AN: my new ff 'aesthetic acid' is out in case any of you were interested c: a look at it would be appreciated!

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Eren's skull was being pierced by a thousand, cold microscopic needles and plunging deep into his brain.

At least, that's what it felt like.

The scene he was staring at was the ceiling and the first thing he noticed was how confused and dazed he felt. He felt drowsy and it was like he was sinking into quicksand. The lights in the room were bright and the walls were as white and black as a canvas. His eyes took a while to adjust to the brightness and his hands were cold to the tip. His breathing was shallow and ragged- that kind of breathing that occurred whenever he kissed Levi...

'What happened?' he wanted to ask himself. He probably didn't want to remember. Eren knew that if he forgot about something, it was never meant to be thought of ever again. He was sweating, but he was also shivering and his teeth was chattering. Everything was this and that and everywhere was here and there.

Nothing made sense.

Oh my god, he thought to himself, I died.

Eren started to panic and struggled to get up as his feet and arms shook with effort, but was pushed back against a bed by a hand with rather long and beautiful fingers.

"I'm sorry," a voice told him. Levi's voice. An angel's voice, really. "I shouldn't have told you so soon and I-"

He cut himself off as if to say something, but nothing flowed out of his mouth like a paused YouTube video. Eren turned his head to the side to find the source of the voice, and was relieved to see Levi's face again. The older man was worried, angry even, and had his hands bunched together in a giant fist as if to keep himself from punching himself. He reached out to stroke Eren's face and sighed tiredly.

"What happened?" Eren demanded and squinted up at the man.

"You fainted."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Shock? It happens," Levi replied and shook his head.

"From what?"

"You already know what," Levi said with exasperation weaved into his deep, velvet voice.

Oh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to keep it away from you and I'm just..." he trailed off. "I'm worried about you, kid, you know that."

"My mom... she really does have it? The sickness? She's gonna die? She's gonna leave? She's gonna-" Eren stopped himself and felt his stomach made cartwheels and twirls. "She's gonna die?" he repeated and groaned as his hand grasped at his shirt where his heart was. Hr heart was a ticking time bomb and Eren knew it.

"Eren-"

"I'm sorry, but could you leave me for a while? I... I just need some time to think. I'm..."

Levi frowned as he pulled his hand away and got up reluctantly. He started to walk out of the room backwards so that he was still looking at Eren with those concerned eyes of his.

"I love you," he told him quietly. "I'm here for you-"

"Just go," Eren snapped. He was angry now, not at Levi, but at everything and everyone else. He hated everything and hated himself. He knew there was something he could have done.

Levi was gone and the door quietly clicked to a close and Eren was left with no one but his own thoughts. It was always dangerous to be alone, to hear nothing but the mind injecting negativity into your soul. Eren was crying now and he didn't think he could ever stop. The salty tears were leaking endlessly from his sore eyes and dripping all over his hands when he covered his face. A sound between a gasp and a moan escaped him and he tumbled into utter despair. It was crushing his shoulders and was about to squish him as easily as a shoe would to an ant. Something was squeezing his heart, and he hated it. It hurt so bad. Eren couldn't stop whimpering and was now just a giant ball of depression.

If he lost his mother, he would lose something else. He would lose the purpose of playing music.

He remembered long ago when he was only five and entered a music store with his mom to browse just for fun. They had a whole aisle dedicated to pianos, and Eren found them very captivating. They looked so delicately made, like they were loved. He would run up and down the area of pianos, deciding which piano he'd buy one day when he was older. He couldn't play it, but he wouldn't mind to.

"It would make me very happy if you learned how to play," his mother had said as if she were reading his mind. "I'd be very proud."

"Could I?" he asked.

"Of course."

And so he did.

His very first piano was an old Grotrian Steinweg piano and he was so filled with excitement and happiness when it was moved into their small house. He would have private teachers and would occasionally attend lessons. They were always strict and would slap his hands whenever he played something wrong; the dynamics, the key signature, the notes, just about anything. He was smooth clay and they were slowly shaping him into something perfect, something the world would want to see.

It was pleasant most of the time, but his mother always beamed with pride whenever his lessons came to an end and would often treat him with an ice cream cone from McDonalds. It was a great life for Eren back then, back when he would only have to worry about the small things instead of having to worry about playing perfectly in front of a giant audience. He used to volunteer at charity dinners or school presentations when he was younger, but stopped once he attended his third competition at ten years old.

He had begun his piano playing hiatus because he felt he wasn't worthy. Not being able to get first place would make any kid go on a tantrum, but it was quite different for Eren. Maybe he wasn't doing his very best, maybe he messed up. He just didn't want to do that again, to mess up again. His mom was still proud of him because after all, he was technically a prodigy. He played many instruments in his concert band.

But she was the one who inspired him to play music. Without playing piano, he would have discovered everything else.

Without her, everything would be gone.

And so he cried. Cried because he was going to lose so much.

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Levi was sleeping on the couch and his insomnia was bothering him again. Every sound was too loud and every movement was too big and sudden. The clock on the dim wall read 4 AM as he tossed and turned to one side to the other over and over again. He knew Eren needed some space, but he couldn't control his selfish thoughts He wanted to head into the room and hug and kiss him until his mind was filled with him.

He buried his face into the quilts and inhaled sharply as he closed his eyes. He wanted to get some sleep because he knew he would look like shit if he didn't His mind was buzzing and his heart was awake. It was like having a busy city as a body. The city never sleeps.

Levi's eyes were still closed but snapped back opened when he heard some faint noises coming from room Eren was in. Some sniffing and groaning and sobbing and even a few screams. He sounded like he was dying in there. Of course he was. He just heard his mother was dying and it was inevitable for him to react that way. Levi slowly got up and flinched as the floorboards creaked and moaned from under his feet. He stepped quietly towards the door and opened it just a bit so it was basically a slit.

Eren looked like a rag doll that was just flung into the air and landed ungracefully onto the bed. He was tugging tightly at his hair as if he intended to pull it out. Noises were coming out of his mouth. Animal noises, inhuman sounds. His pale face was streaked with tears and his face expression was horrid. He looked so dead, so sick, so sad.

Levi rushed in and had to restrain himself from pouncing on the boy. Instead, he sat on the bed just beside his crippled looking body and brought his hand to Eren's hair and began to stroke it soothingly.

"Why are you up so late?" Eren murmured.

"You should be asking yourself that," Levi answered.

Eren didn't reply and just let Levi do what he was doing. Levi crawled next to Eren and untangled the boy's hand from his hair and kissed away his tears.

"Can you go away?"

"I can't. I want to comfort you. I don't want to leave you alone when you're a sobbing mess like you are now," Levi told him. "Idiot."

"I'm just bringing trouble."

"You don't think I knew that before confessing to you? You're so stupid," Levi said a little sharply, but softened his expression.

"Ah. Your comfort really is the best," Eren snapped sarcastically and threw a blanket over his face so that Levi wouldn't be able to see him.

"Can't help it."

Levi was breathing on Eren's neck as the boy shivered. It was nice like this, being together in almost complete silence as he embraced from behind; he was technically spooning him in a sweet and chaste way. Well, chaste until levi made his move that is. He was mouthing Eren's skin and sliding his hands up his shirt and gently caressed his stomach and the valley of his smooth chest. Eren flinched and froze all movement. He let out a breathy laugh when he felt Levi grope him.

"It's so late. It really isn't the time," Eren whispered.

"I want to help you forget," he murmured back in a low voice.

"You already know I won't forget. It's impossible."

"But even if it's just for a while, I want to help," Levi said and kissed his neck. "Let me help."

"Levi-"

He grabbed his shoulders firmly and flipped him on his back and straddled him and it happened so quickly. Levi dipped down his head and brought his lips to meet Eren's, and his heart was erupting with firewprks. He was grabbing onto the boy's collar with the fabric twined with his fingers. He kissed him with so much passion that it would have made the world explode and he wouldn't have ever noticed. His hands continued to snake up his shirt as he parted his lips and explored the rough little bumps and planes with his tongue. Eren looked like he was convulsing, and his hands automatically found this way to Levi's smooth and soft black hair. Eren had to force himself to pull away and it was awfully painful.

"Stop that," he growled.

"Stop what?" Levi demanded as he placed one knee between Eren's legs.

Eren let out a breathy groan and glared at the other male.

"Please? I want to make you feel better.." he trailed off and moved his knee upward. "Emotionally, but also physically I guess you could say."

Eren couldn't argue because he was right; it would be so much better if he could forget, even if it was just for a small period of time. It would be more than enough. Eren hissed with pleasure when Levi sucked at his skin. Everything about the man was intoxicating him.

Levi was tugging at the hem of Eren's shirt, teasingly trying to tear it off and successfully got what he wanted when Eren willingly raised his arms tiredly. He slid his hands up Eren's torso and placed his thumbs over those nipples and pressed down hard enough to get a mewl out of him.

"Don't do anything but forget," Levi seemed to purr into his ear.

He connected their lips once more and continued to tease him by pinching and rolling his nipples. Eren was high in the clouds again, and he was trapped in a small fantasy every time the other man kissed him. It felt too good. He bit and tugged at his lower lip and licked the edge of his mouth enough to drive him insane. Eren was pulling at Levi's
hair to give him the hint that he wanted him closer- needed him closer, and kissed him so hard it would give him a headache. He wasn't resisting anymore, and he felt like he was gonna pass out from all the pleasure. Eren was a moaning mess and had to try not to feel disappointed when Levi pulled away.

"I love you," Levi told him as he ran his fingers through Eren's brown hair. "Don't bottle your emotions like that."

And their heavy and ragged breathing filled the room the way oxygen would.

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AN:

thanks so much for reading!

votes and comments are always appreciated! i love you, my beautiful readers <3

and thank you for 120+ followers!

this ff is going longer than intended yiKES

~your best friend takeshi