In the dim of her room, Ash replayed the fight over in her head. She cringed when she remembered what had happened after. Eli had left to clean and bandage his arm, which wouldn't stop oozing blood. Apple had, as discreetly as possible, pointed to dollops of red that had formed a bib around Ash's robe collar and suggested she get changed. Mortified, Ash had retreated to her room where upon looking in the hand mirror Oroton had given her, discovered she also had smears of Eli's blood around her mouth.

Rat.She'd been called it many times in her life, but never before had she felt so akin to the diseased vermin.

Rat. The word resounded in her head, hitting the same nerve over and over. She didn't want to face her house members now, knowing what they thought. So, she stayed in her room for the rest of the afternoon and evening, even skipping dinner.

There was a knock on her door. She looked up from the blank page of Shorty's notebook and didn't answer, hoping they'd think she was asleep. No such luck. Apple, Ollie and Jacob shuffled into the room with a coconut husk filled with rice, plantains and stewed vegetables.

"We thought you might be hungry," Apple said, placing the husk on Ash's bedside table. "We missed you this afternoon."

Ash studied her face. Surely she was joking.

"We could've used your advice about fighting," Ollie said.

Jacob nodded.

While they waited for her to respond, Ash placed the notebook back on the side table. Finally, she said, "Is Eli okay?"

Apple smiled. "I think he's had worse."

"What about those kids I hurt?"

Apple rolled her eyes. "Oh, la-dee-da. It's exactly what they needed. Some of them were so young when they came to Paradise, they don't remember how bad it was in the city."

"They've gone soft," Ollie said.

Jacob nodded.

Ash slumped with relief, then tensed when she remembered one more thing. "They called me rat," she said.

Ollie raised his eyebrows. "Well, you kinda do fight like one," he said, earning him a slap from Apple.

"Take it as a compliment," Apple said. "Rats are clever."

Jacob nodded and was about to say something more when there was another knock at the door. They all looked up.

"Come in," Apple said, much to Ash's annoyance. She didn't want any more visitors.

The door swung open and Eli entered. His eyebrows rose in surprise when he saw she had company. "May I speak to Ash?" he said.

Jacob stuttered and pushed his glasses up his nose, which had suddenly become slick with sweat.

Apple nudged her two friends towards the door. "Yeah, sure," she said, shooting Ash a curious look. "We'll see you later, Sprout?"

Ash nodded and the three friends shuffled out, leaving her alone with Eli. She blew out a breath and stared down at her hands. The room had suddenly become very hot.

Eli closed the door and leant against the wall. For the first time since she'd arrived on the island, he dropped his impassive mask. Under it, his eyes were dim and shadows gathered around his cheeks, giving him the hollow look of someone who hadn't slept in weeks.

"You've got good friends," he said, his raising his unbandaged arm to gesture towards the food bowl on her bedside table.

She nodded.

"And quite the collection of gifts."

Ash nodded again.

"Is that a diary?"

Ash shook her head. She wouldn't have called it a diary. The book contained the one note she'd written to Jai, and that was all.

Silence stretched out between them. She had nothing more to say about the notebook and Eli had run out of observations. In the end, she settled for an observation of her own. "Is your arm okay?" Anything to break he uncomfortable silence.

"I've had worse."

They fell into silence again. Eventually, Eli pushed himself off the wall and took a few steps into the room. "Ash, I came to speak to you about the Establishment. Will you promise not to discuss what I say with anyone else."

At the sound of her name, goosebumps rose on her arms. She hadn't heard it for so long; it was almost as though it belonged to a stranger. "Okay," she said.

He took a deep breath and stepped further into the room. "We can't win this war."

It wasn't what she was expecting. But then again, she didn't really know what she expected. "What about the fire chains?" she asked. "And our combined forces?"

Eli shook his head. "Even if we hold them off long enough to find another island, we can't win. They'll keep hunting us down until they capture or kill us." He stopped at the foot of her bed and looked at her with an unblinking intensity that made her squirm. "It's only a matter of time."

She frowned. Deep down, she knew if the Establishment found them, their odds weren't good. But Eli was speaking with the infuriating despondency of someone who'd already given up. "Why are you telling me this?" she said.

"Because you're the only one who understands true hopelessness. I saw it that night on the lagoon."

She looked him in the eye. He was right. She had known a lifetime of hopelessness and yet, she'd never considered giving up. And he was their house leader. He was supposed to be corralling them to victory, not voicing doubts. "It's not over until it's over," she said. "It's not hopeless until there's nothing worth fighting for, or until everything you care about is gone." As the words left her mouth, she knew they were true. Even in her darkest times at the orphanage, there'd always been Jai.

Eli shook his head. "I thought so too. Until someone showed me that sometimes a hopeless situation is just that. Hopeless. Giving up is the only option."

Ash met his unblinking stare with one as equally unblinking. "They were wrong," she said. "There's always another way."

Eli stepped back as though he'd been hit. The expression on this face fell and he turned to hide it. "I should go," he said, voice hardening. "Oroton's returning tonight. I'm supposed to wait for him in the Tavern. With some luck, we won't have to worry about the Establishment for some time." He started towards the door.

Ash felt herself pushing aside her sheets and standing. She'd said the wrong thing again. Upset him for the third time since he'd returned to the island. It wasn't how the conversation was supposed to go. "Wait," she said, hastening towards him. "I'm sorry about what I saw the other night. On the lagoon. It was none of my business."

Eli stilled. "You couldn't help it."

She stopped beside him. "I'm sorry for the things I said on the training field today."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

She ploughed on, her words coming in great spills. "I'm sorry you had to see... me and Gus."

Eli turned to look at her. "What you choose to do in your spare time is none of my business."

She opened and closed her mouth, then heard herself blurt, "I don't want to kiss him again." She didn't know why she said it. It just came out.

Eli's face closed behind his usual mask. "Ash, if you're looking for advice, I'm the wrong person for it."

She shivered. He'd said her name again, and the sound of it was strangely alluring, so much so that she reached out to touch his bandaged arm. She expected him to pull away. When he didn't, she let her fingers slide from the bandage all the way down to his fingertips. Her skin burned as hot as it had on the boat. Eli must've felt it too for his hand turned to allow hers to slip inside.

They stood that way, fingers locked, with the stillness one inhabits around a stack of cards. They stayed that way just long enough to allow her to connect with his emotions. She sensed confusion, a touch of trepidation, but mostly gratitude. Eli was grateful to her. But for what? She'd never know.

Eventually, his hand left hers and he took a step back, fingers gracing the scars on his cheek. His eyes quested her face, joining the dots of her features before he said, "Goodnight, Ash," and turned towards the door.

He left, robes disappearing into the darkness. Ash stood shivering, the heat of the room passing very suddenly into cold.

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*~*

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