Riley

I parked after a quiet ride home and looked at Spencer, who had been staring out the window. He looked back at me, and a strange energy filled the car when our eyes met. It was the same energy that had sizzled between us this morning in the kitchen, when I was a breath away from letting him kiss me.

My heart beat faster and I gripped the gear lever to keep from reaching for him.

"Thank you for taking me there," Spencer said. His voice sounded breathless, and that feeling of energy between us heightened.

"No problem." Should I say something about his aunt, I wondered? Apologize again? Or just comment on it in some way? Would it be insensitive to ask what he thought of meeting her? All of this had to be so overwhelming for him, and there was so much he still had to learn.

I decided against saying anything about Mary Jane. He'd see her again later, anyway, at the family reunion she was even now arranging. I could check in on how he was feeling about it then.

Spencer smiled awkwardly at me, and I thought I understood what was going on in his mind. We were both leaning in toward each other like we were going to kiss (when had that happened?), but he couldn't be the one to close that distance, no matter what the atmosphere was like and no matter my body language. Not after I shut him down this morning. If I wanted to get closer to him, it would be on me.

Too bad I knew better.

I didn't like keeping secrets. I especially didn't like opening myself up to intimacy with someone if I didn't feel like I could bare everything to them. And there were things I just couldn't say to Spencer.

I gave him an awkward smile and got out of the car. After just a few seconds, Spencer followed and we went into the house without another word.

"Thanks again," Spencer said, and disappeared up the stairs. I waited until I heard his door open and shut before following him up.

I knocked on Anna's door and waited a few seconds for a response that never came. She was probably exhausted, but just to be sure nothing was wrong, I cracked open her door and peeked inside. She was tucked into her bed with the blankets pulled up to her chin and her hair spread out on her pillow like a starburst. I was still not used to seeing it like this, kinky and voluminous in its natural state instead of sleeked and straightened or braided like her mother's. But I liked it. It matched her personality more this way and it somehow made her eyes look prettier.

I stepped into the room and quietly shut the door behind myself, then settled into the armchair by the window to scroll through my phone and wait for Anna to wake up. My time might be better spent elsewhere, but I was still scared from everything she was going through. So was she. It was better to stick together.

I tried to concentrate enough to play some word games on my phone, but I couldn't stop thinking about that breakfast this morning. How could I have been stupid enough to take Spencer to Petey's when his aunt would be there? The one who obviously had no idea who he was or that Randall even had a son? He deserved to meet his family, but not like that.

Anna rolled and shifted, groaning in her sleep. She kicked her legs, and kicked them again. She rolled, and then her eyes opened. Anna had a lot of trouble sleeping ever since she started dialysis, so she was always tired. She seemed to realize she was awake and aggravation filled her expression before she caught sight of me.

"Riley," she sighed, sitting up.

"Hey, Annie." I offered her a small smile – the most I could muster – and she returned it.

"Where were you? I saw your car was gone when we got home."

"I took Spencer to Petey's." I didn't say more. I didn't have to. Anna's eyes widened with horror.

"But wasn't Mary Jane there?" My mouth went dry. I nodded instead of answering aloud. Annaliese sighed through her teeth, making a hissing noise. "Damn."

I nodded again, because damn about covered it.

"How did that go?" Anna asked.

I shook my head in bewilderment. "It was good... I think? She's arranging a dinner for tonight."

The idea had been making me anxious. Randall wouldn't be happy with me for leading Mary Jane to find out about Spencer. Gran wouldn't be happy to have been kept in the dark. Kiara wouldn't be happy about the image of her perfect, traditional family being shattered further as more people found out about the child she'd put so much effort into hiding. And Spencer was probably in for a really awkward, uncomfortable night.

But Annaliese, after a few seconds of processing, burst out laughing. She laughed so hard, she snorted and then covered her mouth and nose with her palms. It wasn't enough to muffle her continued chuckles, and I had to smile along with her even though I wasn't in on the joke. "Oh my gosh," she got out around more giggles, "just imagine it! This is going to be awful!"

Ah. I understood now. Annaliese had always been a stress-laugher. Everything except her medical issues was something to be laughed at when it got to be too much. "It's like something from TV," I agreed, setting off another round of laugher.

Her mirth faded and she lay back against her pillows, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers that still peppered her ceiling. "What do you think of Spencer?" she asked quietly.

My gaze flicked toward the door as I felt an uncomfortable wave of paranoia that he might be listening in. But that was foolish. Why would he be? And it's not like we were being loud. Still, I kept my voice low when I answered her. "What do you mean?"

She sighed and pulled at a lock of hair, which sprang back into its natural state as soon as she let go. She did it again before saying, "I mean, do you think he'll be willing to...?"

I understood why she was uncomfortable putting it into words. Everything about this was uncomfortable. So I nodded to let her know I caught her meaning and considered it. Did I think he'd be willing to donate a kidney if he was a match? "I have no idea."

The real question was, could he get past the betrayal in being brought here for that sole purpose? Because he would feel betrayed. And he certainly had some resentment toward this family already. Certainly toward his father, possibly toward his stepmother... and maybe toward myself and Anna, too. I couldn't blame him for it. Just as I couldn't blame him for storming out and never seeing any of us again when this was all over. The thought made my chest ache.

A beeping noise cut through the room and Anna groaned. "I'd better take care of this," she said.

I knew what the noise meant; the cartridge on her insulin pump must be low. It was simple enough to change out, so I heard the message in Anna's words. She wanted a little time to herself. I nodded and stood up. "I'll see you later?"

She smiled, and it looked forced. "Yeah."

I stepped out into the hall and looked at Spencer's shut door. I thought I could hear his voice. Maybe he was on the phone? Maybe it was his mother, or some other family member. Maybe it was a friend. Or... someone closer? I shook my head at myself. I needed to find a way to quash my interest in him and indulging in my curiosity wasn't the way to do it.

I shut myself in my room and picked a random book off my shelf, determined to focus on nothing but black words on white paper for the rest of the afternoon.

--

I pulled Spencer aside later that afternoon when we all congregated downstairs to go to Mary Jane's house. His eyes were wide with nerves and I thought I could just catch a hint of cologne wafting from him. His hair, which was usually a fluffy, wavy mess that looked oddly good on him, had been styled into careful order that I really, really wanted to muss. I was so busy taking him in, I forgot to speak.

"Did you need something?" he asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, sorry. I wondered if you'd rather ride with me. I'm going to take a separate car." I didn't think I needed to explain why. They might all consider me part of the family, but there was a good chance this evening's conversation would be too private. There was also a good chance, I thought, that Spencer might want to make an escape at some point. He wouldn't be able to do that if we all rode together.

He sighed in relief and his eyes filled with gratitude. "Thank you, that would be great."

My heart flopped. Alarmed, I stepped back from him and did my best to shove my unwelcome affection for him down.

"You coming?" Annaliese called. She and her parents were standing by the door, watching us.

"We'll meet you there," I said. Annaliese's brows raised, but she wasn't going to say anything in front of her parents. Kiara went outside without another word and Randall gave us an awkward salute-wave before following her. Anna, with a quirky laugh, copied him before she left, too.

Leaving me and Spencer alone.

"It's funny," he said. "I came here to meet my family, but so far I've mostly been hanging out with you."

His tone made it clear that Spencer found this anything but funny. We walked to my car while I debated how to answer him. "Randall's really trying," I finally said after we climbed in.

Spencer made a face. "Not very hard," he argued.

I'd think the same if I were in Spencer's position. In truth, I thought Randall was just floundering. He'd concocted this elaborate scheme to get Spencer here and to convince him to help Annaliese, but carrying it out was harder than he'd realized. Spencer wasn't just a pawn. He was a living, breathing person who had been deeply wronged by Randall for years. Apologizing wasn't enough, but it was all Randall had been prepared for.

For all his flaws, Randall was a good man. But one of those flaws was that he sort of shut down when he was in the wrong. He couldn't admit it, and even if he did, he'd ignore the problem as long as he could in the hope it would disappear. That wouldn't work here. So, Randall was at a loss.

"He needs time," I said. I glanced at Spencer for a second before turning on the car and starting the quick drive to Mary Jane's. He looked upset. Angry, perhaps.

"If he needed more time, he shouldn't have invited me out yet. I was fine without him."

Oh, Spencer. If this had really been about Spencer at all, he'd be right. But it wasn't about him. It was about helping Annaliese.

Another of Randall's flaws: he had no problem imposing his will on others. Once he decided on a course, he was determined to follow it through – whether or not the participants in his plans agreed. He'd extracted promises from Anna and myself that we wouldn't explain everything to Spencer until Randall deemed it time. Anna handled this by refusing to get close to her brother. Meanwhile, I was too drawn to him to stay away, and it was putting me in a bad position.

"I'm sorry," I finally said after too long.

Spencer shrugged in a dismissal I knew he didn't really mean. "It's not your fault."

Yet, I couldn't help feeling responsible. If not for how Randall was treating him or their wretched history, then for my own part in everything. For agreeing to go along with Randall's plan in the first place. For being too much of a coward to break my word now.

We pulled into Mary Jane's driveway behind Kiara's SUV. Spencer stared at the house with a comical expression of disbelief. "This is Mary Jane's house?" he asked.

I laughed, my dark thoughts dissipating. "Yup."

It was a lot to take in. The siding itself was the bright blue of a robin's egg. There was a whole family of those lawn geese, the ones that could be dressed up in silly costumes. Today, they were all dressed up like various fruits, with two of the five wearing strawberry costumes. She must not have been able to find enough variety for them all to wear something unique. The eave over the front door was lined with wind chimes and dangling swirly decorations that made optical illusions when the breeze spun them. And, to top it all off, the door was painted a vivid shade of yellow.

It only took seeing her house to understand her personality, and I really loved that about it.

There was another car parked at the top of the driveway, which I recognized as Mary Jane's. Her mother lived a couple of houses down, so if Gran was here, she would have walked over.

"Are you ready to go in?" I asked.

"That depends. Are those geese going to come to life when we get close to them?"

I laughed at the silly image. "If they do, I'll protect you," I promised. He rewarded me with a small chuckle of his own, then unbuckled his seat belt.

"Then I guess I'm ready."

Spencer waited for me to come around the car before proceeding up the driveway, and when we neared the geese, he ducked behind me with big, exaggerated movements like he was using me as a human shield. I laughed again. I couldn't help it. It was admirable that, even knowing how tense this dinner was bound to be, he was able to joke around.

I reached for the front door, but Spencer's hand on my arm stopped me. I turned around to find him looking up at me with eyes full of sincerity. "Thank you," he said.

I wasn't entirely sure what he was thanking me for. For driving him here? For indirectly causing the gathering we were about to attend?

"For being a friend," he said, and guilt threatened to drown me. I was no friend to him. If I was, I would have told him everything.

"Don't thank me for that," I told him. Never thank me for that.

Bright eyes lingered on mine for a few more seconds, then flicked to the door behind me. Though he looked nervous, he also looked ready. So I opened the door and led him inside.