#PTG09 Chapter 09

"Sorry," I said when I finally let him go. Pinupunasan ko pa rin iyong mga luha ko. I was still heaving, still reeling from the disappointment. I thought seeing Jax would make the difference, but the humiliation I went through was so devastating. I didn't know if I could live like this for the next four years.

Napa-tingin ako bigla sa classroom nila. His class was still on going. Mabilis na bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya.

"Balik ka na sa classroom," I said. Hindi siya sumagot. "Sige na. Okay na ako," I pressed, but he still wasn't moving. "Baka magtaka na mga classmate mo bakit sobrang tagal mong nagCR."

Jax remained standing in front of me. I didn't want his professor to be pissed at him. I learned it the hard way. Hindi maganda sa pakiramdam kapag ginawa kang emotional dumpsite ng professor mo. Kahit pa sabihin na badtrip siya sa dismissal ng case niya, bakit sa akin niya binuhos lahat?

"Bilis na."

"I can't," he said.

"Bakit?"

"I..." he trailed, like he was embarrassed to tell me the reason why. But I stood in front of him, like what he was doing. Para kaming tangang dalawa na naka-tayo sa gitna ng hallway habang busy sa klase ang lahat. My eyes were tear-stricken while his eyes were looking at mine.

"You what?" I asked when more seconds passed without him saying a thing.

"Nothing," he said.

I nodded. "Okay. Balik ka na sa classroom," sabi ko habang naka-tingin sa kanya. Ayoko na mapahamak si Jax dahil sa akin. I had enough trouble tonight. Ayoko na idagdag siya sa listahan. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung mapapahamak siya dahil sa akin. He had been nothing but wonderful to me.

Standing there, I waited for him to go back to his room, but a good minute passed and he still hadn't moved an inch.

"I can't go back."

I arched my brow. "Why?"

"I left."

"So, pag-umalis, bawal bumalik?"

His eyes were on me again. Gusto kong iiwas ang tingin sa kanya because I didn't have the energy to match the intensity of his stares. But Jax being Jax... God, I got lost in his eyes again.

Na parang ganoon lang, limot na agad iyong nangyari kanina.

Suddenly, I was floating on the clouds again.

Ganyan ang epekto niya sa akin.

"Bawal lumabas kapag ongoing 'yung recit," he said.

"Bakit ka lumabas?" I asked, but he didn't reply. Only after I voiced my question did I hear his answer. Did he— "Why did you go out, Jax?" I asked, wanting to hear his response.

He shrugged.

"Jax," I said. "Bakit ka lumabas kahit alam mo na bawal?"

"Nothing," he replied, then began to walk the opposite way.

Mabilis akong sumunod sa kanya at nagulat nang pababa na siya ng hagdan. "Hey! 'Yung gamit mo sa classroom?!" sabi ko dahil feeling ko pauwi na siya. Was he for real?! Lalabas-labas sa classroom, tapos iiwanan na lang iyong gamit sa room?!

"I'll ask Yago to bring it home," sabi niya habang diretso pa rin sa paglalakad.

"Sino si Yago?" I asked, trying to catch up with him. I could feel na binagalan niya iyong paglalakad niya nang maramdaman niya na sumusunod na ako sa kanya. Of course dapat bagalan niya. 'Di hamak naman na mas mahaba ang legs niya sa akin!

"A guy classmate."

"So, kailangan may specification?"

He nodded. "I don't want you glaring at him like you're doing with Cha."

Umawang talaga iyong labi ko. Mabilis akong napa-tingin sa kanya, but his face was still impassive, like he didn't just say that! This guy! Pasimpleng malandi talaga! But what?! Nilalandi niya ako?! Seryoso ba?!

"What?!" I almost shouted, now running towards him dahil binalik niya na naman sa normal rate iyong paglalakad niya. Pero kahit ano'ng tanong ang gawin ko sa kanya, hindi talaga siya sumagot! Iyon na 'yun! He'd keep me wondering about this later! Ugh!

I didn't know to where I was following him, but we stopped in the parking lot. Mukhang may hinahanap si Jax dahil kanina pa kami paikut-ikot dito. But after a while, he finally stopped walking.

"Can I borrow your phone?" he asked.

Agad akong umiling. No! Mukha niya iyong wallpaper ko! I'd die from triple embarrassment kung makikita niya iyon!

"Why?" I asked, clutching my bag closer to my body. There's no way that I'd give him my phone! I mean, it's one thing na alam niya na crush ko siya, but for him to see his face on my phone?!

Naka-kunot ang noo niya. "I'll call Kuya Eduard. 'Di ko makita 'yung sasakyan."

"Okay," sagot ko. Nilabas ko iyong phone ko. "Wait lang. 'Wag kang gagalaw," sabi ko bago mabilis na pinalitan iyong wallpaper ko. Jax was looking at me like I just lost my mind. "Here," I said when I finally changed the wallpaper from the candid photo of Jax while he was smiling to an adorable picture of a pug.

I thought he was gonna ask what I did, but he just dialed Kuya Eduard's number. "You memorize his number?" I asked while he was waiting for the call to get picked.

He just nodded. After niyang makausap si Kuya Eduard, he asked me kung pwedeng tumawag ulit siya. He dialed another number. Seriously? Human phonebook ba siya?

"Yago," I heard him say. Naka-talikod siya sa akin. Medyo malayo siya, pero medyo lumapit din ako para marinig ko iyong tawag niya. At least iyon ang tinawagan niya—male classmate. "Can you drop off my bag at home? Yeah. It's okay. Tell her not to worry. It's my recit. Bawi na lang next time. Yeah. Okay. Thanks."

Kung gaano kabilis iyong tawag, ganoon din ako kabilis tumalikod. 'Di ko masyadong naintindihan iyong pinag-uusapan nila!

"Tapos ka na?" I asked, feigning innocence.

He nodded. Mayamaya, dumating na iyong sasakyan. I stood there dahil hindi ko naman alam ang gagawin ko. Akala ko uuwi na siya, but nagulat ako nang bumaba si Kuya Eduard mula sa driver's seat tapos doon naupo si Jax.

"Let's go," he said.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"

He cocked his head and motioned for me to get in. "Come on. Hop in."

Still confused, but I got in the passenger seat. Akala ko aandar na agad pagsakay ko kasi mukhang nagmamadali siya, but he patiently waited for me to finish putting my seatbelt on. We were already out on the main road when I managed to ask him again kung saan kami pupunta.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked.

"No," I quickly responded. I knew I wanted to just bury myself under the pillows earlier, but all that changed. Gusto kong kasama ko muna siya ngayon. I wanted to extend this night. Para mas marami iyong magandang nangyari kaysa sa hindi.

Jax quickly looked at the time, and said, "I'll have you back before 12. Is that okay?"

'Kahit 'wag mo na akong ibalik sa 'min,' I wanted to say, but I just nodded.

In the middle of the drive, Jax stopped in front of a convenience store. He asked me kung ano ang gusto ko, but I just shrugged. I didn't feel like eating right now. But while I was waiting for Jax to return, my phone vibrated.

Iñigo: hey

Me: hey. Sorry for earlier. I snapped. I was mean. Totally my fault

Iñigo: no, i'm sorry. I really feel bad, Ms. Arellano. 'Di ako makapag-aral.

Me: nasa kin ba books mo bakit di ka makapagaral?

Iñigo: hahahahhaaha pati text ang sungit?

Inigo: but seriously, sorry. I'll try not to use those para quits tayo

Me: baliw. Wag mo na kong isipin nababaliw lang ako. Use those. That's your call.

Me: anyway gtg may date kami ng crush ko!! Wish me luck! And aral ka na uy!

I quickly stashed my phone back inside my back when I saw Jax coming out from the convenience store. May dala siyang isang paper bag. Huh. Bakit may saging?

Sobrang naka-kunot ang noo ko sa pagka-curious sa mga binili ni Jax. Nakita ko kasi na may saging. Who would even bother to go to a convenience store para bumili ng saging? Si Jax lang siguro.

"Here," sabi niya tapos inabutan ako ng fruit cup pati 'yung mahiwagang saging.

"Thanks? Pero bakit fruits?"

He was already maneuvering his car. His eyes were on the road. Damn. Ang gwapo niya magdrive. Ang sarap maging boyfriend nito talaga.

"Mom said 'wag kumain masyado kapag gabi. But fruit's good," he replied. Mommy's boy talaga si Jax, but it's adorable. Tapos si Joey naman, Daddy's girl. Ang cute ng family nila. Sobrang achievers. Kaya dapat achiever din ako para belong.

"Okay lang kumain sa sasakyan mo?" tanong ko kasi syempre Range Rover pa rin 'to. Ako nga ayokong magpabili ng ganito. I still think that for an SUV, this is too pricey.

He nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Kain ka na."

I began to eat habang nagda-drive pa rin siya. "Saan ba talaga tayo pupunta?"

"Basta."

"Kinikidnap mo ba ako?"

"Am I, in any way, depriving you of your liberty?"

"What?"

"Never mind. You haven't taken CrimLaw II yet," sabi niya. Only this guy could use law school shits in daily conversation. Nerd. My nerd.

"Pa-open ng radio, ha?" sabi ko dahil mukhang medyo malayo pa iyong pupuntahan namin. He just nodded.

'Quit running away, you're running outta room
You and I know that's not what you wanna do
Quit running away, quit running away.'

I drummed my fingers against the dashboard as I sang with LANY. I was starting to love them even more. Palagi kasing sila iyong tumutugtog kapag magkasama kami ni Jax.

Gusto ko tuloy lakasan iyong kanta para marinig ni Jax na quit running away na nga daw! Sa akin ka rin kasi talaga babagsak! Why was he fighting his destiny? I wasn't so bad! Maganda naman ako. Matalino. I could be nice when I want to. My family's not bad—broken, but not bad. Sobrang okay na ako, siya na lang talaga kulang.

The Manila traffic seemed to be agreeing with me—or not—dahil mabilis lang ang byahe. I knew we were in Antipolo. I just didn't know why he brought me here in the middle of school week.

"Wow," I said when I saw where he parked. We were near a cliff. We could see the Manila lights from here. Ang ganda.

I was busy admiring the view that I didn't notice that Jax opened the back of his car. Nakaupo na siya doon at katabi niya iyong paperbag.

"Nice, huh?" tanong niya.

I nodded. "Everything seems so small from here..." sagot ko habang naka-tayo at naka-tingin pa rin sa mga ilaw. They were so pretty.

"I go here whenever I get a bad day. Just to put things into perspective. Na kahit gaano kalaki iyong problema ko, at the end of the day, it's not that big of a deal. That I'll be fine."

Tumalikod ako para lumingon sa kanya.

"Thank you," I said.

He smiled. "You're welcome."

Naglakad ako para maupo sa tabi niya. We were both facing the city lights. I could stay like this forever, basta nasa tabi ko si Jax. I could never get tired of talking with him. He's so nice to talk with. Ang talino niya kasi. Lahat ng topic na gusto kong pag-usapan, may masasabi siya. I love that about him.

"Bakit mo ako dinala dito?" I asked.

"You looked like you needed this."

"So, kapag may classmate kang bad recit, dinadala mo rin dito?"

Instead of answering my question, may kinuha siya sa paperbag. Pinigilan ko iyong sarili ko na matawa nang makita ko kung ano iyon. It was pineapple juice in can! At iyong heart smart pa!

Juan Alexandro! My God! Binabaliw mo ako lalo sa 'yo!

"Bakit mo nga ako dinala dito?" I asked again. Hindi ako titigil hanggang wala akong nakukuhang sagot mula sa kanya. Ayokong idagdag pa 'to sa listahan ng iisipin ko mamaya! Mag-aaral pa ako, e!

"I told you, you looked like—"

"Oh, let's cut the bullshit. Busy kang tao. Busy din akong tao. Ano ba 'tong ginagawa mo?" I asked, facing him. Being in law school, I appreciated time much more. Akala ko busy na ako nung college sa dami ng sinalihan ko na extra-curricular, but now? Pagtulog na lang ang pahinga ko. I needed to know what the hell was happening. I didn't have enough time to wonder about things.

"What do you want to hear?" he replied, still not looking me in the eye.

"Kung ano 'yung ginagawa mo?"

"Helping you."

"Do you help everyone na nahihirapan?"

"No."

"So, bakit ako?"

Akala ko sasagot na naman siya, but he faced me. Halos mapaatras ako. I was wrong. I didn't want him looking me in the eyes. Parang malulunod yata ako. Damn. This was bad.

"Bakit hindi ikaw?" balik tanong niya.

My heart. It was beating so fast. Ako yata ang may kailangan nung heart smart pineapple juice niya dahil sa pinaggagagawa niya sa puso ko. My God.