I stumbled into my house, immediately going for a bottle of alcohol. I slid my back down the wall as I downed it, feeling the liquid burn my throat. My eyes closed shut as I tried to breathe. Thoughts swam through my mind, each one seemingly worse than the last. I tried to block it out, tried to drown them out with the alcohol.

I had gone to the hospital immediately after I got the phone call. However, my mom had passed before I got there. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. Sarah said she told her to tell me she loves me. She tried to give me sympathy, along with other nurses, but I wasn't having any of that. I didn't want their hugs and their kind words, my mom just fucking died. I hated that hospital, I hated all the doctors who couldn't save her.

I hated myself. I hate that I haven't been spending as much time with her. I used to visit every day but now it's only a couple times a week. I've been such a bad son. I've been paying more attention to my boyfriend and out stupid little problems than to my own sick mother. What kind of disgusting person does that?

I could feel the alcohol working through me. It was starting to numb and help dull the pain. I the bottle was half empty and I planned on finishing it. Maybe I'll just die of alcohol poisoning. If I did then I wouldn't have to deal with my mom's death or my problems with Gee. It could all just be gone. Everything would be at peace again.

"Fucking idiot," I muttered to myself.

I stood up, setting the bottle onto the counter. I felt angry, upset about everything that's happened. Everything with Gee and my mom. It's all just going down into this spiral of a shit storm that's becoming my life. My life that's becoming completely unfair. I've lost both my parents, I'm losing my first love. I could even have a fucking STD for Christ's sake. I fucking drink and smoke and the only people that actually fucking like me are being taken away from me.

I kicked a chair over in frustration, looking at the bills that sat on the table. I grabbed them, balling them all up and ripping the papers, tossing the shreds down onto the ground carelessly. I took another swig of the bottle and looked at a photo hanging on the wall. It was of me when I was just a baby with my mom and my dad smiling happily. I took the picture off the hook, looking down at it sadly before letting it fall from my hands and break on the tile floor.

None of this stuff really matters anymore. If I can't have my family and I can't have Gee, then what's the point?

But none of this all really fucking matters. Because in the end it's all the same, we all just end up buried six feet under ground. And yeah, some people might be sad over you at first but soon enough you'll be forgotten. You'll just be another corpse inside a cemetery that nobody even cares about. All the things you did in life won't matter anymore. Everyone is only here on earth for just a little bit before we all end up deceased, rotting in the ground for the rest of eternity.

I faintly noticed a knock on the door and the sound of it opening. My hands were balled up into tight fists as I felt a hand rest gently onto my shoulder. They moved to wrap their arms around my middle, their face pressed against my back. I knew that touch anywhere, I knew it was Gee.

"I rode my bike all the way here when I heard you walked out of class," Gee said quietly. "Are you okay, daddy?"

I pulled away from him, grabbing the bottle and taking another drink. Gee looked at the bottle sadly before looking back at me. Flopsy was in his hand but he set the toy down onto the table.

"Isn't it too early to be drinking?" He asked.

"It's night time somewhere," I replied, my words slightly slurred.

He reached for the bottle, almost seeming nervous to do so. I jerked my hand away to keep it from him and he looked even more sad.

"What's wrong, daddy?" Gee asked, but I ignored him and took another swig. "Daddy, I can help you if you tell me."

"No, Gee, you can't fucking help," I snapped. "My mom is fucking dead and you can't fucking fix it. I've spent all of my damn time and all of the money that I really don't have on you rather than my own fucking mother. I've been with you and all the problems that come with you than my mom who was in the fucking hospital."

Gee whimpered, flinching at my harsh tone.

"I-I'm sorry, daddy," he whispered.

"I wasn't even there when she passed, she was already fucking dead when I got to the hospital," I added. "And you wanna know why, Gee? You wanna know why I missed my mother's last dying breath? Because I ran out of fucking gas. You know where all that gas went? From driving you around all the fucking time because you don't even have your own license yet. I never got to say goodbye to my own fucking mother because I couldn't afford gas from how much I was using up from driving you around."

Gee's eyes watered as he looked down.

"I didn't mean to, daddy, I'm sorry," Gee cried.

"Of course you didn't, Gee, because you don't purposely cause the problems, the problems just surround you and make things a millions times harder for me while you just sit there like a little princess on your throne in your big house without a care in the world," I said.

"But I do care about you," Gee said.

I scowled at him, sitting down at the table and drinking from the bottle. Gee picked up the chair and set it nicely, cleaning the papers up and putting them on a pile on the island. He went to clean up the frame but I stopped him.

"Don't touch the fucking glass," I said. "I don't need you hurting yourself and making yet another fucking problem for me with your crying."

Gee whimpered, standing up and wiping his eyes as he sniffled.

"Come here," I said, setting the bottle down and patting my lap.

Gee looked at me nervously before coming over to straddle my hips. He kept his head down, his hands wringing together anxiously. I held his chin to lift his head up, crashing my lips against his. I kissed him desperately as he returned a bit hesitantly. I picked him up, carrying him to my bedroom. I set him onto the bed and rested in between his legs, sucking on his neck.

"Daddy, I-I don't think we should," Gee said, his hands on my chest.

My hands were on his thighs, going up his skirt.

"Daddy, no," Gee said. "Red light, daddy."

I groaned and pulled away, sitting up on my knees and looking down at Gee.

"What?" I asked in annoyance.

Gee sniffled and pulled his dark purple skirt down back into place.

"C-can't we just talk?" Gee asked.

"I don't want to fucking talk!" I shouted.

I hit the mattress angrily, making Gee jump in fear. I got up and stumbled back into the kitchen for my alcohol. Gee came in too a few moments later, his arms wrapped around his middle.

"Please, daddy, I know you're sad but--"

"But what, Gee?" I interrupted. "You don't know what it's fucking like. To be so poor you have to choose between eating lunch or getting gas for your car. You live in a palace of wealth without anything to worry about. You have an older brother who cares about, you've got two parents and friends. I have no one. There's no one in this world for me. If I were to die tomorrow then nobody would even show up to my fucking funeral."

"I would go to your funeral," Gee whispered.

"Oh yes, because it'd be such a beautiful funeral with only one person there," I said. "One person who's just some stupid boy in a dress."

"Wh--"

"You probably wouldn't even be there," I said, cutting him off again. "Your dad wouldn't let you. He'd probably just come to spit on my grave, your brother will be dancing on my grave. Because I'm such a disgusting person, every day I have lied to my mother. I let her believe I was some great, kind person but really I'm just an ass."

Gee came forward and held onto my hand hopefully. "But daddy, you're not to me. I love you so much. We can run away together now. We can leave my dad and my brother behind and just be together. It can be you and I forever and ever."

"Your dad would probably get me arrested for kidnapping," I said.

"You wouldn't get arrested, it was my choice," Gee said.

"Either way we just can't do it, Gee," I denied. "It's a silly and childish idea. You're just a dumb kid, you can't drive, you wouldn't be able to get a job, our money would run out eventually. You're just some kid who fell in love too quickly with someone who is never going to love you back."

Gee looked hurt as I pulled my hand away, tears falling down his face.

"Just go away already, I'm not sure why you even came here in the first place," I said.

"I-I just wanted to help," Gee cried.

"You can't fucking help!" I yelled. "How many times do I have to fucking say that before you understand it in that stupid little head of yours?!"

Anger flashed through me, my hand swinging through the air and landing a harsh slap to Gee's cheek that knocked him to the ground. His body shook, sobs echoing the room.

"Get out of my fucking house!" I shouted.

Gee scrambled up, hurrying out the door.