga nangyari isang buwan na ang naka-lipas... I could still remember how my heart clenched so hard when I heard the verdict... Hindi ako naniwala... Hindi agad ako naniwala... Ayokong maniwala...

Pero nang hinatak nila ako palayo kay Jax, parang mabilis na nagsasarado ang mundo ko... Hindi ako maka-hinga... Agad akong nakaramdam ng takot... Gusto ko lang na ibalik nila ako kay Jax... Sabihin nila na mali iyong mga narinig ko... Na hindi ako makukulong.

I halted.

I needed to breathe.

"Katherine..." Jax called when he saw me. Worry immediately crossed his face.

I placed a hand on top of my heart. I was begging it to calm down... I needed it to calm down... Huli na 'to... Pagkatapos nito, pwede na akong magpahinga...

"I'm fine," I replied, forcing a smile on my face. I needed to be strong in front of Jax... or at least pretend that I could still go on. Sandali na lang. Konti na lang.

Jax wanted to tell me what would happen... but I refused to listen. Kahit iyon na lang. Ayokong marinig kung ano ang meron. Nakaka-takot umasa. Hope... it's cruel. I couldn't do that to myself anymore. I could not let myself hope only to get crushed in the end.

Pagpasok namin, agad na nakita ng mga mata ko ang pamilya ni Kier. Wala akong maramdaman. Naubos na. Nasaid na. Diretso akong naglakad. I just wanted this to be done. I just wanted this to be over... not only for me, but for Jax... I didn't want him to continue wasting his life away for me. It's not fair for him, for his family.

It's not just about me.

"All rise for the presence of Honorable Virgilio Marquez."

Tahimik akong tumayo, pero kahit na ganoon, ramdam na ramdam ko ang tingin sa akin ni Jax. He's worried... I needed to pretend better. Pinilit ko na magkaroon ng ibang ekspresyon sa mukha ko, pero mahirap. Nang maupo kami, ramdam ko ang paghawak niya sa kamay ko... Iyong pagpisil niya... Iyong pakiusap niya na kahit ngayon lang, magtiwala pa ako...

I looked at him. And then, I begged myself... Harder... Kahit ngayon lang...

"In light of new pieces of evidence, we will conduct a new trial for the case of People v Ramirez," Judge Marquez began. "With this, the verdict of Reclusion Perpetua will be set aside in consideration of the new trial that will shed light into what really happened."

Jax squeezed my hand tighter.

"Counsels," Judge Marquez called. Muling tinignan ako ni Jax bago siya tumayo para lumapit. Nakita ng mga mata ko si Iñigo. May hawak na naman siyang envelope... Napa-ngiti ako ng malungkot... Wasn't he done ruining my life? What else did he have in his sleeves?

Mabilis na nagtama ang mga mata namin. I could see myself in him...

He's just as lost as I was...

Did we both deserve this?

Maybe.

But that would never change the fact that this hurt... so badly...

I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.

Nang matapos ang pag-uusap nila, tumingin sa akin si Jax. His eyes were wide... It made my heart begin to fasten its beat. Muli, nagsimula na naman akong makaramdam...

"What... What's happening?" I asked, my heart beating wildly inside my chest. Jax walked... It felt like he didn't know what was going on, too.

I wanted to ask him, but the sound of the gavel hitting the sound block rang in my ears. Agad na naagaw ang atensyon ko. The judge handed a piece of paper to the clerk of court.

"In light of new pieces of evidence, after careful analysis and consideration, the Office of the Prosecutor hereby recommends the dismissal of the case of parricide against Katherine Tyrese Ramirez."

Agad na napa-tingin ako kay Jax. Mabilis na sumikip ang dibdib ko.

"What..."

Parang nagsimulang umikot ang mundo ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga nangyayari. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Shit. Ano'ng nangyayari?!

Jax reached for my hand. Hindi niya binitiwan hanggang hindi natatapos ang pagbabasa ng hatol. Wala akong maintindihan. Hindi ko maintindihan. Bakit ganito? I couldn't let myself believe this... Natatakot ako kapag binawi nila.

"The release of Katherine Tyrese Ramirez is ordered effective immediately. An investigation for the new case will be opened effective immediately."

I looked at Jax. He smiled at me.

"I told you I'd get you out," he said, staring into my face. My tears kept on falling. They didn't stop... they couldn't stop... they wouldn't stop... Jax reached for my face, and wiped the tears away. "I promised..."

I nodded. "Thank you..." I said as he pulled me in an embrace, and whispered that this was the end of the nightmare that I lived in...