Spencer

"Spencer!"

I briefly debated ignoring my mother, but then her footfalls sounded on the stairs and I gave it up as hopeless. Her head popped into my doorway and my irritation faded when I took in the sheen of tears in her eyes and the deeper set to the wrinkles bracketing her mouth and the corner of her eyes, the ones that had only really started showing up in the past couple of years.

"There's someone on the phone for you," she said.

I ignored the way her eyes tightened and focused on how strange it was that I had a call when I knew for a fact my phone hadn't gotten any calls or notifications all day. "On your phone?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes." I stepped forward and held out a hand, but Mom didn't hand over her phone yet. She just sort of stared at me instead. "It's your father," she whispered.

And then it all made sense. The tears, the hesitation. The fact that the call hadn't come in on my phone. My father didn't have my phone number... but he did have hers.

"Really?" I asked, though that was another stupid question, since Mom and I didn't lie to each other. Not even when we really probably should.

"Really." Now she did hold out the phone toward me, but I hesitated.

I had never spoken to my father. Not in all my life. In fact, I was pretty sure we had never laid eyes on each other. He probably didn't even know what I looked like, and I had only seen a couple of grainy photos of him from before he left my mom. It used to make me angry, so angry I would tell myself I had no father at all, since an absent one didn't count. But suddenly, those times felt very foolish. Whether I was angry with him or not – and whether we acknowledged each other or not – there was no changing the truth. There was a man out there who had given me half my DNA. And now, after over twenty years, he finally wanted to talk.

Apparently.

It all seemed a little surreal, but I snapped out of my thoughts when Mom started withdrawing her phone. I had snatched it away from her before I even realized what I was doing.

"I'll talk to him," I said.

"Okay. I'll be downstairs." That was code, I knew. Code for I'm here if you need me.

Only, in this case, it was more like when I needed her. Because just knowing he was on the other end of a call had me aching. I felt hurt and confused, and I didn't even know what he wanted yet.

The door shut softly behind Mom and I sat down on my bed before bringing the phone to my ear. I took in a deep breath, then released it. "Hello?"

"Spencer?" a man said.

"Yeah, it's me."

There was a brief pause before I heard him sigh. "Listen... I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I know I was never there for you when you were growing up and I want to make it right. Get to know you."

I had gone into this without any expectations, but if I'd made a list of reasons I thought he might be calling, this would have been near the bottom.

"You... really?"

"Yeah. I don't know what your plans are for the summer, but would you consider coming out and staying with me?"

If I'd been surprised before, I was floored now. If he'd made this phone call when I was a kid, or maybe even when I was a teen, I would have been over the moon. Now, I couldn't get past the confusion. "Why?"

"Like I said, I want to get to know you."

"No, I mean, why now? After all this time?"

There was a long pause before he finally said, "My daughter recently had a health scare. I almost lost her. Life is too short, you know? People always say that, but lately I've been really feeling it. I don't want to waste any more time. And I want to get to know my son."

I could hear the emotion in my father's voice, and it was almost enough to cancel out the hurt at the reminder that I was the child he'd chosen not to keep.

I knew all about my sister, Annaliese. Our moms had gotten pregnant around the same time, and our father had chosen to abandon my mother and marry hers. Most days, I really hated her for being the one who got to grow up with a dad. It wasn't fair to her, but it's not like my resentment hurt anyone but me so I never felt too bad for nurturing it.

"What happened to her?" I asked as I tried to sort through how I was feeling. Some sick part of myself felt almost vindicated knowing her life wasn't all sunshine and daisies.

"We don't need to get into all that now. This isn't about Anna. Right now, I'm a man reaching out to his son, asking for a chance," my father said.

"I don't know," I said, because I really didn't. It was probably stupid not to jump on this opportunity after a lifetime of yearning for a phone call just like this one, but now that it was happening, I was a jumble of confusion and negativity. I needed to talk to my mom and clear my head before I made any big decisions.

"That's fair. The offer stands. We'd love to have you out for the summer. It's your last break before you graduate college, right? This might be the best chance we have."

He wasn't wrong. It would be a lot harder to spend a long chunk of time away from home once summer ended. I'd have to get serious about finding a job and putting down roots. Knowing that, I almost wanted to agree just to keep from missing out. But I really did need some time.

"Can I think about it and call you back?" I asked.

"Of course. Just let me know what you decide. You can reach me at this number."

"Okay. Bye."

I hung up before he could say anything else and add to the jumbled chaos that was my mind and stared at my door for a few solid minutes, trying to process everything that had just happened. Then, I went downstairs to find my mother.

She was sitting on the couch with her legs pulled up and her arms wrapped around them, looking impossibly pretty with tears streaming down her face. I always wished I'd inherited that ability from her. When I cried, it was ugly. Snot everywhere, huge red splotches all over my skin, and I couldn't seem to help scrunching up my face into a truly hideous expression.

She wiped her cheeks with her sleeves and held out her arms to me when I approached, and I joined her on the couch. I leaned against her with her arms around me, feeling like a little kid in the best, most comforting way.

"What did he want?" she asked.

"He wants me to visit him for the summer," I said, feeling curiously hollow. It was like the jumble of emotions had short-circuited something inside me and left me unable to feel anything at all.

Mom's arms tightened around me and I really hoped she didn't start crying again. She had cried enough tears over that man.

It took her a few moments, but she eventually asked, "Do you think you'll do it?"

I shook my head. "No idea. It's weird, right?"

Mom huffed a little laugh. "It's not weird for a father to want to know his child. But it is weird that it took him twenty-one years to get there."

I laughed, too, even though it wasn't funny. "Something happened to-" to my sister. "To Annaliese. I guess it was pretty bad and she almost died or something."

Mom shifted, so I sat up to look at her. Her smile was wobbly and forced and her eyes were full of pain. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you. I bet it would change the way I saw the world."

"So you think he might be for real?" I asked hesitantly. Afraid to believe it. Afraid not to.

"Maybe. You won't know unless you take the risk... but you don't owe him anything, Spence. Make this decision for yourself and no one else."

"Not even for you?" I asked. "I don't want to leave you alone for the summer." Especially not to go spend time with the man who had put her through so much.

"Not even for me," Mom said, like I knew she would. She never took herself into account when I was involved, so it was my job to do it. And I didn't like the idea of abandoning her like this.

Mom's eyes searched my face. "For what it's worth, I think you should go."

I wasn't fooled; she hadn't made that judgment until she got a good look at me. She was only saying what she thought I wanted to hear.

I loved her for it.

"Maybe I could just go for a week or two. It doesn't have to be the whole summer," I reasoned.

"Maybe," Mom said, like it didn't matter much to her either way. I knew it did, though.

I sat back against the couch, pretending for a little while longer I hadn't made my decision. Mom switched on the TV and we watched a competitive cooking show, something that was easy to tune out and tune back into as my mind reeled.

I'd call my dad tomorrow.