CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

"The only words to describe this are ones I am sure you don't want me to say." 

***

"Okay Nathan, what did you do?" 

 My head flew up from the spot my eyes had been drilling holes in the ground, and I gave Clarke a perplexed look. "What do you mean? I didn't do anything!" 

 The blonde rolled her eyes, gesturing to a tightly bound Lincoln, who was thrashing against his restraints, "I meant to help him," she corrected, and my mouth dropped into an o shape. "Oh... um, well it's kinda hard to get near him without him biting your face off so-" 

 "Hey!" Octavia snapped from the corner of the room. I winced, "sorry." 

 "Forgive Nathaniel's in-sensitiveness," Phia mused, although she didn't seem to be all that sensitive herself. "But it is difficult to get near Lincoln in his current state." 

 Clarke looked awfully confused, "oh, um, okay." 

 I wracked my brain to try and remember if Clarke and Phia had actually met yet, but decided that I was too tired for that right now, and would let them figure it out themselves. "He's gone nuts," I tried to explain, waving my head in Lincoln's general direction as he roared again and strained again his bounds. "There were needle marks in his neck." 

 "Like he was drugged?" Clarke asked, and before I could answer, the chains began shaking uncontrollably. Lincoln convulsed, his limbs jerking around as he flapped around wildly. 

 "Well shit," I muttered, standing up and going to take a step forward, "he's lost way to much blood, I tried to help him, but whenever I got close enough, he would try and commit homicide." 

 "What wound?" 

Octavia hung her head, her eyes filling with guilty tears, "I shot him." 

 Apparently that is true, I think I missed that part somehow... maybe it was because he wrestling-slammed me into the ground. It made the shoulder that I had previously dislocated burn again, which probably wasn't a good sign. Clarke took another step forward, and Lincoln surged forward. 

 "Jesus, Clarke!" I cried, reached forward and grabbing her wrist, yanking her away from Lincoln. "Remember the whole 'biting your face thing?'" 

 "I need you to shine the flashlight on his neck," she said, pointing to his neck like I wouldn't know where it was. "I want to see his veins." 

 As I mentally went through all of the reasons Clarke was a psychopath, I grabbed the flashlight off of the ground, and walked closer to Lincoln, my entire body tensing, and praying that the chains would stay intact. Clarke followed close behind, examining the bright red veins that snaked up Lincoln's neck. "Maybe we could get it out of his system." She mused, brushing some hair behind her ears and bending her knees slightly so she could see better. "But I don't know if-" 

 Before she could finish her sentence, there was a loud crack as the chain ripped out of the wall, whipping forward and smacking Clarke in the head. I jumped in surprise, but before I could do anything, Lincoln's free arm lashed out and grabbed my shirt, bringing his head down and hitting me. 

 My knees hit the ground, black spots dancing in my vision. I suddenly had a very vivid flashback to when we were back on the Ark, after I was arrested, and in Pike's Earth skills class. I had tried to stop him from beating John Murphy, but all I earned was a bloody nose and a loud curse word from Jasper. 

 In this case, Octavia was Jasper.  

 "Holy shit-" I groaned, hearing another crack as his other hand came free, grabbing my arm and yanking harshly, making me run face-first into a wall. 

 Pain blossomed up my nose, as the metallic scent of blood filled my mouth. I heard Octavia yell another 'don't kill him!' And I turned around just in time to see Phia get elbowed harshly in the throat, making her stumble back at claw at her neck. 

"Get the damn baton!" I yelled, pointing to the discarded weapon and hoping that Lincoln like, forgot English or something. Bellamy looked up, immediately scrambling across the room toward the weapon. Lincoln, apparently not forgetting English, immediately bent down to un-do the cuffs around his ankles. Bellamy ran back over, and right as I thought he had this, the chains snapped free, and Lincoln stood, slamming Bellamy to the ground, recklessly landing blows to his face. 

 I gasped, my feet slipping on the ground as I hurried to stand up, running forward, and, with as much force as I could muster, slamming my shoulder into his side. 

 "What the fuck!" I immediately yelled, feeling more pain spike up my shoulder, only managing to make Lincoln loose his grip on Bellamy, "what are they feeding you, concrete?" 

 Lincoln growled, standing up and grabbing the collar of my shirt, and before I could even react, slamming his fist into my jaw. 

 I fell to the ground, my heartbeat resonating in my skull, blood seeming to drench my face. The world seemed to spin, but I could very vaguely see Lincoln crumbled back to the ground. 

 Phia was behind him, her knife spun around in her hand after she slammed it into Lincoln's head. The entire room went silent for a few seconds, as we caught our breath and tried to eliminate the sharp pain the previous Grounder has caused. 

 I spit a glob of blood onto the ground, blinking rapidly and trying to catch my balance. I coughed once, wiping some blood from my forehead, where my face-plant into the wall had opened a series of small cuts. 

 "Well, that wasn't supposed to happen." 

 ***

 I think I was having a mental-breakdown.  

Clarke had recruited me to help her take the bullet out of Lincoln, but all I could see was Raven. I could hear Raven scream, I could see her blood coating my hands, although I knew the blood on my hands was mostly my own. 

 It was like I was in the past. Like Clarke was Abby, Lincoln was Raven, and I was still freaking out. I didn't want to hurt another one of my friends, I couldn't. 

 "Are you okay?" Clarke asked, as Bellamy and Octavia spoke in hushed tones off to the side, and Phia leaned against the wall of the Drop Ship like she was totally fine. "You're shaking." 

 I blinked, and Clarke was Abby. I blinked again and I was back in the camp. I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my throbbing head from side to side to try and get the images out of my head. I felt like I was going to cry, another reason I don't want to open my eyes. 

 "I can't." 

 I didn't open my eyes, but I knew that Clarke was smart enough to connect the dots. I have never felt more weak before. I can't even help someone... I am supposed to be a doctor, I am supposed to save people... but now, I am too afraid to. 

I hate it. 

 "Hey," Clarke had somehow managed to wordlessly shuffle to my side, and I felt her hand on my back. "Raven is okay-" 

 "She can't walk right, Clarke!" I snapped, opening my eyes long enough to look over at the blonde. "It's my fault. What if the same happens to Lincoln? What if he's a nut job forever?" 

 Clarke sighed, before turning her gaze so she was staring directly into my eyes. "Remember when Mr. Davidsman had a heart-attack? On the Ark?" 

 "Huh?" I looked up, confused by her sudden change of subject, "of course I do." 

 "And my mom couldn't have him? But she didn't quit because she knew that one mistake doesn't define you?" 

 I averted my gaze, suddenly feeling like I was a kid again, a scared kid who just wanted to help his mom. I felt Clarke shift, before her arms were wrapping around me in the most comforting hug I've had in a while. Clarke always hugs the same. Ever since we were kids. 

 "Can I say something?" 

 Clarke pulled away, giving Phia another confused look. She didn't respond, but the Grounder kept talking. "In my village, we have a saying. Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim..." she jutted her chin out, her voice sounded hoarse from the previous incident. "It means that if you fail once, you live in that failure until you redeem yourself." She gave me a judgmental look, "do you want to live in failure, Nathaniel?" 

 I rolled my eyes, her jab sending a wave of fire up my chest. I turned back to Clarke. 

 "Let's get this bullet out of him." 

A/N: Phia is so passive-aggressive, I love it. Nate really just needed his pep-talk from his two bad-ass girl-friends to be honest... someone hug him though he's been through so much. 

 Speaking of Phia: I have been wracking my brain for a love-interest for her, if I give her one, and I was wondering what you guys thought of Murphy? Or would that be a bad idea? 

 Thank you for reading!