Spencer

Damn, he's beautiful.

I should have been paying attention to Mary Jane, who had squeezed onto the love seat with me. Or to my grandmother – Gran, I corrected myself – who was sitting on a nearby glider. Instead, I was watching Riley and Annaliese where they sat at the dining room table just a few feet away, playing a round of Go Fish that looked way more fun than I remembered the game being. They were loud and dramatic about it, and laughed boisterously any time anything at all happened in the game.

Got any fives?

Go fish!

Cue cackling.

When Riley laughed, he did it with his whole body. His head would throw back, his shoulders would shake, his hand would press against his stomach like he just couldn't take it anymore. His hair flopped onto his forehead when he straightened himself, and his eyes retained the glint of amusement long after the laughter stopped.

Mary Jane – Auntie, I reminded myself – patted my arm. When I looked over at her, there was a knowing look in her eyes. Thankfully, she appeared to have some tact, since she didn't comment.

Gran hadn't said much. So far, she let Mary Jane lead the conversation and spent most of her time studying me. Her eyes, though slightly milky with age, were shrewd.

Through all of this, Kiara and Randall were bustling around the kitchen. Though Mary Jane had insisted on hosting this dinner in her little ranch, she seemed perfectly happy to let the two of them handle the food.

During a brief lull in our conversation about favorite cuisines, Gran leaned forward and offered me a smile that didn't do much to soften her stern expression. "I'm glad you reached out to us. It's a real shame we're only just meeting you."

A clanging noise came from the kitchen, like something metal was dropped. The distraction gave me the time I needed to wrap my head around what she'd said.

The only question was how to respond.

It was an easy decision to make. I wasn't here to make Randall look good. In fact, judging from her phrasing, he might have told her a pretty version of what happened to avoid looking bad. Or perhaps, to avoid a scolding. "I wish I could have met you sooner," I said.

"Well, I understand your mother doesn't live very near to here," Mary Jane said with an anxious smile, like she was trying to smooth over an awkward topic.

However, it was exactly the opening I needed to respond innocently while simultaneously throwing Randall under the metaphorical bus. "No, but she would have made it work. It's nice to finally be invited."

I watched the impact of my words. Gran seemed to understand first. Her eyes snapped toward the kitchen and she called out, "Randall!"

There was another clanging noise, and I smirked at the idea of him listening in on our conversation in horror, praying I wouldn't say anything that would reveal him for what he was.

The smirk died on my lips when I realized what a monster I was being. When had I ever been so vindictive before?

Randall came hurrying into the room, wiping his dripping hands on his pants and looking like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Yes?"

"Did you know where this boy was when he was a child?" Gran asked, getting right to the point.

Randall looked at me, then back at her. His lips pressed together and his eyes were full of indecision. I thought I could almost hear him mentally debating lying right in front of me. Finally, he simply said, "Yes."

Gran shifted in her seat, grasping at the arms on the glider and trying to use them to get up. She seemed unsteady on her feet and I moved to help her, but Mary Jane put an arm across my chest to stop me. She shot me a reassuring look and whispered, "This is between them now."

So I sat and watched as Gran finally made it to her feet and stood in front of Randall. Her head only went up to his chest, but she was still somehow imposing. "How long?" she asked.

He visibly swallowed.

"How long did you know this sweet boy was out there without his daddy?" she demanded.

Randall seemed to wilt before her. "I always knew," he said in a quiet voice.

"Kids, why don't you walk to the corner store? I think we're low on ice," Mary Jane said suddenly. Her voice was loud and chipper, and the false cheer only made me more uncomfortable. Maybe I should have just played along. We would have had a much more pleasant evening if I had, and it's not like I gained anything from the truth being out. It was just a way to punish my father. I was being childish.

Annaliese and Riley stood up immediately, setting down their cards and putting their shoes on by the door without argument. Mary Jane patted my arm again and I hurried to follow suit.

Once we were outside, Anna said, "Sheesh! That was awkward."

"Sorry," I said. And I really was. She shook her head, sending her mass of dark curls bobbing.

"No, that needed to happen. He's being a dick."

I stared at her, stunned. I couldn't imagine talking about my mom that way. What had Randall done to Anna to deserve that treatment?

"Let's go around back," Riley suggested. Anna followed him and I tagged along to find a huge playground dominating Auntie's little yard.

"But we're supposed to get ice."

Riley laughed, and the sound made the muscles in my abdomen tighten. "That was just an excuse so we could escape. She has an ice machine in her fridge."

Ah. "I knew I liked her," I said, smiling at him tentatively. Anna looked between us, her eyes appraising, and I quickly ducked my head.

Riley and Anna climbed up onto the playground. Anna sat on top of the monkey bars with her legs crossed, while Riley stretched out on the raised platform that connected the monkey bars, climbing wall, and slide. Their movements looked like second-nature, and I could imagine them spending afternoons like this growing up together. I wasn't quite sure where I fit in, and sat down on a swing so I had a good view of them both.

Actually, it was really nice to swing again. When was the last time I had? Riley was laying with his arms crossed under his head, staring up at the blue, cloudless sky. When I swung high enough, I could see where his shirt rode up to expose a strip of dark skin.

It was peaceful, swinging back and forth in the soft afternoon breeze. I could feel it ruffling through my hair, which I'd carefully styled for this dinner... but the dinner was already a disaster anyway. I might as well have some fun where I could.

My eyes strayed to Riley again, and a swell of longing clogged my throat.

"What do you think of the view?" Annaliese asked. Her voice was teasing, almost like the tone she used with Riley. I couldn't even be mad she'd caught me ogling him and called me out on it.

"It's a nice day," I answered, intentionally missing her meaning.

"Sure," she agreed, flashing a wide smile full of bright white teeth.

"I wish every day was this warm," Riley sighed wistfully.

"That's just 'cuz you're a freeze baby," Anna answered him. She swung down from the monkey bars and moved to lay languidly on the slide. I leaned back in my swing and took in the sky, which was a truly lovely shade of blue.

How was it I could feel so at peace here, with these people I barely knew and when there was such discord inside? But I did. And it let me ask something I'd been yearning to know, but dreading to hear. "Annaliese?"

"Hm?"

"What was it like, growing up with him?"

She lifted her head to peer at me, then settled back down. Riley turned to look at me, too. When our eyes met, they caught and I found myself staring into them as Anna answered. "It was nice. They sheltered me, probably too much. Dad never did learn how to say no to me, and Mom used to get so mad when he took me out for ice cream before dinner or let me stay up way too late whenever she was away on business. But she never stayed mad for long."

"Sounds nice," I said. And it did. I thought it would hurt to hear about her idyllic childhood, but it felt no different from hearing about anyone else's. I couldn't imagine myself as part of it, and... I didn't need to.

"How about you?" Anna asked. "What were your growing up years like?"

"It was just me and my mom," I said after a few moments' thought. "She was... she is incredible. My best friend." Now this made my chest ache. "This is the longest I've ever spent away from her," I added so quietly I wasn't sure they'd hear me. I almost hoped they didn't.

Anna sat up, and I stopped swinging to watch her as she watched me. She cocked her head, so I mimicked her. It made her smile, but the smile didn't last long. "I never knew about you," she said. "I just... I wanted you to know that I never knew you were out there. They didn't just keep us from you. They kept you from me, too." She hesitated, and I thought I saw a glint of tears in her eyes.

Riley crawled over to her slide and slid down so he was supporting Anna from behind, his arms going around her like a hug. She leaned into him and shut her eyes for a few seconds. When she'd collected herself a little, she continued, "It's been hard to reconcile with my memories of growing up. All those trips, all those summers, it feels like they were lying to me. Every single day, they were lying to me because you should have been part of it."

It was impossible not to feel bad for her. Had Randall even apologized? I bet not. He probably didn't realize that he even owed Annaliese an apology.

"It's okay," Riley whispered.

It wasn't okay, and I think he knew that. I wanted to comfort her, too, but I couldn't. Not when she was finally opening up to me. I could offer her nothing less than the truth. "I knew," I said.

She frowned in confusion, so I went on, "I knew about you. I knew I had a sister out there somewhere. I never tried to find you." Maybe I couldn't have found her, anyway. I had never been very good at using the internet, and I didn't know much about my dad to begin with. But I could have tried.

"You were a kid, too," Anna said.

"Yeah, but-"

"No. No 'but's. This is not your mess, so don't act like it is," Anna said. Riley nodded, his chin brushing against the top of her hair as he did. I'd almost forgotten he was here, I was so focused on my sister.

"Hey, you three! The dust has settled in here and it's time to eat," Auntie called. I turned to look at her over my shoulder, and found her waving a purple square scarf in our direction, as though to flag our attention.

"We'll be right in," Riley called. She nodded and went back inside.

"I don't want to go back in there," I muttered.

Anna delicately brushed her fingers under her eyes and stood up. "Me neither."

"I brought my car. Want to take off? You know Auntie wouldn't blame us," Riley offered.

"But Gran would," Anna said.

"Damn," he agreed. His eyes found mine again, and they warmed me from within. "I'll risk it if you will. Just let me know."

I didn't want to look away, even though looking at him was actually taking my breath away. My chest felt tight, and all I could do was smile at him.

"Just as long as no one leaves without me, we're good," Anna said.

"Promise," Riley said, holding out his hand toward her. They linked pinkies, then executed a neatly-synchronized and elaborate secret handshake. Watching them provided a good distraction. Instead of thinking about the awkwardness that awaited me inside, I was too busy trying to remember if I'd ever had such a close friend. I didn't think so.

My mom really had been my closest friend ever since I could remember. The only friends I had now were people from my college, and we didn't really talk over the summer. They were more friendships of convenience – people to study with, people who were there to listen when classes got too hard because they could relate. People I ate with because they were there and it was better than eating alone.

Maybe this trip would be good for me in more ways than I'd realized. Maybe I could learn to make the kind of connection Annaliese and Riley had made. Maybe it could even be with them.