One Year Later

Nightmares, again.

This time it wasn't Ya Zeezee or Mama that visited him, it was Ya Khadi. She was dressed in a black flowing hijab and her face illuminated so bright he almost didn't believe it was her. She looks nothing like the Ya Khadi he last met, the one with tears stricken face, red swollen eyes and scars all over her face from physical assault.

The Ya Khadi he met earlier was much more healthier. She was beaming, as if none of Hassan ever happened to her. They didn't talk much.. only about memories from the past. She teased him a lot about how he used to follow Batool all around the house like one pest.

Khaleel only laughed finding it funny but the truth is he has always been obsessed with Batool and he will always be overly obsessed with her.

It wasn't until he asked the question that has been bothering him, how are you here? That's when Ya Khadi stopped laughing and stared off into space for a long time. He can clearly recall her reply, the way her eyes dilated and her nose flared in anger.

She suddenly looked tensed. "Khaleel stop beating yourself over this. What happened has already happened, you can't change the past. Batool doesn't need this right now, she needs you, her habibiey"

His smile fell from his face too, suddenly he wants to cry. "I should have been there for her!"

Ya Khadi smiled. "It's okay Khaleel.. it will be okay. It will be okay. It's going to be.. Okay!"

Just like that, she was gone.

He sighed holding the box of chocolate croissants with cup of coffee in his hand. Ever since they arrived in Dubai, Batool wants this for breakfast every day so he wakes up extra early to get it for her.

The elevator is free mostly because people are still sleeping but he prefers to use the stairs even though their hotel room is on the third floor. He needs to exercise some more and free his mind from his disturbing nightmare before he meets Batool.

When he finally arrived, he heaved a deep breath before unlocking the door with the card in his pocket and pushing the door widely with his foot. Batool is awake.. he can hear the clatters of the closet opening so he walked straight to the room.

"Hi, Habibiey" she called closing the closet and moving to hug him.

"Good morning love. How are you feeling?"

"Better now that my breakfast is here" she replied sitting on the bed before quickly opening up the pack of croissants.

"Fateemah, answer me, please" he said worriedly searching her face for any sign of discomfort or pain.

"Khaleel.. it's nothing"

He exhaled deeply sitting beside her, "Where are you feeling pain?"

The tears wash down her face hard and fast without warning. She kept the food away quickly when Khaleel engulf her in a hug worriedly.

"Subhanalilah, habibty don't cry. Let's go to the hospital now.."

"No" she replied crying heavily. "They can't fix me Khaleel. They can't fix this"

His heart dropped in the pit of his stomach, his feet is cold, pale cold he is afraid blood is not flowing through his body anymore. "Don't say that Fateemah, Doctor Falak says–"

"Ibraheem just stop it. Stop it! I don't want to hear anything! I don't want to stay here longer. I just want to go back home.. I'm tired. Ya Rabbi!" She cried standing up. "I miss Raina, I want to go home to my baby"

Nodding his head, he stood up also. "You don't have to cry, I'll book our flight immediately, alright, love?"

"Okay" she breathe.

"I'm sorry"

She inhaled sharply, "I'm sorry too habibiey but my body can't go through this again. I've tried so many times but I can't hold a baby in my womb. I can't carry our child. The IVF didn't work two times I don't think it will work the third time.. the surgeries, the bedrest, the injections and many hospital appointments won't work. I know this is a test from Allah and maybe just maybe if I keep trying we will get there but I can't keep getting my hopes high just to watch the crash. I don't want to have anymore miscarriages, I don't want to name another child that I will never hold in my hands. I don't want that... Innalilahi wa'ina ilayhi raji'un" she collapsed on the floor crying heavily.

"Fa'inna ma'aal usri Yusrah. Indeed with every hardship comes ease. Don't you have faith in your Lord anymore?" Khaleel asked sitting beside her.

"I do"

"If Allah wants he will give us a child.."

"I know"

"We don't have to keep trying if you don't want to Batool.. it's your choice. Coming to Dubai was your choice. I was never in support of this but you were persistent and I'll do anything for you"

Batool laid her head on his lap feeling overly drained. She thanked Allah for giving her a husband like Khaleel, Khaleel himself who loves her so much. Who never taunted her about her infertility but rather supported her every decision and loved her all through.

"Do you ever wonder what our lives will be if Ilham had survived?" She asked after a short pause.

"Yes," Khaleel admit. He thinks about that a lot. What will their lives be like?

"She would have been one today" Batool murmured feeling the heaviness on her chest.

It hasn't been easy, not at all. Sometimes he thinks about a life where he never left Batool. Where he didn't follow Aamirah to Maiduguri or stay an extra night there.. maybe he will be there with Batool when she started feeling pains and rush her to the hospital. Maybe the doctors will be able to save their baby, Ilham. Maybe Batool wouldn't have to undergo an impromptu surgery that left her weak and shattered for months. Maybe they won't be here.. in a foreign country laying on the floor of the hotel, weeping and praying for a child. Just a living version of their love.

"I don't blame you for Ilham's death" Batool said.

The tears roll down his face shamelessly. "I should have been there with you Habibty"

"It's not your fault, Khaleel"

No. This is all on him. If only he never met Aamirah and proposed the deal of a stupid marriage contract then he won't be off in Maiduguri while his wife bleed to death. The death of their baby girl.

"Do you know how hard it was to find you in a pool of blood? Or to hear the doctors say, you should have brought her sooner?"

Batool was mute.

"What type of husband does that make me?"

"The best husband ever for having the strength to bury three kids"

Khaleel felt the pain shoot through his heart. The first one, a boy, just two months after their marriage. He can remember the pain just like yesterday, Batool cried so hard like no other. The second was a girl, it happened little before he left for Sudan. Batool was stronger, she drowned herself in work just like he did. The third one just a year ago.. after he came back from Maiduguri, he met Batool laying on the floor in a pool of blood. She was all alone in the house because Raina was over in Ya Maamah's for the day with her nanny.

He can remember the pain he felt when Batool woke up and realized what happened. He cried so hard he never thought it was possible to do that. Not even Batool could stop him because she was dealing with her loss too. It was a lot but when she was finally coming out from her shell, she told him that she named her Ilham. It's easier to cope with the pain, I guess. She said.

"Can you book our flight for tomorrow? I want one more night with my habibiey before little miss Raina snatch her daddy from me"

Khaleel laughed wiping away his tears before reaching to get his phone.

"What should we do today?"

"Anything"

Khaleel is already thinking of things they can do. Maybe he can book them a table for two at the Burj Khalifa to have dinner or something. He immediately started making plans for the night because Batool is in such a good mood. Who knows maybe tomorrow she won't be as strong as today so he is taking advantage of that.

As much as he can.

***

The wind is blowing strong, the cloud is forming angrily and the sound of thunder is a rude awakening for everyone stranded by the street looking for a fast way home. Aamirah knows she has to get home fast if not the rain will have no sympathy for her and she might end up on the street for hours.

She sighed deeply standing amidst strangers who are looking for a taxi just like her but it's as if the taxi drivers are on strike because they are no where to be found.

The roar of thunder brought her out from her trance. Sighing deeply, she pulled her phone out to call Abdul who is apparently stuck in traffic.

"Hello, Ya Mimi, the traffic is bad it might take me two hours to reach there"

Aamirah groaned annoyed. Ya Rabbi! What a day!

"Okay"

"Why don't you call Yusuf? His office is nearby I'm sure he can drop you home" Abdul said making Aamirah to roll her eyes. Her and Yusuf in the same car? Oh God, No!!

"No thank you, I'll rather wait for you"

He sighed softly before ending the call. Few minutes later, Aamirah felt the first drops of rain hit her head that is when she realized she is done for. It's raining heavily, just in a blink of an eye so without wasting another second, she called Yusuf.

"Assalamualaikum"

"Wa'alaikum Salaam, Yusuf, sorry to disturb you but can you please pick me up?"

"Of course, where are you?"

"Just a short distance away from your office. In front of Hamisu bakery"

"Okay, I'll be right there"

"Thank you" she replied hanging up and moving to find shelter in the parking lot of the bakery. She sighed deeply annoyed at the thought that she is entering the same car with Yusuf. That too his car! Subhanalilah.. this is awful.. what if he takes this the wrong way or something? No. She will warn him off. She just hopes Amina doesn't know about this one day if not she won't stop frowning on this.

She sighted the white Honda Civic driving towards the bakery so she skipped through the rain and jumped in the passenger's seat. Thank God Yusuf was sensible enough to turn on the heater because she is freezing.

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" He asked while she buckled her seatbelt.

"Because Abdul is on his way to pick me up.. that reminds me, let me call him"

When she told Abdul about the ride she got, he was more than relieved because then he can just take a shortcut home.

"Is this about Amina?" Yusuf sighed making Aamirah slightly uncomfortable.

"Don't tell her about this please, you know how she is"

Yusuf sighed nodding his head. "How is Mama doing? It's been awhile since we met"

"She is fine, Alhamdulilah"

"And her health?"

Aamirah bit on her lip, "She will be better InshaAllah.. we've had better days"

"May Allah grant her quick recovery"

"Ameen, thank you" she murmured indicating the end of their conversation. Her thoughts drifted off to a year ago when Mama's chronic illness started. It was the same day she told Mama about Sudan, every thing about Sudan. Amina and Mama had cried so hard that day hearing her narrate the story and as much as Aamirah hated to hear Mama blame herself for everything, she for awhile started to believe Mama is the cause behind everything. Especially when she told her the reason she left her father.

He told her about how he is marrying another woman and just because she can't stand a co-wife, she left. She left just like that as if their years of marriage meant nothing to her.

Aamirah couldn't believe it, she cried and stopped talking to Mama because even looking at her hurt her deeply. What would have happened if Mama had stayed with her husband despite him marrying another woman? Then she will definitely have lived a better life. Maybe Ya Ashraf will still be alive. Maybe her uncle would have never had the chance to rape her and ruin her life. Maybe Aunty Hafsat will still be in her husband's house living peacefully. Maybe she would have completed her education, memorized the Qur'an and grow up with Amina.

It was a lot to take in especially when she remembered Batool's kindness.

Ya Rabeel Aalameen.. Batool is the most extraordinary, kind-hearted and strongest woman she knows. Even her mother wasn't strong enough to share her husband with another woman but Batool.. Batool was strong enough to be a sister for her.

Subhanalilah! She cried so hard but eventually got over it when Mama collapsed one day from a weak heart. Since that day, the hospital trips because because her mother's heart has never been the same and it will never be.

"Do you think Amina will mind if I enter to greet Mama?" Yusuf asked bringing her out from her thoughts. She looked up to see they've arrived already.

"Yes" she replied truthfully. "But you can come in anyways, you are here to see Mama not her, Amina needs to get over this"

Yusuf smiled unlocking the doors. They walked inside the house hastily to avoid getting hit by the rain so much. When Aamirah walked inside the door, she met Amina is the living room with Mama eating lunch.

"Your home! How was school Ya Mim'?" Amina asked.

"Fine, alhamdulilah.." before she could rant about how much stress law is, Yusuf caught her off saying the salaam.

"Wa'alaikum Salaam, Yusuf? Is that you? Welcome.. come inside" Mama said cheerfully while Amina frowned glaring at him hard. She stood up to leave the living room immediately which was awkward for Aamirah to stand so she went after her.

"Amina, enough is enough! It's been six months already! Give the poor guy a chance"

"Ya Mim', please, not this again. I have nothing to say to that cheater!"

"Well the cheater loves you Amina, what more are you asking for?"

"Honesty! That's what I'm asking for.."

Aamirah sighed deeply. "He has been apologising for six months Amina, hear him out at least"

"No.. I'm not interested anymore" she hissed, "You can have him if you want"

Aamirah gasped loudly. "You have someone who loves you.. the whole of you Amina. The whole you and you are not taking advantage of that?! Don't be stupid.. some of us are just waiting for anyone to love us the way we are" before the tears could fall, Aamirah walked inside the bathroom and locked the door before sinking on the floor.

Oh dear peace..

Where are you?

****

Batool beamed pulling herself from bed, it has been two weeks since they came back from Dubai and after a very long conversation with Ya Maamah and Khaleel, she was able to convince him to let her go back to work.

In all honesty, she loves her a job. Not only does it take her mind off her personal issues but she gets to save lives and meet other children. It's therapeutic for her being in the hospital trying to find ways to help others, meeting up with her friends for lunch and having interesting, knowledgeable workshops and opportunities to meet elderly experienced people in the field. It's a full package so she is definitely excited to go back after a long time off.

She pulled the curtains open letting the late afternoon sun shine through the window. The house is eerily quiet because Khaleel went out with Raina for grocery shopping. She heard them walk away while she was sleeping, the faint noises of Raina opposing to wear a different shoe not the one her father held in his hand. Khaleel's sighs and giggles of getting Raina to stay in one place so he can dress her up. She heard and smiled before snuggling deeper in her duvet.

When she woke up awhile ago, she laid in bed for sometime staring at the white ceiling and thinking about nothing. It was one of those moments when she zoned out feeling the heaviness on her chest grow dramatically and her fingertips turn abnormally cold. She just needed a moment and when she was done crying and relieving some of the heaviness, she got up and decided to clean the room.

Ever since her last miscarriage, Khaleel has been obsessively protective he doesn't allow her to move an inch from bed. Truly, some days she doesn't want to even twist in bed so that was okay with her. She didn't do anything rather laying on the bed, crying and sleeping off her depression. It was all she did but now reality is taking over.. she knows she has to take charge of responsibility and be happy again. No matter how hard it will be.

When she walked inside the closet, she let out a deep, shaky breath. Leave it to Khaleel to mess everything up when he is getting dressed.. she glared at the pile of shirts on the floor before bending to pick and arrange them back on the hanger.

At the end of the closet, a black small travelling bag is seating rather lonely. Batool was confused for a minute but when she opened the bag and set her eyes on two the clothes, she gasped. This has been here.. for a year! She can't believe just how out of it she was. She had zoned out from life and any activities for a whole year.

She removed the clothes piling them at the side for laundry when the book fell off. The book.. the book she gifted Aamirah and urged her to write her pieces. Her blood cold. Her lips wobble slightly while she collapsed on the freezing tiles brushing through the notepad curiously.

It doesn't feel right. Sitting with someone's whole life secrets and pieces in her hand let alone reading it so she closed it. She can't do this to Aamirah.. she simply cannot read this. Not at all. But her curiosity got the best of her, with another brush, she pulled open a random page reading through it.

Part Eleven; Falling in love.
Dear Ya Ashraf,
Sorry for leaving you hanging.
The thing is, I have restored all hope but what's the point of hope when you have no one to talk to? When you have no one to listen?
Astagfirullah.
I have Allah the Almighty. I have him to listen to me but living in a place where no one cares about you is hard.

Batool swallowed loudly bracing herself to read more. Aamirah was hurting.. even under her care she was hurting.

Khaleel..
Let me tell you little about him..
He has the most perfect smiles and the kindest soul.
He is patient with me.
He is considerate of my opinion.
He makes me happy.
He makes me feel like I have a voice.
He makes me feel like a queen.
He brings peace to me.
His laughter is so comforting.
His touch is like a spark igniting a fire to my soul.
His composing rich behavior is string pulling.

She let the tears roll down her eyes forcefully. She saw this coming. She saw every bits of this coming just the major parts of Aamirah being insanely consumed by her husband.

He has a wife.
And a daughter.
He is happy with his family.
He doesn't need a broken girl like me.
If you haven't figured it out already then let me tell you that I am in love with Ibraheem Khaleel.
I am consumed by his all.

The tears blurred her vision, suddenly the closet is closing in on her. Her heart feels uncomfortably heavy with tears and sadness. She doesn't feel human anymore. Not when her body is abnormally cold and a scary sob escaped her mouth. She forced herself to read on no matter how hard it is to process.

But I won't be that woman.. Ya Rabeel Aalameen.. I WILL NOT BE THAT WOMAN !
I won't separate Khaleel from his wife and sisters..
Maybe Ya Aisha is right..
I charmed Khaleel with my heart wrenching, sad, bitter life story.
Love,
Mimi.

In the moment, Batool knows she has to make a decision, quick so she stood up hastily. As much as she detests this idea lingering in her head, she has to do this! Besides she wouldn't choose any other person for this.

She needs Aamirah.. the woman who loves her husband almost as much as she does. The woman who is ready to walk away from the man she loves because of her respect and loyalty.

The woman who will take care of Raina just like her own and be a second mother to her. She needs Aamirah and her beautifully completed pieces!

All of it!

***
Assalamualaikum babessss 🙋🏾‍♀️

It's very obvious I'm in my feels today. (Wrote this AN over a week ago!!!!!😂)

Send love to BATOOL!! Lots and lots of Love! My heart is bleeding for her.. I can't even imagine🥺

On a different note, can we all just move on already?!😩😩😩 It's very clear Khaleel and Aamirah are done.. we don't have all the time. Let's round up since the title already fits perfectly in the story.

Or should we give them more time to figure it out? Let me know what you think..

Vote, comment and share.

Love, Ammarh.💓💓💓