#PTG30 Chapter 30

Mabilis na nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Ilang beses kong sinubukang ipikit at idilat ang mga mata ko... umaasa na mali ang mga nakikita ko. But... he was still there. He was staring at me... like he was sorry for what was happening.

Like he didn't want to be here.

Not like this.

"Why—" I tried to ask, but it felt like words escaped me. I... I couldn't believe what was happening. I could not believe that I would see all of them again... Like this.

Pakiramdam ko ay pinaglalaruan ako ng tadhana.

Iñigo pulled the chair and sat in front of me. Halos hindi pa rin ako maka-hinga sa bilis ng mga pangyayari. Para akong ginagago ng mundo.

"I'm Prosecutor Borromeo," pagpapakilala niya na para bang wala kaming pinagsamahan ngayon. Hindi ko maialis ang tingin ko sa kanya. Hanggang ngayon ay pilit ko pa ring ipinapa-intindi sa sarili ko ang mga nangyayari.

"Iñigo—"

"Don't talk to him," pigil sa akin ni Jax. Agad akong napa-tingin sa kanya. Muling nakita ko na naman iyong pamilyar na galit sa mga mata niya.

"How in hell was this case assigned to you?" matapang na tanong ni Cha. "You're still working on the Carson case!"

I didn't know if it was my eyes playing tricks on me again, but I saw helplessness in Iñigo's eyes. Like he didn't want to here. Like he was just forced by circumstances. Pareho kaming pinaglalaruan ng buhay.

"We'll discuss that at home, Atty. Viste," Iñigo said. Mabilis na napaawang ang labi ko. What the fuck was happening? Were they engaged?

Muli akong naka-ramdam ng hilo sa mga naririnig ko. Hindi ako maka-hinga. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Ang tanging nagagawa ko lamang ay ang panoorin sila—ang panoorin ang pagpapalitan nila ng mga galit na tingin. Ang makinig sa kanila habang pilit nila akong nililigtas sa mga kasalanang nagawa ko.

I didn't know what to feel.

I couldn't decide how to feel.

"I'm here to inform you about the case that will be filed against Mrs. Ramirez," pormal na sabi ni Iñigo habang naka-tingin sa akin. Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.

Ni minsan, hindi ko naisip na sa ganito kami mauuwing dalawa. Sa lahat ng pinagsamahan namin dati, ganito rin pala ang bagsak namin. Na siya pa na kaibigan ko ang hahanap ng ebidensya para makulong ako.

Nakaka-tawa.

"As per initial investigation, a case of parricide will be filed against you. It will be filed with RTC 150," mabilis na sabi niya na para bang hindi buhay ko ang pinag-uusapan namin. Pabilis nang pabilis ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko habang binabanggit niya ang kaso na ihahain sa akin. Parang ngayon lang pumapasok sa isip ko iyong katotohanan na maaari akong makulong.

And I didn't even know if I did it.

Paano ko magagawang tanggapin iyong isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung ginawa ko? How would I repay and atone for the sins that I didn't even know if I commit?

"We weren't informed that the case has already been shuffled," sagot ni Jax.

"Congressman Ramirez—"

"Is not the personification of law. Don't we follow the same law now?" matigas na sagot ni Jax. "Why is it with RTC 150?"

Hindi agad naka-sagot si Iñigo. Nakikita ko sa paraan ng paghinga niya na hindi niya ito gusto. "The court has already acquired jurisdiction, Atty. Yuchengco. If you have a problem with that, take it to the court. Like you, I am just doing my job."

Muling binalot ng katahimikan ang kwarto. Walang gustong magsalita, pero ramdam ang emosyon ng bawat-isa. Unti-unti kong nararamdaman ang pagsikip ng lugar. Na para bang sa bawat paggalaw ay ramdam ang bawat epekto. Nakaka-sakal.

"Here is a copy of the complaint," he said, sliding an envelope towards me. "Inform me if you have decided to include the civil case, or you want to file a separate one." Mabilis siyang tumayo. Na para bang ayaw niyang magtagal pa dito. "Since this is a nonbailable case, Mrs. Ramirez will be held in custody. We will keep you posted about the arraignment," sabi niya bago nagsimulang maglakad palabas.

Halos mabingi ako sa tunog ng bawat hakbang niya. His footsteps sounded like the impending verdict of my liberty. It was sending terror across my system.

"Shitty justice system. Ang bilis nilang naka-hanap ng court, ah! How long did that take? Just six hours?! Iba rin talaga si Congressman," galit na sabi ni Cha. "And Iñigo, I swear to God!"

Tumingin ako kay Jax. Binuksan ko ang bibig ko, pero walang salitang lumabas. Natatakot ako. Naguguluhan. Hindi ko alam ang nangyayari. Pakiramdam ko ay sinukuan na ako ng isip ko.

Cha was pacing back and forth, cursing at Iñigo even when he's already long gone. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko. Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa dibdib ko. Ang bilis.

"Katherine..."

Agad na umawang ang labi ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Jax. Agad niyang naagaw ang atensyon ko. A part of me wanted to cry when I heard him say my name. He didn't know how often I dreamed about him calling me like this... Of him being this close...

His eyes were on me. I could see the worry in there. I could see pain. I could see longing. But I didn't want to dwell on that. He was fighting for me... I should fight with him. Kahit pagod na ako. Para sa kanya, gusto ko pa ring lumaban.

"I... I don't want to leave you here," he said like he was pained.

I tried to smile to provide him comfort. I was scared. I was scared of being alone again. I thought I would never have to feel this way again. But here I was, in the warm embrace of darkness once more.

"I know," I said, smiling. "But I'll be okay."

Hindi agad siya nakapagsalita.

"I know you have to leave," I said.

"For God's sake, bukas niyo na ituloy 'yan!" Cha interrupted. "We still have to study the complaint, Jax. We have a devil waiting to be destroyed."

Hindi pa rin inaalis ni Jax ang tingin niya sa akin. Muli akong ngumiti sa kanya. He didn't have to know the fear that I was feeling. I wouldn't tell him how scared I was of being behind the bars. I already hurt him enough today... I didn't want to hurt him more by telling him how terrified I was.

"I'll come back tomorrow," he said like it's a promise.

I nodded. "And I'll be here."

He pursed his lips, not appreciating my response. "Don't be too comfortable here, Katherine. You won't stay for long."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. "I trust you," I said, although a small part deep within me was whispering how I should already accept my fate... Kier died... Someone has to pay for his life... And I knew that his family would stop at nothing to see me suffer. And I just didn't have it in me anymore to fight them. I already felt like a candle melted to its end.

Hindi pa rin gumalaw si Jax sa kinauupuan niya. It took Cha pulling him with her for him to finally move. Pinanatili kong naka-ngiti ang aking mukha... but as soon as they left, darkness once again won.

* * *

They put me in a detention cell. Nanatili ako sa isang gilid. Hindi ako maka-tulog. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko magagawang magpahinga sa lugar na 'to. Masikip. Maingay. Bawat galaw ng mga tao sa paligid ko, para akong tatakasan ng puso ko sa bilis ng pagtibok nito.

I hugged my knees close to my chest as I waited for Jax's return. He promised that he'd return. I have to hold on to his words... He never broke them... I was the one who always broke my words.

"Kitty!"

Agad na nag-angat ako ng tingin nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko. I immediately saw Joey's face. Dahan-dahan akong tumayo para maka-lapit sa kanya. Hindi agad ako maka-galaw. Masyadong masikip. Ang daming tao. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mabubuhay nang ganito...

I tried to hide my true feelings with a smile on my face. I didn't wnat to add to the melancholic feeling that I could see in her face.

"Hey..." bati ko sa kanila.

Joey bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry ngayon lang ako naka-punta..."

Umiling ako. "No, it's okay. Thank you for forcing Jax to accept my case."

Agad na kumunot ang noo niya. "What? I just heard about this earlier. Tulog ako magdamag. Nagising ako tapos nakita ko na ang dami ng text ni Anj sa akin..." naguguluhan na sabi niya.

Parang lumukso iyong puso ko. Ibig sabihin ba nagsisinungaling lang si Jax? Ginusto ba talaga niyang puntahan ako?

"But... shit. Are you okay?" she asked, looking behind me. I could see the pity on her face. I didn't need that. Not right now. Not when I was still trying to see the good in the situation. I kept on reminding myself that Jax promised to get me out of here. I needed to hold on to that.

Tumango ako. "I'm fine."

"Ah. Wait. Nasa labas iyong food dala ni Matt. Simon's negotiating with the police if pwede na lumabas ka muna para kumain kasama namin," she explained. I merely nodded to every word that she said. I needed to save all the energy that was left inside me. I knew that this would be a long fight...

That it's a dangerous fight with the Ramirez.

That it's a game that they have long been playing.

But I... I needed to win.

I didn't want to be here. Not when I didn't know if I really did it. I didn't want to spend my entire life paying for something I haven't done. Ikaka-matay ko. Ikaka-baliw ko.

"Is Jax any good? I mean, as a lawyer?" she asked while we were waiting. Alam ko na nililibang niya lang ako. I didn't want to stay here for any more second.

I nodded. "Yes. Hindi ba kayo nag-uusap?"

She shrugged. "Nag-uusap... Though not like before. Ewan ko medyo na-transfer yata iyong issue niya sa 'yo sa 'kin," she said. "Tinataguan ka niya kaya ako yata pinagbuntunan niya ng left-over resentment."

"Sorry..."

She wrinkled her nose. "Ano ka ba, okay lang. May sira sa ulo 'yun minsan, alam naman natin pareho. But I'm happy that he's good. I'm sure he won't stop until you're out of here," sabi niya. Inabot niya iyong kamay ko, at saka hinawakan. "So, don't worry much, okay? We're all here for you. Always."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa ni Simon, pero nagawa niyang mapapayag iyong pulis para lumabas ako. Dinala nila kami sa isang interrogation room para doon muna kami manatili.

"Is the handcuffs really necessary?" tanong ni Anj habang naka-angat ang kilay.

"Tss. Pina-labas na nga. Kung ayaw niyong may posas, doon niyo kausapin sa selda," sagot ng pulis. "Mga mayayaman nga naman," bulong niya na hindi naka-takas sa pandinig namin.

Sobrang seryoso ng mga mukha nila. Pakiramdam ko ay nasa lamay kami. Pero buhay pa ako. Buhay pa naman.

"What did you bring?" I asked. Simon spoon-fed me. They tried to make a joke out of it, but we all knew that we were lying. It hurt them seeing me in cuffs. And it hurt me, too, seeing them see me like this.

I smiled, trying to ease the tension. They must have felt it, too, because we began to talk about other things. They didn't ask me about the case anymore. And I was thankful. Buong gabi akong kinausap nila Cha tungkol sa kaso. Paulit-ulit. Paulit-ulit nilang ipina-kwento sa akin lahat ng mga nangyari. Akala ko tatakasan ako ng bait. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko kinaya na paulit-ulit sabihin kung paano ako sinaktan ni Kier... kung paano nawala ang baby ko...

Twenty minutes.

That's all I got.

That's all the limited freedom I got before I found myself back behind the bars. Pilit ang ngiti ko habang pinapanood kong umalis ang mga kaibigan ko. Nagmakaawa ako sa sarili ko na 'wag umiyak sa harap nila. I didn't want to make this harder. This was already tearing me apart. This was already crushing me into pieces.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko kakayanin na panoorin sila na maglakad palayo sa akin. Ang panoorin sila... kasi iyon na lang ang kaya kong gawin...

Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng oras na, pero dumating si Jax. Kitang-kita ko iyong pagod sa mga mata niya, pero nagawa niyang tumupad sa pangako niya.

"You came..."

"I told you I'd come back for you," he said, his eyes on me like he was trying to read my mind. But my desire to lie was far stronger than his will. I didn't want to worry him more that I already had. "Have you slept?"

I nodded, lying through my smiles. "Si Cha?"

"Studying the complaint," tipid na sagot niya. 

"Can... Can I ask kung bakit si Iñigo iyong assigned sa akin?" tanong ko. Kagabi pa ako binabagabag. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyayari. Pero alam ko na hindi magsisinungaling sa akin si Jax. He had always been honest with me. Even when it would hurt me.

"Congressman learned about your affiliation with him. And they're from the same fraternity. Gagamitin niya iyong mga alam ni Iñigo tungkol sa 'yo," sagot ni Jax sa akin. "This will be a very dirty case, Katherine. They'll dig everything—all the painful details. I... I want you to be prepared."

I nodded. Kaya ko 'to. Kinakaya ni Jax... Kailangan kong kayanin.

"Can... can we talk about that night again?" he asked like he was afraid to hear it again. "I need you to remember that night, Katherine."

"Paano kung hindi ko maalala?" kinakabahan na tanong ko.

Tumingin siya sa akin. Hindi siya sumagot, pero nakaramdam ako ng takot sa mga mata niya. It felt like... it felt like he would stay true to his words. That he would get me out of here... or he'd die trying. And it scared me.