Welcome to a review for Clap - The Sound of Death by Sadhana_2006. I am your host, Pink, and these are my casual thoughts on the story so far. Take everything with a grain of salt please!

ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ

Right away, the cover is appealing! The synopsis is also interesting to me too. It is a bit vague since it doesn't get into the specifics as to why she may be driven to murder, but I personally think that that in itself is alluring! It is sometimes best to leave it a little ambiguous. It works here.

I think the Information and Credits chapter was nice to see! Definitely a cool inclusion. Same applies to the Author's Foreword.

I do, however, think that you should put up a banner (probably an aesthetically pleasing one) in the chapter for Laila's POV though. You have pictures and banners in your Author's Foreword and Information and Credits chapters. I think the same could apply to the chapter with Laila's POV.

That way, it's not just a completely blank page before transitioning into the prologue. The blank page, after seeing all of the pretty banners and images, is a jarring transition. It takes us away from how visually pretty this story feels so far with just that blank page.

ᴏᴠᴇʀᴠɪᴇᴡ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀꜱ

I have read the prologue, chapter one, and chapter two so far. And because this is my first review in the shop, I even went as far as to read chapter three, chapter four, and chapter five too. Even if I didn’t have to, I threw you extra freebies.

Essentially, I have read this entire story all the way up to the latest update.

❝ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ɪᴛ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɴɪᴄᴇ. ᴇꜱᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴇʀʏ ꜰɪʀꜱᴛ ᴏɴᴇ!❞

Here is my general breakdown for each chapter so far. My thoughts drastically fluctuate and change with every section, so be sure to read carefully all the way up until the end. I only show these to give you my initial thoughts on each chapter so far as a reader.

ᴘʀᴏʟᴏɢᴜᴇ

I personally think that this better serves as a first chapter rather than a prologue. Typically, a prologue is a chapter that is shown outside of the main character's POV and/or during a different time. Prologues help depict something that may have happened a time before the protagonist is introduced or they help show something else from someone else's POV.

That aside, this makes for a nice and chilling chapter so far! I adore the way that beginning was told. I love the way that the muscular man is described as he murders the woman. It is morbidly exciting. Laila’s fear is very palpable here as well.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴏɴᴇ

I think it is impressive how you are able to capture such intense situations. When Laila finds herself waking up and tied up to a bed, that was definitely a scary opener.

I think her fear and paranoia is also illustrated well.

The order of events, however, can be confusing to navigate through since Laila does have such an extensive internal monologue. Because her emotions get described in such great lengths, the impact and tension of her own actions tends to be delayed. Her actions, as a result, feel disjointed.

Also important thing to note: You had accidentally copy and pasted the scene starting with 'awakening with a jolt of fear' twice. I was very confused at first until I realized this. I just wanted to let you know since you did accidentally copy and pasted a scene twice?

It is also not obvious or clear at all if that part is a dream sequence? Dream sequences will often be written in italics, so right now I can't be sure.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛᴡᴏ

This second chapter also starts off in a confusing way since in the last chapter (chapter one), I just read about Laila being tied to a bed with rope. And I still can't tell if that was or wasn't a dream sequence, but I will assume it was to connect how we went from Point A to Point B.

But right now, to me, she is suddenly able to trudge along rocky pavement. This is a completely jarring and confusing transition, from the dream(?) to the morning after.

I appreciate that with this chapter, we get to know more about Laila and her life through her interactions with Daisy so far. We learn that she is a college student studying graphic design. We know that she's struggling with depression.

Hints of the depression have been shown in the previous chapters as well, so that fits. There hasn't been too much of an indication relating to her studies in graphic design yet, but I know that's not too relevant to the story nor plot right now.

Also, with the conversation between Laila and Sindy, I was surprised to know that Laila has a boyfriend. I figured the boyfriend would definitely be pretty prevalent and shown quickly as a character?

Since typically, people tend to confide in their loved ones once they experience trauma of any kind? What Laila witnessed was traumatizing, after all.

Or at the very least, even if they don't and they're hiding the trauma (like how Laila hid the truth of what she saw from Sindy), they'd still get warm messages from their significant others? To show that they exist and are there?

A few things about Laila are told rather than shown, which I'm not opposed to. Sometimes it's fine to tell rather than show, in my personal opinion. But in this case specifically, it does tend to make the conversations in this chapter feel less natural and organic, more rigid and sticking to a certain script?

A similar logic applies to her relationship with Sindy as well.

And I may be jumping on the gun on all of these things too! Since this is only the second chapter. So there is a lot of leniency to allow things to change later down the line.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Now I do want to point out that I really like how scary it is to see these mysterious scars show up across Laila's body. This is a perfectly subtle way to depict the horrors that she's undergoing.

More of Laila's family members, like her father and sister, also get weaved into our expanding cast of characters here, which is good to see. I do question why her mother and father aren't being more talkative and inquisitive about the state of their daughter? Since I would naturally think that most parents tend to be intrusive, nosy, etc. But at least hers tends to be quietly understanding? Gently providing her with some silent support.

It is reassuring to see more people be actively involved in Laila's life and concerned for her well-being. This aspect of the chapter felt more realistic and grounding.

I also love the sudden sinister voice that shows up and encourages Laila to think about killing! This is where things get kinda juicy, in my eyes. This definitely grabbed my attention!

This does beg the question, as I'm reading along, however: Why is Laila so strongly secretive about everything?

I can understand not wanting to talk about her trauma of witnessing a murder scene and the sinister voice inside her head, but to also hide the identity of her boyfriend Sheeran as well? When she is old enough to be dating and her parents don't seem very strict or oppressive in the slightest? It does bring a lot of questions relating to her taciturn nature.

I think the way you describe this sinister voice continuing to haunt Laila, even while she's in the middle of interacting with her boyfriend Sheeran, is executed well.

I do think that Sheeran definitely could've been more fearful and skeptical, for I would be in his position! But it's nice to see that he's still wanting to help her.

The instability of Laila’s well-being is already being brought to question as she continues to repress everything inside of her. The stakes are indeed raised here.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

Again, a lot of Laila's stubborn denial in refusing to confide in her supportive and gentle family about what's going on is questionable. I can understand Laila not wanting to confide in people who may be mean to her or may not help her, though that doesn't appear to be the case here. I can also understand Laila being afraid of herself and not wanting terrible things happening to her loved ones, which I strongly believe to be the case right now.

But I am surprised that her family has not questioned her behavior a lot more.

After some time of reading the other previous chapters, I would also like to point out that it's good to see a stronger distinction between what goes on in Laila's head vs the reality around her. I know that whatever is going on inside her head clashes with her everyday life.

And I like that it is a lot more evident here. Whereas before, it wasn't as obvious and more so confusing. A lot of things are more clarified here. I think going back and forth between the two also helps show the turmoil she's undergoing as well.

I am enjoying the interactions between Laila and the mysterious killer a lot. His sadism is depicted well here.

I think showing her parents' concern is also a nice touch too.

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰɪᴠᴇ

Even though her family members don't seem like the type to truly pry too hard into her thoughts so far, I like that Laila does finally get the chance to confide in them, even if just a little.

It is progress. Commendable progress. She knows that it is futile holding onto secrets as serious as this.

It's also, again, grounding and comforting to see her support system (in the form of her family) showing here. We get to also see more of Laila's sister here, which does help.

The family banding together during such a distressing time was also very satisfying to read about. Now Laila has others to express her doubts and confusion with, although that may also make things more conflicting once the sinister voice tries to take over again.

Again, high tensions and stakes to be raised. That part was well executed!

ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱʏɴᴛᴀx

Personally, I found very little mistakes with grammar. I think I have tips regarding sentence structures, but nothing too bad. Just a few prominent things that were recurring, but not much else.

My optional tips so far:

1. Whenever someone speaks, that line or paragraph of dialogue should always be its own separate sentence. This is to help distinguish who is talking more clearly.

This is an example of it being done incorrectly (I've borrowed this example from the prologue):

Approaching me, my mom gently placed a hand on my head, her concern palpable. "What's troubling you, dear?" she inquired, her caring tone stirring a glimmer of comfort within me. Summoning what little strength I had left, I mumbled, "Just a long day, I think. I need to rest. No dinner for me," before retreating to my room.

And this is how it should be done:

Approaching me, my mom gently placed a hand on my head, her concern palpable.

"What's troubling you, dear?" she inquired, her caring tone stirring a glimmer of comfort within me.

Summoning what little strength I had left, I mumbled, "Just a long day, I think. I need to rest. No dinner for me," before retreating to my room.

Every time a different person speaks, it must always be a completely separate paragraph. Different person, different paragraph.

2. Ellipses should only be three dots, no more and no less.

For example (I borrowed this example from chapter one):

Each second was a war of dying, total silence prevailed.........

When it should actually be:

Each second was a war of dying, total silence prevailed...

I also feel as though these two sentences are weirdly strung together by this comma? Perhaps try:

Each second was a war of dying as total silence prevailed...

Or even:

Each second was a war of dying, total silence prevailing...

I don't know, those aren't entirely good examples either, but they do sound more correct when it comes to the syntax and the order of words? Again, these are all simply friendly suggestions!

3. This is me speaking subjectively now when I say this:

I personally think that there isn't enough of a balance between shorter and easier sentences combined with longer and more flowery phrases.

I think too much of a good thing can become a not-so-good thing over time. And I apply that same logic to the writing style here. You write well with a lot of metaphors and longer sentences. That is a very impressive feat! But this also can drag out the tensions of a story for far too long and eventually become repetitive as well. This can definitely slow down the pacing and tone of your story overall.

For a thriller, there should usually be short, snappy, and even concise sentences in between the more larger and flowery phrases. Choppier words can sometimes be the most powerful when packing a punch too.

I think your writing is good, but perhaps there is too much fancy prose and not enough simpler sentences to help add breathing room in between. This sort of writing style does not personally appeal to me as a result, as cool as it can sound.

It personally gets slightly better for me in the later chapters, specifically in chapter five. (Example: When Laila sees her mystery killer again from the shadows and she confides in Sarah about seeing him after locking the door.)

But for the most part, what I say is true.

4. Again, this next point is also entirely subjective, but I do also think that certain actions already convey certain actions very well and don’t need to be repeated or reinforced with more similar words?

For example (we will use an example from chapter two):

"It's surprising for me to see you leaving the therapist's office," Sindy remarked, her hand gently resting on mine, offering a semblance of comfort.

When it can easily be:

"It's surprising for me to see you leaving the therapist's office," Sindy remarked, her hand gently resting on mine.

The hand gently resting on Laila's already conveys, to the readers, that she is offering a semblance of comfort.

Doing this isn't bad! It's fine to pair up actions and gestures with explicitly expressed emotions. But when done too much, it can feel repetitive. This ties back to what I mentioned about the tone and pacing of the story feeling too dragged out due to too much flowery language.

Too much of a good thing no longer becomes a good thing.

5. Not every single sentence needs to be punctuated with a dialogue tag either.

For example (I’m writing my own example here):

“Hey Robin!” Stephen chirped, a wide grin upturning his lips. “How’s it hanging?”

Robin sighed. “Not good.”

“Oh? What’s up?”

“Lisa, uh…” Robin turned his head away, shifting his misty eyes to the floor. “She broke up with me.”

“Wait, what?!”

That may not be the best example, but it does illustrate and show that not every single line of dialogue needs to be punctuated with a dialogue tag. It is also okay to only pair lines of dialogue up with singular actions and/or to just be left alone.

ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ

I sadly did not really feel anything for anyone who wasn’t Laila. Laila is the only one I was entirely focused on. Which, I understand is the whole point, but it does help bring more enjoyment to a story when there are more characters to take an interest in, even if just by a little.

I didn’t hate any of the other characters outside of Laila either! As a reader, emotionally speaking, I just did not feel much of a connection to anyone else. Not Sindy or Sheeran or any of her family members. At least, not in the six chapters that I’ve read so far.

I feel like anytime Laila is speaking with someone, the conversation would feel very stiff and unnatural somehow? Almost robotic at times, despite the many emotional modifiers added into the mix.

The way that Laila’s emotions are described can be very detailed and go at such great depths. It is poetically tragic. However, when it comes to how each character talks to each other, that’s when it almost feels like I’m reading an entirely different story?

Since for the most part, the dialogue is a lot more formal and clunky? Even when it’s supposed to be a lot more casual and warm?

This was not the case all the time, to be fair! It was just something I noticed in chapter two, with Laila’s interactions with Daisy and Sindy. I think chapter three did slightly better with the interactions between Laila and Sheeran, especially since stakes were higher by that point too once the sinister voice tried to invade.

The same positive feedback can apply to chapter five too, when Laila’s sister, Sarah, decides to spend time with her in an impromptu sleepover(?) 

Even though they are sisters who live together already, so technically not a sleepover at all. 

ꜰɪɴᴀʟ ɢʀᴀᴅᴇ

I was hooked at the prologue, but my interest did diminish over the next handful of chapters after that. Specifically, constant usage of flowery prose and the dialogue was what bogged me down.

On a scale of personal enjoyment from 1-10, with one being the worst and ten being the best, I hereby rate this story a…

4/10

This is, by no means, a bad story! There is still a lot of promise and potential. The mystery and thrills are very real and captivating, especially in regards to the mysterious killer with the sinister voice and haunting nightmares. It is just my personal take on how well I enjoyed reading it so far.

Please still enjoy the rest of your day. And may your story continue to burst with flavor!

❝ɪᴛ’ꜱ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇ ꜱᴘɪᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ɪᴛꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ. ʏᴏᴜʀꜱ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴʟʏ ᴅᴏᴇꜱ! ʙᴜᴛ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴏꜰ ᴀ ᴋɪᴄᴋ ᴄᴀɴ ʟᴇᴀᴅ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀꜱᴛᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ.❞