May 2, 3:45 am

A couple of days have passed since our anniversary celebration and sad to say, Drew’s condition is not getting any better. He’s getting weaker and weaker by the moment. Why is this happening right now? I don’t want to lose my source of strength. I don’t want to lose my source of happiness.

I don’t want to lose the one that I love.

I know I’ve been posting happy thoughts and memories ever since I started this blog but right now, I don’t think I could hide the sorrow that I’ve been feeling every time that I see that Drew is slowly slipping away from this world, from me.

I get it. I have to stay strong for Drew but with what’s happening, it’s just so hard to pretend that I’m strong. It’s just so hard to pretend that I’m alright. With every second and every minute that passes by, I’m getting more anxious than ever. It seems like I don’t want to close my eyes ever again because when I do, he might just leave me in a snap.

Each time that I see him vomiting, losing his control over his body and crying so hard due to the pain that he is feeling, all I could do is to silently wipe my tears away just to show him that someone is still there for him. That someone still believes that he could live longer. That someone is still waiting for the day that he could go back to his normal self.

But I guess my efforts are not enough.

He’s been giving me hints lately. I can’t sleep well because of those. I don’t want to lose him. My world would fall apart again if he leaves. The puzzle of my life would be destroyed again. I don’t want to experience that pain again but I don’t know what to do anymore. The pain that I’m feeling now is nothing compared to what I felt when we were apart but this pain could be more lethal than what I believed it to be.

I’m only asking for one thing. That is to make him live longer. I want to spend more days with him. I want to marry him and have kids with him but how are we supposed to do those things if he would be leaving me?

I can’t bear another heartache. I can’t bear another loss.

Drew, please don’t leave me this way. Please be strong for us. I love you so much.

Looking back,

Michelle