September 2016

Shannon rolled over in bed and fumbled around on his nightstand for his phone. it vibrated for the fourth time in a row and he groaned loudly. Finally, his fingers connected with the device and he squinted at the screen.

"Callie?" he asked, his voice hoarse from sleep. He covered his eyes with his free hand, praying the call would be brief.

"When were you going to tell me?" she asked.

He could hear annoyance in her voice. "Tell you what?" he sighed.

"About the move," she said.

He looked at the clock on his nightstand and sighed again. "Callie, it's like, five in the morning. Why are you calling me?"

"Why did I have to hear about your move from your neighbor?" she asked.

This isn't going to be a quick call, he thought, sitting up. "I didn't want to tell you until I had all the details set."

"Well apparently you have the details set because your house is fucking empty right now," she hissed.

He shot straight up in bed. "You're at my house? Why are you at my house?" he asked. It was slightly creepy, if he was honest.

"I was going to swing by and see if you wanted to go for a hike or something to catch the sunrise, but when I got here, nobody answered," she explained. "I got worried. Then I ran into Mrs. Kettleman from next door walking her dog and she told me you fucking moved out! What the hell, Shannon?"

The person on the bed next to him shifted under the blanket. He looked over his shoulder at her and took a deep breath. "I'm not there because I did move out," he sighed. "Look, can I just talk to you about this tomorrow...or later today?" he asked. "I'll explain everything, I just really need to get back to sleep. I'm exhausted."

"Who are you talking to?" the girl next to him groaned, sitting up and running her hands across his bare midsection.

"Who the hell is that?" Callie asked, ignoring his request.

He sighed again and looked over his should again. "Its...uh....Katya," he said slowly, trying to figure out the best way to explain. "We've been seeing each other for a few weeks now."

"And? That doesn't explain where the fuck you are!" Callie exclaimed.

"Is that your girlfriend or something?" Katya asked, her words slurred from sleep.

"No, just a friend," he replied.

You wish she was, he thought. Though now he was wishing he had turned his phone on to 'Do Not Disturb' before going to bed last night.

"I'm in Seattle," he said.

Callie paused. "Like, Washington?" she asked.

"Yes, like Washington," he stood up and walked out of the bedroom.

"So you already moved?" He could hear disappointment in her voice. "You bought a house and everything?"

"Yes and no," he explained. He made his way down the hallway. He could see the autumn sky lightening through the skylights above him. "I'm renting a place because I'm not sure if this will be permanent."

"Well, your whole ass house is empty so, I kinda figure its permanent, Shan," she said. "I couldn't find the spare key to get inside. I was worried, Shannon! Why the hell didn't you tell me?! Why didn't you say something?!"

"Callie - "

"I mean, you're my best fucking friend and obviously a move like this takes time to plan. You didn't even let me in on this?" she complained. "First Aya and his engagement and now you? I mean fucking hell, am I not important to anyone?"

"Callie, listen," he said softly. "Breathe. You're panicking. Relax."

"No, Shannon. You moved your whole life to a new state and didn't even bother to say a word to me," she said, her voice tense.

"Ok, Cal, this isn't a permanent move," he said slowly. "Its just something I'm trying. I'm still keeping the house in Los Angeles. We're just renting it out."

She paused for several seconds. He could feel the air going out of her sails. "But why Seattle? Why not Palm Springs or San Francisco? Somewhere in California?"

"I already spend so much time up here working on things for Black Fuel. It made sense to have some sort of base up here," he explained. "I was getting tired of Airbnb and hotel rooms. I wanted something that I could personalize a bit and actually unpack my shit at."

"So you moved all your stuff to Seattle temporarily?"

"Again, wrong. Its at Jared's," he replied. "Callie, I have no idea why you're acting like this."

"Well excuse the hell out of me for wanting to know where my friend was," she snarled. "Next time I'll just ignore the possibility that you've gotten murdered and dumped in the canyon."

She ended the call abruptly and he sighed again, leaning heavily against the metal and cable railing. That was going to be hell to deal with later. He ran his hand across his face and debated if he should try to get some more sleep or just give up and start his day.

The house was silent and he could hear the sound of waves crashing nearby. He'd deliberately chosen this location because it was unassuming and quiet. The refrigerator kicked on in the kitchen and he realized he was hungry, so he took the stairs down to the first floor. He made his way through the open living and dining rooms into the large kitchen. An island divided it from the rest of the space. He began preparing an espresso by the light creeping in through the floor to ceiling windows on the opposite side of the room.

Seattle had been a second home to him for so long while he was preparing to launch Black Fuel. It felt like the right choice. Los Angeles wasn't his scene anymore, certainly if he hoped to keep up his sobriety. It was a fact he kept telling himself throughout the entire moving process. Los Angeles just presented him with too much temptation.

When his drink was finished, he took it through a set of sliding doors onto the expansive balcony. Lake Washington greeted him with seagulls crying and waves lapping on the shore a block away. He could see the yacht club across the water, the boats just visible in the dim morning light bobbing up and down. The caffeine began to awaken his system and he sat on one of the deck chairs.

His decision to keep the move from Callie was multi-layered. First, he wanted to prove to himself that he could do something this big on his own, without help from Jared or his mom or anyone. Then he wanted to distance himself from Callie a bit. She was happy with Chris. He realized that she didn't care about him like he did about her. Staying in L.A. was pointless when she was the main reason he'd delayed leaving for so long. His sponsor made him realize that he was dependent on her.

And her call today made him realize how dependent she was on him. Yes they were friends. But he was starting to feel like she only called him when she needed something from him. And it made him realize that she would never see him as a potential partner. Not as long as she cared about the age difference, at least. So fixating on her and hoping she'd throw even a minute of her time his direction was pointless. Telling her he was moving would have just upset her and probably damaged their relationship completely.

And not telling her helped a lot too, didn't it? He thought, shaking his head.

Shannon took a deep breath and rolled his head on his shoulders. He did owe her a full explanation. Despite her flaws, she was one of his best friends. She was the reason he'd stayed sober. She was the reason he'd focused so much on Black Fuel. She was the reason he'd gotten closer with his own mother. Her family was like his family, even though it was chaotic and everyone was always in someone else's business. 

"Fuck," he groaned, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing Callie's number. 

"What, asshole?" she snapped. 

He had to pull the phone from his ear because of the volume. "Can I just explain, please?" he asked. 

He heard her sigh. "Fine. You get one minute."

He took a deep breath and dove in. "You know about my addiction," he started. He waited for a response, but didn't get one. "Okay, well, in the process of getting sober and staying that way, I realized that the lifestyle I was living in Los Angeles wasn't conducive to my sobriety."

"So? Create a new lifestyle," she said crassly.

"Callie, its not that simple," he groaned. "I've been in L.A. for almost twenty years! Do you know how hard it is to make new friends in a city where you have connections to almost everyone?" He stood up and paced the length of the deck. "Look, I moved for Black Fuel, yes. But I also moved because I needed to make sure this time I stayed sober."

There was silence for several seconds. "You could have stayed sober here."

"No, hun, I couldn't have," he corrected her. "I was hanging out with a bunch of people half my age. I was drinking and going to clubs and bars and doing shit I shouldn't have."

"So this is my fault?" she asked, a tone rising in her voice. 

"No!" he urged. "Its mine. I've been trying to be something I'm not just to fit in, when I realized I should just be focusing on me."

"And that's why you got Katya?" she remarked dryly. "Is she at least over 30?"

"No," he replied. "But she shares a lot of my interests. She's not into partying or drinking. She's a yoga teacher and really focused on healthy living. Callie, I think this is the best thing I've done for myself in a really long time. I just want you to support me in it. Please."

He was angry with himself for still needing her approval. He knew it was ridiculous, but some small part of him hoped that she'd just get over herself and realize they were perfect for each other and come running to him. 

"Shannon, I support you in everything you do. You just blindsided me with this," she replied. "I wish you had included me. Or at least told me in person."

He felt guilt creep in and he leaned against the railing. "I know. And that's my fault. Look, why don't you plan a visit up here soon? I can show you around. Give you the local's tour. Get you some awesome coffee."

"Maybe. I'm too busy right now to come. But maybe soon?" she said, a hopeful tone in her voice. "And maybe you can introduce me to Katya, if she's still around, of course," she added. 

He wasn't sure if she was jealous or joking, but she wasn't screaming at him anymore, so he took it as a win.