"So?" Lady Li asked, a bemused smile hanging upon her lips as she took a whiff of the jasmine fragrance from her tea.

"So what?" Zhenghuan shrugged nonchalantly and leaned against the window frame, turning his gaze towards the lotus pond out in the garden.

To avoid courting controversy, Zhenghuan had parted ways with Lady Li and Zi-ning before they reached the Huangcheng city gates and come directly here, to the Li family manor. The manor, owned by the elderly Duke of Zhao, patriarch of the Li family, was left empty most of the year, since the entire Li clan was now based in the western provinces. It was only occupied on rare occasion, when the Duke returned to the capital for official business, or when Lady Li came back for her husband's memorial rites. Although she was allowed to reside within the royal palace, she chose not to, always opting to stay at her family's manor instead.

"This is the second time you're asking me to extend a helping hand to Han Zi-ning. The first time was to repay her for saving your life. What about now?" the lady asked.

"I'm just trying to build good karma. Since I already helped her escape from those bandits, then I might as well finish the good deed."

"You can lie to everyone, including yourself, but don't think you can hide these things from your own mother."

Zhenghuan pursed his lips in a thin line, refusing to admit that she had gotten everything right. Blood ran thicker than water, and unfortunately that meant that his mother—his real mother, Lady Li—always managed to read him like an open book.

It had started out as a bit of curiosity, curiosity towards this strange girl who seemed to have many secrets bottled up inside her that he could not figure out. On the surface, she behaved like any other social climber, trying to fish a royal title for herself and marry a prince, yet his instincts told him that there was more to that than met the eye. For one, he noticed that despite her efforts to catch royal attention, there was always an inexplicable animosity he detected in her eyes when she looked at the princes. Particularly the fifth prince, Ru-an. But why?

And so the more he observed her, the more he tried to figure out the enigma that was Han Zi-ning, the further he seemed to fall into this hole. She was intelligent, and brave, and... sad. That was a sadness about her that drew him in, that made him want to protect her, instead of leaving her to fight whatever it was she seemed to be fighting alone.

"What about Zixi?" Lady Li asked.

"What about her?"

Lady Li sighed. "General Du sent me a letter a while back, suggesting that it was a good time to settle the issue of your marriage," she said. "He seems to think that you have been putting this off for long enough, and that you might be less inclined to dash headfirst into dangerous situations if you started your own family and had someone to tie you down." She gave her son a pointed stare, and Zhenghuan rolled his eyes in response.

Yes, he confessed that he might have placed himself in potentially life-threatening circumstances a little too often lately, but it was mostly because the threat from the southern tribes was growing and there was a pressing need to nip the problem in the bud. If they allowed this collaboration between the southern tribes and Hua to continue, then it would not be long before Duan would find their sovereignty under threat, sandwiched by enemies on both sides. It was his duty as the Shadow Lord to do what he could to protect Duan's borders, even if it meant sacrificing his life.

His father had done it once.

Thinking about his father cast a grim shadow over his mind. How different would his life had been if his father—the former crown prince—hadn't died in the fight against the rebels?

In the heat of the rebellion, Lady Li had chosen to follow her husband to the battlefield, but when she had been on the brink of giving birth, the insurgents had launched an attack on the Duan military camp. That attack eventually claimed his father's life, and his distraught mother had been evacuated in the nick of time by General Du Wenjian, his father's deputy and closest friend—the man who later became his adoptive father. Afraid that the rebels would find and slaughter her newborn son, Lady Li had entrusted the baby to the hands of General Du, while she awaited a certain death in the abandoned temple they had escaped to. Thankfully, it did not come to that. His uncle, the second prince Shunde, arrived with reinforcements and managed to fend off the rebels, rescuing the ailing crown princess.

Given the tense situation in the kingdom and the possibility of surviving rebels attempting to assassinate the newly born heir to the throne, Lady Li had made the decision to hide the existence of her child, claiming that she had miscarried on the battlefield. As fate would have it, General Du's wife, Li Xiangyun, a distant cousin of Lady Li, had also given birth at this same time. However, the child had been stillborn. Although it had taken much convincing, she eventually accepted this "orphan child" that her husband brought home from the battlefield as her adopted son. Throughout it all, only three people were aware that Crown Prince Shunzhi's only son had not died—Lady Li, General Du, and the current king, Shunde.

"The Yu family and the Du family have been close friends for several generations, and the betrothal between Mayor Yu's eldest daughter and General Du's eldest son was decided before either of you were even born," Lady Li added, reminding Zhenghuan of the expectations that had long been placed upon his shoulders.

"Exactly—it was decided before we were even born! Why must I go through with something that was decided a generation ago?" Zhenghuan snapped irritably. "Besides, I'm not actually the Du family's son."

As much as he greatly respected his adoptive parents and appreciated everything that they had done to raise him, Zhenghuan did not like the idea of having to fulfil these outdated promises. He had swept the matter under the rug for the longest time, using the need to defend the border against never-ending skirmishes as an excuse to put off the engagement, but he could not put it off indefinitely.

"To the rest of the world, that is who you are," Lady Li said quietly, and Zhenghuan could see the regret and sorrow in her eyes.

He rubbed the back of his neck ruefully, realising that he had unintentionally touched a raw nerve. Having to foster her own child to someone else and not be able to even acknowledge his existence to the rest of the world was something that hurt Lady Li greatly, and even though in his younger days Zhenghuan had resented her for doing so, he had come to understand that his mother did not have a better choice. In fact, it might have been for the best, since he didn't think he would enjoy navigating the murky waters of royal politics had he hung on to his actual identity. That was why he had repeatedly rebuffed his uncle's suggestion to be reinstated to the royal family and to become heir apparent.

"Are you truly not willing to consider Zixi? I must admit, even I think that Zixi is a good choice as your other half. She is exceeding intelligent and poised, and also has the that girls who have been brought up in the capital do not. Is that not the sort of girl that you liked?" Lady Li asked.

A few months back, perhaps he would have agreed with what his mother said. Although he had no romantic feelings towards Yu Zixi, they had grown up together and he had always looked after her like a little sister. If he had to marry someone, then Zixi was not a bad choice. But that was before he met Han Zi-ning. Before that enigmatic girl somehow wormed herself into his mind and forced him to think of no one else but her.

Sensing his hesitation, Lady Li continued, "Zi-ning is not a bad child either. If she were, I would not have agreed to be her teacher, even if you were the one asking for the favour. But there is something about her... There seems to be a hatred that she carries inside, that drives her outward ambition. I've tried to ask her about it before, but she simply brushed it aside and said nothing. The child has many secrets, and you may call me selfish, but I do not wish for those secrets to become your burden."

Zhenghuan's brows knitted in a frown. So his mother had detected it too, that aura that surrounded Zi-ning, that seemed to have her trapped down a precarious path. He was well aware of those secrets that his mother spoke of, like the real reason why Zi-ning was so intent on getting her hands on a huanhun dan, but he suspected that it was already too late for him to turn away and pretend he had never met her.

"I won't marry Zixi, Mother," he said. "I can't. It wouldn't be fair to her." He would apologise to his adoptive parents and to the Yu family for that decision, and he would do everything within his means to ensure that Zixi married well, but he could no longer carry on this charade. He would have to make it a point to bring this up to the general the next time he returned to Anyang. "As for Zi-ning..." He thought about how she had said that she'd rather enter a nunnery than marry him, and he let out a bitter laugh. "Even if I did want to be with her, I don't think she wants to associate herself with me."

"Well you are grown up now and can make those decisions for yourself. Regardless of what you choose, you will always have my support," his mother said kindly. She beckoned for him to join her at the table, pouring out a cup of tea for him. "Your father's memorial rites is in three days' time, and we all know what that means. Shunde has already sent invitations to ask me to enter the palace twice, even before I stepped foot into Huangcheng."

Zhenghuan scowled. He sat down and emptied the cup of tea in one gulp. "He's getting more and more insistent lately," he said. "He's already named Ru-quan as crown prince, so I don't understand why he's still pushing this agenda and won't take no for an answer. It's been so many years, surely he should have let go of his guilt by now."

King Shunde, his second uncle, had always wanted to return the crown to him, stemming from the guilt that the king harboured for being too late to rescue his older brother from the hands of the rebels. He had been pursuing the matter ever since Zhenghuan came of age, despite the rejections from both Lady Li and Zhenghuan himself. A few years back, the king had appointed Ru-quan as the crown prince after being pressured by the court to name his successor, but even that appointment had come most reluctantly, after several failed attempts to convince Zhenghuan to accept the position. Were it not for Zhenghuan threatening to disappear altogether, perhaps the king would already have issued the edict to make him crown prince against his wishes.

"Shunde has always been stubborn as a bull, ever since he was young," his mother replied with a wry smile. "You are right. He really should move on, as we all have. Perhaps I should stop avoiding him and face the matter head-on this time, since I am back in the capital."

Zhenghuan sighed.

And may this be the last time we need to lock horns on this, he thought.