End?


I walked through the door of Anne-Marie's dressing room to go track down her outfit and almost collided with a girl, who quite frankly looked like she was having some sort of existential crisis. Before I could ask if she was okay she had scurried off down the hallway. It was crowded. It seemed the number of people in this tiny backstage area had quadrupled since we'd came in. I weaved my way through the bodies as I focussed on finding my client and friend's custom dress. She'd agreed to do this show as a personal favour to me and I felt bad that somebody had misplaced it. It was a benefit to raise money for a Women's Shelter, temporary accommodation where they could aid women to escape their abuser. After watching my Dad knock seven shades of shit out my Mum for a good chunk of my childhood, I knew how important it was that they learn the skills necessary to break the cycle.

"I can't believe he's here!" A female voice exclaimed as I fought my way by a group huddled tightly together.

"I know. You know he requested to play tonight?" Another chimed in.

"Oh! Really? That's so sweet of him." A new voice added, and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. So much for promoting women's strength by having an all female line up. I moved away from the group as quickly as I could and felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders when I spotted the distinctive purple garment bag that Anne-Marie liked to use. It was hanging on a clothes rail outside one of the other dressing rooms so I walked over to retrieve it. This must be the 'man of the hours' rail as there are a few suit options hanging here. Expensive ass suits. I found my eyes being drawn to one outfit in particular. A pair of white, wide leg trousers and a pink silk shirt, with birds embroidered on the chest. My fingers brushed over the silk material before I even realised what I was doing. The feeling made me think of the silk bondage ropes I had at home, my current favourites. Fuck! I needed to get laid.

"Hi, can I help you?" A male voice asked, and I almost jumped out of my skin.

"My client's outfit seems to have ended up on this rail by accident." I replied calmly and swept the outfit I'd been admiring aside as if that's what I had been doing all along. I plucked the garment bag from the rail and spun around to head back to the dressing room and came face to face with Jeffrey Azoff.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that." He smiled.

"S'alright. I doubt it was your fault. I'm Lily." I shrugged as I held out my hand. These things happened all the time.

"Well no, but I think Harry has some people rather distracted. Jeffrey." He nodded to the group of women who'd been freaking out earlier as he shook my hand.

"Again not exactly your fault." I smiled at him.

"Do you wanna say hi? I'm sure Harry would like to see you again." His change of topic threw me. Harry had only crossed my mind once since our New Year kiss, two months ago, and that was the night I woke myself up orgasming over a dream I had about him being in my bed.

"It's okay. I don't think we actually said hi the last time." I replied. I mean it wasn't like we were friends or anything.

"Fair enough." Jeffrey shrugged and with that we went our separate ways. I couldn't help having one last glance at that pink shirt though, maybe I could find some ropes in that colour? That would be pretty.

...

I bobbed along to the music from the side of the stage as Anne-Marie sang Perfect to Me. This was the last of her three song set and my personal favourite. I loved the line, "I'll love who I wanna love, cause this love is gender-free", it's how I'd felt about my sexuality for as long as I could remember. I felt so proud of her.

"I love this song. Gotta admit I'm kinda nervous about following her. She sounds incredible." His gravely voice spoke into my ear. He smelled nice, like warm jasmine and chamomile. I liked the juxtaposition of the more feminine fragrance mixed with what I assumed to be his natural musky scent.

"You should be!" I teased, but I had to fight to keep my cool when I turned to look at him. He stood beside me completely shirtless, in fact the only thing I was certain he was wearing was a towel. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?" I quirked my eyebrow and didn't even bother to hide the fact I was checking him out. What did he expect when he dressed like that? Once I was done I slowly looked back towards the stage. I wonder if he knew how many tattoos he had or if he'd lost count along the way? 

"Probably." Harry's arm brushed against mine as he turned his gaze on me. "What happened to the rainbow?" His fingers gently fanned out my Candy Floss pink bob, and I shivered as it tickled.

"Fancied a change?" I shrugged.

"Why didn't you come say hello to me?" His voice had a vulnerability to it that had my head snapping toward him faster than if he'd asked if I wanted to fuck. "Jeffrey told me he asked you."

"I don't know." I paused. I decided to be truthful and hoped I wouldn't hurt his feelings. "Honestly, I don't really know you. Popping in to say hello just seemed weird."

"But we kissed, and it was a good kiss and then you just disappeared..." His voice trailed off. He was right, it had been a good kiss, but that didn't mean we owed each other anything. He looked at me like a puppy dog seeking attention and I didn't know whether to nip this in the bud right now or see how it played out?

"Do you keep in touch with everyone you kiss, Harry? Your contact list must be crowded?" I teased.

"Only the ones I like." His clichéd response made me laugh out loud, and I felt relieved to see he was chuckling too. Seeing him look so vulnerable was turning me on so much, it probably bordered on unhealthy.

"OK. That sounded lame but I like you, Lily." I scoffed. He didn't even know me. And there was that soft look on his face again. He pulled his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger and I felt thankful as I spotted Jeffrey walking towards us.

"There you are, H. You have to be on stage in twenty minutes. Come on?" Jeffrey clapped his hands for emphasis on the hurry.

"Just give me two minutes?" Harry glanced at his manager pleadingly. Jeffrey's eyes flicked from Harry to me.

"Can you make sure he keeps his word? He's easily distracted." He left without waiting for my answer.

"He worries too much. What are you doing later? After this is finished?" He gestured around him.

"I have plans tonight." I fought to keep the frown from my face. I didn't want Harry to get the wrong idea and think it upset me that I couldn't see him.

I gasped as he took my phone from my grasp and before I could protest he pressed my finger to the sensor and unlocked it. "Give that back!" I yelled and pulled on his arm but he was annoyingly strong. I was about to pull some Karate move that Anne-Marie had taught me when he handed it back with a huge grin on his face.

"Now we have each other's numbers. Can I call you?" He looked a little uncertain, all his cockiness from his surprise attack was long gone.

"It's a bit late to ask for permission now, isn't it?" I raised my eyebrow at him.

"There were many ways I could have found your number, Lily but I swear if you don't want me to contact you then I won't." He held his hands up in surrender. My eyes flicked towards the towel and I chastised myself for allowing my gaze to stay there a little too long.

"You have permission." I nodded. I mean I didn't have to respond to him but a part of me was curious to see what he'd say.

"Thank you." He grinned before heading towards his dressing room. "By the way I like the pink, suits you." I chuckled as he almost walked into a pillar and I hurried off to find my friend.

My body had maneuvered its way to the side of the stage again as I waited for Anne-Marie to get changed. Stage Harry seemed to be a totally different animal to the guy I'd met. His cockiness bordered on arrogance but in a good way, he was owning the fact that he was in command of the entire room. He started with Woman, my friend Charlie loved this song.

"Ooh. I like his outfit." Anne-Marie smiled as she came to stand beside me.

"Mhm. It looks good on him." My eyes skimmed over the outfit I'd admired on the hanger earlier and if anything my desire to touch that shirt had only increased now he was actually wearing it. He'd started to play What Makes You Beautiful but a slightly rockier version of it. I liked it and I liked how comfortable he was on stage, it was hard to imagine him doing anything else for a living.

"You coming to sit down?" She asked, gripping my elbow.

"Yeah." I smiled as I followed behind her. I had to stop letting him get under my skin.

When we reached our seats Harry was on his last song and I swear at this point he was just trying to wind me up.

"I got splinters in my knuckles crawling 'cross the floor." He sang from the stage and I whimpered at the image in my head.

"Sounds like he'd be up for your kink." Anne-Marie whispered in my ear.

"Oh, shut up!" I scoffed and picked up my drink.

"Whatever! I know you like him." She poked my cheek. "Plus, you could do with letting off some steam."

Harry left the stage to thunderous applause and I admit a part of me was rather upset I wouldn't have him in my eyeline over dinner, their table was behind us.

"I can't deny he's handsome but there is no way anything could happen between us." Still there was no harm in admiring the view.

"Whatever you say, Lil." She giggled.

...

I spotted him at the bar of the hotel, just where he said he'd be. I sighed as I walked towards him. I wasn't looking forward to this, despite the garbage people had been saying behind my back.

"Hi! Uhm - you look - Wow! Amazing..." Richard gestured to the empty stool beside him. I was glad I had kept my outfit from earlier on. It felt nice to know that I could still leave him speechless.

"Thanks. You look good too." It wasn't a lie. He was wearing brown boots, ripped black jeans, a maroon hoodie with a leather jacket over the top. He also had that two-day stubble that I liked.

"I like this." His thumb brushed my cheek as his fingers played with my hair.

"That's not why we're here." I pulled back from him and sat my phone down on the bar.

"Lil, it's not too late you know. We don't have to do this. I still love you." His blue eyes seemed to pin me to my chair.

"You lied to me!" I countered. Whether we loved each other didn't matter, we wanted very different things.

"I thought you'd change your mind but - fuck, Lil, we can sort it out?" His fingers wrapped around my wrist.

"Can you live without having kids?" I looked directly into his eyes as he pondered my question.

"No." He said flatly after what felt like an eternity. "Are you sure you don't want any? Just one, Lil. Please?" He begged.

"I'm sorry but no. I made this clear to you from the start, Hubs." I cursed under my breath as his nickname slipped out, my shortened version of husband.

"I split everything down the middle and there's no alimony, just like you requested. Are you sure you don't want somebody to look over these?" He plopped a file down on the bar.

"No. I trust you." And I did, with all my heart. "And thank you for doing this. You know, flying all the way here. I know you're busy."

"Lil, my love. I'll never be too busy for you." He squeezed my hand as I signed the papers. I could feel the tears building in my eyes. "How've you been?" My husband or should I say ex-husband knew me well, his question distracted me from the overwhelming emotions I was feeling.

"Busy." I replied and sat the pen down. My hands were shaking, and I jumped when my phone started ringing.

"Who's this a-hole?" Richard's voice was tempered with anger and I realised why as I read the caller ID, 'Handsome fucker'. I smiled at Harry's idea of a joke.

"He's a friend of Ed and Annie." I replied.

"A cocksure little fucker, hitting on my wife, isn't he?" Richie scowled.

"Ex wife and nothing's going on." I scowled back at him.

"Well, I guess I should leave you to your booty call." He hissed as he climbed from the barstool.

"Hey, don't leave like this." I begged. I didn't want us to be enemies.

"I'm not mad, Lil. I knew you wouldn't be single for long, you're smart, funny and absolutely beautiful but anyone who calls at this time of night is definitely looking for a booty call, my love." He tucked the file under his jacket.

"It's okay. I can handle him." I smirked.

"Of that I have no doubt." He pressed his lips to mine gently and my heart raced, my arms went to wrap around him but he pulled away. My entire body felt bereft. I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything and I couldn't believe he was about to walk out of my life.

"Laters Lil. I'll see you around." He smiled but I could tell he was on the verge of breaking just like I was. He turned and started walking away from me and I honestly couldn't take it.

"Hubs?" I used his nickname on purpose this time but I wasn't prepared for the broken look on his face when he glanced back at me. "I love you." I just wanted him to know that, no I needed him to know that.

"I love you too, Lil." His voice broke, and he hurried out of the bar, he didn't look back. I folded my arms on the bar and rested my head them a lone tear slid down my cheek before splashing against the wooden surface. Why did he have to want kids? Why couldn't I just give in? Why wasn't it enough that we loved each other endlessly?

More tears followed, and I swiped them away angrily. Crying helped no one. I swallowed hard and tried to block out the pain; I knew it would go away eventually even if it didn't feel that way right now.

"Lily?" I gasped as I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Lily, are you okay?" Harry's voice echoed in my ear.


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