Ethan lags behind on purpose. If he catches up, he'll have to talk. If he catches up, he'll have to snap out of his thoughts and plans and back into reality. Reality, where he isn't a hero or the genius who's going to convince the Queen to change.

He's just another orphan, broken from the plague.

But then he hears the footsteps. The heavy, dragging yet desperate footsteps that he knows so well.

Ethan hears the footsteps of a Red.

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"Rachel!"

Rachel turns to see Ethan scrambling forward. He's panting hard. She rests a hand on her knife.

"What?" Evie looks at Ethan, then Rachel, "What? What's happening?"

"Reds," Rachel says.

Ethan nods, confirming it, "Red, yeah. I think it's only one."

Rachel whips out her knife and faces the forest to their right.

"What are you doing?" Evie whispers, "Shouldn't we run?"

Rachel bites her tongue. Not. Evie's. Fault.

And there it is. The Red lumbers out of the forest with crazed eyes. Her brown hair is wild and tangled, covering half her face. Her butterfly dress is in tatters. She gets closer, and her eyes begin to look less crazed and more confused, hurt, lost.

Suddenly, Rachel can't breathe.

The Red is closer now, close enough that Rachel can make out all of her features.

The Red is a child. A little girl, no older than ten.

She hears Evie's breaths get quicker beside her.

Ethan brings a hand to his mouth, and whispers just loud enough to hear, "Oh my god."

________________________________

Ethan is panicking. Back before the Queen let them down, the children were prioritised. Child Reds were the first to be rounded up and taken to quarantine. They were treated first. Given the best medication made at the time (not that it helped). It's rare to see a child at all, let alone a child Red.

All of the Reds Ethan has seen, fought, run from, have been adults. Easy.

But how can they kill a child?

"Rachel," he says, trying to keep his voice steady, "We should listen to Evie. We need to run."

Evie nods, breathing hard. But Rachel shakes her head, "No," she says, her voice shaking, "No, she's a child, yes. But... how... how does that make any difference?"

Evie stares in disbelief, "Rachel-,"

"We've killed Reds before! They were hurt too! They had feelings! They were lost or confused, but we killed them anyway! How is it different if it's a child?" Rachel's eyes are trained on the Red, she holds the knife at arms length, as they child lumbers closer. Closer.

There's a silence, and then Evie says quietly, "Then we shouldn't hurt them anymore. We have a cure, don't we?"

"It's not ready," Rachel says, "All we have is the plan."

"But we could trap her," Evie continues, her face pale. She's watching the Red. It's still getting closer.

"And bring her to the palace to cure," Ethan says, staring at Evie in surprise. He'd underestimated her.

Rachel still has her knife, "But how?"

Tearing her eyes away from the girl, Evie points at an abandoned van. Maybe someone's home at some point, "We can trap her in there," she says, "Reds aren't very smart. The plague takes away their intelligence. We can lead her in, run out, and close the door on her."

"Risky," Ethan says, "But better than the alternative. I'm doing it."

"Too late," Rachel says. And she pushes past Ethan and runs straight towards the Red.

__________________________________

This is when I drop my bag. This is when I run at Rachel and push her away. This is when I take over, and lead the girl into the van. This is when I put myself at risk, instead of anyone else.

But no. Instead, this is when I cower in my spot, frozen in fear for myself. This is when I watch Rachel run at the girl, a knife in her hand.

But then I see. The knife isn't in her hand anymore. It's on the ground in front of me, where she must have dropped it when she ran.

She listened to me. She's doing my plan herself. Because she is selfless. She is brave. She's a warrior.

She would be a better Queen than me.

Guiding the Red's attention away from us, Rachel starts to run. The Red follows suite, her eyes glowing with hunger.

It's horrible. Sickening. I can't look at the girl anymore. A girl this young should be happy and playing with her friends. Instead, her life has been taken out of her hands. She's been turned into a bloodthirsty beast.

And it's my fault, isn't it?

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Ethan's heart pounds against his chest. Please work. Please work.

He watches as Rachel sprints towards the van, glancing at the Red every few seconds to make sure it's behind her. And now she's at the van. And the door is creaking as it swings open in her hand. And she's running inside.

And this is the dangerous part.

_____________________________________

Rachel slides the knife out of her belt. She can't help it. She's terrified.

She's backed into a dark corner of the van. As she backs up, she feels a spiderweb break in her hand. She feels the back of the van, there's mold and dust on the walls. She can see her breath in the cool autumn air. She can also see the girl.

_______________________________________

From afar, I can see Rachel in the van. The girl in the van as well. Rachel keeps yelling, and I think she is trying to fight her off.

I keep telling myself to move, but my legs stay stubbornly still.

After a few moments of excruciating silence, Ethan pulls a dagger from his bag and dashes towards the van, "Rachel!" he yells, "Hold on!"

And I just stand here. Helpless. Useless. A liability.

The most I can do is utter, "Rachel," in a voice that was meant to be loud and encouraging but came out as shaky and weak.

Finally, just as Ethan reaches the van, Rachel falls out of the van. She scrambles back up immediately, the knife still in her hand. As the girl stumbles around to follow her, Rachel hits her over the head with the hilt of her knife, and shoves her back inside. The girl lies still. Unconscious. Rachel shuts the door and locks it.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

______________________________________

Rachel feels strange. A little unsteady. She sees two of Ethan when he helps her up.

"Are you okay?"

It takes a moment to realize Ethan is talking to her.

"Yeah," she says, managing to keep her voice steady, "Yeah I'm fine."

The moment of relief lasts a few moments before Evie walks up behind Ethan, "Guys?" she says in a small voice, "I'm really sorry I didn't do anything. I couldn't... move. I'm sorry," her eyes dart from Rachel to Ethan and back again.

"It's fine," Rachel says after a moment, "Remember, you're the one who thought of the plan."

"The plan that almost got you killed."

"The plan that let us help someone instead of killing them," Ethan reminds her.

Evie smiles and brushes a hand through her hair, "So we should go see if the truck works then, right?"

All of a sudden, Rachel feels a laugh bubble up in her throat. She lets it out, and doubles over. Evie joins in, after a moment, and then Ethan. The relief of the moment getting to them.

The stand there for a while, laughing and crying and hugging until the shock of the moment finally passes.

__________________________________

The van works, much to their relief. Ethan rides shotgun, and Rachel drives, leaving Evie to sit in the back. Not the back back, of course. Not with the girl.

After about an hour of silence, Ethan turns to see Evie asleep against the door, snoring.

He finally asks Rachel the question that's been bothering him, "Do you know... who she is?"

Rachel glances at him, "What do you mean?"

"I mean... Well, she was in a torn gown when we found her. She's so polite and like, dainty. She seems like she's come from a wealthy family. But if she's rich, I don't understand how she would end up like us."

"She's one of us," Rachel replies.

"Yes but-"

"She's one of us. She's a survivor. She's from a high up family, true, but her parents caught the plague and died. They left her with nothing."

Ethan glances back at Evie and feels a surprising twinge of pity.

He knows what it's like to lose family.