"You gonna get naked or what?" Jordan asked, perched on the sink fully bare with a sly smile on his lips. I could see the nervousness behind that cheeky exterior though. He's nervous as hell about what we're about to do.

I wasn't. I've showered with plenty of guys before, and over time I've gotten used to seeing naked bodies in water. What I'm really nervous about it doing something stupid that he isn't comfortable with. My greatest fear would have to be getting an erection in front of him. Yeah. It's most likely going to happen if I'm gonna be showering with him. I'm not ready to face that situation when it comes.

"Give me five seconds to get your stupid shower ready, Mr. Impatient. I should just throw you in there while it's ice cold."

He giggled a little and nervously shifted his towel a little further up his waist. I can tell already that this is going to be super awkward. He's clearly not ready for someone to see him naked, let alone wash him.

As soon as the shower was warm, I began to strip my clothes off. I tried to look as nonchalant as possible while I took them off, so to him he'd see how unbothered I was by it and maybe he'd feel less nervous about it. When I got down to my jeans I begged whatever deity was watching me in the sky that I wouldn't have an erection already. Don't judge me. I can't help what my body thinks is super turnt, alright? I thought of my grand mum naked in the bath, and I think I was good. I pulled down my jeans and stepped out of them. Jordan continued to remain perfectly still and silent. And then another thought popped into my head.

What if he laughs at my size?

Of course it was a stupid thought. He's probably never seen anyone's besides his own, but it was enough to make me hesitate for second in taking my underwear off. Nade never laughed, neither did Tony or Josh or any of the other people I've done it with before. They seemed pretty satisfied actually. But what if Jordan's different?

Okay, shut up brain. My size is fine and I shouldn't care what Jordan thinks about it. I pulled down my under wear and stepped out of them. He didn't laugh. If anything, I thought I heard him gulp. I think I made his nervousness worse.
I looked up for the first time since I started undressing and let my eyes meet with his. "You ready?"

"Um, c-can I say something before we start?"

"Yeah sure. What is it?"

He looked down to pick nervously at his fingernails. "Whatever happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom. We ignore it and we don't talk about it afterwards. Okay?"

"Of course. And no regrets or shame. Just...embrace the weirdness." I smiled and the ends of his lips turns upwards a bit.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

"Okay. You gotta drop the towel though," I laughed. He nodded, biting his lip and slowly letting go of his towel. I didn't look down just yet. I didn't want to seem way eager and perverted. I just carefully helped him off the sink and into the tub, and then I stepped in myself. I drew the curtains closed and situated him to where he was in front of me, leaning on my chest and putting most of his body weight on me. I wasn't sure what to do next. Does he wash himself first or wash his hair first?

"You okay?" I asked tentatively.

"Yeah, doesn't even...hurt that much."

"Alright. What do you usually wash first?"

"I-I usually wash my hair first," he said in a small voice. I nodded and grabbed my shampoo off the shower shelf, squeezing a good amount onto my hand before going to work. His hair was wonderful. Running my hands through it over and over again felt like heaven for me, and it was getting super hard to control myself below. I nearly jumped when Jordan made a small choked sound and scared the crap out of me.

"What's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

"N-Nothing."

"...are you holding in your moans again?"

"Maybe."

"Jordan I told you it's no shame. I'm not gonna laugh at you. Be as noisy as you want." I began to wash his hair again, and this time he took my advice. His moans are and always will be the cutest noises ever. I tried to keep my legs from buckling underneath me as I worked to finish washing his hair.

After two minutes of his continuous tortuous moans, I finished. I grabbed the body wash next and squirted out some on my hand. This is going to be the most awkward part. I started at the base of his neck and went down from there. He was quiet, up until I reached his thighs. That's when shit really hit the fan.

"Can you...can you do that again?" He asked shakily.

"Do what again? This?" I swiped a finger over the inside of his thigh again, and he moaned.

"Yeah yeah...that's good..." He tilted his head back on my shoulder and closed his eyes, letting another moan spill out.
Well since he's throwing platonicness out the window, I guess I should too. We did agree that we'd have no regrets or shame, and we wouldn't speak about what happens after we're done. That means we can do anything we want and not get any backlash or regrets from it.

"You're perfect," I whisper in his ear, still massaging his thigh. "In every way, you're beautiful and perfect."

"I can say anything I want to you, right?" He asked breathlessly.

"Anything you want."

"I wish I wasn't such a stupid, shy over-thinker or else I would've already let you have me."

I chuckled. "You have no idea what that does to me. You do realize I want you more than anything, right?"

"I feel exactly the same...I keep thinking about the future and what might happen if you left and-"

"You need to stop. If you let me have you, I'll never leave. Not unless you tell me to."

"I don't know that though, I...I don't want to end up broken again. I cant go through that again."

"You won't. I'll fix you, I'll make you better. I'll kill everyone who's hurt you before. I'll be the best you've ever had."

"I-I need more than that though-"

"What do you need?" I turned him around so I could meet his eyes, and pinned him against the shower wall so he wouldn't be in pain. He looked deep into my eyes and squeezed my hands tightly.

"I need you to always be there for me Tom."

I couldn't stop myself. I pressed my lips against his and kissed the shit out of him. He locked his arms around my neck and pressed himself as close as he could against me, and I held his waist and pushed us both against the wall.

This isn't good. I've went straight into stage two of falling in love. Confessions. If I don't stop here, if I go further than this stage, I won't be able to go back. I'll fall in love with Jordan, just like I have with so many other people before. And it'll end in disaster, just like it has so many other times before.

But right now I don't care. The only thing that matters to me right now is Jordan. Jordan's eyes, Jordan's lips, Jordan's smooth skin, Jordan's soft silky hair.

He pulls away for some reason and I panic, because I think maybe I did something wrong. But he just smiles and sighs shakily. "The walls hurting my back a little," he laughs nervously. I pull him away from the wall and further against me. I go to kiss him again, but he turns away before I can. "I'm sorry. It's hurting really bad."

He's apologizing for being in pain again. God, he's such a little nerd.

"What if I ran you a bath instead?" I said next to his ear.

"Well...I'm really clean already."

I let my shoulders sag in disappointment. "Okay. Let's get you out then." I moved to get out, but he grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"Uh, I-I can stay in for a few more minutes."

"Jordan. If you're in pain you need to get out."

"M-Maybe if I didn't have so much weight on it..."

"Say no more. C'mere."

And then a few short minutes later, his legs were wrapped around my waist and I was the one pressed against the shower wall being attacked with kisses. He wasn't heavy at all, but that didn't surprise me. He looks really skinny without any clothes on and that worries me a bit. He eats like he's supposed to right? Is that a thing I should ask him about later?

"Tom?" He gasped quickly between kisses.

"Mmh?" I replied through or kiss.

"Can you-can you do that thing again? The thigh thing?" He asked, panting.

I chuckled. "I can only do so much with the two hands I have Sparkley pants. Give me a second."

Eventually I adjusted to only holding him with one hand, and then I started massaging the inside of his thigh again. He moaned into our kiss and crumbled against me. I wanted to do something else, something I knew he'd love, but I wasn't sure if he wanted to go that far yet. But when one of his hands guided mine to that area...I knew he'd be okay with it.

Not even five minutes later, he finished. He was so loud I wouldn't be surprised if my neighbor, the one who lives two miles away from us, heard him. I cleaned him up a little and then I carried him out of the tub. When I finished drying him off, I carried him to my bed and laid him down while I went to my drawers to see if I could find some clothes for him. I found some old ball shorts and a huge t-shirt, along with a baggy pair of underwear.

Yeah I don't think he'd want anything tight to wear after he just had a handjob.

I carried the clothes over to him, and he groaned and rolled over. "Do I gotta change?" He asked tiredly.

"Well Tucker and Sonja are coming back soon, and being naked in my bed probably isn't gonna give them the right idea about our relationship, you know?"

He sighed and reluctantly nodded, before propping himself up on the head board so I could dress him. I slipped the shirt on, but when I tried to put on the underwear he kept groaning. "Tom...it hurts. Why does it hurt?"

"Because you're oversensitive right now. Look, I'll just lock the door so they can't come in unexpectedly and you can be butt naked all you want. Sound good?" I flicked the light off and slid in bed beside him, scooting as far away from him as possible so I didn't accidentally do anything to make things awkward. I heard him giggle beside me and he latched on to my side like a kid.

"Why are you such an expert on sexy stuff?" He asked sleepily.

"You have to be when you've gone through so much weird shit before."

"What's that mean?"

"I've had a lot of kinky girl and boyfriends and sometimes when things went wrong during sex, I had to be the bigger person and figure out what to do. Found out about oversensitivity when I was with Nade. It hurts, I know. It'll go away soon though. Can you imagine having that feeling for an entire week? It's hell. It really is."

I heard him gasp. "A week? What did you do to yourself?"

"Not what I did. Nade liked to overstimulate me a lot. But enough of that, you need to go to bed. You put too much strain on your back today. Night Jordan."

"Goodnight Tom...we're never gonna talk about this again, right?"

"Right. Stop worrying, everything's gonna be fine."

"Okay. Can you promise not to ever blackmail me with this?"

Blackmail him? Is that what he's so worried about? His career, his precious fans finding out he's with a poor nobody who has a drinking problem? I felt hurt. That's all he cares about. His fans. Not me or how I feel about it, just his stupid YouTube career and his reputation. I'll ruin his reputation if anyone finds out about me.

"Yeah. Sure. I promise." I closed my eyes and tried to block out my thoughts. But what he said really hurt me deep. He doesn't trust me, and he cares about his self image more than me. That hurts more than anything.

"Tom?" He asked worriedly. I didn't answer.

I'm a drunk nobody and he's a celebrity. It'll never work out.

~

"Dude, can you blame him? I mean his career clearly means everything to him, he's not just gonna give that up for one person that he's know for what? A month?"

"Two weeks and five days," I corrected Tucker glumly. "And I guess you're right. How long has he been a 'youtuber' anyway?" I stabbed my pancake with distaste and sighed. Today's already starting out sucky. I'm glad Sonja made me breakfast though. I think she sensed that I was in a shitty mood this morning. She's such a mum.

"Five years man. He's a legend. But you know that doesn't mean you can't hang around with him. He's just scared you'll turn into a douche bag and totally destroy him. Wouldn't you be too if you were in his place?"

"I trust him though. He could ruin me too Tucker, but I trust him. I don't understand why he doesn't trust me."

"Well maybe he has trust issues. He ever said anything about traumatic shit happening to him?"

"He's had an abusive relationship before. He said he's had tons of bad relationships. Maybe that's why."

"Then there ya go man. It's not your fault, it's because of whoever the hell he dated in the past. You gonna eat that pancake or just keep stabbing it?"

"I'll eat it in a minute..." I grumbled.

"Stop being a wet noodle and eat it then. Jordan's turning you into a soggy napkin."

"Jordan isn't turning me into anything. I'm just bummed out, alright? Can I be bummed out every once in a while or is it illegal?"

"Well all I know is that you're acting like a little-"

"Tucker. Shut up." It was the first that Sonja had spoken up since we started eating. She glared at him from the other end of our table. "He's upset and he doesn't need you making things worse."

"Fine. I gotta go edit anyway." He stormed out of his chair, threw his dish in the sink, and stomped off towards his room.

Sonja looked up at me and smiled. "He wasn't there last night and you're really lucky for that. You do realize the walls between your bathroom and the kitchen are super thin, right?"

I sighed and face palmed myself. "We didn't have sex."

"I didn't say you did. I'm just saying, he's really noisy when he's having fun."

I grinned and stared down at my pancake, thinking back on the memory. "Yeah. He is."

"You like the noisy ones, don't you?" She giggled. I said nothing, but I think I was blushing so that probably gave the answer away. I jumped a little when I heard a familiar sleepy voice call out my name, but I relaxed when I realized it was just Jordan calling me from the bedroom. I slid off my chair and hurried to my room, while Sonja continued to giggle behind me. Such a mum.

I pushed open the door slowly and peeked in, where I could see Jordan struggling to sit up right on his own. He was wincing terribly as he tried to put his weight on his hands, and I felt awful for not being at his side when he needed some help. I rushed over and gently pushed him back down with my hand. "No getting up, you're not well enough yet."

He whined, but obeyed what I said and laid back down on his back. I pulled the covers further up on him and fluffed his pillow a bit so he'd be comfortable. I'm turning into a mum just like Sonja.

"Tom it got worse...I can't move my neck. My arms hurt my shoulders and neck every time I move them." He laid there pitifully and stared up at me with glassy eyes, and I did feel horribly guilty for him. I just had to attack him in the shower, didn't I?

"It's because you put so much strain on your back yesterday. I should've took you out when you first said your back was hurting. Let me go get some pain pills and NyQuil-"

"No, I don't want to go to sleep...I wanna be awake so I can talk to you."

"It's either hospital or pills with NyQuil. Your choice Sparkly Dick."

He frowned, and his eyes looked even glassier than before. "That's not fair," he said in a small voice.

"It's not supposed to be. I want you to get better and heal. You're miserable right now and you need help. So pills or hospital?"

"Neither," he said in an even smaller voice. "You can't make me do anything."

I almost broke there. He looked so vulnerable and broken, I just wanted to hug him and tell him it's okay, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. But I can't do that. He's in pain and he needs a pain reliever. I have to be a hard ass and make him take the pills.

"I can call a damn ambulance and tell them you broke your spine. Do you want me to do that?"

"I'll call Nick and tell him you're forcing me to do things without consent. Do you want me to do that?" He spat back with venom in his tone. Damn, where did that come from? Maybe he's got some rebel in him after all.

"And what's Nick gonna do, hm?" I tried not to smile as I looked down at him with a unamused face.

"The same thing he and ten other of my friends did to my last ex boyfriend who hurt me." He smiled wickedly. Which way did he hurt you? Physically or mentally? If I had known you earlier, I would've helped beat the bastard to death.

"Ten others? How many friends you got Mr. Popular?" I slowly slid my hand near him and snatched the phone, before slowly pulling it away as he began talking again.

"I have a lot Mr. Lonely. They can all get here in the blink of an eye too."

"That's nice. Too bad you don't have your phone though."

"I do too have my-..." His voice faltered when he felt around his side and found that his phone was gone. He looked up at me and sent a death glare my way. "You took my phone!"

I held it up and wiggled it in front of his face. "Yup. You get distracted when you talk, y'know?"

"I will scream for help."

"Go ahead, Sonja and Tucker will probably think it's screams of pleasure. But nice try baby." I kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair, before standing up and heading towards my bathroom to get the pills. But before I could walk away from the bed, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. I turned to see him looking at me pleadingly with more glassy eyes.

"Please don't make me take them," he begged in that small voice.

Nope. Not falling for it this time.

"That was a good try too. But you're taking them or else I'm calling an ambulance." I snatched my wrist away and headed to the bathroom. Once I got the pills from my cabinet and the NyQuil just in case he wanted it, I went back to him.

And then I heard him.

"Hi Nick, it's Jordan. What are you doing?"

I gaped at him from the bathroom door as he pressed my phone against his ear and spoke to Nick. He grinned at me when he saw my expression, evil glinting in his chocolate brown eyes. That little sausage snatched my phone when he grabbed my wrist and had me distracted.

"Oh that sounds cool. So Ryan's there with you?" He was talking in that small voice again, the one where he's trying to sound pitiful. Oh god, he's not actually gonna tell Nick I'm doing things to him, right?

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just...Toms being kinda mean to me."

Oh. My. God. That total bastard.

He grinned wider at me and motioned for me to come over and sit. What the hell is he planning?

I did what he wanted though, there wasn't much else I could do. I sat down quietly beside the bed and waited for him to seal my doom.

"What kind of mean? Well..." He trailed off and looked at me expectantly, and that's when I figured it out. He wants me to beg him or do something to convince him not to do it.

Fine. If he wants to be that way, then I guess I have to go to drastic measures to make sure he doesn't get me killed.
I crawled up on the bed, minding his legs and avoiding touching any part of his body, and I straddled over his form. I put both hands on on either side of his head and I leant down, trailing kisses all around his neck. He didn't stand a chance. He dropped the phone and the moans began to spill out. Mission accomplished.

I decided to be nice and kiss him a bit more, instead of pulling away immediately and being cruel to him. I kissed down to his bare shoulders and even made a few tiny bite marks, before I raised up and grabbed my phone back, pressing it to my ear.

"As you can tell by what you just heard, I am not being mean to Jordan and I am in fact taking extremely good care of him. Here, let him tell you himself."

I put the phone down to Jordan's face, but he couldn't even speak normally anymore. He just panted heavily and sputtered out, "T-Tom...mhmm..." while I brushed his hair softly.

I wonder what Nicks expression looks like right now.

I tapped the end button on the phone and laid it on the nightstand beside us, before I laid down next to him and continued to brush his soft hair. "You're lucky I didn't do something else much more drastic, Sparkly pants."

"L-Like w-what?" He asked, panting still.

I pulled the covers further up on us and kissed his cheek. "I'll leave it to your imagination. Get some rest you feisty little sausage."
~~~
SEXY TIMES ARE HAPPENING OMGGG

So guess what? My house is buried in snow and the weather man is predicting my powers gonna be out for the entirety of next week. Yay.

If that does happen, I'm gonna have to take off for the week guys :| My iPad will probably die halfway through the week and my phone too, so I don't really see a way of posting then. But if the power does go out and comes back a week later, I will post then for sure :3 my town is expected to get ten inches of snow next week and a fat layer of ice right on top, so that's wonderful. I'm gonna update Mianite tomorrow and that might be the last update for a week or so. Sad face.

I'm so not ready for this much snow >.<

Well...goodbye now <3

- Lee