"I'm not ok."

"Thank you for being honest, Izuku. I understand that this may be hard for you. We won't ask you to tell us what happened just yet, we've been told by your father, but we do need to talk about your emotions and how you feel." Ihro-san hummed as Natsu-san scribbled in her notepad and allowed the comforting scent of home to permeate the air.

"You don't need to speak too much. Just give us your basic emotions, then we can possibly expand from there." Ihro-san continued, he waited for me to nod before gesturing for me to start.

"Sad. Scared. Pain. Relief." My face screwed up as I uttered the word 'relief' but I persevered, "Remorse. Emptiness. Angry."

"OK. We're going to go through each of these emotions and I want you to explain why you feel them. Here's some paper for you to draw on whilst you do, ok?" Ihro-san asked. I nodded and took the paper from his ageing hand, settling it in my lap and allowing the pencil, which I was also handed, to glide over the paper without a thought.

"Let's start with 'sad'. Could you explain this emotion, Izuku?"

"I'm sad, well more than sad because I... saw my mum's corpse reanimated as a nomu. I... I couldn't protect Eri properly. I ended up fucking everything up. I watched as my mum died again. And Hisashi, as much as I hated him, I was sad when he... died." I stuttered through my explanation of my emotions, hesitating at times to either gather my thoughts. At points, I had to force the words from my throat, it was like my body was strongly opposed to me seeking help. I was my own worse enemy at that moment.

"Well done, Izuku, I understand that this must be hard. We can wait for a second before we move onto 'scared'. Would you like some time to collect yourself?" Ihro-san asked. I shook my head and swallowed the lump in my throat before I delved into the next emotion.

"I'm terrified, a lot more than scared," I chuckled humorlessly, " It terrified me seeing my mum like that. She was decomposed. It was like something out of my nightmares. I've seen her like that in my dreams, but... I never thought I would see her like that again, in real life. I was petrified after seeing Hisashi. Every time I see him I'm scared. It feels like he's still alive and just waiting to pounce on me."

"That's perfectly normal, Izuku. It will take your brain some time to comprehend everything, that includes the demise of Hisashi. That's fine." Ihro-san smiled kindly at me. He asked if I wanted to take a break before we moved onto 'pain', but I once again shook my head, adamant to get everything out of the way. I just wanted to get everything out of my mind. I knew that once I pushed through emotions, I would be able to recover, even if only minutely. It sounded so easy, but I knew that my trauma would make it anything but easy.

"The pain isn't physical. It's like a pressure on my heart and mind. Something baring down on me and forcing me to remember everything that's ever happened to me. It was painful when I did what I did. It hurt me so much... I don't know how to explain it properly." I stuttered, feeling shame wash over me as I struggled to express what I wanted to.

The block in my throat had come back with a vengeance. As far as my body was concerned, that was as far as we went, but I refused to concede. Natsu-san and Ihro-san were both people who I trusted dearly. I knew that they wouldn't make fun of me or dismiss my emotions. They were there to help me, and I wanted to co-operate, if not to relieve myself of the crushing pressure of my emotions, then to make their lives just fractionally easier.

"Relief. I... I shouldn't feel... I... It makes me sick knowing that I feel relieved that he's gone. That I killed him. I took someone's life. I shouldn't feel such relief, but I do! Feeling such a positive emotion at the death of another human being is villainous. I'm like him now. I'm a villain. I killed someone and I feel good about it. I..." I dissolved into hysterical tears, the paper and pencil which had been gripped tightly in my hands ripping and snapping respectfully. I didn't notice though, I was too consumed by the sobs which shook my entire body. My heart screamed out in agony, causing me to clutch my chest. Insesent buzzing filled my ears, grinding on my already frayed nerves.

Guilt overwhelmed me. Why was I so torn up over the death of such a monster? Why was it affecting me so much? Was it the fact that I felt relief at his death or the fact that Hisashi caused me such raw agony and hell?

Somebody's voice spoke to me from far away. Their voice was muffled, making their words indistinguishable and confusing. My breathing was too rapid and my heartbeat too loud for me to respond to the muffled words or even ask what the person had said. Pain, anguish and remorse buried me beneath their weights, applying a putrid pressure which did nothing but accelerate my breathing and heart rate.

"-uk. -zuku. Izuku. That's right, listen to my voice and let it calm you down. You're ok. Your safe, he can't reach you. It's ok to feel like this. It's fine. You have been in a difficult situation and the actions you took were justified. You should feel no guilt at the relief you feel, it's perfectly normal after what he has subjected you two throughout your life. Focus your breathing and follow my pulse." a voice I recognised as Natsu-san's spoke. A hand-guided my own hand to somebody's wrist. Their slow pulse soothed me, washing over me and slowing my own rapid heartbeat and breathing.

It took a few minutes but, finally, I calmed down. It occurred to me, as a passing thought, that I had most likely just had a panic attack. I wasn't a stranger to them. The pain in my heart and elevated breathing rate were all too familiar.

"Izuku, do you feel calmer now?" Natsu-san asked gently, her hand still holding mine to her wrist. I nodded, shakily drawing in a rattling breath and looking up at the two adults.

"That's good. We are going to wait a little while before we continue. If you still don't feel better, then we can postpone this until another day. Your health is extremely important, we don't want to push you, ok?" Ihro-san smiled. Again, I nodded my head, breathing slowly so as to regain my breath and calm my heartbeat further.

"Good, now, what books have you read recently?"

After an hour and a half, I felt a lot better. The panic attack still lingered in my mind, it hovered at the edges of my consciousness, always there to intimidate and overshadow all positivity. Ihro-san had repeatedly asked if I was sure that I wanted to continue, he finally relented after I had said that I was fine to continue 3 times.

"Ok, Izuku, if you're sure you're ready to move on, the next emotion we will discuss is 'remorse'. Explain why you feel remorse for us. If you feel as though you may be overwhelmed, please stop, ok?" Ihro-san said as Natsu-san pulled out her notebook once again, pen poised to take notes. I nodded, took a deep breath, and started talking.

"I'm remorseful that I had to kill my mum. She asked me to, but I feel really bad for doing it, even if it was the right thing to do. I'm also penitent about killing... him," I couldn't bring myself to say his name. "I was relieved when I did it, but I regret it as well. I've already said that though, remorse and regret are practically the same things." I chuckled slightly, ignoring the sting of tears which threatened to spill over.

"That's alright, Izuku, if you feel remorse as well as regret, despite them being similar, it's how you describe your emotions. Nobody else can dictate that, not even definitions." Ihro-san smiled sagely. I returned the smile before I continued.

"I also feel remorse that I couldn't do more for Eri. During the entire week that I was looking after her, I... Well, I managed to stop Overhaul from experimenting on her, but she still had terrible nightmares, and I couldn't be with her all the time, since I had to gather intel and it would have been suspicious. I wanted to just get her away, but, I risked messing up the whole mission." I mumbled, my hands fisting the linen sheets in my hands.

"That must have been especially frustrating." Natsu-san inputted, sending me a sympathetic smile. Usually, any sympathy I received left a sour taste in my mouth and anger hovering at the edge of my perception. But when Natsu-san was sympathetic, it had the opposite effect. I didn't mind at all.

"Yes," I replied shortly, breathing the answer out as a breathy exhale.

"Are you ready to move onto 'emptiness', Izuku?" Ihro-san asked.

"Yes. The emptiness is hard to explain. It just feels like their's a void in my chest which is trying to consume my every thought and action. Some things just seem meaningless, it's scary to think like this. I don't feel as empty now, but yesterday, when we were being transported to the hospital, I felt like I was a blank canvas. I couldn't find it within myself to care about much, or feel anything. My mind went blank, probably to stop me from overthinking everything. Now that I'm feeling more emotive, emotions such as regret, melancholy, and fear are stronger, not as diluted as they had been yesterday." I hummed.

I allowed my gaze to wander away from the two adults at my bedside and towards the window which was allowing bright light to shine down upon me. The warmth of the sun on my skin was akin to the embrace of my mother. It filled me with a sense of love and the feeling of being comforted and accepted. The feeling of maternal love which could only be conveyed by a mother.

"We'll move onto 'angry' now. You have every right to feel angry, as well as all of the other emotions you have described to us." Ihro-san said.

"I'm angry for a lot of reasons." I started simply, "I'm angry that he did that to my mum. I'm angry at Overhaul for what he did to Eri. I'm angry at Overhaul's accomplices for not seeing what they were doing as incredibly wrong and foul. I'm angry at the hero commission and Sir Nighteye for having me and my friends on the mission. I'm also... I'm angry at my mum, sorta. I... I'm angry that she asked me to kill her. It hurt so much to carry out her request, I felt obligated to do it since she was my mum and she was very obviously in pain. I wanted to help, but I didn't want to go to those lengths to help her. I did it, but I feel awful for doing so." I rambled, words flowing from my mouth like word vomit. The constant stream of thoughts only slowed when I sighed and looked over at my therapists. They didn't look surprised, Natsu-san simply continued to write whilst Ihro-san nodded along and thought deeply.

"That makes sense, it's understandable that all of those things would make you angry. They would make a lot of people angry for good reason. What your mother asked you to do was hard, but I must ask, Izuku, do you truly regret it?" Ihro-san inquired.

I thought about his question. I had already said that I felt remorseful about having to kill her, and that showed I felt at least some regret, but something inside stopped me from answering that I truly regretted it. Could I regret it when I knew that what I had done had ended up helping her? It was a hard question to answer, and the words which slowly trickled from my tongue were hesitant, reflecting my difficulty with the question posed to me.

"No... I don't think I truly regret what I did. If not for the fact that I know my mum wouldn't want me hyper fixating on her death, but because I don't want to regret doing a something good for someone, even if it cost them their life. I will probably feel some remorse for a while, but when it boils down to it, I think I won't regret what I did in the long-term when it comes to the death of my mum." I managed to articulate.

Ihro-san nodded thoughtfully, his face didn't give me single clue as to if that was the reply he expected or not. Despite the markings on his face, Ihro-san was an elusive man, I strived to someday be able to maintain such a straight face when speaking of such unpleasant topics.

"That's understandable. Now that we've spoken through your emotions, we're going to talk about some things which we are to be put in place for the time being." Ihro-san said, "As you're aware, you'll be leaving the hospital tomorrow, which means you'll be returning to the dorms. I suggest you socialise with your friends so that you have a sense of normalcy, but know that it is perfectly fine for you to withdraw from what is happening around you. If need be, take a step back and calm down before rejoining the interaction. As you're aware, your session tends to be once a month, we'll be increasing that to once a fortnight for now. In the next few days, I'll be reevaluating you for some stronger sleep medication and perhaps PTSD medication."

I listened attentively as Ihro-san spoke. Soaking the information into my brain like a sponge does water. I tried not to allow the relief to show on my face when he mentioned the more frequent sessions, I could already tell that I wasn't going to have the next few weeks. I did, though, scrunch my nose up at the mention of possibly having a stronger dosage of sleep medication and PTSD medication. I wasn't fond of the pills in the slightest.

"Furthermore, we'll be legally pursuing the Hero Commission for their behaviour. They have endangered several children, it shouldn't be hard to charge them for reckless child endangerment. They ignored the advice of several health professionals, not just the two us." Natsu-san added on. I was pleasantly surprised at this information, I had no idea how successful they would be (this was the hero commission we were talking about).

"Thank you, both of you, I truly appreciate what you do for me." I thanked awkwardly completing a seated bow. The two of them merely smiled at me and dismissed my thanks. It wasn't long after this, that the two of them left, wishing me well as they went.

I wasn't left alone to my peace for too long. Only five minutes after Ihro-san and Natsu-san left, the door to my room banged open to show Ochako, Kiri and Hitoshi staring through the doorway.

"Izuku!" Ochako squealed, trotting into the room and smiling down at me, "Can I hug you?"

I nodded my head with a smile, embracing the feeling of Ochako's body against my own as she hugged me tightly.

"We were so worried about you. You weren't responding to us yesterday, I won't ask what happened, just know that we're all here to support you." Ochako muttered sincerely into my shoulder. I smiled wider into her chocolate locks and uttered a few words of gratefulness.

"You had us really worried dude." Kiri, or what I guessed was Kiri, sighed.

"I could say the same about you, Kiri." I chuckled, gesturing towards the bandages wrapped around his entire body. "Either you lost a fight with a mummy, or something serious must have happened to you. How are you even moving?"

"Through sheer force of will." Kirishima joked. "I'm fine, really, the doctors healed me up really well. These are just on for the next day because they have some quirk remnants on or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention." Kiri chuckled awkwardly.

"Glad to see that you're ok. What about you, Hitoshi, did you get hurt?" I asked with concern laced into my voice as I turned to my newly dubbed brother.

"I'm fine. Technically, I don't need to be here, neither does Ochako, but they said they wanted to keep an eye on us. I don't know. We leave tomorrow." Hitoshi shrugged. I beamed up at him, thankful to hear that neither he nor Ochako had been seriously injured.

The four of us easily fell into conversation. Ochako bashfully recounted her, Tsu and Neijire's battle against a villain. Hitoshi, Kiri and I all gasped in the correct places and cheered happily when she explained how the defeated the villain.

Kiri explained how he had got so injured. Him and Fat Gum were separated from the group and forced to fight a man called Rappa who had a quirk which made him stronger. Kiri had managed to hold out against him before his quirk gave in. I smiled brightly at the boy and expressed my pride in his ability to continue to fight through his pain, to which what I could see of Kiri's face blossomed pink and he waved away my praise.

Hitoshi explained that he had simply followed along with the main body of the group. He had briefly engaged in battle with Chronostasis and had managed to get him under his control to restrain him. Hitoshi also explained that nobody had been grievously injured and that everyone was alive. Eri was fine (well as fine as she could be) and was currently in a deep sleep in the hospital due to her quirk being unstable.

As we continued to talk, my smile spread a little wider. I knew with the support of my friends and family, I was bound to start to feel better soon. 

I'm so glad that this is a bit longer to compensate for the shorter chapters recently. Sorry if there are any mistakes here, I'm not feeling the best and can't concentrate on my writing. I might take next week off. Also, I released the one-shot about the fight a few chapters ago yesterday, so if you want to read that, it's there. 

Anyway, thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day wherever you are.