#PTG10 Chapter 10

'Bakit hindi ikaw?' This line kept on ringing inside my head... and I would've interpreted it in a thousand different ways if I weren't too preoccupied by the fact that Jax was looking me in the eye. He was staring at me... and I stared back. It felt like all the dreams I had for years were finally coming true! Parang nagbunga na lahat ng kagagahan ko sa kanya!

"Bakit... bakit nga ba hindi ako?" I asked back. I knew I had to ask. Because if not now, when? Kailan pa ulit ako magkakaroon ng pagkakataon para itanong sa kanya?

And I wanted him. So freaking bad.

For a second, I thought that my heart would jump out of my chest. Rinig na rinig ko ang bawat pagtibok ng puso ko. Suddenly, I was aware of everything. I was aware of how close his face was to mine. I was aware of how the ends of our fingers were almost touching.

I was aware of everything that's him.

Because God, I'd dreamed about him for so long! I prayed for him!

"It's late," sabi niya sabay tayo. Mabilis akong sumunod. No, this night wouldn't end without him answering my question! He started this! He needed to finish this!

"Jax," I called, following him. Diretso pa rin siya sa paglalakad. Pero mabagal. Na para bang binibigyan niya ako ng pagkakataon para maka-habol sa kanya.

"What?" he replied, his back still on me.

"Why are you doing all this? Why are you being so nice to me? Ha? Bakit?" dire-diretsong tanong ko sa kanya. I walked until I was in front of him, until I could look him in the eyes. Because his mouth could spit out lies that his eyes would deny.

He may try so hard to deny this, but I knew him. I probably know him better than I know myself.

The intensity of my stares forced him to look at me. I could feel the breeze against my skin. I could feel my heart thumping wildly against my chest. But nothing I could ever feel would beat the need to hear his answer. I couldn't live like this. I couldn't live with the uncertainty kung ano ba talaga ako sa buhay niya.

"Do you like me?" I asked. But when I still got no response from him, I nodded. "Fine. Single kaya si Iñigo?" I wondered out loud. I didn't care if this was the oldest trick in the book. I had no time to play push and pull with him. For four years, I did the pushing. It's high time I begin to pull.

Nagsimula akong maglakad palayo sa kanya nang mahigit ko ang hininga ko dahil hinawakan niya ako sa braso. I almost jolted when I felt electricity crawling on my skin. Shit. Shit. Shit!

"I like you," he breathed. Mahina lang ang pagkakasabi niya, pero sapat na iyong para marinig ng puso ko. Mabilis na bumigat ang paghinga ko. I gulped. My vision started to become swirly.

"Oh, my god," I whispered as I started to walk around, fanning myself. Pinipilit kong maging normal ang paghinga ko, pero hindi ko magawa. Biglang nakaramdam ako ng hilo dahil sa mga narinig ko. It felt like all the stress that I felt this week decided to say hello all at once.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal akong naglalakad. All I knew was that I needed to calm myself down! I felt like all the walls were closing in on me! Mas malala pa iyong reaction ko ngayon kaysa nung tawagin ako sa recit kahit hindi naman ako ondeck!

"Juan Alexandro," I said after I barely managed to calm myself down. I looked at him. He was looking at me, too. God, we're staring at each other! "If this is your idea of some sick joke, I swear itutulak kita d'yan sa bangin!" I threatened him sabay turo sa bangin na nasa gilid lang namin.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "You're really crazy, you know that?"

"Seryoso ka nga sa sinabi mo?"

He nodded, casually putting his hands inside his pocket. "Yeah. You asked; I answered."

Wow. Kung halos mamatay-matay na ako sa sinabi niya, siya sobrang kalmado lang? Ang unfair talaga! Pasalamat siya matagal ko na siyang pinamamanata!

"Kailan pa?" I asked. "Dati pa?"

He shook his head. "You were just annoying before."

I glared at him. "Ang kapal ng mukha mo."

"It's true. You used to go to our house just to stare at me. It was creepy."

Inirapan ko siya. "Bakit? Ganon pa rin naman ngayon, ah."

He shrugged. "It was annoying before..." he said, looking at me, his lips slowly forming into a lazy smile. That smile that knocked the air out of my chest for a million times. "But it's cute now."

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from smiling so wildly because he just made me heart flutter so bad. His effect on me was crazy. Kahit simpleng pagtayo niya lang sa harap ko, mabubuo na ang araw ko. But this? This was crazy. This was making me lose my sanity.

"So... cute ako?"

He nodded.

"Cute enough to be your girlfriend?"

There was an amused expression on his face, like he couldn't believe that I was saying what he was hearing. But this was me. I fight for what I want. I don't stop until I get it. And him? I wanted him for so long.

"You're shameless."

I arched a brow. "Don't care. Will you make this shameless girl your girlfriend or what?"

"May choice ba ako?" tanong niya.

I nodded. "Of course. May due process tayo dito," sabi ko. I noticed how he subtly bit his lower lip. Got distracted for a second because of that! "It's either girlfriend mo na ako... or liligawan mo ako. You choose."

He slowly shook his head, the lazy smile once again made an appearance. His eyes were on me, as if he was taunting me to make a bolder move. Gustung-gusto ko na siyang halikan, makita niya d'yan! "Pano ka ba ligawan?"

I shrugged. "Syempre... susunduin mo ako sa bahay... tapos sabay tayong magbe-breakfast... tapos sabay tayong mag-aaral sa library... sasagutin mo 'yung mga tanong ko... tapos lunch... tapos hahatid mo ako sa classroom... sasabihan kita ng goodluck... tapos after class, hihintayin mo ako or hihintayin kita... we'll talk about what happened... eat dinner... hahatid mo ako sa bahay... and repeat."

He arched a brow. "You thought this thoroughly, huh?"

"Sa tingin mo?"

"Ano'ng pinagkaiba kapag girlfriend na kita?" he asked.

I shrugged, then turned around. "I'll let you kiss me," sabi ko bago mabilis na pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan. That's the last of my confidence. Hindi na kaya ng pagkatao ko lahat ng kahihiyan na sinabi ko sa kanya!

* * *

Jax had this teasing grin on his face the whole drive home. Alam ko na kanina niya pa ako gustong asarin sa mga pinagsasabi ko, pero hindi niya magawa dahil naka-todo iyong volume nung radyo pati sa bintana ako naka-tingin palagi. The shame of everything finally sunk in! I couldn't believe I really told him all that!

When he finally pulled over in front of my house, mabilis kong binuksan iyong pintuan ng sasakyan para bumaba. This, officially, was my craziest night to date! It was a rollercoaster ride from beginning to end!

"Katherine," I heard him say bago ko pa man maisarado iyong pinto. I didn't say a word, but I just looked at him, trying my hardest to keep my face stoic.

"What?" I asked nang wala pa rin siyang sabihin pagkatapos ng ilang minuto.

He smiled. "See you tomorrow."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ha?"

"Decide on where you wanna get breakfast. Tulog ka na. Good night, Katherine," he said, before he reached for the door and shut it himself.

Tulala pa rin ako hanggang sa makaalis si Jax. Tinanong pa ako ni Kuya Melvin, iyong guard sa village, kung okay lang ako dahil kanina pa pala ako naka-tayo dito. My heart was pounding so fast hanggang sa maka-akyat ako sa kwarto ko. Tulala pa rin ako habang naka-upo sa swivel chair ko. My God.

"Ouch!" I shouted when I pinched myself para alamin kung totoo nga ba ang lahat ng 'to. "Oh, my God, Juan Alexandro Yuchengco!" sigaw ko pagkatapos kong lumipat sa kama. I bit my pillow and shouted so hard that I didn't care anymore if I'd wake the neighbors up!

I tried so hard to sleep, but I couldn't. Gusto ko ring mag-aral na lang, but I always ended up replaying every scene inside my head. This was hopeless. Puno na ng doodle ng pangalan ni Jax iyong mga margin ng codal ko! Buti na lang pencil lang iyong pinangsulat ko.

In the end, I just ended up browsing on Facebook. I'd bet na hindi na rin ako makaka-tulog nito. My whole system was on fire because of Jax. I had a lot of energy.

"Grabe naman! Ayaw mo ba talaga akong patulugin?!"

Jax Yuchengco wants to be your friend

I took a screenshot of that. Pagkatapos kong tumili. For years, I begged Joey to tell Jax na iadd ako sa Facebook, but that never happened! Tapos ngayon, ito?!

Jax: why are you still up?

Oh, fuck. Paano ako makakapag-aral kung simpleng ganito niya lang, nagwawala na iyong buong pagkatao ko?

Katherine: bakit gising ka pa rin?

Jax: studying. Tulog ka na.

Katherine: nag-aaral din ako. Feeling mo ikaw lang studious?

Jax: kulit mo talaga. What's your subject?

Katherine: yie gusto mo send ko sched ko sayo?

Jax: baka ikaw may gusto

I bit my lower lip again. Ang simpleng malandi talaga nito! Hindi ko alam kung paano niya nagagawa, pero feeling ko talaga nilalandi niya ako kahit sinasabihan lang naman niya ako na matulog ako or binabalik niya lang din naman sa akin iyong mga sinasabi ko.

Jax and I talked until I literally fell asleep. Kaya naman paggising ko, kahit literally 4 hours lang ang tulog ko, I was all smiles. Naunahan ko pa iyong alarm ko na magising. I quickly hopped in the shower and took a satisfying bath. Nagpatugtog din ako ng playlist ng LANY while preparing.

When I heard a knock, I knew it was Yaya telling me na nandito na si Jax. 'Di naman kasi ako kinakatok kasi bababa ako kapag nagugutom ako or what. Sila Mama, 'di ko rin alam bigla na lang nagpapakita dito sa bahay.

"Aba, mukhang masayang-masaya ka," Yaya said.

I smiled. "Syempre naman, Ya. Maganda na ba ako?" I asked as I twirled in front of her. I was wearing a yellow dress and my hair was curled loosely.

Yaya showed two thumbs up. "Nandoon na sa baba iyong pangarap mo." Natawa na lang ako. For years, lagi kong pinapakita sa kanya iyong picture ni Jax, telling her na ito ang lalaking papakasalan ko. Funny how things work.

Pagbaba ko, halos mapa-hinto ako nang makita ko si Jax. He was wearing his usual law school attire—black slacks and white polo partnered with his black rimmed glasses... but for some reason, he looked so much more attractive in my eyes right now.

"Kumalma ka nga," bulong ko sa sarili ko. "Manliligaw mo na 'yan."

A few more seconds later, I finally reached the end of the staircase. I cleared my throat to get his attention dahil nagbabasa siya ng codal. "Good morning," I greeted.

Tumayo siya. "Good morning," he said, then looked behind me. "Good morning din po," he greeted kay Yaya sa likod ko. "Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled. I was ready for four years now, Juan Alexandro. Four years.