I had something to focus on. Something to get me through this week. That was all I could ask for. My chest still throbbed when the thought of Amanda came up. I hadn't talked to Elyse in a couple of days. I was engrossing myself in Cabbagetown and the people here. Distancing myself from Dallas was the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

I had put Aaron, Elle, and Laura in a group chat. Aaron was in charge of making sure his family was on board with what we were planning, Elle was making sure Tyler's bandmates knew what was going on, and Laura was coordinating with the other kids in the family.

Tyler and I were supposed to have our first date last week but that had obviously gotten canceled. I told him this week I just wanted to go to Jet Fuel for some Coffee and then to watch movies at his house.

Meanwhile, Laura was heading the group on making sure the house got decorated and we were going to have cake, presents, and then a movie night outside. They were setting up a projector and firepits. We were going to watch Tyler's favorite movie, Fight Club.

I still questioned whether or not this was actually his favorite movie but Aaron assured me that Tyler loved Tyler Durden.

I prayed that no one blabbed to him about it.

By Friday morning I felt like I was in the clear. My plan was to Molly Ringwald him and act like I had forgotten his birthday until the party.

I already had my gift wrapped and in my bag. It was a guitar pic necklace and a poem.

That had been Elle's idea. It was a response to the song he had written me last year called Falling.

I had this nervous wave of nausea flowing through my system. I kept waiting to see if Tyler would bring up the fact that I was 'missing' his big day. But he acted like nothing was off. I had instructed everyone to not say 'Happy Birthday' to him if I was around to make sure it didn't give away the surprise.

After school we headed over to Jet Fuel. I watched him sip on his black coffee. I was dying inside trying not to give anything away. I made a mental note not to throw anyone a surprise party ever again. It made me feel like I was going to shit myself with anticipation. 

"So how's your day been?" I said in way of making conversation.

"Meh, pretty boring. Waiting for tomorrow." I was surprised that he wasn't moodier. I would have been if my girlfriend had forgotten my birthday.

"What's tomorrow?"

"Wally invited me today to go check out this new band that's playing at the Garage. Do you want to check it out together?"

"That sounds like fun. I'm down." I beamed.

"Then on Sunday, Gavin is supposed to be in town. Probably going to have a family dinner. I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Gavin, Dylan, and Jake had all made it home for the party. Max and Logan had too much going on.

I was still just shocked at how even keel Tyler was being. If he had forgotten my birthday I would have not been able to act like it was any other day. I kept making conversation as long as I could. I wanted to make sure everyone had time to get there. Laura texted me when it was safe to come home and I could finally say I was ready to leave. We drove back to his house. I had already texted Laura we were close and she texted back that everything was set. I had him walk ahead of me and waited on him to open the door.

"Surprise!"

Erupted from the house. Tyler jumped and turned back towards me. I was filming on my phone.

"Happy Birthday, Baby."

I sounded like a cheesy teenager but I loved it. He was mine and I was his and in this moment I was able to show him the light he had given me.

His smile illuminated the room for me. Tyler picked me up and spun me around, kissing me in front of everyone in the process. We headed inside hand in hand and Tyler took in all the love directed towards him.

We did the cake and started on the presents. I told him I would give him his present later. He nodded and opened up the next one in line.

Afterwards we all headed outside. We had set up smores and popcorn stations. We loaded up on sweets before settling in on the cool September Lawn. Luckily, there were plenty of blankets and the fire pit and lamps kept us warm.

I curled up in Tyler's lap and rested against him as the movie started. Occasionally, I felt him start to rub my shoulders or draw on my back. I was trying to focus on the movie but my brain and hormones were going somewhere else.

Tyler whispered in my ear, "Thank you, Baby. This was a fucking excellent surprise."

I smiled, "Anything for you."

Tyler bent his neck down to close the space between our lips. I wanted to make out with him for sure. I wasn't sure though that in front of his parents was the classiest option. I pulled back and smiled. He took the hint and kissed the top of my head before we went back to paying attention to the movie.

After the Fight Club ended I asked him if he could walk me home. Dad was still over here having beers with Uncle Jim and I could bet they would be here a while. Tyler wrapped an arm around me as we walked.

"So is Dirty Dancing your favorite movie?"

I had mentioned that movie to him once, weeks ago. I was surprised he remembered. I nodded and smiled, "You are definitely the Johnny to my Baby."

"Well I am definitely having the time of my life with you." He joked.

I laughed at the corny reference. We made it back to my house and I pulled his gift out of my bag. It was a small box with a folded up piece of paper. The pack of guitar pics were there to weigh it down. I led him over to the couch so he could read the poem.

'My heart was breaking

You came in like it was yours for the taking

Mended my soul piece by piece

Now I'm addicted to the peace you bring me

It's chemical

You're like a drug, racing through my veins

One touch, I can't get enough.

You said you fell into the oceans of my eyes

Then surrounded me with the light of your smile

It's chemical

I need another hit, another touch, another rush

I'm intoxicated by the sound of your voice

I want to breathe you in before you slip through my hands

I've fallen for you and there's no turning back

It's chemical

Like a wanderer who's found her home

You've captivated my heart and soul

I have this ache for you in my bones

I'm falling for you and it's chemical'

I waited as patiently as I could for him to finish.

Tyler looked up when he was done and said, "You wrote this?"

He sounded a little choked up.

I nodded slowly. "Do you like it?"

Tyler leaned forward and kissed me. He pulled back then and said, "Can we go upstairs?"

I nodded. I liked that answer.

He held my hand and we headed upstairs to my room. Tyler had never been in here. I was happy I had cleaned up a bit. I knew there had been a chance of this on the horizon. I walked around the room and lit a couple of candles.

So maybe I was very prepared for this possibility.

I had been too embarrassed to go to the drug store but luckily, both Elle and Laura had some prophylactics I could use. I wasn't sure it was headed quite in that direction tonight but I had wanted to be ready for it. Tyler waited for me on my bed. He had taken his shoes off and I watched him remove his shirt.

Gulp.

His tanned skin glowed in the soft light of the candles. I noticed a trail of hair leading to a very happy place. I hadn't taken the time to take in these little details when we were in Dallas. I saw what he meant about not rushing things. Taking our time and just enjoying the 'bases' so to speak was starting to look like an enjoyable option.

And what we did do, I thoroughly enjoyed.

I had told Tyler on the plane ride home that I wanted his mouth to be all over me. He had succeeded in that.

This time he let me reciprocate and I had, hungrily, with my hands. I was still too nervous to use my mouth. That didn't seem to bother Tyler in the least.

The little foil packet stayed in my drawer. Not needed for this round of pleasure. We laid wrapped up in my sheets when we were finished.

Tyler bent down to kiss me again, "Thank you for the birthday, Lexi Baby. I fucking loved it."

"Good. I was hoping you would."

"Do you think our parents have noticed that I haven't come back from walking you home?"

We laughed and I said, "I think they were all six beers or more in when we left. I would be shocked if they noticed."

Still, Tyler didn't want to get busted being in my room alone with me. After Ari getting grounded for what he did with Darcy, the rest of us were trying not to get caught doing what we wanted to do. We walked back downstairs and started another movie. I knew if Dad came home and found us asleep on the couch, nothing would happen.

Since I got to pick this round of film, I picked, 'Dirty Dancing'. We had definitely done some dirty dancing upstairs and I for one was ready to settle in with my Johnny and watch.

I heard Dad stumble in. It was two in the morning. I stayed curled up next to Tyler. Dad bumped his way to his own room without bothering to check in. The lights were out in the living room. Tyler was asleep next to me. The only glow was from the menu asking if I was still watching. I turned it off and closed my eyes again.

I felt soft tears start to roll down my cheek. All I could think was, I want my mommy.

I had no clue where it came from. I wanted to mean Jordan but I knew who I meant. 

Amanda. 

For the first time in probably a decade, I wanted to talk to Amanda. And I couldn't. I think because I couldn't, is why I wanted to. As long as she existed in the world I could ignore her and be okay with that. Now that I had no option, I felt an empty and longing sensation inside my chest. It burned straight to my core and I found myself silently gasping for air.

Tyler flipped on the light to see what was wrong. I couldn't speak. I could just cry in that moment. He held me. He picked me up into his arms and held on for dear life. I felt myself shake and tremble and there wasn't anything else I could do but to cry it out. Once I had calmed down enough, Tyler went into the kitchen to grab me some water. He emerged back with it and some napkins so I could blow my nose.

I felt my face. It was hot and I'm sure splotchy. My skin felt raw and puffy.

So attractive.

Tyler looked at me with genuine concern in his eyes. "Panic attack?"

"How'd you know?"

"Educated guess. You have a history of anxiety and your birth mom just died. You spent the week ignoring that fact and planning a party for me. That's done. So where else were your emotions going to go?"

I looked at him with doe like eyes, "Can you make it stop? The pain? Make it go away for a little while?"

Tyler spent the next few hours with me on the couch taking my mind off of things. It was easy to escape my mind and body when I gave it over to him. He massaged my muscles like he was molding clay. He kissed my body like he was trying to stitch a wound that wouldn't heal properly. I felt myself relax into him in a way I had never allowed myself to before with anyone else.

He was my drug and tonight I couldn't get enough. He was happy to be my supplier. I finally drifted off to sleep under the release he fingers brought my body. I was back into dream land where Johnny and Baby were Dirty Dancing the night away.