K so for those who read the last rant, thank you so much.

Also another big thank you to all the people who commented and tried to support in some way or another.

Thank you guys so much for being there, honestly if I had known my rant would have had such a positive reaction I would have ranted mor me lmao.

Anyways, so here is the update as some of you requested, and my current situation.

So just so you know, I did read all your comments and my gosh they made me so freaking happy I swear to god.

Some of you advised for me to confront her and be dead honest with her.

I think that for some people that would help, but I don't think Sandy is that open to communicate, especially with me, on top of the fact she can be very stubborn.

So I only bit my tongue and acted like nothing had happened or whatever, all your comments genuinely got me in a better mood so it wasn't that hard.

At the end of the day, I had finished all my classes and I went to a study room to play some card games with Johnny (Bobby's best friend, Bobby being Sandy's current boyfriend), we played cards and I beat his ass, but then we started talking about the whole history of our friend group and whatever.

I'll spare you the details but it's important to know that I joined the group before Sandy did, at least I think it is relevant, because all this time I thought I should be the one to take it upon myself not to get on her nerves because I thought they all had been friends for longer, but then I realised I had been friends for longer.

It may sound super petty, but to me, I have less of an obligation to be liked by her, because she wasn't in the initial friend group.

So while Johnny (he's been in the group for quite some time) was explaining the whole thing, I was noticing he was mentioning a lot of parties and gatherings that I had never heard of.

"Wow you do so many parties and you never invite me." I joke innocently.

Johnny looks at me and tells me:

"Sandy never wants to see you, so she told us not to invite you."

...

Wait-

What?

So Sandy has been telling my friends not to hang out with me behind my back because she hates my guts for no apparent reason?

what?

I was so shook at this point, like what?

I would never have expected that.

Johnny continues to explain the details of the relationships in our group, he is friends with Sandy and I know they have talked about me before, so he was filling me in on everything I had missed all this time.

So some time in summer of last year, all of us went to a theme park, we spent the day having so much fun and laughing and what not.

I still have great memories from that day.

But apparently, Sandy, who was also present, felt pissed to see me so close to Johnny and Bobby.

Quick reminder: summer of last year Sandy was still in a relationship with Danny so I don't see why she would care about my friendship with Johnny and Bobby.

Like the more I get into this the more confused I get.

The frustrated bean I am decided to go rant to Mary (the friend who first told me Sandy didn't like me) once Johnny left with his girlfriend.

She told me, and I quote:

"She's scared of you. Because she likes having all the attention on her, and you're louder (personality wise) in the group then she is. So she's intimidated by you and turns it it to hate, but she doesn't hate you, she's only scared but she doesn't want to admit it."

So first if all, Mary is freaking social genius. Like who is that socially aware to actually figure all that out i swear to god?

So I was thinking about what she said and the more I though about it, the more sense it made.

Like why she didn't like me hanging out with Johnny and Bobby, or when she asks them not to invite me to parties, also how she potentially tried to get me to leave by telling Mary she hated me.

But I don't want to be that person like: "if she hates me, she's just jealous", so I'm trying to question my behaviour around her and try to find anything that could have possibly get me on her bad side

But even Johnny and Danny were saying: "nah bro, you good." And telling me that it totally wasn't my fault.

That made me feel better.

So on one hand, I finally have a somewhat plausible explanation as to why she hates my guts, so that kind of solves one problem.

But it introduces another one:

The fact that my friends actually listened to Sandy and didn't invite me.

Okay so let's get this clear, I do not think they are fake friends or 'toxic' or whatever. I understand their decision: they didn't want to create fights.

But from my point of view (maybe a little subjective) Sandy is the one who creates most the tensions in our group, like her and Danny, then her and Bobby, and also her and Johnny, whereas I have never fought (even verbally) with any of them.

I legit have never been in an argument with any of them.

Ever.

So why did they choose her over me?

Again, I must sound so petty right now, because they didn't technically 'choose' between the both of us, they only listened to one even if it was to the detriment of the other, but I am genuinely offended.

Maybe they had a specific reason, and let's not forget that Bobby and Danny are kind of wrapped around her finger (Danny is gradually getting out of it though), so I don't know.

And it's not like they truly chose either, she asked them not to invite me.

But why did they actually listen to her.

I feel so betrayed by my own friends.

Of course, I learned all this today so I'm still a little in the heat of the moment, and I know I'm totally overreacting and it's not really that big of a deal anyway.

But damn.

That kind of hurt.

First of all knowing Sandy legit asked for me not to come, and  second because my friends actually didn't invite me.

Ouch.

And honestly, I don't know if it shows, but I always try to be respectful and consider what other people may feel (of course I'm no saint, I slip up and say some super harsh things some times. But if i do and i see it hurt the, i would never hesitate one second to apologies and make a mental note not to make the same mistake twice), I try my best to keep myself out of drama and also make people smile, laugh and just in general try to get their moods up and make them happy, especially if they're my friends.

And I can be a little aggressive sometimes, but I truly try to control it, and it can be super tiring to constantly calm yourself and not snap at people or say the wrong thing.

I'm not trying to play the victime btw, my patience and anger issues (god that makes it sound so serious, when it's honestly not) are honestly things I need to work on.

So here I am, putting all those efforts and constantly trying to change myself to be a decent human being, and then there she is, making little to no efforts (I mean maybe she does make an effort who am I to know) and being, just a brat over all (I'm so sorry for insulting her but it's honestly hard to keep calm).

And she gets to choose if I'm invited or not.

I'm probably blowing things out of proportion here, and I kind of feel embarrassed to be so fixated on this one little detail, but I really am hurt.

Anyway, conclusion:

-Sandy is a lot more influential than I thought.
-I still have to ask Johnny why they listened to her.
-And I'm generally, not in the best of moods. And I feel like my relationship with Sandy worsened.

But again, writing it out makes things so much better.

Than you so much everyone.

Love you all

Take care :)