We all headed to the funeral home the next morning. Raymond had chosen to have it here because the church wasn't available on the weekends.

Two boys with sandy blond hair stood in the family waiting room. One was thirteen and the other was almost twelve. I had not physically seen them since I was fourteen. We all had the same shade of blue eyes and skin that was more likely to sunburn than tan.

The older boy, Daniel, had his arm around his little brother, Caleb. Caleb was wiping his eyes which were swollen and red. My heart hurt for these two. I might have had my issues with Amanda but I already knew what it was like for a mother to suddenly leave. I knew what it was like to wish for her to be there and knowing that she won't. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, much less my two youngest half brothers.

Elyse and I were arm in arm. It felt like I was holding her up. She had been a wreck all morning. She was trying to put on a brave face for these two now though.

They both smiled meekly when we walked up to them. They went to hug Elyse first. That made sense. They actually knew her. She wasn't the sister that just popped into their lives on rare occasions.

Caleb went to hug me next and he clung to my waist. I couldn't help but to hold him close. He reached for my hand and I let him take it. I had forgotten just how sweet this little boy was. I had let my bitterness towards Amanda cloud my thoughts about my brothers and I knew it.

Caleb led us over to where Amanda lay so that we could say goodbye.

Even with all the makeup they had used to try and cover her wounds, I could tell the damage was bad. She didn't look like the person I knew. She barely looked like a person at all; more like a wax figure of herself.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't feel the need to cry at the moment. Caleb had my hand in a vice grip. I felt frozen there.

A hand came to rest on the small of my back. I looked up and was beyond thankful to see Tyler there. He silently kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back in a comforting motion. He started to guide me to a row that was reserved for family. I looked over and saw two more blondes sitting in the row already, Amanda's oldest two kids. Bryce and Finn. Finn looked stoic and Bryce looked down right annoyed. I wondered if what was bothering her was the same thing that was bothering me?

They both gave half smiles and nods of acknowledgement.

Bryce was the oldest at Twenty-Five. She wasn't quite three years older than Elyse. Finn was only fifteen months or so older than Elyse. Her conception had ended the relationship between Bryce's and Finn's dad and Amanda.

I was surprised that Amanda stayed for so long with my dad. I apparently was the last ditch effort to save their relationship. It hadn't worked obviously. Daniel had come along much like Elyse. Technically my dad and Amanda were separated though when she found out she was pregnant again. Apparently, it had been an episode of Jerry Springer in our house when Dad found out that the kid wasn't his. Elyse had told me about it. She had had to witness it when she was only seven. Little Caleb had been her final one. Elyse told me Amanda had been smart enough to get her tubes tied after him. It clearly helped her stay married.

All six of us kids were now in the same room for the first time in at least five years. We sat in the row quietly; waiting on the funeral to begin.

Tyler rubbed my shoulder to let me know he was right behind me. That helped.

Amanda's husband Ray entered with the Preacher. Dad had raised Elyse and I Catholic but I knew Amanda had been a member of one of the Baptist Mega Churches here in Dallas. That was reflected by how many people were here.

Raymond came to sit by Daniel. Caleb sat by me on Daniel's other side. He still wanted to hold my hand. If he needed my hand to get through this, I wasn't letting go even if my hand wanted to fall off.

There was an older lady there to play hymns on a piano. I seemed to be the only one not to know them outside of the three Canadians sitting behind me. I did know the last one, Amazing Grace.

I could hear Tyler singing behind me; one of the few in here who actually had the correct pitch. His voice sent a calming wave over me.

We all sat quietly when it was done. Bryce walked up to the microphone with a piece of paper in her hands. She started to read the Eulogy.

"Amanda Grace Stevenson was born on..." I tuned out. Bryce cited facts like that Amanda was born and raised in Dallas, had gone off to school in New York (where she first met my dad) before coming back to Dallas to live.

"She was survived by her Children Bryce Smith of Minneola, Texas; Finn Smith of Alba, Texas; Elyse Harrison of Dallas, Texas; Alexandra Harrison of Toronto, Ontario; and Daniel and Caleb Stevenson of Dallas, Texas."

That part piqued my interest enough to pay attention.

One, absolutely no one called me Alexandra. Bryce knew that. She could have just stuck to Alex. Two, it was still so weird to me to have a residence listed for me as anything other than Dallas. Cabbagetown, the neighborhood I lived in inside of Toronto, was home at this point.

I wanted to be back there at this moment in time for sure. I wrapped my arm around Caleb as he started to sob. Daniel was trying to look tough but I could tell it was getting to him. Raymond sat stoically but tears were starting to fill his eyes.

Amanda might have failed me, but she hadn't these kids. It looked like she finally got it right. And now she was gone and they were left without a mom. I heard a sob and wanted to look around to see who it was. It took a second to realize it was coming out of me.

Laura passed me a tissue from the row behind me and squeezed my shoulder. Tyler kept his hand firm on my other shoulder.

I wanted to run. Every bone in my body wanted to bolt when the ceremony was over. We had made it through the graveside service. Raymond invited us back to their house for a meal. Elyse said yes for the both of us. He said my cousins were more than welcome as well and I assumed he was lumping Tyler in with them.

We all started piling into Jordan's SUV. She had loaned it to Elyse so that we could all ride without being smushed.

"Can I ride with Lexi, Dad?"

It was Caleb asking. Raymond looked at me and I nodded yes. I crawled back to the third row seat so that he could sit next to me. Tyler sat on my other side.

He rested his head on my shoulder. Caleb was at least half a foot shorter than me.

I hadn't made formal introductions yet.

"Caleb, this is my boyfriend, Tyler. Those two in the row ahead of us are my cousins, James and Laura."

"Are they my cousins too?"

I smiled but shook my head no. "No, their daddy and my daddy are brothers so they're just my cousins."

"Are y'all why Lexi moved to Canada?"

"No, my daddy got a new job there. He was born there. He met Mommy in college in New York. They became friends there. Then years later they were together before they broke up and she started dating your daddy."

That was the most PG way of putting it. I was not going to fill in that timeline any more than I had to. He would figure it out eventually.

"Mommy was really sad when you left. She talked to Daddy about you living with us but he said you had your daddy to live with and would be happier there."

Gut punched.

I looked at Elyse who was staring pointedly back at me in her rearview mirror. That was definitely going to be a conversation we had later.

"I am happy up there. I miss being here too though."

"We miss you. Mommy talked about you all the time. She showed us pictures of all the fun you were having in Canada though."

Another topic I would need to discuss with Elyse later.

We made it to the Stevenson house. Caleb grabbed my hand when we headed inside. He wanted to show me his room and all of his toys. Daniel tried to tell him to leave me alone but I was more than happy to escape the living room full of people to play with an eleven year old.

Tyler followed along with us. Wherever I was he was today. I was more than happy to have him be a moon in my orbit. I wanted him close.

I stayed away from Raymond. Finding out what I did in the car earlier felt like pulling a lynchpin from a grenade. I was ready to explode. Tyler was there to be my center. He grounded me in the moment so that my anxiety and rage wouldn't boil over.

After the tour of toys we had to go eat. There were so many casseroles. I spooned a few handfuls of random food onto my plate and then pushed it around to that it looked like I was eating. In reality, I wasn't hungry.

Elyse was in full conversation with Finn and Bryce. They looked like siblings that had grown up together instead of ones that saw each other on holidays. Daniel sat in a corner reading a book and Caleb was now playing with action figures on the living room floor with James and Tyler.

Laura came up and nudged me, "How're you holding up 'Cuz?"

I just shook my head. If I started down that road the whirlwind of emotions I was filling would spill over.

Laura took the hint and changed the subject, "Did you see Darcy's post? Looks like she and Ari are on the rocks again."

Now that was news I was interested in. "Did you get any of the tea on that?"'

"Piping hot. According to my sources, she wants to go out and party more and more and he's just not that guy. As you well know."

"He is just so different from Tyler."

"I personally love this pairing. You were good for Ari don't get me wrong. But I'm not sure how good Ari was good for you in the big picture. Tyler on the other hand... you two fit."

"I think you're also partial to Mason men. How is Gavin by the way?"

"Loving life rooming with Dylan at TU."

Both my cousin Dylan and Gavin Mason had gone to Toronto University. Despite it being close to home, Dylan didn't come home as much as Gavin. Gavin had Laura to come home for. It made sense. It occurred to me then that if she, Elle, and I all magically made it out of high school with the Mason brothers and married them... we would be sister-in-laws.

It was a pipe dream but it was a lot nicer to think about than thinking about the feelings I was feeling towards Raymond right now.

She had fought for me.

Not as hard as I wish she had but she had fought. I had no idea how or what I should be feeling about that. I walked around the house seeing pictures of this perfect little family. Up on the mantel were pics of them on vacation and for holidays. Amongst them though, were several of Elyse, Bryce, Finn, and I. None were as recent as the ones of Daniel and Caleb though. All of her adult children were teenagers in these pics. If someone knew the situation, they would know that things had been frosty at best between Amanda and her older children for quite some time. I hated that it meant I barely knew Daniel and Caleb. They didn't deserve that. I made a mental note to ask Elyse if there was a way to contact them outside of Raymond. I did not want to have to contact him, period.

We had been here for over an hour and I needed air. I walked out to their backyard. There was a porch swing. I sat down and absentmindedly started swinging. A few moments later, Tyler stood there, watching.

"Do you want me here or do you need space to think? I know it's been a rough day for you."

My voice cracked, "Ty, I am begging you, help me get out of here."

He nodded and went back inside.

A couple of minutes after that, Elyse appeared, "Tyler is going to take you, James, and Laura back to Jordan's. Bryce said she would give me a lift back Jordan's when I'm ready to leave. Come say goodbye to our siblings, before you head out."

She sounded like Jordan. I didn't care. Let her feel like she has authority.

I nodded. Caleb gave me a big hug when I announced we were heading out.

"When will I see you again?"

"I will be back for Christmas. We can see each other then. How about that?"

He nodded and wiped away a tear. I started to choke up too.

I waved a small goodbye to Finn and Bryce. We hadn't exactly gotten to catch up. I wasn't in the mood to either. I just wanted back to my home. Even if that home today was my old one with Jordan. I craved familiarity.

Tyler opened the passenger side door for me. I gave him a small kiss on the lips.

"Thank you, Baby."

He smiled, "Any time, Baby."