At 4, my grandmother told me I had gotten darker
with this sad disappointment in her eyes.
I asked her why she cared so much
after two years of constant comments
and she told me it's because pale
is what beautiful girls are
and she wanted me to be beautiful.

At 6, I started thinking there is no beauty in darkness.

Then at 8, I had gotten a little chubby
People asked my mother in hushed tones
If I had put on weight.
I overheard, and at 3 kgs underweight
I started trying to be thinner.

At 8, I learned that skinny was somehow beautiful.

At 10, I liked a boy.
They told me that I shouldn't tell him
Because that's not what girls do.
That's boy's job. Nature made it that way
Girls aren't pretty when they're bold.

I learned to never assert.

Then at 12 I met so many girls
Skinny and thick and pale and dark
With beautiful souls and beautiful bodies
Meek and kind and bold and strong
And I resented everyone who told them
they weren't incredible.

At 12, they helped me unlearn poisonous beliefs.

You can, too.