Chapter 42

I got in my car and drove away, with the powerful need to just hit my head against the steering wheel.

What the hell was wrong with me? I would have almost fracking made out with Blake in his room, if Josh hadn't dropped in. And now I just kept over thinking about the fracking hug. This was getting into a serious issue.

This was Blake we were talking about. As much as he was nice to me now, he was still Blake, Blake the guy every girl wanted, the guy that could have every girl he wanted, and he did... twice probably. As far as I knew, every time we talked late he might be coming back from some random hook-up.

Who was to tell he wasn't acting this way with every girl? Why would he care about me more than in friendly terms? I had nothing more to offer than any other girls. I was pretty annoying actually. And unobservant. And I had no boobs whatsoever which usually was kind of a deal breaker.

He just stood there and didn't give me a hug. Everyone gave me a hug.

Why. Didn't. He. Give. Me. A. Hug?

He was on freaking top of me in his room, but didn't even give me a goodbye hand shake?

Or was I supposed to have made the first move? Was that the problem? Was he waiting for me to go for the hug?

Ugh!

I hated over thinking things like that.

Alright breathe Lexi. It didn't mean anything. STOP CARING.

Ugh...

It was few seconds later that I realized I had driven past my house, again, and for the same damn reason. Because I was too engrossed overthinking about hot Blake.

Hot Blake?

Oh god, I really needed help, didn't I?

I drove back, and then parked in our alley, and mentally scowled at myself, walking to my house.

It was slowly getting dark. We were the end of the day, and Dad and Ty hadn't turned on the lights outside so it just felt like I was walking in an abandoned house. The first thing I did when I walked in was to switch the lights on, and then I went to look around for everyone.

When I passed my father's door, I could hear him lightly snoring so I didn't bother him, and Ty was sleeping too.

I felt bad for not being there with them.

I wondered what they had been up to. Where they alright?

I guessed I would have to wait for the answers tomorrow.

I walked to my room, not feeling sleepy at all and decided I needed to call Vanessa, so I let myself fall back on my bed, and then, staring at the ceiling, put the phone against my ear.

"You are neglecting me Lex," she greeted me.

"What's up with the hey, how are you? When did people stop using that?" I trailed, happy to hear the voice of my best friend.

"It died when you stopped calling me."

"That's a two way stream, girl," I laughed.

"Oh, don't you put this on me, Miss Grayson. I'm putting all the blame on you," she said laughing a little too. "How are you doing Lex?"

"Me? Okay. Tyler? Not so good."

"I didn't ask about him."

"Please, you can't hide anything from me. I know you all but sewed your lips shut to not beg me to give you a full report on Ty's every movement," I snorted.

" I'm not that bad! Yes, I do want to know everything about him, but I want to hear about my best friend more. Okay? What's going on Lex?"

"Nothing. Everything's fine," I mumbled to her.

"That's a sad attempt at getting out of spilling your guts girly."

"It's nothing really. Don't worry about me. Worry about Ty. He needs you, and I'm fine. No need to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine, but Blake isn't so you have to think about him. He's been crying you know."

"Blake?" Vanessa said at the other end of the line.

Now, why would she bring him up?

"Why are you mentioning him?"

"You did. You said Blake wasn't fine and I needed to think about him, because he'd been crying."

"No, I said Ty," I snorted.

Did I say Blake? Oh god. The depths of my issues...

"You said Blake," she repeated, and I was sure she was nodding her head right now.

"Oh god."

"Something you want to share with me Missy?" Vanessa asked her voice smug.

"Nope."

"Come on."

"There's nothing to say. Absolutely nothing. Blake's just a friend, nothing more and I don't care if he's freaking swooning. He can call all he wants and offer to show up at my window in the middle of the night naked, things will stay on strictly friendly terms."

"Whoa whoa whoa! Back up your horses. What the hell?"

Ooops. I hadn't filled Vanessa in on all the details lately.

"Long story," I simply answered.

"I got time," Vanessa snorted so then I proceeded on giving her a full report of what had happened the last few days, trying not to miss any details, though I thought a lot about skipping the two seconds in the library and couch incident.

"Oh, you so like him and he sooo likes you," Vanessa beamed when I was done telling her everything.

"Not!"

"Come on, Lex, just admit it."

"I don't care about him alright? And he sure as hell doesn't care about me. You don't know this. You're not here. You can't make a perfect judgement."

"Yeah, I'm not here, and you know what? It sucks. It sucks that I'm missing everything, that I'm away from my friends and family, that Ty is hurting and I can't do anything about it, just torture him more. That I'm here, and you guys are all back home, and I wish I wasn't here. I might be away, but I'm no fool. You like him. And he likes you."

"Van, I'm so sorry," I said, ignoring her last comment.

Poor her. She was hurting, just like Ty.

"This is so not about me right now. This is about you. Don't turn this on me."

"But I have to. Look, I'm going to find something so you can come for a few days back, miss some school without getting into trouble with the board. And that way, you and Ty can talk and sort things out and then everything will be easier for everyone."

"That's easy to say. I'm sure we're just going to find a way to rip each other heads off and be even more pissed," Vanessa snorted. "We have a knack at fighting."

"Yeah, but you love each other, and in the end that's all that really counts."

I was ready to have her say "Please, love?" but she didn't say it, she just stayed silent.

"And everything will work out, trust me," I added.

"I hope you're right," she whispered and then we both said nothing for a few seconds "We really have a gift for complicating things. Ty and I, we should just admit it our feelings. And you and Blake you should just make out big time in that nice room of his," she finally said, mischievously.

"Alright, I think this conversation is over."

Vanessa laughed on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want," I scowled, and sat up in my bed.

"I will."

"Goodbye Vanessa," I said, my voice annoyed.

"Bye Lexi," Vanessa still chuckled and then I hung up, putting the phone back on my nightstand.

Ugh.

It was really time for me to go to bed.

I took my shower and snuggled under my sheets waiting for sleep, but in the back of my mind, kept thinking, wondering if Blake would call tonight. What I would say if he did? What I should have done tonight to not feel like a fool right now?

Basically, worrying myself to a point where I saw four in the morning with still no phone calls from Blake.

That was normal. I had told him it couldn't get into a habit. I basically told him to not call me at night again. I did, right? Maybe I didn't.

Maybe I should text him.

Oh god.

What kind of stalker was I becoming?

Why was I even thinking about this? I should be sleeping.

When I finally found sleep, it was a light one, one that didn't seem to calm me, or ease my thinking mind. A light sleep and it was all that damn hot Blake's fault.

I woke up in the morning, glad that it was the weekend, and I didn't need to get out of bed to go to school, so I stayed under the sheets, for a while.

But then my phone vibrated on my bedside table and I all but knocked the lamp off of it to reach for it.

It was Daphnee.

I didn't want to say I was disappointed, but I kinda was.

Wow. Way to freaking go Lexi. I was being a bad friend on top of being pathetic.

"Hey, my whore," I greeted her.

"Hey my whore. We're still on for shopping at two? You are not balling on me. You are coming and we are going to go see that cute seller and hopefully make Alex uncomfortable and make him drop the act," she told me, her voice leaving no room for argument, though I wouldn't have.

I needed the distraction.

"Alright, but even if Alex really does have a boyfriend, why would it be that seller dude?" I asked, because it was true.

"Only other gay guy I know that Alex was definitely checking out. Trust me, he wanted to hit that."

I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn't see it.

"I'm picking you up at two and you better be ready," she repeated and hung up on me like that.

Daphnee was no fan of dragging conversations on the phone.

You'd never caught her dead, pulling the little, "No, you hang up. No, you hang up," deal.

I got out of bed and of my room, and walked down to the kitchen to see what everyone was up to.

Dad was reading the newspaper at the counter, coffee in hands, and Ty was staring intently at his cereals.

"Hey boys," I said happily, trying to cheer the mood.

"Good morning kid," my father smiled over his mug.

Ty just gave me a wave of the hand.

"What did you guys do last night?" I asked and sat at the counter, making myself cereals too.

"Watched a football rerun, went to sleep," Ty trailed. "You?"

"I ate at the Eatons. I met Blake's friend Josh and his father. Then I came back home."

"How was Blake doing? Is he coming back anytime?" my father asked, smiling a little.

Wow.

My dad really liked Blake that much?

"Probably. We have a lot of school work to do," I answered him.

"I like that kid. He's nice."

"Yeah, I know, you mentioned it a few times," I smiled at my father.

I looked at my little brother, who still seemed sad and I wanted to tell Ty about Vanessa, tell him I would try to make her come here, but I didn't know if it was the best idea. Maybe I should wait a bit.

Everything seemed so confusing, when they were so simple at the same time.

Daphnee's yellow Beetle appeared in our driveway at two, Polly from Nirvana playing loudly.

I said goodbye to the boys and then hopped in Daph's car.

"Good day, my fair lady," Daphnee said ceremoniously and then drove away, to Alex's house. "So, what's up?"

"Oh, you know the usual. Worked all night long, got a lot of money. Good business, good business," I trailed, laughing a little.

"Yeah, I could tell from the tired eyes," she smirked a little.

"I'm not taking a lecture from you," I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

"Alright," she half-smiled and turned up the volume, Nirvana still playing.

Alex was waiting for us, so when he saw the car, he got out of the house, and then we got out of the car and walked with him towards his Jeep.

"Hi my Kitties," Alex smiled at us, and unlocked the doors.

"SHOT GUN," I automatically screamed.

"Damn it," Daph cursed and I laughed.

"So, shopping?" Alex asked, as we drove away from his house.

"Yes, that is the plan. A lot of shopping, spending money on completely useless things, like the consuming society we are, wasting everything till we'll drain the life out of Earth," Daphnee lectured us, in the back.

"Want us to start singing heal my soul gospel kind of songs to help the cause?" I chuckled, Alex joining me.

"Won't bring the Amazonian Forest back. Or George, oh sweet sweet George. At least my husband Paul is still alive. Gosh, what wouldn't I have done if I had been born a few decades earlier? Well, basically if I had, I would have done, all four of them," Daphnee was mumbling in the back, making Alex and I laugh even more.

Beatle maniac.

"Don't worry. When I'll build my time machine, you can roll in the mud with them during Woodstuck," I told her.

"Honestly, I'd be ready to sit through those five High School Musical movies for that."

"I think it's only four," I frowned.

"It's three," Alex said.

"You sure?" Daphnee frowned too.

"Pretty much, yeah," Alex answered, clearly still thinking about it.

"Oh well. Let's worry about it when Lexi's time machine works," Daphnee laughed and then we were in the mall parking lot, trying to find a good empty spot.

We all got out of the car, Daphnee grinning like a kid on Christmas. "Music store," she kept repeating, bouncing up and down.

It was a ritual. First thing we ever did while shopping was to go to the music store, that way we knew how to gage the massive blow our bank accounts had taken from our music buying.

"Jeff is supposed to have received something for me. He wouldn't tell, but I'm sure it's my Radiohead 2+2=5 Japanese import album," she squealed clapping her hands.

We had become so known at the music store, well more like Daphnee, but since we always tagged along, we counted, that she was like friends with one of the guys working there. She could pretty much have them order any records for her.

"Didn't we come for that Beatle box?" I asked her, walking by her right side, Alex on my right.

"Oh, I gotta buy that too," she frowned "And multiples other albums. What amazes me is that I can always find more."

When we walked in the store, Jeff was behind in the rows of CDs, rearranging some.

Jeff, well Jeffrey was the perfect image of the music geeky type of guy with the glasses and the hair cut to go with it, the guy that knows everything and anything about music. He was pretty cute actually.

"Tell me you got my album," Daphnee said, walking right up to him.

"Hey Daph, whoa girl you got tanned," he smiled at her.

"Not the point here! 2+2=5? You got it? Tell me you got it?" she whined.

Alex and I laughed and headed for the rows and rows of CDs

"I wouldn't be your CD connection if I hadn't," he answered her finishing up with his rearranging.

"You know, when I say I love you, I actually mean it," Daphnee beamed.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "You're going to have to pay me back for all my kindness, like bring the Bible one day."

The Bible was the Beatles Anthology that Daph had bought, ordered from the internet actually. There wasn't any left out there anymore. There was so much stuff in that, she hadn't even looked through it entirely yet.

"But if I do that there are rules."

"I know. No food or drink, washing my hands, watch the corners," Jeff started to trail, laughing.

"Good boy, now fetch me my CD," Daph ordered him, making him laugh and he walked towards the back store where Daph CD probably was.

"You know what I wonder? Why the hell you want that CD? You probably have all those songs already with all the other ones you have," he asked.

"The only thing about Radiohead you should ask yourself is why, oh why did everybody lied down at the end of the Just clip? Seriously why? What did he tell them?" Daph said, her voice incredulous and then followed Jeff to get her CD.

"Crazy Daphnee," Alex laughed beside me, going through all the music. "Here, Arcade Fire's Neon Bible. Didn't you say you wanted that one?"

"Oh yes. Thanks! It was never there," I grinned, happy to finally have it.

My Body is a Cage was such a good song.

"So how are you doing Kitty?" Alex asked.

"I'm good," I answered him smiling, my fingers skimming between covers.

"The truth please."

"It's the truth. I'm shopping for music with my friends. Could a girl be happier?"

"You tell me?"

I looked up at Alex, staring right into his brown eyes, and sighed but before I could extend more fully on the many complex turns my life had taken those last few days, Jeff and Daph came back, Daph in total glee.

"Hey Lexi, we got Jimmy Eat World's Static Prevails. I don't think you have that one right?" Jeff told me.

"Oh my god, I don't. You are my hero, Jeff," I squealed.

"I get that a lot," Jeff smiled, and for some reason I thought about Blake.

That was such a typical Blake comment.

Alright Lexi, get over it!

We continued shopping for about half an hour, Daphnee and Jeff sharing their infinite knowledge on music which was always pretty impressive to listen to, and then we finally bought our things. I ended up with the two albums, but Daph bought four, and Alex one.

"Don't forget the box," I told Daphnee while she stood at the cash, Jeff scanning her things.

"Crap right. Totally got sidetracked Jeff, sweetheart?"

"On it," Jeff laughed.

We finally said goodbye to Jeff and then decided to go hit the bookstore.

Daph sat in an aisle with Alex, going through a book, reading it out loud. It was some cliché bad story and they were making stupid comments, while I searched for the next book to add to my small collection.

Looking through the aisles, I saw The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I had to admit, I never read that book, and Blake had. Blake had read a book I hadn't. I had to buy that book and read it.

I sounded so pathetic right now.

"Lexi, Lexi! Come listen to this," Daph screamed. "He slipped his hands through my hair lovingly, passion burning through his finger tips, his eyes making me melt with the intensity of their stare. And I did not care anymore that he had killed my friend, because I believed him when he said he hadn't meant to. I believed him completely. OH MY GOD. What kind of literature is that?" she burst laughing and people in the aisle looked at her like a mad woman.

Which she kinda was.

"Way to scared people away Daph," I told her rolling my eyes, Alex laughing beside her.

"Please. I'm just making an observation here," she snorted and placed the book back on its shelf.

"Found yourself a book?" Alex smiled.

"Yope," I answered happily and then I paid and then we left, off to go scare other people in other stores.

__________

Hello hellooooo my little Pumpkins!

Hopefully this isn't too catastrophic. I might have been a little tipsy editing it. I was trying to write smutty Together in Berlin chapters earlier tonight. It was... something. XD

The live reading shall be on Sunday August 1st, at 11AM EST (so in like 8 hours. Oops.)

If you have any questions, you can leave them here.

Otherwise see you all at instagram.com/kaygiard in a few hours! :D