I wanted to end this book on a happy note. Except, I didn't even know how to wrap this book up. I mean, it's really just a cluttered mess of everything. 

   I started this book way back in 2015, and my first post was about Paige. A couple of minutes ago I received a message that made me question a lot of things. I guess it's only appropriate I close this book with a chapter on Paige.

   I am about to share the message I got, and please, please, please do not tell me you're sorry. I'm a big girl, I am okay. 

   The account that sent me this is now deleted, but before it was, I saw that it was brand new. I don't know why someone would take the time to write such a gross message through a private account, but it's tragic. Not tragic in the, "I'm hurt" way, it's just sad that someone has to stoop so low.

   I could not reply to that person, but maybe they'll see. I'm not trying to tear that person down either, I just thought I'd explain / elaborate on a lot of things.

   Two posts ago or however long ago, I had a few people asking me if I could talk about Paige + Del Rio's break up that turned out to be bogus. I said I'd message these peeps back, but I never did.

   I am sorry, I just couldn't bring myself to do it then. However, this message left me thinking that perhaps I've not been clear enough.

   I went back to read some older posts that I've made, all relating to Paige / Del Rio. There was a lot of anger to them, and I can see how that translates into hate.

   I can see how that can make people think I'm the most hateful person. The most hateful towards them.

   First and foremost, I do not hate Paige. I will never be her fan again, but that doesn't mean I wish bad on her. I am super upset with some of the choices she's made, but to each their own, right? Live and let live?

   Does it affect me? Yes / No. It's hard going from being someone's die hard fan to then being really let down by your "hero" or "favorite."

   I will give Paige all the merit in the world for leaving home at such an early age and traveling to other countries on her own. I will give her all the credit in the world for taking bump after bump. Bad match or not, her body was put out on the line and a toll is taken no matter how short the match or whatever.

   What she did to that NXT belt is unforgivable. I don't hate her because her sex tape was leaked. I do think it was incredibly stupid of her to have kept a copy of it in her iCloud files. Yes, I know it was her own privacy but as someone who is in the public eye ... I just don't understand why one would ever have that.

   I don't think she's a whore, and I certainly still do get very upset when I see people call her that. A ring rat, a slut, a prostitute, etc.

   Who she sleeps with, is her own business. It was consensual sex.  The filming of her sexcapades was just ridiculous ( I will never understand why anyone tapes themselves having sex). However, this wasn't just her doing.

   Brad was involved. Xavier was involved. Paige was involved. Three grown adults were involved, not just Paige.

   People who tear her for sleeping with men in the business, I just don't understand. It's not like she went after powerful superstars to climb up the ladder. No, I'm not throwing a bone at the Bellas. I'm just saying, Paige slept with two people who work in the same company as she does, but she wasn't trying to get anything out of them. Please don't make any puns here because I'm trying to be serious. If this is a laughing matter for you, please refrain from letting me know because I will mute you.

   She slept with two dudes from the WWE, and I don't know why it's so scandalous considering the WWE is like high school. At some point, everyone's slept with everyone or everyone's dated someone from the company / wrestling world. It's inevitable. 

   Scandalous is the belt situation, anything else is just a horrible double standard. 

   When I had said that I thought it be best for the WWE to just fire her, I meant it. I do think she was being so reckless + tainting the company. 

   More than that, Booker T said it best when he spoke on the matter. That video, her relationship with Del Rio + what he's said to only put her in a bigger whole is something that will haunt her for the rest of her life. 

   People don't forget, especially not in the WWE. Look at Chyna, the strongest and best woman's athlete to have ever stepped foot in the WWE. Years and years went by, and they never let her videos be lived down. 

   To think of Paige ever returning really hurts me because I don't think it will be easy for her, ever. Can you imagine her returning and having to deal with hundreds, and thousands of haters?

   Because trust me, when she does return, everyone won't embrace her like nothing ever happened. And I'm not just talking about backstage / politically. I'm talking about live audiences. To think of her being scrutinized on live television and on house shows, it's something that can break someone.

   I don't know if one ever lives that down. Lita never had a sex tape scandal, but she did cheat on Matt and look at what happened.

  So yes, she made the most out of it, but her partner also helped. Her and Edge laid in their bed of nails. They did everything the company told them, and it wasn't pretty. Everytime I listen to Lita on Lillian's podcast, I fucking lose it.

   Lita felt so guilty that she thought she deserved to be punished. They made her do the live sex celebration, and as entertaining as it may have been to pervs, it was the most humiliating thing for the two. Just listen to their interviews where they've touched on this subject.

   More than that, Lita was compliant. She even gave them the most viewed Raw (ever) and her send off was still the most atrocious thing I've ever seen.

   This was done to a girl who was complaint, who was the best women's wrestler at the time (along with Trish before she retired), who worked with Edge seamlessly (Edge being someone who actually helped Lita through unlike Del Rio who is only dragging Paige).

   And she still got the worst treatment I've ever seen. So bad in fact that in 2010 or 2012, Matt Hardy even made a video in which he apologizes to her for ever having been such a cry baby about the ordeal.

   Listen, being cheated on fucking sucks. I've been there,and I get that he was hurt and anyone who goes through it thinks of doing the most revenge filled shit. Matt's admitted that he just wanted them to hurt, and so he told everyone in the company. 

   In that apology video, Matt said he regrets doing so. That he didn't think about the damage that would do to Lita (as a woman) + admitted that women in the company are on a thin line as it is. 

   He talks about how gross her send off was, among other things. Here's one part of the video, the rest is on dailymotion.com  // if you need it, I'll find it for you.

https://youtu.be/nrBeCxv9fnU

   Anyways, Paige's chances to me are better off non-existent. Just because I am no longer her fan, doesn't mean I wish ill on her. I don't ever wish to see fans accuse her of being this and that.

   I don't even want to think about the joke they could reduce her to being. 

   The reason I'm bringing all of this up is partly because of the message. I didn't know where this person was coming from, all I knew was that Paige's relationship with Del Rio has always seemed a damn mess to me. I suspected abuse, and I still do. 

    I don't like thinking about it, but it's ultra possessive and just feels so damn wrong. So I just typed Paige's name into google to try and get some clarity, and there I found some news in which apparently they caught her trying to run away from Del Rio?

   The news are all so scattered, but there's an audio clip attached of her telling him to stay the fuck away. I should say that it's a messy clip in the sense that we hear Del Rio's voice and Paige responding, but there's a third person involved? I don't even know entirely what is happening, but if you search it up "Paige WWE" it's literally the first thing that you'll get.

   I listened to the audio file and it broke my heart. So much speculation is up in the air right now.

   Some claim that it's Paige and Del Rio having a fight in which she was at an airport trying to get away from him. Some say it's at his restaurant and that some chick threw water at her and that's why she's crying. It's a mess. All I know is that her voice in the clip sounded so fucking devastated.

   It gutted me. I never wish for anyone to sound like that. I never wish for anyone to go through any ordeal that makes them sound like they're scared and on the verge of breaking down.

   Apparently there's some lawsuit going on against Del Rio, in which (two days ago) a woman is charging him for assault. Then this comes out. I won't say Del Rio is abusing of Paige because nothing is certain yet, but if this is the case, NO it does not make me happy.

   It does not make me happy to think that anyone could be abused by a "partner." I don't wish for her to get "run over" or something because I don't want her career going nowhere. I don't think her career will ever take off again, and I do think that's maybe for the best of her. I think she needs lots of time to heal, and away from the camera and public eye.  I don't understand what the message that person sent me means by "people like me are the reason paige allows to be abused" but no. 

   Abuse should never be okay, it should never be tolerated. 

   These are some hotlines that you can call if you're dealing with abuse. If you know of someone, if you feel down. If you don't want to call, I am here. Message me and I'll talk to you. I don't like sharing too much about myself (even though I used to). I used to share things about my personal life, but never the stuff that could really help others.

   I won't get to into it, but I did go through a pretty nasty depression when I was a Freshmen in High school. My symptoms were the typical signs of depression. I couldn't get out of bed, my situation with family at home was a fucking mess, I was in a broken home, I started to fail academically which was something that gutted me. I never did bad in school until that point. It wasn't that class was hard, it was that I couldn't fucking apply myself enough to pay attention. I'd ditch all the time. I stopped reading.  I stopped writing, my appetite even went away. It was a period of massive self destruction. It once got so bad I stopped talking. I genuinely couldn't even find the energy to talk. I'd lie in bed all day and just sob for fear that I wasn't going to make it out of the rut I put myself in.

   I've always been lucky with friends, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. So one day, I called one of these hotlines. Listen, it wasn't anything mind blowing, but sometimes having someone you can't see face to face talk to you is all the help you need.

 I'm not trying to get pity, I'm just putting it out there because I am now comfortable enough to voice that. Those phone numbers can help, I can help. Come chat with me, I'm pretty talkative.

   Maybe not the wisest, but I can help let you vent or something. 

   So again, I do not hate Paige. I wish her all the best. If she returns, good for her! I can't say I'll be her fan, but sure, I'll be proud of her change. I'm proud of anyone that can turn their lives around and really make a change from within. 

   As for Alberto, if he's what people claim him to be ... he can go fuck himself. She's not helped herself these past few months / year, but he's certainly not helped clean her name up anymore either.

   If anything, he's demeaned her even more than trolls online do for having slept with Brad + Xavier. Remember, Xavier and Brad also slept with Paige and you don't have to glorify that. You just have to know, that all three are involved and "guilty" of being "Rated R." 

   I applaud Xavier for letting himself be made fun of, but then again, it's all at Paige's costs. 

   These are my final thoughts on the matter, on her, etc.   I might make another chapter completely unrelated to this just to end it on a brighter note, but if not ... this is it.

   Thank you for reading this book. It's been two long years, and going back to read some of my older chapters has really made me realize that I need to be more concise and clear to not come off as hateful. I shouldn't judge so harshly, and I'm slowly learning.

   Thank you to all the friends I've made through here, if you are still along for the ride I have plenty other books in which I try my best to always respond.

   Thank you.