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"What's that?"

"A special cable that helps me record my videos."

"Oh okay...what's that?"

"That's my gopro. I never use it, but if you ever want to record videos on the run, it's great for it."

"Right. And what's that?"

"...my monitor?"

I blushed profoundly from embarrassment, completely mortified by the fact that I didn't know what his fancy equipment was. I don't use computers at all. I use my phone, and sometimes my crappy tablet if I want to watch videos or something. But it's not like I choose to avoid computers, I just never have been able to afford one. I work at a music store, and minimum wage is barely enough to pay the bills with, let alone buy a whole damn computer with. This nerd knows what every thing is.

"Well sorry that I don't know your damn technology lingo," I hissed. "Not all of us are filthy rich, y'know." I leant up against his wall and stared down at my feet, now completely annoyed by all the fancy looking crap in his room. When he asked me if I wanted to see his recording room, I didn't think he'd be showing me an entire museum of expensive shit.

Though when he saw my clear irritation, he immediately jumped to fix his mistakes."I didn't mean it like that! I-I thought maybe you had a computer. I didn't know, I swear."

"No. Never had one in my entire life." I still avoided looking at him, trying to find other boring things to look at instead and pretend to be interested in them.

"Oh...would you want one?"

I immediately glared at him with all the hatred I could muster, and trust me, that's a lot. "Are you serious? Do you know how much of a rich arrogant asshole you sound like right now?"

His face fell and his shoulders slumped, like someone had just killed everyone he loved and burned their bodies. "I was just trying to be nice..." He muttered quietly.

There it was again, that feeling of sympathy for another human being. I felt like hissing at it. Sure I've declared already that I really like him, but...I still have zero tolerance for feelings. They ultimately suck, and they do nothing but make you feel terrible. I've learned that plenty of times before.

"Well that's cute, but think before you say something next time. Let it be known I'm the brokest human being on earth and I hate snobby rich people who think they can buy everything, including other peoples affection."

"I wasn't trying to buy your affection," he mumbled, still looking down at the floor guiltily.

"Then what were you trying to do?" I snapped.

He sighed and scratched the back of his head nervously. "I thought maybe you know...someday if you wanted to, we could record videos together? And you having a nice computer would help a bunch."

Another wave of heart crushing sympathy, and I had to brace myself against the wall to keep from crumbling to the floor like dust. Who have him the right to do that? To come into my life and make me feel like this? It's not fair.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. "You look like you almost passed out just now."

I shook my head, still trying to gather enough breath to steady myself against the wall properly. "Just feeling...sympathy for the first time in awhile. It's horrifying."

He laughed, and it made my whole body tingle at the wonderful sound. Once again I felt it extremely hard to breathe and I had to clutch the desk beside me because the wall clearly wasn't doing me any good. How can he do this? How can he make my body do this and get away with it? The little shit is giving me seizures with his happiness.

"Stop. Doing that."

His laughter died down and a frown crossed his features. "Doing what?" He asked innocently. The tone alone made my knees wobble uncontrollably, and I gripped the desk harder to keep from collapsing.

"That!" I screeched angrily. He looked at me with so much confusion, and then cocked his head slightly to the right. Oh my god, I need to sit down. I'm melting like the wicked witch of the west.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop making me feel emotions you cruel bastard!"

He giggled at my suffering. "Stop whining. That's all you do." He walked over to me and guided me further along the desk, motioning me to sit down in the black computer chair when we came to it. I hesitantly sat my butt against the leather, and immediately melted against the chair when I felt how soft it was. Ugh. Stupid rich kid with his stupid comfy computer chair.

"Whining is a part of the package, and if we're really going to become friends, then I'm sorry to say but you gotta accept the whole package."

He smiled a toothy smile and plopped down on the small couch opposite of me. "What else is in the Tom friend package?"

"Hmm. Well there's a lot. I think you'll mostly see bipolarity, ADHD, whining, and my allergy."

His ears perked up at the mention of an allergy. "An allergy? What are you allergic to?"

"Humans," I replied distastefully. He laughed again, and I stared mesmerized as his neck muscles and chest flexed angelically. Woah wait a minute, since when do I have a fetish for neck muscles? Jesus, this boy is doing things to me.

When he stopped laughing, he went back to being coy and tried making a playful comment towards me. "Well I think you're just being spiteful. There gotta be something in the friendship package that's extremely valuable."

"Nope. Nothing." And I'm being truthful there. Nothing about me is valuable. I'm just another human wasting away in a world that no one cares about. Sigh.

"I think there's something. Something hidden underneath all that hatred for everything. I'm hoping one day I'll find out what it is." He grinned, his face propped up on both hands, like a cute teenage girl gossiping secrets would. Is he seriously trying to flirt right now? He's actually attempting to be flirty? Are you serious? Are you actually serious?
Because if he is, it's working, as much as that pains me to say. My cheeks are flushed and I've completely abandoned eye contact with him.

"Good luck," I snorted. "You're bound to be let down."

"...why do you do that?" He asked, his tone going completely serious. I froze and gulped nervously, because I knew what he was referring to.

"Do what?" I asked bravely, though my voice cracked, showing that I obviously knew what he was taking about.

"Down yourself. You have no confidence. I mean I don't have that much either, but I don't criticize my own self every time I get the chance. Why do you do that?"

How can he ask that? He knows nothing about me, I just met him for gods sake. He can't judge me that quickly. He's an absolute jerk for doing so. I should get angry, yell at him again, and rant about how he doesn't know anything about me or my life or what I'm about.

But I didn't. I sank my shoulders and sighed, giving into the nauseous déjà vu that was attempting to consume me. "James told me I do it because I think maybe if I insult myself first, other people won't get the chance to, and it'll hurt me less." I just shared that with him. I've never shared that with anyone, I've dismissed it every time James brings it up. And yet here I am, confessing to a guy I just met a day ago.

"What you view yourself as is more important than what other people think. You should love yourself and ignore them. I always do." He smiled weakly, and bright happy flint in his eyes. It made me even more annoyed.

"Yeah well I can't ignore them. They stick in my head for eternity and they never go away." Especially if they were from the people I called my loved ones. That makes them sting all the more.

"You learn to live with it after getting over a thousand insults thrown at you a day." He's referring to his stupid video channel again.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "Those are from nine year old boys masterbating in their bedrooms over a laptop. It's different when it's from people you love. Well. Loved, anyway." Screw my family. Screw everyone of them. I'm never going back to the UK. I'll never go home again.

"I try not to think about that stuff and think about happy things instead. Maybe you should try?" He suggested politely.

I looked up from my shoes and glared at him again. "Stop trying to help me," I snapped. "I like how I am. Stop trying to change me."

"You like being miserable?" He asked mockingly.

"For your information Mr. Rich Happy Good Boy, I'm more than happy with being miserable."

"Please stop calling me rich," he replied tiredly. "I'm not rich."

"Uh, yeah you are. I'm surprised you're not living in a fancy mansion with a butler kissing your behind every five minutes. Or were you too good for that?"

His face only got redder, his hands clutching the couch cushion impossibly tight. I knew I was making him mad, but I kept on, even though it made me feel really bad doing it.
"Or maybe you were just too damn entranced by Vincent downstairs, huh? I mean, he's perfect for your collection. He'd make your happy life complete then, wouldn't he? Nice place, nice car, nice equipment. Really all you need is a boyfriend to make everything perfect for you." I was waiting for it, the moment where he'd flip out and tell me to leave, making me yet again the loneliest person on the entire planet. I messed up. Again. I went too far, I always do. Damn it all to hell. I hate my life, why do I always mess up everything good in it?

I watched him breath in deeply and let out the air a few seconds later, his face still a little red in the cheeks. "I'm gonna give you the chance to apologize, because I know that you know you just messed up."

Oh. Well that's...sweet.

As much as I wanted to say something sarcastic and insulting and totally ruin the new friendship I'd just made, something stopped me. He's different, and I like him because he's different. He's not like everyone else. I am not gonna lose the one person who is an exception to my friendship standards. I need suck up my pride and apologize. I swallowed away the list of profanities swimming in my head and cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry." Oh my god, I just apologized to a human being, and I actually meant it.

I watched him struggle to keep drowning at me, but he finally gave in after a moment or two, letting a huge smile take over his lips. "I forgive you," he said softly. "Now, do you want to go get breakfast or stay in bed all day and eat later?"

I blushed again, this time attempting to cover it up with my hands rather than just let it show. I'm such a pervert. He means cuddling right? Of course he does. But...maybe I should make sure. "And um...what will we be doing in said bed?"

He shrugged carelessly, oblivious to the perverted way I took his question. "What do you want to do in said bed?"

"Well...nothing more than platonic?" Because these feelings are scaring me and they're new, and I don't want to acknowledge them just yet. He smiled and nodded in understanding, turning to the door and heading out of his office to where I assumed he was going to the bedroom. I mean, where else would he be going?

I wanted to wait a bit, just to not seem totally eager to join him, but I didn't follow through with it. Before I knew it, I was scrambling after him, and I tried not to think about how stupidly infatuated I was with him.

I hope this doesn't become a problem later on.

~

"Can I ask you something?" The words were rushed and jumbled together, but can you blame me? I'm a nervous wreck right now. Saying something to him or even asking a question makes me want to vomit. This can't be normal. When I met James and we started to hang out, it wasn't like this. I wasn't struggling every time I wanted to interact with him. And though my mind was screaming at me these weren't just friendly feelings, I ignored it and tried to pretend I didn't hear it. Love will never be apart of my life anymore. I won't let it. I know I told James before that I wanted it again but...I really don't. I've seen what it does to people. It ruins them. It ruined me.

"Sure. What is it?" His reply snapped me out of my spiraling thoughts, and I had to think for a few seconds to try to remember what I wanted to ask.

"Did we kiss last night?"

I watched him think for a minute, scrunching his nose up as he thought about it. "I think I kissed your cheek, but that's it. And it was really only because I was...you know...on the stuff you gave me." Yeah, the ecstasy I accidentally gave you. Ugh I'm such a failure.

"Okay. We didn't do anything more than that? You swear?" I hope he doesn't think I don't trust him. I do, I just want to make sure I didn't screw up last night. I hope he knows that.

"I swear, the only thing we did was cuddle. Is that why you left this morning? You thought we slept together?" He sounded kinda hurt asking the question. What do I tell him? I mean he's right, but I can't just tell him that I left because I thought we had sex. It'll hurt his feelings.

Since when the hell do I care about anyone's feelings?

"Kinda. But you know...I've always been a little weird when it comes to feelings. It's not you, it's me really."

"It's okay. I know you're probably just scared of getting hurt or hurting someone else. I'm that way too sometimes."

How does he do that?! How does he know what to say and how to say it? How does he know what will make me feel better in all the right ways? It's like he's been through this shit before, but I know he hasn't.

Maybe somebody's hurt him before.

That would explain it. That's how he knows to be patient and tolerant. He's had to wait on someone else before. And I bet everything I own that they hurt him, badly.

I realized I'd been spaced out for a really long time, so I hastily whipped up some smart remark in my head. I fake snorted and rolled my eyes. "When have you ever been like that? You're too much of a cheeky little nerd to be that way."

I watched his eyes dull slightly and his lips pull into a frown. Shit, should I have said that? Probably not. I don't know what he's been though. "I wasn't always a cheeky little nerd. I've been through a lot of phases in my life."

Phases. What kind of phases? Is he talking about being hurt by someone and having to change himself? Wow, I need to chill. I'm getting way too into this. He's probably just talking about a teenage phase or something. I'm freaking out over nothing. "Is this the part where I'm supposed to be intrigued by your dark past? Because I'm not."

Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. "It's not dark, it's just awkward and boring." I knew it was a lie right when he told it. I don't know how I knew, but I just did. He lied. But I can't just accuse him of it, I have to act like I believe it.

"And you criticize me for putting myself down."

"Shut up." He rolled over onto his side and buried his face in my shoulder, closing his eyes and pulling the covers over us further. I'm not one to stare at people, unless I'm purposely trying to criticize them with my eyes, but how can I not stare at him? He's so perfect, I have to stare at him.

I noticed he was attempting to subtly smelling my shirt, but he wasn't doing a very good job. When he saw me looking at him with raised eyebrows, he smiled sheepishly. "Sorry it's just...you smell like-"

"Drugs?" I finished for him. I've been known to smell like cigarettes and alcohol and pot. Well, at least that's what every plastic girl I've ever met has said. Even James said one time I smell like a drug dealer. I've gotten used to the names.

"What? No! I was gonna say you smell like roses. It's nice."

I almost laughed, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I bit my tongue and smiled instead. "You said the exact same thing last night. Don't you remember?"

"No...I'm being serious when I say I threw up a part of my brain last night. I don't remember much at all."

"Yeah well don't ever go out with those douchebag friends of yours ever again. They basically poisoned you and left you to die. Next time you're coming with me if you want to drink again."

"I don't ever want to drink again Tom. Never."

"That's understandable I guess. But sometime or another, you're gonna wanna try it again."

"No, no way. Never again. I still have a headache and my stomach is completely empty." He sighed miserably, his hot breath against my skin made me feel like a billion butterflies had flown their way up my spine. Shivers, he was giving me shivers with just his breath. I'm in way too deep with this guy.

"You just gotta find the right poison. I'll help you find it one day." James will know for sure what drink, even if he's never served you before in his life. He's just that good at his job. I wish I had a job I was passionate about. You can't really be all that passionate about restocking CD's all day.

"...we are gonna talk after you leave, right? We're still gonna be friends?"

"Yeah of course. You doubting me Jordan?" I teased.

"No! I just...I was making sure. I don't want you to go away and never come back."

"Give me your phone,"I ordered him. He silently pulled a phone out of his back pocket and handed it to me. I filled in a contact and saved it. Now he has my number.

I don't know how I should feel about that.

"There. Now you know for sure I'm not gonna go away forever." I smiled at him and handed his phone back, and he immediately went to look at the contact. I watched his eyes widen a little at the small name above the number.

"Cassell? That's your last name?"

"Yeah. You know you still haven't told me your last name stranger. What is it?"

"Maron. Jordan Maron."

"Maron...like moron but with an A?"

"Hey! That's not nice...people used to call me that in school. But yeah that's how it's spelled."

"Maron. That's cute. Well Mr. Maron, would you like to accompany me to McDonalds for some breakfast? I'll buy you anything you want, as long as it's on the dollar menu." I gave a seductive wink in his direction and he burst into a fit of giggles.

"I would love to Mr. Cassell."
~~~
I love WRITING IN THIS BOOK!

It's a lot simpler than writing on my other tbh

Leave a favorite or a comment if you enjoyed! Thank you!

- Lee (psst aye would u want me to post another chapter today or nah? I gots plenty :3 bye now)