1. Hey baby, I like that dress, but I’d like it better if it were on a prettier girl.

2. I’m sorry, but I just had to come over here and tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen on a wookiee.

3. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because your pants are big enough to fit one.

4. I’m sorry, but have we met before? Are you Gary Busey?

5. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven… and landed on your face?

6. I think I’ve fallen in puppy love. Oh, I thought you were a dog, nevermind.

7. Are you Jamaican? Cuz Jamaican me vomit!

8. I feel drawn to you. It must be your incredible mass that creates such gravitational pull.

9. You’re just how I like my coffee – bitter and diarrhea inducing.

10. You are so sweet, it made your teeth rot.

11. Your daddy must’ve been a thief, cuz he stole your beauty and gave it to that girl over there.

12. Your daddy must’ve been a baker, cuz you’ve got some hot buns! Also, you smell like yeast.

13. Your daddy must’ve been a pirate, cuz he had some great booty. Too bad you’re a hideous sea monster.

14. Wanna sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Like my bile?

15. (Grab her ass) Sorry, is this seat taken? Oh, sorry, I thought you were a hovercraft!

16. Were you in the Boy Scouts? Because you tied my heart in a knot. Also, you look like a boy.

17. There’s something wrong with my cell phone… it doesn’t have your number in it. No wait, here it is – 1-900-DIRTY-WHORE.

18. What’s a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

19. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.

20. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you extremely fugly?