I PROMISE YOU THIS IS NOW LESS CRINGY! MAJOR UPDATES MADE CAUSE WHY WAS I BEING SO DRAMATIC FOR!?

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(y/n) - your name

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As soon as we got home to Elliot's place, Five headed straight towards our bedroom Elliot had lent to us. Probably to freshen up or something. Surprisingly, the man had a spare room that we could use while we were here in the 1960s.

Bad news is, there was only one bed in it so Five and I had to share. But so far he's been sleeping on the couch-well probably not even sleeping in the first place and just hanging out in the living room as far as I know.

And I'm a mover in my sleep, so annoying.

I feel heavy, sluggish, taking my shoes off and taking off Fives blazer from around my shoulders. I fold the garment and place it on the couch gently, dropping down next to it to rest.

I didn't know what to feel... Tired? Cold? Empty?

I mindlessly brush my fingers over Fives blazer, the fabric still being a little warm. I picked it up and held it on my lap, brushing my hand over The Umbrella Academy sigil. I spaced out as I ran my hands over the fabric, a sudden overwhelming feeling washing over me and my chest began to feel heavy. I stood up quickly and wandered around the apartment a little to try and get rid of the suffocating feeling, waiting for Five to change into his pj's so I could go change after. 

He soon walks out in shorts and a white shirt, heading towards the kitchen and I go to quickly brush past him before he could say anything to me. The door slams closed behind me accidentally and I wince, moving to grab a long silk nightgown to change into. I look at it, another thing that Five also managed to steal for me from a store, shaking my head and going into the bathroom to wash up and change.

As soon as I was done, I stood before the shit door. I didn't want to go out there and face him.

I just wanted to be alone...

Dark voices argued in my head but they shut up when the door suddenly opens in front of me, revealing Five as he blinks down at me and I quickly take a step back. "Do you want anything?" His voice was awfully soft and it hits me, that shaky and unsure tone and the heaviness in my chest tightens.

"I... uh-yeah sure..." I mumble out softly, clearing my throat and he steps back to let me out of the room, the both of us walking towards the kitchen and I see that he had brewed a fresh cup of coffee. "You're not going to get any sleep at this rate if you drink coffee before bed." I nod to the cup of coffee and Five shrugs but I take the cup away from him before he could take a sip.

"(Y/n)." He warns, narrowing his eyes at me when I suddenly dump the coffee down the drain. "You didn't! You know how much I love coffee!" 

"I know." I shrug, moving to make some tea instead. The Boy huffs out in annoyance and crosses his arms across his chest, struggling to keep up a smile in response but I just turn my head away so he couldn't see me. My hands shook as I quickly grabbed the teabags, warming up a kettle for hot water before making two cups. English breakfast with a teaspoon of sugar for me and a clean earl grey for Five. "Try drinking some tea instead." Once I was done, I gently placed the cup of earl grey in front of him on the countertop as he looked down at it like it held poison. "It's not going to kill you... It's just hot." I stare at the dark liquid in my own cup, relishing the warmth against my hands from the porcelain surface as I leaned my hip against the edge. I take a sip, shuddering against the tea burning my mouth as I look up at Five.

He looks so cute and domestic like this.

Like an old married couple.

But it feels wrong. To see him like this outside of the show.

It feels like I'm tainting this world, making these people do things other than what they would actually do.

My grip tightens around the cup, watching Five Hargreeves, this person who was actually in front of me alive and well and real... drink tea. He picks up the cup and smells the bitter tea before taking a sip. 

I hear him hum out in satisfaction, taking another tentative sip. "How is it?" I ask and he grins at me, eyes getting droopy as he blinks at me sleepily.

"It's not bad. Still prefer coffee, but I like this too." Five quickly finishes the tea and walks off towards the bedroom but stops and turns around to face me. "Are you not coming?" He cocks his head to the side but I shake my head.

"I will in a few minutes. You go off and sleep first. We got a lot to do tomorrow." I smile softly at Five and he nods, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he heads inside our shared bedroom and closing the door, finally getting his sleep.

I grip my cup in my hands tightly and as soon as the door shuts closed, my smile drops. I stare at the door for a while before setting the cup down in the sink, turning around to face Elliot's front door.

I wait for a couple more minutes before creeping towards the door and putting on some sandals, silently leaving the building and walking down the stairs. I opened the back exit door when I got to it, stepping out into the alleyway I had first fallen into here in Dallas. It was eerily quiet, jumping at the sound of the door shutting behind me.

It was cold and dark. It felt like time had stopped and I took a careful few steps, Alamo afraid that one wrong move would bring this entire place down to a crumbled mess. I walked out into the pathway, looking around the dead street.

I clutch the dress above my chest, trying to breathe in the cold air to get rid of the heaviness. I close my eyes, trying to take in deep breaths but I was struggling to get air. I walk out onto the road, trying to cool down and calm myself down. I sighed out, tilting my head and looking up at the stars that dotted the night sky.

I haven't seen this many stars in the sky before.

The city lights back home made it hard to see any.

I wasn't used to a peaceful night like this. I wasn't used to the sleepy quiet.

This wasn't my home.

My nights were filled with cars zooming past at random times, drunk people screaming in joy as they played music out loud from their speakers.

That was my home.

I hated this silence.

I hated hearing my own thoughts.

I hated hearing their venom and their hatred.

I gripped my head, my breaths swallowing as the quiet slowly started to suffocate me. My eyes glazed over with tears and I sit down on a curb, trying to stop myself from crying. My heart rapidly paced in my chest, my head pounding as I burst into tears. I buried my head in my arms, crying out for no one as I held myself. My chest hurt, my head pounded and I just couldn't breathe.

I want to go home.

I want to see my mum, my sister.

But this is what you wanted right? A chance to disappear.

You wanted to run away, to leave and never come back. 

To leave all your loved ones behind and not exist.

You deserve this. All this pain. Suffer.

I'm so alone...

Why do I feel so miserable like this?

What's wrong with me?

Why do I hate myself so much?

Why do I just want to hurt?

I shouldn't be here anymore. I'm ruining this world, ruining the people.

I don't belong here.

But you didn't belong at home either.

You don't belong anywhere.

I'm hurting them... the longer I stay here... with Five and Klaus and Vanya.

I shouldn't have butted into their lives.

And when you leave them... you will hurt them more.

What have I done...

"Be quiet! Please..." I sob, my hands itching for my pen but even then I didn't have that to numb me. I wheeze out, not realising that I had grabbed a random rock until I heard something shatter loudly. I blink and look at the shop window that broke, glass pieces falling at my feet. Waiting. I look down at them, bending down to pick up a piece with a shaky hand. I lifted my arms palm up, the dim street lights illuminating my multiple instances of physical weakness. Dull scores fading away.

Do it. You know you'll feel so much better.

Numb and empty and-

"-free..." I shake my head, fear of going too deep and that thought makes me throw away the glass, stepping back from the hazard I had created and I come back to reality. "Shit! If someone finds me here, I'm going to jail!" I gasp softly, looking around and I bolt off away from the shop.

I ran as fast as I could down the empty roads in fear that someone would find me, the wind biting at my bare skin and slapping me across the face as my hair flew behind me. I ignored the pain across my chest, my feet pounding against the cement as I tried to run back-

-home? Was that even my home?

Will I ever be able to go back home?

I look up at the building where I knew Five was in, gasping for air and I wipe away the final streaks of tears on my face. I hobble towards the stairs and sit down on it, looking up at the sky to just watch the stars twinkle. Tears fall down and I close my eyes, feeling heavy and drained, not light and hollow like I needed. I open my eyes and just cried, watching the stars sadly as I wrapped my arms around me. 

I close my eyes one more time, feeling exhaustion hit me. My head felt so heavy like a bowling ball, not realising I had passed out soon after.

I groan out tiredly, squeezing my eyes shut against the light that blinded me and I lift my hand to drape over my eyes. I turn around and pat the thing I was laying on to realise I was back in bed, hearing the familiar sounds of bedsheets rustling beneath me when I moved. I quickly snap open my eyes, swearing that I was outside and I look around to see that I was in Fives and I's temporary bedroom.

How-

I wince out from the sudden shock of pain in the back of my head, remembering that I fell asleep outside.

But who found me?

I go rigid when I feel a weight fall over my waist, looking down to see that the little assassin was holding me close. His head was tucked under my chin with his arms wrapped around me tightly, squeezing me close and a pit sinks in my stomach.

He looked so comfortable... but why with me...?

And was he the one that found me outside?

I sigh out softly in defeat as I just lay in bed, running my fingers through Five's hair and I hear him hum out blissfully before nestling his face against my stomach. "(Y/n)..." he mumbles in his sleep and he suddenly starts to open his eyes, quickly closing my own eyes and being frozen in bed to try and pass off for being asleep. I feel his hand brush against my cheek, coaxing me awake and I can't help but lean into his hand, opening my eyes slowly to see him smile up at me. "Morning." I don't say anything and bury my head against the pillow to hide my face. I didn't feel like getting up at all, wanting to just sleep the rest of my life away. "(y/n), come on. We need to get up." I feel him start to get up from bed, peeking up to see the now empty bedroom and I flop on my back before getting out of bed. 

I took longer than usual to just freshen up, begrudgingly walking out to the kitchen and I see Elliot making breakfast for us. "Morning-" he stops, looking at me. "I'm so sorry, I never got your name."

"Oh... It's ok. It's (y/n), and morning to you too..." he grins at me and I help him with breakfast, making some coffee for Five and my morning drink. As soon as I place the cup of coffee down, The Boy comes out of his room all dressed up in his famous uniform again.

He picks up his cup and takes a sip, his eyes going wide. "Holy shit Elliot, this is good." Elliot shakes his head, pointing a thumb at me as he stacked more pancakes on a plate and wiped his hands on his apron.

"I didn't make it, (y/n) did." Five raises a brow at me, a small smile of appreciation growing on his face as he sat down at the table to eat.

"Well, it just got even better." he nods at me to sit down and eat, thanking me for the cup of coffee.

We all started to eat breakfast in silence and I notice Elliot frowning at me softly from time to time. I glance at him with a brow raised but he always looks away quickly. When we finished breakfast, Five teleported off to check out Elliot's photos while I was putting the dishes away.

"(Y/n)... are you ok?" I freeze when Elliot takes the last dish from my hands.

Can everybody just stop asking me that!

"Yeah, why." I shrug.

"It's just, you looked terrible last night."

Wait, was Elliot the one that found me?

I look up at him and he stares down at me with worry. "I found you outside the building on the stairs when I was coming back home from buying film for my photos.

I was terrified! You weren't moving and I got worried when you didn't wake up no matter what. I had to carry you home as quickly as I could! Who knows what would've happened if I found you too late."

"I'm fine Elliot. Don't worry about me. Thank you for carrying me back, I'm really sorry about that." Elliot sighs, silence settling between us for a few heartbeats.

"(Y/n), I think you should tell your extraterrestrial boyfriend. He was worried about you when he found me carrying you up the stairs to the bedroom. I lied that you were sleepwalking, but I don't even know if he believed me or not."

Yeah, I don't sleepwalk.

"Ok. Thanks Elliot." The man nods, patting my shoulder hesitantly before walking away and I turn to stare at Five as he stood at the board filled with photos, his brow furrowed in thought.

He doesn't need to know.

He already has too much weighing on his shoulders right now.

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