CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

"Do you seriously need to reference Murphy right now?" 

***

"Okay, you guys... remember the plan." 

 I felt utterly hopeless when the door opened to the dorm yet again, and the guards flooded in. I tried desperately to find Bellamy in the mix, but literally every male guard in the room looked the exact same. I bit my lip, not recognizing Phia either. 

Where are those idiots? 

 I didn't have time to ponder it however, as the guards were rapidly stalking up to us like sharks circling their prey. I was brutally aware of the cold blade of my knife- that I had wrapped in my tie so it wouldn't cut me. My eyes were darting around the room, everyone moving around too much for me to pick out a certain face. I clenched my teeth, my hand going to the hilt of my knife. I was so overwhelmed. Half of me was trying to find Bellamy, but the other half was keeping an eye on Monty. I just got him back, and I sure as well was not losing him again any time soon. 

 Keep that in mind when I tell you what happened next. 

 Understand that I was completely and irrevocably overwhelmed. My heart was beating in my throat, the sounds were blurring into background music, and my eyes were beginning to blur from how fast they were moving around in my skull. 

 I saw a guard go toward Monty. 

 I saw another one grab his arm. 

 "No!" I shouted, cross-checking some poor kid out of my way, and surging forward. I grabbed the guards shoulders, and yanked away with strength that I didn't know I have. I don't even know what was happening. It was like for a split second, I became... ugh, I hate even thinking it- Phia. 

 I grabbed my knife, held one of the guard's shoulders, and pressed the thin, razor sharp metal of the blade against his throat. 

 Everyone froze. 

 "Enough!" I yelled, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear me. Around twenty guns were aimed directly at me, but for some reason, I didn't care. All I cared about was that they didn't take Monty's Goddamn bone-marrow. I sighed deeply, the man in front of me breathing shallowly, with tense shoulders, and a bright red face.  I felt worse than he looked. I was suddenly remembering everything I had told Charlotte about killing people, how you can never take it back. 

 But here I am. 

 "You all think you can just keep us locked up in here like animals-" I tightened my grip on the man's shoulders, my knuckles turning white from how hard I was clutching the hilt if my knife. "But we aren't going to allow it any longer!" I made a point to glare right at Tsing, who had an expression of indifference on her face. "You touch anyone in here, he dies... got that?" 

 The doctor regarded me for a few more seconds, that felt more like decades. I felt my hand grow sweaty, reminding myself unconsciously of all of the times I told everyone to not kill. All of the times that I tried to be the peacemaker. Look at me now, holding a knife to someone's throat. I tried telling myself that I had a purpose, but another part of my brain was screaming at me. Calling me a murderer. 

 Finally, she smirked. "He's not going to do it. Grab him." 

 I squeezed my eyes shut. 

 "Yu gonplei ste odon." I whispered, before, with excruciating difficulty, jerking my arm to the side, slitting the man in front of me's throat. I felt like bursting into tears. My hands were shaking, so much that the knife almost fell from my grip. Tsing's mouth dropped wide open, the body that was previous trying to find any way to breath, collapsing at my feet. 

 My shoulders were shaking now. I couldn't breath, like I was the one who just got their throat cut open. 

 "What were you thinking? You killed someone, Charlotte! Do you understand how serious that is? Do you realize what you did?" 

 I could picture her face now. Disappointment carved into her small features. She died for killing someone. Now I have to live because I did. 

 It was hard though, because I literally felt like I was dying. My eyes fell into focus when a guard roughly knocked the knife from my hand, my eyes flew up, nbut I wasn't sure I could do anything even if I tried. 

 I blinked, and then I saw Phia. 

 In the back of the room, staring at me with her clean face, her eyes dark, and her face straight. She slowly nodded, as if in satisfaction, and then raised a walkie-talkie to her lips, muttering something into the device. 

 Seconds later, an alarm blared over the speakers. At first, I thought I imagined it. Like it was a weird hallucination from my anxiety-hazed mind, that is, until the words 'containment breach' were added to the God-awful screeching. 

 Under different circumstances, I would have smiled. Because Bellamy did it. 

 Instead, I saw guards choking on their own blood, some running from the room in an attempt to escape. I saw Jasper follow them, and had to trust that he would do it. I pushed myself to walk forward, my knees feeling oddly like they were made of rubber. 

 "We have to leave, now." Phia said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the dorm, toward a flight of stairs. She kicked her leg out, making a guard crash to the ground and scream in pain. Seemingly unbothered, she bent down and took his gun from his belt, shoving it into my hands. 

 I fixated my gaze on the weapon in my shaking hands. Something that could kill so easily. Blood was smeared across it, adding more onto my hands. Literally, and figuratively. "You gave him the signal." I whispered, my voice not able to raise high enough for anyone other than Phia to hear. "You gave him the signal, but you waited until I had to kill that guy." I looked up, my watery eyes meeting Phia's. I thought I saw a flash of pity cross her face, but it was gone so quick I figured I must have imagined it. "Why would you make me do something like that?" I added after, just because I needed clarification, "I thought we were friends." 

 Her face definitely softened this time, she turned to face me fully. Both of us looked like losers, but we were both losers who have killed people. Phia gripped my arm, her dark, sharp as glass eyes boring deep into my soul. "We are friends, Nathaniel. My people don't want me anymore, so I am making it my mission to make sure you don't die on Earth..." She paused, her eyes clouding over for a moment. "I am the John Murphy of Trikru."

 "Do you seriously need to reference Murphy right now?" I whined, and a hint of amusement quirked at her lips. 

 "John Murphy made me see a lot clearer..." she inhaled deeply. "I almost killed you once-" 

 "Technically you did kill me." 

"-And Bellamy Blake told me that if I could protect you from getting killed, he wouldn't send me on my own." She took a deep breath, her shoulders rising. "So I am going to teach you how to live. But that will be impossible if we don't get off of this floor before they seal off the level." 

 I nodded, slightly annoyed by the fact that Bellamy hired Phia as my own personal fighting-babysitter. I followed her nevertheless, praying that my friends were okay, and knowing that I would see Bellamy very soon. 

***

Phia lead me up two flights of stairs, the stupid shoes I was wearing making my toes ache. If I didn't get a good pair of shoes soon, someone is going to die. 

 God, can I even say that anymore? 

 "Climb up this vent, up to the control panels." She ordered, pointing to one of the air-vents. I cocked an eyebrow, feeling much too pristine to climb up an air vent. I didn't say that, on account of it would be very damaging for my pride. Instead, I bent down, and yanked the cover clean off. I was about to make a sarcastic comment about how goddamn strong I am, but then I saw that the screws have already been taken out, and shut my mouth. 

 "It'll start to go up," Phia explained, taking off her hat and shoving it into the waistband of her pants. I've said it once, I'll say it a million times, Phia looks really weird without her paint and braids. At first, I thought it was tattoo's on her face, but it was clear now that it was some form of black paint. Her tattoo's were on her arms, and crossing across her chest. I know because I have seen her in a shirt with no sleeves, and now, I could see the vague outline peeking through where the top button of her uniform was undone. "There's a ladder, try not to fall, as you would flatten me." She handed me a walkie talkie, switching the channel. "Talk to Raven while you climb, she's been asking about you." 

 I nodded, bending down and squeezing myself into the small vent. Thank God I wasn't claustrophobic, or we would be having a lot less fun with with. My shoulders brushed against the cool metal as I crawled, and I found amusement in the thought of Bellamy trying to climb through these with his broad shoulders. He would probably get stuck. 

 As soon as I began climbing up the ladder, which looked dangerously close to decaying, I clicked the talk button on the walkie-talkie. "Raven?" 

 Her response came immediately, "Nate? Thank God-what the hell happened?" 

 "Um, I was kidnapped." I, personally, thought this was obvious, but Raven found no amusement in the situation, and I knew she would have hit me by now if we were actually speaking face to face. 

 "No shit, idiot! Damn, we can't let you out of our sights for a second without you literally being almost killed-" 

 "Chill it, Reyes, I never was almost killed," I wasn't sure if that was a lie or not, but kept talking. "Unless you count shoving me in a collared shirt and loafers a near-death experience." 

 I heard someone laugh from over the line, and Raven yell at them to shut up. When she spoke again, she sounded calmer, like she was done reprimanding me for now. Her voice still possessed that sharp Raven edge. "I'm making you a dog collar with a built-in tracker." 

 I laughed, almost falling off the ladder when Phia sharply poked the back of my knees and told me to hurry up. The ladder seemed endless, even though I could actually see the little hatch at the top. "Thanks, Ray, but I'm good." 

 "You should've seen Bellamy!" I didn't need to see her face to know that she was rolling her eyes. "Gosh, he was freaking out-" she made her voice high-pitched, "what if he got hurt? What if he tripped over something and got impaled-dear God, is that something that can happen? What if the mountain men got him? What if they're gonna harvest his blood? I heard the rustling we have to go back, we're just going to run through the Grounder army to find him-" she scoffed, "direct quotes." 

 I held in my laughter, although Phia didn't even try to. I'll admit, it made my heart flutter that he cared. I felt bad for making Bellamy worry, but when someone is as accident prone as I am, I guess you really don't ever know what is going to happen.

 "He sounded exactly like that." 

 "Grounder army?" I picked out from her words, "they were there for Finn, right? Is he okay?" 

 I was met by nothing but radio silence for a few seconds, before Raven responded. "Finn's dead." 

 Her shaky voice made me freeze, her words going in one ear and out the other. It was much too ludicrous for me. Finn Collins, the boy who survived being stabbed. The boy who was once the peacemaker... the boy who gunned down an entire Grounder village, and was wanted for murder. "He-" my voice broke, so I cleared my throat. "I'm so sorry, Raven. Really, that's... that sucks."

 That sucks. Such a simple thing to say, but Raven seemed to catch the meaning behind them. I wish I could hug her, hell, I wish I could just hide her away from this world. "It's over," she whispered, and I heard her sniff from over the line. I felt my chest seize. "I'm gonna let you talk to Bellamy." 

 I didn't know what else to say, so I just muttered a small "okay," hearing the click of the radio shutting off. I took a shaky breath in, climbing up the last few rungs of the ladder. I felt like my chest alone weighed a million pounds. I didn't like Finn too much recently, but he was my friend... he was the first person on Earth who wasn't an asshole to me. 

I got to the top, and moved up to push the latch upwards, I grunted when it fell right back at me, and I almost fell down the ladder. "Aw fuck,"  I cursed, grappling for the handle as Phia swatted my leg away from her head. 

 "Watch the face." 

 "Damn, sorry."

 Thankfully, Bellamy heard our struggling, as seconds later, the door to the hatch open, and he peered down at me. 

 I didn't hesitate to pull myself up, as if I didn't, Phia was going to stab me again. I pulled myself up, twisting around so I could scramble to my feet. My arms were sore, and I rolled my shoulders. "Thanks, Blake, I wasn't sure I could get up here myself." 

 Bellamy gaped at me, like he couldn't believe I was actually here. He, at risk of being like, super gay, looked really good in a guards uniform. As much as I fucking hate the guards, I have to admit, Bell pulls it off. His hair was curly as ever, and his face was clean, exposing the freckles dotted around his face. 

 The freckles-

 It hit me that the first time I ever saw Bellamy, we was in a guard's uniform. And I thought that his name was weird... that's funny to me now. I had no idea-

 I ran my hand through my hair, smiling awkwardly. "You don't by chance have a change of clothes for me, would you?" 

 Bellamy laughed, leaning his head back and sighing deeply. "You're such a privileged kid." 

 "Yeah? Well Bellamy is a stupid name." 

 The boy laughed in response to that,  taking the extra step forward so I could wrap my arms around his neck, standing up straighter so I could press my lips on his. I was so relieved that he was okay, and my heartbeat seemed to be the only thing I could hear as his arms secured around my middle, so tight that it was like he was making sure I didn't disappear. I ran my finger gently through his hair, allowing my fingers to tangle in his hair. My heart wasn't even beating anymore, it was like it was vibrating; sending an electrical pulse through my veins that made me feel like my entire body was blushing. I wasn't concerned about where we were, or what was happening. I didn't think about the guy I killed, or how Finn is dead, or what Clarke must be feeling right now... because I had Bellamy back. 

 "Okay, yeah, I'm still here, guys." 

 Just like that... the moment was gone. 

 I pulled away, immediately feeling the absence of heat as I did. Phia waved at us, her eyes gleaming with annoyance, although her lips were curled into a smirk. "Remember me?" She shook her head, "ugh, gross." 

 I laughed, by this point just grateful to be alive. My heart felt weightless, and although I looked like some sort of goddamn prince, and despite the fact that the blood on my knife was someone else's... I felt alive. 

 "You're okay, though? They didn't... take your blood or something?" Bellamy asked, turning back to me, as we made the collective decision to ignore the Grounder in front of us. I flashed him two thumbs up, shaking my head. 

 "Nope, I'm good. My feet kinda hurt but I got all of my bone marrow." 

 "Speaking of which," Phia walked over to the corner of the room, her feet making no sound at all against the metal. She turned around, and chucked a bundle of clothes in my direction, flicking her ponytail over her shoulder. "There... now let's go find that acid fog." 

 A/N: Awww... 

 Here's an update! School has been crazy lately, but we reached over six hundred votes so this is in honor of that! Thank you guys so much, and please keep voting! 

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