• More trigger warnings in this chapter. I am not a person who would ever try to downplay the effects of white privilege, so I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey here. Systematically, the world is set to our advantage, and that's a bitter fucking fact, but it's also important to understand that not everyone wants to exploit it just because they can. Some want to fight it. That's it. •

The next morning, Fiona woke up before her mom did and got showered and ready. Grabbing her bag and her ballet shoes, she left a note on the dining table before then walking out the door.

It was Sunday, and although she usually went to church with her mom on Sundays, she couldn't today. There were too many thoughts on her mind and today, she needed to be alone with them.

Well... almost alone.

A short bus ride later, Fiona stood in front of the church before it had even opened. It was still too early, the sunrise barely coloring the sky a beautiful rich golden color, and yet as Fiona breathed in the lukewarm morning air and stepped into the cemetery, she already felt as if a warmth had swept over her.

"Hi, dad," She whispered, standing in front of his headstone. The beautiful white marble with the black, slanted name carved on was all she had to talk to, but it was enough as she knelt down and smiled with a trembling lip to her dad.

When she was little, she had missed his presence. She had missed dancing with him, had missed him picking her up from school... had missed having him around the dinner table and had missed him tucking her into bed. All the little things most kids that age took for granted, she had missed more than anything.

But as she grew up, Fiona stopped missing his presence as much as she missed his words and his voice. She wasn't quite sure she remembered exactly how his voice sounded anymore, but that wasn't even the worst part.

– The thing she missed the most was his advice.

Looking down at his headstone, Fiona found herself overwhelmed with all of the questions she wanted to ask him. Why did he love her mom enough to choose her over his own family? How had he made the choice? Did he ever regret it?

Did he ever regret having her?

Fiona felt a tear slip down her cheek as all these questions filled her mind, knowing she would never get any answers. She knew in her heart that he had loved her and her mom, but... had it been worth it, getting thrown out by his own mom?

"I love you so much, dad," Fiona whispered through her tears, cupping her face to stop the sobs from coming.

All of this business with Adam had her more confused than ever. And not just what had happened recently, but all of it; Tomorrow was the day of her audition, the thing she had been training for all these weeks, but now... now she wasn't even sure she wanted to go.

Her dad had been her age when he had made the toughest decision of his life; choosing her mom and her over his family. Now as Fiona found herself faced with two tough choices, she wished more than ever she could've talked to her dad about it.

"I don't know what to do, dad," She cried, wrapping her arms around herself.

She loved Adam, but could she stand being by his side, knowing that at any moment, he could be taken from her side? Death was always inevitable, but if you could do anything at all to prevent it...

Her dad had died out of the blue. If there had been anything she could've done to prevent it back then, Fiona would've done it, no question or hesitation.

– Adam was refusing to report Grip and the other guys who assaulted him, which meant he was inviting every possibility of it happening again into his life. How was she supposed to stay beside him, knowing that?

She just couldn't support it.

But after all that Adam had done for her to support her... even when she had been making stupid choices...

Squeezing her eyes shut, Fiona felt so torn. A few more sobs broke from her throat, unwilling to stop them.

She would have to choose sooner or later, just like her father had done. Was she going to put everything on the line for him... or was she going to stay where everything was safer? If her being with him put him at risk...

Opening her eyes, Fiona looked at her father's headstone. He had been brave enough to go for what he wanted, but she wasn't sure she was as strong as he was.

He had chosen love: Could she do the same?

~~~

About an hour later, Fiona was at the DanceDec. She had been the first one there, everyone still being in church or asleep at home. She had gone up to their usual dance studio, but as she walked in alone, it suddenly felt... empty. Like something was missing.

Or someone.

Strapping on her ballet slippers, Fiona had warmed up and continued doing her old routine until she finally heard life begin to come in downstairs. She heard music begin to boom from the other studios, heard the usual chatter and laughter from around the place, people having fun and enjoying themselves, dancing.

But as Fiona finally stepped out onto the floor to begin her new dance routine that Adam had made for her, she found her legs trembling, just like they used to before she met him.

It felt like the room was coming at her from all angles. Her bones felt insecure, just as the mirror seemed to skirt around on the wall, unable to provide her with a spot to hold. It felt as if everything hurt when she took those first steps, and it didn't take long before she had to stop.

Guilt was weighing in her stomach again. Too many thoughts, too many concerns, too much... everything.

Was this what she wanted? Was ballet still all she wanted in life, or had something changed within her? Did she even want to dance at some ballet company, and was it even worth all of the grueling work that she knew would come in the future?

Just as Fiona felt like she was having an existential crisis, there was a sudden knock on the door. Her heart flew up into her throat, for some reason expecting him to walk through the door, but... as the door opened, it was Kalo's face that met her.

"Heya," She softly spoke, sending Fiona a careful smile. She obviously knew what had happened, which meant the whole DanceDec also knew. "I saw the shades were down, so I figured you were in here."

Fiona swallowed a ball. As Kalo came in and closed the door, she realized she wasn't just here to check up on her. Was she about to get reamed out by Adam's best friend for storming out on him in his condition? "Uhm... y-yeah. My audition is tomorrow, s-so I have to practice."

Kalo nodded, sticking her bottom lip out. "Cool, cool."

Fiona watched as Kalo slowly walked around the studio a little, looking around at seemingly nothing. She continued doing that for another minute before Fiona decided she should say something.

"I'm... I'm really sorry about what happened," She whispered, hearing her voice crack. Kalo shot her a look, but then raised her eyebrow when Fiona started shrinking under her gaze.

Kalo watched her for a long moment, so long that Fiona finally had to lower her eyes to avoid the tension. She didn't know what else to say, even though the words 'I'm sorry' kept playing over and over in her mind. She felt so guilty for what had happened.

"Do you know why dogs love everyone?" Kalo then suddenly spoke.

Fiona blinked twice in astonishment. Then, shaking her head no, she let Kalo continue.

"It's because they don't see color," Kalo grinned. "Yeah. I always found it kind of funny how for example, that LGBTQ flag keeps getting more and more colors and shit, more letters and more definitions? It's strange isn't it, that they say we shouldn't focus on color, yet that flag is all about accepting the whole gay rainbow. I say fuck that. Let's all go colorblind like dogs."

Fiona opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She slowly closed it again and tipped her on feet when Kalo then sighed and crossed her arms.

"Alright, I know what happened," She then finally said. When Fiona's face paled, Kalo shrugged indifferently and looked around the studio again. "And I've got some things to say even if it's not my place to, but I've never been one to shut up, so here goes," She announced in a rapid speech.

Fiona held her breath, expecting worst. She was expecting Kalo to give her a hard lecture on hurting her friends, on hurting Adam and running out on him like that, leaving him helplessly behind in his bed. But none of that came.

"Adam doesn't like to talk about color," Kalo instead started. She shrugged again and held up her hands. "And shit, neither do I, but some things just fucking are and needs to be said; We're all different here and that's okay, except for when we start judging each other on the bases of it. Right?"

Fiona listened, surprised. This wasn't where she thought things would go today, but it seemed, just like Kalo said, that some things just needed to be said. And spoken about.

"We chose to be black no more than Adam chose to be white, right? So, he didn't actually choose his white privilege card, no more than we got robbed of one. The system gave him that card," She said, meeting Fiona's eyes. Fiona didn't quite know what to respond, so she gave a half-hearted shrug with one shoulder.

"So he has a white card," Kalo pointed out. "but, does he use it like some of these other white mo-fo kids out there do? Never."

The honest truth was, Fiona hadn't known Adam long enough to be the judge of that, but purely from what she did know about him, she knew that he never would. Not knowingly, at least. He was young and he was scared, but he was also smart; he had been to juvie and maybe that had scared him enough to do whatever it took to make parole—maybe even if it meant using his white card. And maybe that was why he hadn't reported them.

Maybe he thought he deserved it.

"Adam got white-carded once," Kalo now continued. "Once. And even if that's still not great and doesn't excuse anything, does that make it okay for these punkass bitches to go after him for it like that? Nah. That's not how we achieve justice here," She scoffed, angrily. "My point is, Adam did a stupid fucking thing, but he's spent every day since to try and make up for it, and that's all you can do, except these assholes don't see that. Some people will always hold grudges and hate on people for something that's happened, and usually they have a reason for it, and sadly, that's a truth, too."

Fiona let her words sink in, standing quietly and swallowing heavily as the emotions built up inside her. She agreed that that wasn't how justice was served. On some twisted level, she even understood their anger and reason for beating him up—but it still would never be okay in a million years. Hatred would never be the solution. Their act of crime had now only resulted in more crime, and unless Adam decided to do the right thing, then justice would never be found.

An eye for an eye made the whole world blind.

"Now, I know this shit doesn't work for everyone," Kalo now said, firmly. "Don't get me twisted, I know in most cases, that white card is flexed hard, that it is overused and abused, and that's why these grudges stick, and that's why some invent their own justice system. But that's also not how it is for every white person out there," She spoke, twisting her lip a little. "Most, but not all. Now I can't speak for all of those other cases, I can and will only speak about what happened to Adam because I'm not about to get my grill on, so that's what I'm gonna do; Adam is one of the sweetest guys on this earth who would never intentionally harm a fly, but some just don't see that. Like those assholes."

Kalo took a deep breath, and Fiona automatically followed her lead after she had spoken. They were making it towards her point, and Fiona felt it creeping up like precipitation.

"Adam made a bad mistake and they're going to keep punishing him for it even while he's trying to repent, but that's because they're shitheads," Kalo stated, pursing her lips, but then provided her with a sharp glare. "But you're not, though. So I'll be damned if you go and quit on his ass because you think it'll save him from himself if you stay away, because it won't. He'll always have his little white annoying ass as sure as mine will be juiced with melanin, and there's nothing we can do about that. He will always get into some kind of trouble, just as sure as his past will always haunt him one way or another. So the only question you need to ask yourself is whether or not you love him enough to stay with him throughout all his bullshit."

Fiona let everything sink in. Along with all the other thoughts that had been floating around in her head, this was a lot to take in. Adam had done a bad thing, but what they had done wasn't right either. Him not reporting them felt worse, but her leaving him for it... was the final nail in the coffin. So many wrongs couldn't make a right, so where did that leave them?

"I've said my peace," Kalo finally said, holding up her hands, before placing them back on her hips. "If you want to be with Adam, then fuck those guys; Be with him. But if you want to go, then put him out of his misery and end it before it goes too far. That's all I ask, as his friend."

Fiona understood. He was already in enough pain as it was, and leaving him thinking he was about to lose her as well wasn't right either. She knew she had to talk to him. It was just...

"I'm just scared," Fiona whispered, brokenly. She looked towards Kalo who softened up and dropped her arms to her side. With a sigh, she then walked up to Fiona and placed her hands on her shoulders.

"I know. But you'll only truly lose him if you leave him. Nobody knows what the future holds. If you love him enough, why not just get the best out of it?"

Fiona lowered her eyes, feeling tears creeping up. Kalo instantly pulled her in for a hug she didn't expect at all, but a hug she realized that she needed. She wrapped her hands around her and hugged her back.

"Thank you," She whispered, sniveling quietly.

"Anytime," Kalo replied, a smile to her voice. Adam was right; she was big and bad on the outside, but just a big softie on the inside. "Now, keep practicing for that audition, but don't keep Adam waiting for too long. Or I'll kick the color off of your ass."

Fiona let out a weak laugh, but then pulled back and dried her eyes. "I promise. And thanks again. I... I really needed someone to talk to."

"You can come to me any time," Kalo started walking back towards the door, but shot her a grin over her shoulder. "You're part of the family now. That means you're stuck with me."

Fiona smiled back, but then watched as Kalo stepped out, leaving her to her practice. With a deep sigh, Fiona then turned towards the mirror and looked herself over for a long time.

She had a lot of work to do.

~~~

It was around noon and Fiona was still at the DanceDec, rehearsing her routine while also going over everything she wanted to say to Adam. She had decided that after lunch, she was taking the bus to his and his grandma's place to talk things over with him and get everything out in the open.

But as it turned out, she wouldn't have to.

A loud cheer, followed by a startling applause suddenly came from downstairs, and it drew Fiona towards the door, opening it to see what was causing all of the commotion.

There, limping in through the front door, surrounded by almost everyone they knew in the DanceDec, Adam with all his bruises and bashed up face came walking in slowly, a smile stretching on his face as everyone welcomed him back.

Fiona's heart immediately went into her throat as she watched people come up to him and ask him how he was, telling him stuff she couldn't hear, but no doubt were words of praise and courage. Everyone knew what had happened, and they had all been worried, but seeing Adam still alive and well enough to show up, was enough to have everyone gathering around in a relieved circled.

"Seriously, what does it take to kill you?" Kalo hollered loudly, to which Adam chuckled hoarsely. He grimaced and then pressed a hand over his fractured ribs.

"Yeah, come on, we were counting on some quiet around here for at least some days," Rani bid in, coming through the crowd to carefully hug him as well and welcome him back.

Adam kept smiling and meeting everyone who wanted to greet him, but Fiona noticed the way his eyes darted around the crowd, as if looking for someone in particular. It was when his eyes finally lifted and gazed upstairs, his eyes locked as he found her.

Fiona's breath caught, but she saw his eyes didn't waver as he started making his way through the crowd, people giving him space and helping him as he started climbing the stairs. Everyone finally left him alone and went back to their own stuff as he made it to the top, but Fiona was certain it was because they knew as well as anyone where he was headed.

Fiona slowly swallowed as he limped towards her, grunting ever so slightly while supporting his ribs with his good arm. The other one was in a sling, resting his shoulder that had been severely bruised as well. Other than a few sprained limbs and cracked ribs, it was a miracle he hadn't broken anything other than his nose.

"Hey," He spoke gravelly as Fiona clutched herself not to start crying again.

"Hey," She whispered back, seeing him halt a few feet away from her.

"Can we talk?" He asked, looking briefly towards the dance studio, before pinning his eyes back on her. Fiona nodded and instantly went to open the door for him.

They walked in together, and Fiona made sure to close the door after him as he walked further into the studio, looking around.

"Kalo said you were here," He then started quietly, breaking the silence only disturbed by the music from the other studios. "You weren't responding to my texts, so I called her."

"I needed some time to think," Fiona elaborated. She swallowed hard, but then lowered her head. "Adam..."

"I'm scared, Fiona."

Her heart stopped in her chest, and as she looked up to meet his eyes, she saw that they were filled with tears. Her heart broke down the middle. "Adam..."

She rushed towards him when a tear fell from his eye, a tear he quickly wiped down before taking a deep breath.

"I'm scared shitless, Fee," He told, shaking his head when she carefully placed her hands on his shoulders. "I've got my grams, and I've got Kalo and Rani and even Dimitri, and now I've got you too. I'm scared to lose any of you."

"Adam..."

"And I'm scared that if I do go to the cops, someone will catch wind of it and they'll come after me and everyone I love, and I just can't fucking bear that, Fee. I don't want anyone getting hurt because of me."

"Adam—"

"And I love you so damn much, Fiona," His voice broke as he leaned down and cupped her face. Tears were still welled up in his eyes, but he didn't let any more fall for now. "And I was so scared that they were gonna hurt you, I would've broken my own back to get up and protect you if they tried to even lay a finger on you. They can beat me up twice over, but if they ever came close to even touching you, I—"

"Adam," She broke through his frantic talking that became more and more desperate with every word. Another tear finally fell from his eye, but this time it was Fiona who wiped it away. "I love you. I love you so much, and I don't want to lose you either."

"But you're scared to be with me," He whispered, shutting his eyes and breathing shakily. "I know you lost your father, and I know you're scared of losing me too, but I—"

"I'm more scared of not being with you," Fiona broke in, pulling him even closer and meeting his eyes as he slowly opened them again. "I thought it would be better i-if I stayed away, but then I realized I didn't want to and I just... I'm so sorry for leaving you, Adam, I was just so scared and—"

His mouth was on hers before she could finish, and she desperately clung to his neck, kissing him back carefully as his cut lip moved against hers.

For what felt like minutes, they just stood there and kissed and let that kiss heal whatever had happened between them. There was still a lot they needed to talk about, but for now, this was good enough.

After a long moment, they both finally pulled away for air. Fiona stayed pressed up against him, careful not to put pressure on any part of his bruised body, but she also couldn't get herself to move further away. If she could, she would've clenched him to her very soul.

"I never understood why you wanted to be with me in the first place," She then carefully whispered. She looked up to see Adam's face soften and melt. "And then when they said what they did, I thought for sure you wouldn't want to be with me then either. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I just don't understand... what I've done to deserve you."

Adam looked at her for a long time, simply cupping her face and brushing her cheek. Then, pecking the corner of her mouth softly, he sighed. "You need to hear this, Fiona. And I need you to believe me when I say it's true; I was in love with you before I even met you. Shit, before I even knew myself that I was in love with you... I loved you."

Confused, Fiona frowned up at Adam and allowed him to pull back. She watched as he walked to the very centre of the studio and looked down at the floor, as if looking for an exact spot.

"You were standing right here when I saw you for the first time," He then told, a little smile tugging at his lip at the memory. "You were dancing around, all caught up in your little routine, and I was just passing by when I saw you."

When he turned around and laid eyes on her, he shook his head and gave a hopeless sigh.

"I always thought that love-at-first-sight shit was a fairytale they made for kids to keep hope or something. I never once believed it was true, not until I saw you. I swear to God himself, Fee, I felt something when I saw you dance. I don't know whether if it was the fact that you were dancing so fiercely and with so much passion, it made my heart skip a beat, or if it was because you were crying throughout it. I just know the moment I saw you there, I wanted to know you, know your story and wanted to dance with you at least once. But I also realized you were so closed off, you'd probably never go for a guy like me."

He looked her over, and his lips then stretched as he walked his way back over to her to cup her face once more, leaning down and sighing against her lips with a smile.

"Little did I know you were gonna fall straight into my arms," He chuckled.

Everything inside Fiona melted into pieces. She didn't realize tears were steaming down her face until Adam wiped them away.

"I am a hundred percent certain that I found my passion in this life because God knew it would lead me to you," He solemnly spoke, smiling when Fiona couldn't stop crying. "I've loved dancing my whole life, but I've never loved it as much as I do as when I dance with you. You're just it, Fiona."

Fiona shook her head, unable to speak. She was at a loss for words, completely. To think he had loved her that long... and then fallen in love with her, too, despite everything...

"I love you," She whispered as the only thing she could think of. "I love you so much."

"I love you more." He leaned down and pressed his lips over hers again for a long moment, both of them simply dwelling in each other. Then, Adam pulled back, exhaling slowly. "... and I'll report them if you really want me to."

Fiona squeezed her eyes shut, but then buried her face in his neck. She didn't know what was right do this very moment, she just knew that she didn't want to do anything that could make her lose him.

"We'll figure it out later," She whispered, feeling him lean down to take a deep sniff of her hair. He then let go of another deep exhale.

"You're right. Right now, we have more important matters; you need to practice."

When he pulled back, Fiona looked up with a confused look when he started limping towards the stereo. Without a word, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and plugged it up to the stereo.

"While I was in the hospital, I found the perfect song for your new routine," He told, scrolling through his phone with a little smile, before pressing his lips together. "I left my phone on shuffle, and it just came on."

"Adam..." Fiona took a shaky breath, not sure if she should tell him. "I'm... not sure I want to go to the audition tomorrow."

As if he wasn't surprised at all, Adam merely smiled and turned to shoot her a look. "Whether or not you want to get in, I still think you should go. You've been working on this for three weeks; Go to the audition, dance for them, if not for yourself, then for your father. Listen."

And as he pressed play on his phone and the music started pouring through the speakers, Fiona cupped her mouth and felt new tears welling up.

He was right; this was the song.

• • •

Next chapter is the final one on this and I hope everything becomes clear then.