Nigeria, Abuja.

Part six; Best Last Moments.

Hello Ya Ashraf,

This might sound wicked or awful to hear but when our paternal grandfather died, that was the best moment of my life!

No kidding.

It was the best because HE left for three good months to settle the division of inheritance.

I was happy and free even though Aunty Hafsat did not lessen the work on me.

I did as she said happily continuing my studies.

Do you remember the day you picked me up from school and took me to a nice restaurant? That is the best moment of my life.

We were laughing and eating and just being the carefree teenagers we were meant to be.

You told me about the scholarship you gained at a university.. I had no idea you even applied for a scholarship but I was so happy for you.

Finally.. we were getting the life we deserved.

Until HE came home. I was terrified waiting for him to come stomping inside my room but he didn't.

I can remember sitting on the floor, awake all night fearing his entrance but he did not come.

Maybe it's cause his father died and he had a change of heart or something but whatever it was, I was so grateful he didn't come.

It went on for months. I barely saw him...

But I knew it was too good to be true.. it had to be.

One night, he came in drunk. He said he was waiting for me to turn eighteen but he can't get enough of me.

I was so sick to death Ya Ashraf.

It was horrible.

He raped me badly that night that even Aunty Hafsat heard my yell for help.

She came rushing towards me, begging him to stop. Trying to get me away from him because he looked so scary that night. He hit her up, beat her badly. I was crying desperately trying to get him to stop but he did not. Instead, he beat me up also.

He left home for two weeks.

During that time, Aunty Hafsat and I bonded nurturing each other's wounds. She cried holding me in her embrace praying for me. She prayed so hard like a mother witnessing her child go through living hell.

It was the best last moments we spent together.

Because when HE returned,

He divorced Aunty Hafsat.

He divorced her at that instant asking her to go with his three kids.

I can remember the last thing she said to me, "May Allah keep you safe Aamirah. Run when you have the chance and never return"

I can remember the look of helplessness on her face,

The look of confusion on her children's face,

The look of my wrecked up future.

The look on his face.

It was at that moment I made up my mind to tell you everything!

I was going to tell you everything Ya Ashraf but you never returned to me.

Love,
Mimi.

***

Part seven; Nightmare.

Dear Ya Ashraf,

It hurts so bad to write this. My heart aches badly, my fingers are shaky, my soul is crying. I am crying.

I miss you so much.

I miss you.

I miss you.

The day Mama left was awful,

The day HE raped me was awful,

The day Aunty Hafsat left was awful,

But the day you left for good.. was HORRIBLE.

It was a nightmare.

I remember cooking lunch in the kitchen few days after Aunty Hafsat left.. it felt so weird working in the quiet house without her beside me washing the plates or feeding the kids.

The door bell rang so I quickly ran to open the door... I wish I did not open it because right before me was your corpse.

Your boss said it was a natural death but was it really?

Tell me! Please. Who killed you?

Ya Allah. I sound crazy.. writing to my dead brother, asking him if he died naturally or if someone murdered him..

I am officially losing my mind.

This is crazy and stupid.

You are not here.

You are dead.

You are not coming back.

You are gone.

If it makes you feel better, your death was my biggest nightmare.

Love,
Mimi.

***

Part seven and a half; My Hero.

Dearest sweet Ya Ashraf,

This is a letter from a heartbroken sister who misses her elder brother so much.

The truth is.. your death wasn't completely a nightmare.

It was the moment I realized just how much I needed you.

Just how much I love you and how much of a hero you are.

Here is the thing,

I will never stop missing you.

I will never stop loving you.

I will never stop thinking about you.

I will never forget about you.

I will never forget the time you sacrificed everything just for me to live a good life.

I will never forget how you smile.

I will never forget how much you loved to tease me.

I will never forget you Ya Ashraf because you are My Hero.

Just so you know I cannot wait for the day we will reunite in Jannah Inshallah, then I will hug you so tight you will say, "Mimi stop it!"

Thank you for being the best brother ever.

I love you forever.

***

It took her all night to muster the courage to write part seven and the half of her letters.

When she closes her eyes, everything plays before her.

She can see Ya Ashraf laying on the cold tiles dead. Cold. Lifeless.

Aamirah broke down into heavy, heart wrenching tears. She misses her brother. So much it hurts.

She can never forget her reaction when Ya Ashraf's dead body was laid before her. She had let out a blood curling yell touching his face.

It felt foreign.

His face was cold under her fingers.

She brushed his eyebrow but he did not move.

He didn't even try to beat her hand like he usually does.

Instead he laid there, because he was dead.

His soul has been taken away from him leaving only his body.

Aamirah didn't know whether she is dreaming or hallucinating but when the door was pushed open, she saw Khaleel standing right there.

Khaleel is standing right by the door dressed in his blue jeans and white buttoned up shirt.

She pulled her knees to her chest crying heavily.

It feels like he is being drawn to her walking slowly after pushing the door behind him.

His eyes are locked on hers watching her with so much pure love..

Aamirah couldn't hold it back in because when he sat beside on the bed, she lost herself in his sweet love consuming everything he is willingly giving her and even taking more.

She cried so hard wrapping her hands around him burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Khaleel did not talk, rather he wrapped his hands around her back pulling her closer to him.

Experiencing the feel of her heart breaking underneath him.

The soul crying hiccups,

The soul shattering gasp for air.

He felt everything beneath him and he hates every second of it.

"Khaleel.. I miss him so much" she confessed biting on her lower lip so hard.

Khaleel did not release his hold around her rather he kissed her neck softly sending thousand shivers down her spine.

"You are healing Aamirah"

Ya Rabbi.

There he goes again with the toe curling, heart soothing Aamirah.

"It doesn't feel like I'm healing"

Khaleel adjust her in his hold until her head is pressed against his chest listening to his racing heartbeat.

He took a deep breath.

"Tell me about him"

"You would have loved him Khaleel. Ya Ashraf was the best brother ever and he had the purest souls. My happiness and well being has always been his first priority. When Mama left, he was heartbroken, that broke a part of him but he never let me see that side of him that was hurt. He hid it away from me only showing me the positive side of him. He was so cool and nice and funny and handsome.." she let out a shaky laugh.

"He loved teasing me and treating me like a baby even though he is only three years older than me. He acted like the big brother he was and he took the responsibility of taking care of me. He was the best Khaleel. He was my hero and now, he is gone Khaleel. He is dead. He is no more" the tears returned so hard.

"It was always Ashraf and Aamirah now it's just me"

Khaleel tilt her head backwards so he is facing her. He stared at her with so much love she almost fell backwards from the intensity of it.

"No, it's now Khaleel and Aamirah" he pressed his lips to her kissing so fast trying to savour her taste.

Aamirah did not see that coming but that did not stop her from kissing him back.

She did, eagerly.

Consuming the feel of him.

Consuming the whole of Khaleel.

Consuming the whole of her peace.

"You are healing Mimi. When I walked inside this room, I had no idea what was going through your mind. I had no idea who you were talking about but now I do. Because you told me. Because you are healing enough for you to tell me all this." He breathe as she tried to recover from the moment they shared.

"Thank you for trusting me and your brother sounds lovely. I would have loved to meet him and I am so grateful you had him by your side, I am so happy you had someone who loves you this much.." he inhaled sharply.

"Someone who loves you just like I do Aamirah.."

"Someone who sees your worth and the whole of you.."

Khaleel did not expect a smile on her face but when she smiled, it was everything he dreamed for and more.

"Do you want to read my letters?" She asked curiously.

Khaleel glanced at the stack of letters on the bed..

"How about when you finish writing? Right now, let's get you home"

Aamirah broke into happy tears.

"Is it okay?"

"Mimi do you want to go home with me or not?"

"Yes, please"

"Then let's go, Raina is waiting"

***

When Khaleel said let's go home, she was not expecting him to drive to Batool's house but he did. She stayed in the car for so long fidgeting with her fingers while Khaleel unbuckled Raina from her car seat.

After she was discharged from the hospital, they went over to Ya Maamah's house to pick Raina up but then Ya Maamah pampered her feeding her asking about her health and letting her sleep for a while. They spent almost four hours before driving here.. to Batool's house.

Aamirah glanced at Khaleel worriedly. He is holding a sleeping Raina in his hand while waiting for her to get down from the car.

"Khaleel.."

"Batool wants you here. She wants you to stay here for sometime" he caught her off. "But if you are not comfortable then I'll take you to the other house"

"This is wrong.."

"Get down, please"

She sighed doing as told. They walked inside the neat, sparkling, dust free house. Khaleel excused himself to get Raina to bed while she walked to the room she used to stay in before. It is neat and soothing just like the rest of the house.

Aamirah knows Batool is in the hospital and will not be home until the next morning. She didn't feel comfortable being at her house when she is not here but Khaleel said she insisted. Batool insisted.

When Khaleel returned, she has already taken a hot shower and changed into clean pyjamas. He ordered dinner for them and they ate talking casually.

Aamirah has never been this comfortable talking to anyone but Khaleel. With him, everything seems easier. Life is easier.

When she yawned again, Khaleel kissed her goodnight and left to sleep with Raina.

He knows she needs to heal alone. On her own. As much as he craves her presence, being in the same house with her is more than enough.

She is more than enough for him.

***
Ramadan Mubarak!!!!!

A sweet, beautiful, healing chapter because this is a very blessed and wonderful month of the year.

May Allah shower your home with more blessings and use this month to wipe away Covid-19 from the face of earth. Ameen.

Updates will be slow cause we all need to take time off and read the Qur'an, listen to online lectures, drop negative energy, become the best version of ourselves and ask for forgiveness.

May Allah make it easy for us.

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