#PTG05 Chapter 05

"Good morning," I greeted silently dahil nasa library ako ng med. I immediately saw Jax's frown. True to what he said, wala ngang tao dito! Weird. Saan nag-aaral iyong mga med students? 

"Sinusundan mo ba ako?" tanong niya habang seryosong naka-tingin sa akin. He was reading a book. Criminal Procedures. Ang galing niya. Ito nga na first year pa lang ako feeling ko mamamatay na ako, paano pa kaya siya?

I shook my head. "No. Puno na sa law lib," I sheepishly answered. I didn't even know kung may tao ba sa law lib. When he said before na dito siya nag-aaral, I made it my personal mission para pumunta sa school nang maaga. I wanted to study with him! Kahit ganito lang na nasa iisang row kami ng tables, okay na okay na ako doon.

"It's 7am."

"So? Early birds ang law students," I argued. But I knew Jax could see through my lies. Bakit ba kasi pinapahirapan niya ang sarili niya? Bakit hindi niya na lang tanggapin na crush ko siya?

Jax just shook his head, and returned to what he was doing. Nagpanggap ako na naglabas din ng libro, but truth was, I was watching his every move. I was watching as he highlighted some words and wrote notes on the side of the book. Ang ganda ng sulat niya. Ang unfair! Wala bang flaws ang lalaki na 'to bukod sa pagiging anemic niya?

"Stop watching me."

"Who's watching who?" nagdedeny na sabi ko habang kunwari nagbabasa ako ng Constitution.

He clicked his tongue before bringing back his attention to his book. Dahil ayoko naman na makaabala sa pag-aaral niya, nag-aral na lang din ako. I was deep in reading the Constitution nang maalala ko iyong tanong sa CrimLaw subject ko. I was deeply bothered dahil hindi nagsabi iyong prof ng answer sa amin.

"Jax," mahinang sabi ko.

"What?" he answered, already frowning.

"Can I ask a question?"

"You're already asking."

"Sungit," I whispered, but he only rolled his eyes. Grabe siya talaga. "Wag na nga."

Binalik ko iyong atensyon ko sa binabasa ko. Ang sungit talaga ni Jax. Masama bang magtanong? Sabi ni Joey magaling daw si Jax. Never bumagsak. Never nagkaroon ng pangit na recit. Ayaw man lang magshare ng blessing.

"What?" bigla niyang tanong.

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "Wala."

"Ano nga?" tanong niya ulit.

"Susungitan mo lang ako."

He eyed me. His jaw clenched a little. Mukhang napipikon na siya sa akin. Wala pa nga akong ginagawa, napipikon na siya! Paano pa kapag nag-effort talaga ako na ubusin ang pasensya niya?

"I just want to ask... about Crim Law... if it's okay..." I carefully said.

"Ano nga 'yung tanong?" he repeated.

I repeated the scenario that Atty. Mercado gave me. Kahit ako na iyong nagnanarrate, nahilo pa rin ako sa dami ng letters na involved. Ganito ba talaga magtanong dito sa law school? Kasi feeling ko more than the question, sa letters pa lang hilo na ako.

"...so, what's the proximate cause?" I asked.

Kinuha ni Jax iyong notebook niya. I looked at the brand. 'Yan din bibilin ko for next sem.

"This is X," he said, then he began to draw on his notebook. Gumawa pa siya ng diagram para makita ko iyong connection nung mga letters. He carefully explained the scenario plus the concept. "Do you understand?" he asked when he was done.

I nodded, smiling at him. "Yeah... Thank you."

Jax just nodded, then resumed to reading his book.

God, law school would be more awesome kung may upperclass kang boyfriend na sasagot sa lahat ng tanong mo!

* * *

I stayed in the library from the morning hanggang lunch. Sasabit sana ako kay Jax na maglunch kaso may pupuntahan daw siya. Hindi na ako nangulit kasi baka bukas biglang hindi na siya dito mag-aral kasi pagtataguan na niya ako. But still, I continued to study. Mas na-inspire ako na mag-aral dahil sa kanya. Gusto ko na magaling din ako. Gusto ko na if magiging girlfriend niya ako, hindi naman ako nakaka-hiya. I heard from Joey kasi na medyo sikat si Jax dahil kada sem kasama siya sa highest sa batch nila. I gotta keep up!

After a while, pumunta na rin ako sa classroom. But Atty. Moran was absent—as usual. One month in law school, isang beses pa lang kaming nagkikita. Iñigo said na ganon daw talaga kasi hindi naman demanding iyong Legal Research na subject, but still. I paid for my tuition—I demand to get what I paid for.

"I should've just brought my iPad," bulong ko habang naghihintay kami sa kawalan. Three hours iyong subject namin, and required na maghintay kami ng 1/3 bago umalis. But even then, kailangan naming maghintay ng advisory from the Dean's office bago umalis. Sobrang badtrip.

Nagku-kwentuhan iyong ibang mga classmates ko, but most of them were buried deep in their own books. Feeling ko not enough kapag dinescribe ko sila as studious... para kasing matter of life or death na iyong level ng pag-aaral nila! Akala ko talaga sobrang sipag ko na... wrong. I was nothing but ordinary here in law school.

"Hey."

"Hey," I replied to Iñigo who took the empty seat beside me. Absent kasi si Deanne. Daya. Naramdaman niya siguro na aabsent si Atty. Moran!

"Finished ka na sa Crim?" I asked. Si Iñigo lang kasi iyong nakakausap ko sa room bukod kay Deanne. Ewan ko ba kung sino ang problema, ako ba o 'yung mga classmates ko. Either way, wala akong time isipin sila. Pati nga pagtulog tinitipid ko sa dami ng gagawin, e.

Iñigo shook his head. "Halfway."

"Tss. Daya. Five pa lang ako."

"Kaya mo 'yan. Friday pa naman."

"Ang bilis mo magbasa."

He laughed. "I just read a lot as a kid, so I read really fast right now," he said. Nung una, ang epal ng tingin ko kay Iñigo kasi sobrang feeling close niya sa akin, but ngayon, naaappreciate ko na iyong pagiging friendly niya. Kasi kawawa naman ako kapag absent si Deanne. Mapapanisan ako ng laway sa classroom na 'to.

"Unfair advantage," I said, eyeing him. Tinawanan lang niya ako.

"Bibili akong coffee. Gusto mo?" he offered as he stood up. He really liked drinking coffee. Parang tuwing nakikita ko siya may hawak siyang coffee.

I stood up, too. "Sama ako. Looks like hindi na naman papasok si Sir. Ano bang bago?" I said, rolling my eyes. Tinawanan na naman ako ni Iñigo.

Nag-usap lang kami about school—but mostly me ranting about our epal profs na hindi nagpapakita. I mean, gets ko naman na busy sila since iyong iba justice and ombudsman pa... pero paano naman iyong edukasyon ko?

"Wait, dito tayo," I said nung pagbaba namin ng second floor. Sa third floor kasi iyong mga first year students. Sa second floor naman iyong mga second year. Nandito si Jax, sigurado ako. Palagi akong dumadaan dito kasi nakikita ko siya. Alam mo 'yun? Kahit ilang segundo lang na sulyap sa kanya habang nagrerecite siya, sobrang nabubuo na iyong gabi ko?

"Mas mabilis dito," Iñigo said, but I ignored him. Nauna na akong maglakad sa hallway. Nang makarating ako sa classroom ni Jax, sobrang binagalan ko iyong paglalakad ko.

Ang gwapo talaga ng bwisit.

He was sitting while listening to one of his classmate's recite. His forehead was slightly creased na para bang hindi siya agree sa sinasabi ng classmate niya. Then he was writing something on his notebook. Naka-tingin lang siya doon, pero ewan ko ba... Ganito ba talaga kapag crush? Kahit siguro naka-suot lang ng plastic bag si Jax, magagawan ko ng paraan para gumanda sa paningin ko, e.

"Grabe..." Bigla akong napa-talon nang marinig ko si Iñigo. Naka-silip na rin siya sa classroom. "Crush na crush mo talaga 'yan, no?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Four years."

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. "Seriously?"

"Yup," I said, grinning. "Loved him ever since—" but I was cut off when Jax's eyes went to mine. I raised my hands to wave at him. Kumunot iyong noo niya.

"Tss... Sungit talaga..." bulong ko. "Tara na," sabi ko kay Iñigo.

"Bakit ba ang gusto ng mga babae iyong masusungit? Ayaw niyo ba sa mga friendly na kagaya ko?" he asked habang naglalakad na kami pababa ng hagdan.

"Di naman masungit si Jax," pagtatanggol ko. Okay lang kung ako ang nanlalait kay Jax because I do it with love. Kapag ibang tao, ibang usapan na 'yun. Protective ako sa anemic na 'yun.

"Palagi ka niyang sinusungitan kapag nakikita natin siya."

I shrugged. "Baka ayaw maistorbo sa pag-aaral," I defended.

"Pero bakit nga gusto niyo ng masusungit? 'Di ba mas okay naman kapag mabait? Bakit ba gustung-gusto ng mga babae na sinusungitan sila?" he pondered out loud.

Sabay kaming naglakad. I was already getting used to this 'night life.' Puro panggabi kasi iyong mga class namin. My day usually begins at 6:30pm. It was weird at first, but I was slowly getting used to the daily grind.

Sabi nga ni Jax, bawi lang. Pangit man 'yung kahapon, meron namang bukas. There's always a chance to makeup for your mistakes. That's the beauty of life.

"I don't know. Siguro it's the fact na kapag masungit, parang achievement kapag napansin ka?" sagot ko sa kanya. Pero hindi ko rin alam. Hindi naman iyong pagiging masungit ni Jax ang nagustuhan ko. I liked him... for him. I liked both the good and the bad. I liked all equally. Kasi kung hindi dahil doon, hindi siya magiging si Jax na nagustuhan ko.

"So... it's like a game?"

"Maybe? I don't know. Bakit? 'Yung gusto mo bang girl may crush sa masungit?" He laughed. "Ano nga?" tanong ko, siniko siya. "Grabe, alam na alam mo na 'yung crush life ko, wala pa rin akong alam tungkol sa 'yo!"

"Wala," sabi niya na naiiling.

"Tss. I thought friends?"

He grinned. "I'll tell you soon."

"How soon?"

"Basta," he said, and we arrived at the coffee shop. We only stayed for a while dahil takot kaming baka biglang dumating iyong professor. Habang naglalakad kami pabalik, agad akong napa-hinto. "This is tragic, Ms. Arellano," Iñigo said as I stood there, watching Jax talk with that Chinita girl. He was smiling. And it... sucked. It sucked seeing him smile with someone else.

I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to smile. But I didn't want to see him happy with someone else. Ang sama ko.

Nanatili akong nakatayo doon, hindi alam ang gagawin. Bakit? Ano ba ang pwede kong gawin? Wala naman akong karapatan kay Jax. Crush ko lang naman siya. Kaibigan lang naman siya ng best friend ko.

Ano'ng karapatan ko?

"Hey," Iñigo said, nudging me. "Let's go back."

But I remained standing there.

"Tumatawa pa sila..." bulong ko.

Iñigo sighed. "Maybe it's nothing. Come on, let's go back."

I bit my lower lip so bad that it started to bleed. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel. I knew what I felt, but I knew I wasn't supposed to feel this.

I was... God, I couldn't even categorize myself as his friend! Kasi ano ba kami ni Jax? Mas bagay pa yata iyong acquaintance. God, this sucked. This sucked so fucking bad.

"Sorry," Iñigo said when I almost jumped away from him when his hand touched my lips. Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong naka-tingin sa kanya. "Your lower lip... it's bleeding," turo niya.

He looked guilty for touching my lips.

I felt guilty for my reaction.

But all that ended when I heard the name of the person who was causing all these being called.

"Jax!" sigaw nung babae. Iñigo and I turned as we both watched Jax's retreating back.