Hurt

You can't grow,
If you never heal.
You can't heal,
If you never get hurt.
You can't get hurt,
If you never live.
You can never live,
Without hurting and healing.

The silence between Sooyun and Taehyung was quite long. Neither one of them decided to speak. But the silence wasn't the awkward one. Both of them were in a comfort zone while enjoying the view through the clear glass of his house.

It was almost winter. It wasn't weird why Taehyung got cold so easily. A few minutes ago, he was shivering badly. But now, after eating the porridge she bought for him, he felt better.

He wasn't breathing heavily anymore. The hot chocolate Sooyun made for him was also perfect. It matched his liking perfectly. It was one of the most perfect hot chocolate he had ever taste beside the one that he made by himself.

Only he knows how to make a perfect mug of hot chocolate. Sooyun was now scrolling down the gallery in her phone since she had nothing to do. It'd be awkward if she just stares at Taehyung while sipping on his drink.

After he felt much better, he finally decided to speak up. "Thank you so much for helping me. I didn't expect that you'd be the one who will be here during my down times instead of my manager." He chuckled, almost bitterly.

Looking at how sad he was being, Sooyun assumed that he actually missed his family. Well, family members are the one who supposed to be there with us during our hard times. She was hesitant to ask him but she still wanted to. "Do you miss your family?" She forced herself to be brave to ask.

He looked at him and his smile disappeared right away. She got an uneasy feelings when she saw that kind of reaction from him when she was expecting the otherwise. "I'm sorry if you d—"

"I don't have family." He told her. She was surprised to hear that.

Her eyes showed that. Taehyung knew that she wasn't expecting to hear something like that. Anyone would be surprised when they were told something like that. "You're surprised?" He chuckled sadly.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about but I think I understand you. It's okay, you don't have to tell me what happened. I respect your privacy." She stated.

Taehyung didn't react anything. He just stayed there while looking at her. "Sooyun," he called his name. If you ever noticed, he loves to say her name a lot.

She hummed in response.

"May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

He breathed while staring down at his hands."What it feels like to live— without your every thoughts eating you alive?"

Sooyun

The man in front of me; Kim Taehyung suddenly became so open about his life. We just know each other for a few days, probably a week now. But it wasn't long enough to make him trust me.

And, the main thing that made me feel curious and haunted; I just knew him for several days but, why do it felt like I've known him for years? Why, why and why?

The feeling I felt in my heart was something I've never felt in my whole life. Everytime I look at him— his perfect features as a human, I felt calmed and chilled. I could stare at him for hours, and days without getting bored.

The most outrageous thing was, I found myself enjoying the moment when I get to look at him. I felt peace. I couldn't deny the feelings.

Hearing to his confession, I looked into his eyes. I just noticed that he has such a nice colour of chocolate eyes. It wasn't too dark, just nice.

"So you're an overthinking person?" I asked. Who thought that a person who seemed to be firm, thoughtful and a professional like him could be an overthinker? That was why we should never judge someone based on how they look or act. We don't know the real them yet.

He sighed. "An overthinker? I'm not sure. But the thoughts are killing me. It's more like torturing me mentally."

That was deep. I could understand how he was feeling but can never relate to that.

I gently placed my hands on my lap. "Taehyung," I spoke, "Why do you sound so hurt?" I wanted to know.

He wasn't surprised by the question.

"Because I'm in pain."

We spent hours talking to each other, sharing about our experiences and past. But I never get to know what made him to be in pain. I asked him and he told me that it was his past and he didn't want to remember about it.

The way he said that, I understand that he didn't want to talk about it. I respect that. Sometimes we have to respect people's decision. They don't always have to tell us everything. They have their own privacy. So do we.

After a long conversation, I finally saw him smiling again. I felt happy to see him smiles.

"Anyways, I haven't asked you about your parents yet. Sorry if this sounds quite harsh but, are they still alive?" He asked after clearing his throat.

I was frozen when he mentioned about my parents. I didn't know whether I should tell him or not. But I didn't think that it was something conversational so I think I could just tell him the truth.

"I'm adopted." I told him. "I've never met my real parents." I smiled. There was pain I hid behind my smile.

He stopped and his brows were raised automatically when he heard that I was actually adopted. "But I love my foster parents. They're so nice and lovely. They take care of me like their own daughter." I smiled, sweetly because I really love them and everytime I talk about them, I felt happy. At least there's someone who loves me.

Nodding his head, he agreed with me. "That's fine for being adopted. At least you know that they want you." His words sounded different, as if he tried to tell something.

"What does it suppose to mean?" I was curious by his sudden lower tone.

He chuckled but with a sad expression on. "My family don't even want me. That's the thoughts that hunts me since forever."

I stared at him with a confused expression but I was surprised when I heard those words spitted out from his own mouth. "What?"

We were now sitting in front of the fireplace he turned on in the living room. With a big, thick cozy blanket covering our bodies, we looked at each other with almost a blank look.

"Do you mind to tell me about your family?" I braved myself to ask him.

He casually put his mug down and rested his shoulders a bit and I knew that he was prepared to answer my question. "My own family don't even want me. That's it." He smiled. The smile he gave me just showed that he was strong. He still managed to serve people with his pure smile.

And what hurt me was; no one knows that the precious smile is actually hiding the darkest pain. I was proud of him for being able to smile and acted like nothing happened.

"Are you surprised to know that?" He asked me.

I blinked. "Yes." I answered shortly. "I've never heard this kind of story from anyone before."

"But I'm glad that you're going through it greatly." I smiled. "I'm proud of you. Really." I gave him words that may make him feel better.

Occasionally, those people who are having a bad day just want to hear someone or— anyone to say that they're fine, they're good enough and they worth everything in this world. Those simple words are enough to make them feel better. We don't know what someone is going through so we should never be bad to them. They just want to know that they're enough.

He gave me such a genuine smile that warmed my heart. "My parents never tell me that before." He chuckled weakly just to avoid himself from getting upset.

"They never tell me that they're proud of me." His voice trailed off. "I tried everything to make them feel proud— or at least happy to have me as their son. I did 99 kindnesses to get their attention. None of them worked, until I did a mistake. I did a mistake and they forgot all the kindnesses I had done. I tried to be the best. I tried to show them that I can make them proud. But all I did just pissing them off. I kept disappointing them." His voice was shaky.

His seemed like he was about to cry. "Taehyung," I said his name, my brain couldn't working to tell me what to do at the moment.

"All I wanted them to say was— 'You're enough, stop trying too hard. You're enough.' but I never get one." He cleared his throat after noticing that his voice was shaking. "I used to do everything to make my parents accept me. But now, I'm doing everything I want because I accept myself." He smiled and looked at me.

It was me who got sad and overwhelmed all of the sudden. Without thinking of anything, I walked with my knees to get closer to him and quickly gave him a hug. He was frozen seeing me opening my arms at first. He was confused and surprised at first that he didn't know what to do. I saw that he was hesitant until he finally opened his arms and pulled me into a very warm hug.

"You're enough and you're doing great. Everyone is proud of you. I'm proud of you. You worked hard and you did great. Congrats, Taehyung." I said while hugging him.

He put his hand on my back and placed his head on my shoulder. It was a long hug, probably the longest hug I've ever had. I knew that this hug means a lot for him.

I could feel his heartbeat beating fast— but so calm at the same time. I couldn't tell whether he was nervous or something else but all I know was; we loved the hug. We enjoyed the hug.

"Thank you, Sooyun. Thank you so much." He whispered softly into my ear.

•••

[A/N]

You're welcome – Sooyun.