Nigeria, Abuja.

Part eight; Hajiya Hiba

Dearest sweet loving caring Ya Ashraf,

Okay before you start giving me the weird look wondering why I'm being nice let me tell you that I don't want anything from you.. I just need you to be calm. Because what I am about to tell you is life changing.. it is awful.

Here it goes..

When Aunty Hafsat left, people started talking. It was improper of him to stay in a house with only his niece. People spoke. They talked so loud he couldn't hide away from it.

So we left.. me and him.

He bought a new house in the other side of town and well, we lived I guess.

I was utterly shaken up by your death already so I could care less what he did to me.. I was numb. I just, I couldn't feel anything. I did not feel ANYTHING.

He always left minimum food for me. My job is to satisfy his needs, clean the small two bedroom house, cook for him and eat his leftovers.

I was dead Ya Ashraf.

Until I met a woman one day in the market. She was buying foodstuffs and I was next beside her waiting for my turn when a man accidentally brushed his hands on my back. I let out a blood curling yell falling to the ground shaking and crying. And crying. Right there in the market while everyone watched curiously.. disturbed.

Only Hajiya Hiba moved close to me worriedly wrapping her hands around me and calming me down.

I don't know how but when I woke up, I was in her house. She was looking at me concerned, so concerned I burst into tears of joy. I haven't seen that look in such a long time.. it felt weird.

A lot happened but let me just tell you that Hajiya Hiba is like a mother to me. You would have loved her.

She is sweet, kind, gentle and she has a very pure heart. I told her my story and she was very sympathetic with me. She promised to help me no matter what

The first time she tried talking to him, he beat me up badly. He threatened to kill me if I involved outsiders in his business and I was so scared.

Hajiya Hiba did not give up on me.

She meets up with me when he is not around to feed me, clean me up and console me. She even brought her daughter Sakinah. I was healing slowly.

Then, it all came crashing down.

This is so disgusting..

But Hajiya Hiba saw the signs first.

I can clearly remember the look of horror on her face when she noticed.

It was horrible.

I couldn't believe it, not until I took a test.

I, Aamirah was pregnant at the mere age of sixteen.

I was pregnant with my rapist child.

My rapist who is my uncle.

My uncle who was suppose to protect me.

Protect me from people with ugly characters.

I am ashamed to say this but that night,

I almost committed suicide.

I know your probably angry at me and you will probably start lecturing me on how Islam frowns on suicide but I was just so lost.

The worst part is.. I killed a human being.

I killed the child in me..

My own child.

Love,
Mimi.

***

Nightmares.

Aamirah could barely sleep after writing another letter.

The moment she closed her eyes it feels as if she is back in Sudan locked up in a two bedroom house whilst drowning in blood.

Her own blood.

Oozing blood that left from her body.

Another nightmare that had her awake was seeing him, her rapist.

She can clearly see him walking towards her with a sinister smile on his face moving closer and closer until he forcefully ripped her clothes off.

Sweat.

Draining heavy pool of sweat surrounds her.

She jumped up from bed frightened glancing at the time.

It is five o'clock, a little bit after Fajr so she quickly rushed to the bathroom to perform ablution.

Aamirah fell in Sujood.

She cried to Allah restoring a little piece of her that broke off because certainly, Al-Maalik Qudoos is the all hearer. He hears and he fulfils.

When she finished praying, she leaned on the wall pressing her knees hard to her chest before letting the tears flow.

Line by line.

Drop by drop.

Tear by tear.

She cried for the different position of life she viewed.

She cried for her mother and for the innocent babies involved in the mess of her life.

When she heard the gentle knock on the door, she quickly wiped away her tears croaking out an audible, come in. The door was pushed slowly and Khaleel entered assessing her. He knew without a doubt she has been crying even though she tried hard to hide away from him.

"Assalamualaikum.." he said standing few feet away from her.

Aamirah adjust her hijab sniffing back her tears. "Wa'alaikum Salaam"

He let out a deep breath sitting beside her on the floor. Then, they kept quiet for a while just simply thinking and staring at the neatly made bed

"What happened?"

Aamirah inhaled deeply, "Nothing"

"Why are you lying to me?"

She kept mum fidgeting with her fingers nervously.

"Do you trust me?"

She bit her lip so hard to stop the tears from falling. That's an insane question. Of course she trusts him, if not she will not be here sitting comfortably with him two inches away from her. She will not have married him or hugged him or opened up to him. That's insane.

"Aamirah.."

There he goes again with the toe curling Aamirah...

"Khaleel please, don't, stop. Okay?" She said harshly taking a deep breath. She can feel his eyes on her, worriedly staring at her confused.

"What did I do?"

"Stop with the toe curling Aamirah. I just.. it's"

He chuckled lowly surprised. "What toe curling Aamirah?"

"Ya Rabbi" she gasped as realisation hit her before burying her face in her palms. Khaleel found that amusing because he broke into laughter while she died from embarrassment.

"Tell me more.. what is this toe curling thing I say that messes you up? I'm curious.."

Aamirah shot her head up glaring at him playfully.

"Mimi, tell me" he laughed some more.

"Are you here to tease me?"

"Not exactly"

"Then why are you here?"

He let out a shaky breath before moving closer to her until there is no more space between them. Aamirah stilled watching him curiously.. she furrowed her eyebrows while he gently caressed her cheek staring deep inside her as if he is unraveling her mysteries. Leaf by leaf. Layer by layer.

"We all have demons chasing us Mimi. Just because I don't show mine doesn't mean I don't have it.. it means I hide is well. Really well" he whispered genuinely.

"Your safe Aamirah and wallahi you are healing.."

"It's okay to cry but letting your past eat you up is not okay.."

She broke into a shaky cry "It's hard Khaleel.. wallahi I'm trying so hard. Every night I go to sleep i see him.. he is right there waiting for me. Tonight, it was so real. He seemed so real.. I thought he found me.. I thought.." she stopped midway letting the tears flow heavily.

Khaleel pulled her closer so he is embracing her heart to heart. He let his hands roam around he back, comforting her and just when he realised how far he has gone, Aamirah did not think it was wrong.

She was more than okay with that much to his surprise.

"Don't stop, please"

He gently removed her hijab letting it drop the ground beside him. Aamirah rest her head on his chest embracing the feel of him close to her. So close she is drowning in his abyss of warmness and love.

"You are safe. He is never finding you Aamirah because.. You are mine"

She inhaled sharply when his hand traced her collar bone teasingly.

"You are with me. Do you understand that?"

She nod her head unable to talk.

It was too much.

Too much teasing.

Too much touching.

Too much pureness.

"Answer me" he pleaded gently reaching for her cheeks with his fingers.

"Yes"

"No Aamirah," he said firmly looking at her so deep in the eyes she wants to hide away from him. "Answer me."

That is when it clicked.

It clicked so hard she gasped softly.

It feels like someone blocked the air out of her because her breath hitched in her throat. She sat there, watching him. Anticipating his move but he gave her zero reaction she craves.

She closed her eyes firmly taking in a couple of steady breaths then she moved closer and closer and closer until there is nothing between her and Khaleel.

Nothing at all.

"Aamirah.."

Ya Rabeel Aalameen.. the toe curling Aamirah!

"Stop messing me up" she whispered before hastily locking her lips on his. Khaleel didn't see it coming from a moment but when he did he did not hold back. It feels like a dream. A good dream. He doesn't know how he managed to do it but being able to have Aamirah to himself willingly is a big miracle.

When he walked inside her room, he didn't expect for them to come out on a different level of togetherness.

But they did.

So forcefully.

"When you say Aamirah that way, you mess me up so bad it's not even funny.." she breathe slightly moving away from his personal space.

"I had no idea"

"Khaleel.."

"Na'am Aamirah?"

She buried her head in the crook of his neck while he bursted into a resonating, booming laughter. "Okay I won't use that against you. I'm sorry Mimi.. look at me, please"

"I'm going to Kaduna for some days.." that gained her attention because she quickly looked up at her. "You'll be fine. You have Batool and Ya Maamah will stop by frequently.."

"Okay"

"Okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine Inshallah"

"Yes Mimi" he looked at her determined before kissing her lips sweetly, "You will be fine"

***

Aamirah is grateful.

Grateful for Khaleel.

Before Khaleel, she never had a voice. She never had an opinion or a choice or the right to make a move. It has always been the other person's right but now, she is entitled to all this rights.

When he let her make the first move, it took everything in her not to let out a loud squeal. She has a choice.

She has a voice.

The right to either pull him closer or push him away.

It was all in her power and she chose what she wants, what she craves..

Aamirah pulled him closer.

So close, there is no going back from this.

It was meant to be. Her meeting Khaleel was meant to be.

She laughed subconsciously thinking about the moment they shared earlier before he left for Kaduna. As much as she wants him to stay, Aamirah knows she has to do this alone.

She needs to recover alone. On her own.

Not that having Khaleel is a bad thing.. it's okay to have someone help you go through hard times. It's okay to let someone pick you up but that is not for Khaleel. She wants to heal on her own.. for him. For them. For their marriage.

She can only allow Batool to help her for now.

It is for Batool to help her because Aamirah feels the insanely unexplained pull to Batool who has been nothing but nice to her.

Regardless of everything, she knows Khaleel will always be there for her.

Always be there when she needs a hand.

She heard the short knock on the door followed by a push. Batool is standing there sleepily with Raina perched on her hips, "Hello Aamirah, how are you feeling?"

Aamirah smiled at the sight of Raina cutely watching her, "Fine Alhamdulilah. You just got back?"

"Yes and I'm knackered out but mummy duty calls.." she said laughing. "Do you want to join us for breakfast?"

Aamirah stilled. "Sure, if it's okay with you.."

"Mimi, join us"

She followed Batool to the kitchen were they quickly prepared breakfast. Then, they all sat on the dinning table and ate together. Aamirah could see how tired Batool is because she kept yawning while trying to feed Raina so she offered to help.

"Siddiqa will take care of her" Batool said.

"I can help"

Batool nod her head thanking her before silently walking to her room to take a nap. Raina was so occupied with Aamirah to notice.. she was such a sweet baby blabbering and being a source of laughter for Aamirah.

Night came by quickly. Aamirah had spent the day with Raina and Siddiqa but eventually, a sleep satisfied Batool joined them.

When she got under the covers, she slept instantly.

It was so easy to sleep that night but it was caught short.

She had a dream. A sweet dream until it wasn't so sweet.

It was back at her original home.

She was in the kitchen preparing a jug of tea for her family before joining them all in the living room.

Mama is seated on the couch laughing at something Ashraf said while Baba was shaking his head with a small smile on his lips. Little Amina is seating on the carpet playing with a rattle while laughing along.

Aamirah smiled joining them, she handed Baba his cup of tea first who kissed her forehead lovingly. Then she served Mama who looked at her longingly, sweetly, motherly, "May Allah bless you Mimi na"

It felt so real Aamirah found herself replying, "Ameen Mama na. Alright Ya Ashraf this is yours.."

"Mimi you make the worst tea" he teased, "But since you insist, I'll have it" she rolled her eyes frowning slightly before Ya Ashraf grabbed his cup. They all laughed while Aamirah sat beside Amina and dropped her on her lap.

It was all so good until Mama gripped her head and muttered a loud Dua.

Aamirah gasped looking at her mother worriedly.. "Baba!!!" She yelled but her mother had already fallen to the ground. "Baba!" She yelled again but her father has also fallen on the ground with a loud thud. She turned to Ya Ashraf for help but he is also laying on the ground, dead.

She let out a loud alarming yell looking over at her baby sister whose eyes are close. Dead.

They are all dead.

Her family.

Her parents.

Aamirah quickly jump up crying loudly. She let out a blood curling yell running to wake up her dead family.

Then, the door was opened forcefully. Aamirah saw him walking closer and closer to her. She gasped crying hysterically, begging him to leave her. Begging him take her family to the hospital even though she knows that they are dead. Gone.

"I'm your only family. Obey me Aamirah" he hastily remove her clothes closing her mouth with his palm.

She screeched.

She thrashed.

She cried.

She begged him.

But all she received is a soul shattering slap on her face.

"Obey me!" He snarled.

"Obey me"

"Obey me"

Numbness.

Aamirah woke up with a loud yell trying to comprehend what had happened.

It was all dream yet it felt so real.

So damn real she has no idea what to do.

She can feel the demons holding her down, begging her to let go. To join them. To join them down there and give in to darkness.

She slowly walked to the bathroom shaking vibrantly, then she grabbed the hair dryer and hit the mirror with it.

It wasn't until she got a big piece of glass that she let the tears wash her face.

She digged her lap,

Digged and digged and digged..

She failed Batool..

She broke her promise to Khaleel because right now,

She has given in to the darkness.

She has fallen,

Deeply.

***
Assalamualaikum.. i am so ashamed this is turning so late but I want to upload only the best for you guys so sorry not sorry.

On a different note, how is Ramadan going? May Allah accept our ibadah and grant us all our heart wishes.

WHAT DO YOU THINK???? One word for this chapter... (Intense🥺) I can already imagine how heartbroken Khaleel will be when he finds out...🤧🤧 But seriously tho, that was a lot!!!!!

Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, I want to say thank you to all of you for reading this book. And i promise you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel❤️❤️❤️

We will get to the good part, it might take a little longer but we are getting there.

My romance mushy teary love in all different shades of awe.. hang in there😂 we will get there Inshallah.

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