Second Thoughts

Words: 8382

Summary: Dan's dared to date Jessica Lester. However to do so, he needs to befriend her brother and be approved by him. 

"It's pointless mate - she might like your mug but she doesn't date anyone unless her brother approves. He has a 'good guy' radar or something." Joe snickered at Dan who stared at Jessica Lester as she walked by. She was the most beautiful girl in school with her long strawberry blond hair, porcelain skin and bewitching blue eyes. Her curves prominent as she swayed.

"Give it up Howell." Derek chuckled, "You'd never bag a girl like her." Dan turned round and glared at his friends. Well, he said his friends - more like the assholes who were in the 'popular' clique that he happened to be a part of. Putting up with them at least got him a lot of positive attention and no endless line of girls. He liked the attention, liked being popular. However he did miss having a real friend; the closest person to that description was his neighbour Louise but she went to a different school.

"I could so." Dan rose to challenge - ego flaring. "And I'm not going to get just any girl like her, I'm going to get her." Dan smirked. He was an idiot - but he always found himself doing stupid things to remain on his popular pedestal. It earned him respect ... something Dan could do without if his ego was anything to go by. 

"Yeah right." Sam grinned and stuffed his lunch in his mouth. 

"You'll see. All I have to do is be friends with this Lester guy right? It's easy." Dan boasted although he was panicking a little inside. Why did he always dig himself into these messes?

"Alright but if you haven't bagged her by the end of the month you owe me ten quid." Joe smirked. 

"Deal."

Dan was an idiot.

~

Dan bit his lip, staring at the back of Phil Lester's head. How the hell could he spark a possible friendship without being too obvious with his intentions? He frowned as he tried to figure out a plan. The lesson was nearly over and Dan was frustrated with his lack of ideas. He felt like a failure by the time the bell rang and was already thinking of the smug expression on Joe's face when he forked over ten pounds. 

He eyed Phil as he left, noticing how Jessica joined him in leaving the classroom - clearly they were close so he couldn't chance offending Phil in any way when he finally got Jessica. "Mr Howell." The teacher drawled as he was about to leave. Dan stiffened before gritting his teeth and turning towards the maths teacher - Mr Archer. Dan had the daunting suspicion that this was about his grades - he'd been slacking off because of all the parties he'd been invited to. Honestly he'd rather stay in bed and watch anime but he could never let his friends know. They'd class him as one of those hentai weirdos. Besides, Dan had an image to uphold and going to parties was cool. 

"Yes sir?" Dan asked with a false smile. 

"I don't think you should be smiling young man. We both know what this is about. You should spend less time socialising and more time studying. Exams are coming up y'know. I suggest you get a tutor or risk failing your exam." The teacher spoke sharply and Dan felt a sinking in his gut. Despite his popular-boy image he really did care about his grades. He didn't let anyone know but he was the top in English - it was his strongest subject and he hoped to pursue it in university. Once high school was over he didn't need to worry about labels anymore - he could be his normal anime loving self. 

"Yes sir." Dan muttered before trudging out of the room. Well his day got ten times worse. He'd have to cut down on the parties. Dan gave a huff before an idea struck him. Phil was smart right? He grinned. "Thank you Mr Archer." Dan whispered to himself before hurrying to his next class. 

Fortunately he shared that with Phil as well. He waited impatiently for the hour to pass until the bell rang again. He almost jumped out of his seat. He waited as a few of his friends were having a conversation with him. Just before Phil was about to leave Dan tapped his shoulder, feeling a little nervous. The boy turned round and Dan was struck for a moment - most of the time he saw the back of his head and wasn't prepared for the similarities he and his sister had. He had the bright blue eyes and porcelain skin - not to mention the natural smile that seemed to rest on their pink lips. However instead of strawberry blond a black fringe adorned his head which was a stark contrast to his skin like ink on snow. Dan was momentarily speechless; he had never admitted it to anyone other than Louise, but he was bi and Phil was definitely ticking all the boxes for his male type. Dan quickly shook that thought away. He may have been attractive but Jessica was like an angel - pure and beautiful. 

"H-hi." Dan found himself blurting and internally groaned as he stumbled back to normality. 

Phil continued to smile, a hint of curiosity behind his eyes. "Can I help?"

"Uh, yes you can actually." Dan began, finding his confidence once more and smiling charmingly at the boy. "Basically my grades have been a bit lacking in maths recently - which was brought to my attention by the ever charming Archer who politely suggested that I get my shit together and find a tutor." Dan explained and Phil chuckled a little at Dan's tone. "So, basically, with a slight loss of dignity, I'm asking if you'd help me." Dan asked and bit his lip. He would have had to kiss Jessica goodbye if Phil said no - trying again would only make the boy suspicious. He probably wouldn't be allowed to kiss Jessica goodbye now that he thought about it. Phil'd probably kick him in the nuts. 

Phil clicked his tongue, thinking it over. Dan found a bit of desperation leaking through his eyes; he honestly couldn't stand Joe's gloating. A loss of ten quid wasn't anything to celebrate either. "Alright, but if we're doing this we're doing it properly. No being a dick, no blowing me off for parties and I don't want any shit from your asshole friends ok?" Phil laid out the rules and Dan felt an anxiousness wash over him. Phil knew about Dan and his friends; he was a lot more cautious than he predicted. Dan would have to tiptoe on eggshells to lower Phil's guard - especially within a month. 

"Aye, aye captain." Dan found himself replying with a smirk. Phil just smiled.

"Alright, we'll start tomorrow after school. We can go to mine as Jessica has volley ball practice and my parents are working." Phil suggested - more like commanded. 

"Sounds peachy." Dan grinned cheekily and Phil shook his head lightly before turning to leave. He got two steps before turning round again. "We should probably exchange numbers so I can schedule our sessions." Phil added.

"Kinky." Dan found himself saying with a grin before internally panicking. Oh god did he just let his flirty bisexual side out a little there? God he needed to get a handle on that quick or Phil could get the wrong idea. 

Phil looked a little surprised at his comment but laughed anyway. "Well, give me your phone then." Dan found himself fumbling about his skinny jean pockets until he clumsily handed it over. He needed to get a fucking grip. Phil typed in his number and created a contact before swiftly handing it back. "If you don't text me before tomorrow afternoon then I'm not tutoring you, I don't have time for trouble." Phil warned, staring right into Dan's eyes. Dan swallowed, did he actually feel ... intimidated? Phil did have a bit more muscle than him - specifically in his arms and shoulders ... jesus his shoulders ... focus Dan!

"Don't worry about it." Dan assured and finally Phil was gone. Dan stood alone in silence for a moment, trying to comprehend his actions from the previous conversation. "I need a slap." he sighed to himself before leaving the classroom. 

~

"You're late." Phil raised an eyebrow. Dan furrowed his brows. 

"By five minutes." He pouted.

"You're still late." Phil smirked. Dan rolled his eyes in response - was Phil going to be one of those strict teacher types? Dan felt a curl of frustration in his gut at the thought of holding back around him. He naturally liked to challenge people and hated the thought of censoring himself. 

"Who are you, the time police?" Dan snorted before internally cursing. He was supposed to make Phil like him, not insult him. Although, he doubted anyone would really call it an insult. Dan was cautious though - he needed to leave a good impression. 

"No, Time Lord actually." Phil smirked and started walking towards his car, expecting Dan to follow. 

"More like a Judoon with that nose." Dan muttered under his breath. However Phil turned back to him with wide eyes. Crap. 

"Excuse me?" Phil laughed in shock. 

"Hm?" Dan played dumb, internally cursing himself once again for not holding back on the retaliation.

"I'd make a crack about how bad of an insult that was but honestly I'm too shocked that someone like you actually watches Doctor Who." Phil smirked. Dan felt oddly offended. 

"Someone like me?" Dan asked and watched as Phil slid into the drivers seat. He jumped into the passenger before repeating, "Someone like me?" 

Phil giggled. "Yeah." Dan scowled, just who did he think he was?

"And what exactly am I like?" Dan asked as Phil turned the key in the ignition. 

"Oh you know ... popular ..." Dan couldn't argue with that. "... pompous ... arrogant ... egotistical, proud, petty, vain." Dan's jaw dropped. 

"I beg your pardon?" Dan spluttered. Making friends seemed like a goal out of reach at this point. Phil only chuckled again. Dan opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish. He let his frustration leak through, "I am not petty or arrogant or pompous ... and I don't see how that makes me someone who wouldn't enjoy Doctor Who." Dan ranted. 

Phil's lips quirked, "Touché, I apologise if my stereotypes wounded you." Dan was about to retort but held his tongue. Patience Dan, you're here to make friends not enemies. 

"I am wounded." Dan pouted instead. 

"Aw I'm sorry." Phil grinned brightly - his expression seemed to contradict his apology. Dan felt blinded - god he was like a ray of sunshine. How the hell was he supposed to be mad at someone like that? Dan flushed at his thoughts. 

"Mhm." Dan hummed before staring out the window. God Dan just act normal. You need to get on his good side not act like a fool.

A few minutes passed by with comfortable silence until Phil spoke up again. "I am actually sorry. I don't usually stereotype. I'd hate if someone did that to me." Dan turned to see a more serious expression on Phil's face. Dan didn't like it, he preferred Phil's happy face. 

He smiled despite himself, "It's honestly fine Phil. I get why you think that way." Dan sighed, feeling a stab of self deprecation in his gut. Sometimes he hated who he was - most of the time he liked being popular - there were nights however where he wanted to tear through the polished skin of high school douche bag and be the anime loving sexually ambiguous nerd he truly was. He pushed the feeling down - he didn't need to start feeling insecure in front of Phil. They hardly knew each other and Dan didn't feel like revealing his inner demons so early into the friendship. 

"Well I believe in getting to know the person before judging them, I guess it just slipped out." Phil continued. 

"What all those words just slipped out one after another. I dunno you sounded pretty sure to me." Dan teased.

"Shut up." Phil smiled softly before turning into his driveway. It wasn't long until they were in the door, up the stairs and approaching Phil's room. Dan was tempted to ask when Jessica would be home but knew it would only arouse suspicion. Soon they were in Phil's room and Dan paused in the doorway, taking in the onslaught of colour. Posters covered almost every inch of wall, faded blue peeking through the cracks. 

Dan felt excitement swell in his chest when he spotted the 'Origin of Symmetry' and 'The Resistance' posters above his bed. "You like Muse?!" He found himself blurting before he could process this information. Almost everyone he knew at school had no idea who they were - too obsessed with the mainstream crap looping the charts. He'd tried to engage Louise in his obsession but she just didn't share his absolute adoration for the band and Matt Bellamy's glorious vocal range. 

"Duh, they're my favourite band." Phil beamed and Dan felt a jolt in his chest. Dammit I can't not like him now. He tried to tone down his inner fanboy.

"Yeah they're cool I guess." Dan tried to pass off and Phil chuckled again. Dan was a little annoyed with how he could see right through him. "Anyway." Dan coughed, subtly admiring the other bands and TV shows that adorned his walls. God dammit does he have no faults? Dan pondered. 

"Let's jump right in. Get your maths notes out." Phil instructed, settling comfortably in his desk chair. Dan sat on the bed.

He went to reach for his bag then paused. "Oh ... um ..." Dan started, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. Phil raised an eyebrow. "I um ... I don't have my notes ..." Dan admitted sheepishly. Phil stared at him incredulously, trying to process Dan's idiocy. 

"You don't ... what?" Phil frowned. "Why the hell don't you have your maths notes for a maths tutoring?" Phil asked, confusion clear. Dan felt his body get hotter in embarrassment. 

"W-we didn't have maths today, I didn't pack it." Dan tried to defend himself. 

"Unbelievable." Phil shook his head before tossing his notes to Dan. "You can use them this time but please don't forget them again." Phil chuckled. 

"Thanks." Dan muttered, trying to calm his red complexion. 

"Okay, let's start with surds..."

~

"Uuuuuuuuuuugh." Dan groaned - textbook squashing his face. He was done with Maths - absolutely completely fucking done. He didn't give a shit if he failed the exam - his brain couldn't cope. 

"Hush up cry baby." Phil chuckled from his desk chair. This had been happening all week - three days of tutoring and fractions and algebra and vectors and AAAAAAAAAH. Dan thought he'd explode; he was so sick of numbers he felt ill whenever he saw them. 

"Can we please take a break?" Dan pleaded weakly, textbook sliding off his face as he turned to look at Phil. 

"It's only been half an hour." Phil scoffed. 

"Yeah out of 10 hours this week!" Dan nearly shrieked in protest. He could hardly process in class and felt tired from the evenings with Phil and his damn Algebra. 

"More like 2 hours, you get distracted too easily." Phil muttered. 

"Oh I'm sorry we spent the whole time talking about more interesting things!" Dan huffed, sitting up and crossing his arms at the other boy. 

"I'm here to tutor you not chat with you." Phil countered. 

"Sorry if I thought friends actually talked to each other." Dan snorted before pausing. Oops, had he really let that slip? Wasn't that being pushy? Shit shit shit. 

"We're friends?" Phil asked with a smirk and Dan felt himself flush. Crap - he doesn't want to be friends - it was all for nothing and now he had a math-induced headache. What a waste of fucking time, honestly. He'd really liked talking about his interests too! Ungrateful Lester who didn't appreciate his efforts. 

Instead of voicing these thoughts he stuttered, "W-well I-I dunno, m-maybe I thought- but maybe not I-I guess we're not- I just assumed 'cause w-we'd been talking- but whatever forget it." Shoot me and my god damn bumbling mouth. Dan thought bitterly.

Phil giggled - breaking Dan out of his depressed bubble. Honestly the guy didn't have to laugh - how could he have a 'nice guy' radar when he was such a douche? "I was just kidding Dan. I'm just a little surprised you'd label us that way after knowing each other only a few days. Then again that might be me stereotyping you again. So sorry ... again ... I guess." Phil finished sheepishly.

I take it back. He's not a douche. Dan found himself smiling. He hadn't failed; he felt so happy. He shouldn't feel that happy - it was just a step on the ladder leading to Jessica. He had enjoyed speaking to Phil though ... and they had tons in common. Come to think of it he hadn't acted like his 'normal' self like he had in school. If anything he was a completely different person around Phil which wasn't good. Being friends was good, sure, but for Phil to have so much power and blackmail over him wasn't wise when he was trying to get with his sister for admittedly selfish purposes. God Dan really was a shitty person. 

"Dumbass, stop embarrassing me." Dan mumbled and Phil only grinned. Stop grinning at me you're doing weird things to my chest. And he was - Dan had noticed it every time Phil smiled or got excited with him over something; they hadn't reached Dan's anime fanboy material yet as that was one thing he was determined to keep under lock and key. No way was he risking his asshole friends finding out - his popular career would be over. 

"Yeah yeah whatever." Phil dismissed. "Come on let's at least get another half an hour's study done before you give up completely." He insisted. 

"Fine." Dan reluctantly agreed. 

~

"Party tomorrow night Howell, you better be there." Derek instructed as the four of them left school. 

Dan frowned, "You know I can't guys."

"Are you serious?!" Joe asked in irritation. "What the hell's happening to you?" 

Dan scowled a little. "Hey it's your fault in the first place. I'm having to go to Lester's house every day after school for tutoring just so I can win this stupid bet. He told me if I miss one then he will stop because he doesn't put up with that shit." He retorted. 

"Ugh, it can't be that bad. No one's that strict - just make up an excuse or something." Derek shrugged.

"He'll find out. Besides it's a school night - he'll definitely notice if I'm hungover tomorrow." Dan insisted.

"Then don't drink." Sam suggested.

"No point going if I can't drink." Dan grumbled, feeling frustrated. Couldn't his friends stop being peer-pressuring assholes long enough for him to just get this bet done? It was hard enough juggling two different personas.

"For god sake Howell stop being a killjoy." Derek sneered and Dan glared at him. 

"Hey, it's not your money or pride on the line is it? I just need to not party until the end of the month - then I'll be back to normal." Dan explained through gritted teeth.

"It's like you're hiding who you are. Probably won't be believable to Lester if you don't slip up even once. Won't he get suspicious?" Sam asked. Dan internally groaned.

"I want to stay in his good books." Dan tried again a little desperately.

"God this bet is such a pain. You're no fun anymore." Joe rolled his eyes. "Just pay up now and let's get pissed." He added. Dan fumed.

"No, I'm not giving up ... look I'll just tell Phil I can't make it." Dan finally admitted defeat. He was slipping. He still had a reputation to uphold and although he liked being popular - the things he had to do to keep it up were starting to become an annoyance. God could his friends not fucking back off?

"That-a-boy. Don't forget the voddie alright?" Derek grinned.

"Yeah, 'course." Dan didn't sound as enthusiastic as he'd have liked.

~

'Sorry Phil, can't make it to tomorrow's tutoring session. Got plans for a family dinner - mum'll kill me if I miss. Sorry, see you Wednesday instead :)' ~ Dan

~

Dan felt like dying. He had a pounding headache and his mouth felt like cotton. Why did he always have to get shitfaced at parties? 

"Last night was epic. Can't believe you made out with Joanne. What a dog!" Derek snickered and loomed over Dan's slumped being. Dan's eye twitched in irritation. He actually hadn't made out with Joanne - that's just what she told everyone after he helped her drunk self find an empty room to sleep in. He had been nothing but gentlemanly in his tipsy state but she took advantage of it. Not that Dan was going to bother to correct them. It only added to his popular image so why bother?

"Yu-huh." He added non-comittedly and glared at his friend who somehow was unaffected by hangovers despite drinking just as much, if not more than Dan.

"You look like a zombie." Joe chuckled and poked Dan's cheek that rested on the desk. Dan swatted his hand away and lifted his head up to yell. However the words caught in his throat when he saw Phil walk in and stop to stare in his direction. Dan gave a dry swallow and tried not to show how guilty he felt. 

His body tensed as Phil studied his form. Once finished Phil's eyes flashed angrily before sitting down at the front - posture rigid. Dan panicked - Phil had caught him. Dan was an idiot - he should have never given into his friends. He may have just ballsed up the whole thing. Weirdly enough he wasn't even thinking of the bet. He was worrying about whether Phil would ever talk to him again and if he'd give Dan a second chance.

"Phiiiiil." Dan whined later at lunch as he followed said boy outside. "I'm really sorry, please just listen to me!"

"No Dan. I warned you that if you blew me off for some party then I wouldn't give you a second chance. I have no time for this shit and I don't care to deal with or be a part of that world." Phil snapped, picking up the pace.

"Phil I'm sorry! Really, I wasn't thinking - it's been a while and my friends were hassling me." Dan tried to explain. 

"I should have known." Phil grumbled to himself. "You told me that you and your family don't get along that well, so why the hell would you cancel to have an oh-so-important family dinner?! You lied to me Dan, what further reason do I need to stop tutoring you?" Phil spat, swerving round a corner onto the green behind the school. Dan persisted.

"Please Phil, one more chance - I promise I won't fuck it up! I really need the help, I don't want to fail my class. I actually care about my grades contrary to popular belief and I've really enjoyed spending time with you." Dan urged a little desperately.

Phil scoffed, "Yeah right, you're just using me. I bet you go home and laugh about my interests with your friends afterwards. I know how people like you are Dan! All you do is manipulate." 

Dan found irritation rise up before he could stop it, "People like me?! What happened to you not stereotyping people huh? Was that all a bunch of crap?" For some reason Phil seeing him as a douchebag blow-off was really annoying him. How dare Phil say that when Dan had shared quite a bit of his real self? How dare Phil throw that back in his face?

"Well you're certainly not helping me by blowing me off for a stupid party!" Phil returned angrily.

"It was a moment of weakness! My friends wouldn't stop pestering me alright?! I'm sorry I'm weak ok? I'm sorry I'm scared to lose my reputation! I'm sorry I'm too much of a coward to say what I want and act how I want! Honestly I would have rather spent last night talking to you and hanging with you than getting buggered with those assholes!" Dan burst, panting a little after his monologue. However he hadn't processed his little speech whilst it came out and paled a little at letting his true feelings through. He didn't think Phil could get to him so much.

Phil was quiet for a moment, studying Dan with a cautious gaze. "You're not a coward." he sighed after a while. "I'm sorry for stereotyping you again. I didn't know that was how you really felt." He apologised sheepishly.

Dan flushed at his words. "U-um, it's okay. I wouldn't expect you to want to understand anyway. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or piss you off and I tried to get out of it but ... I guess I'm a bit of a push-over when it comes to that area of my life." Dan sighed, feeling exhausted from the conversation and the last dregs of a hangover. 

Phil smiled a little. "It's okay Dan ... and I do like talking to you as well. I kind of forgot you're not like that all the time ... look, I'll give you another chance. If you need help blowing off your friends we can come up with an excuse together." Phil offered and Dan wanted to cry. Phil was too nice. Dan felt awful for exploiting that kindness for a bet but after that show of determination and commitment he put on for his friends about the bet, there's no way he could just give up now.

"Thanks Phil. I'm glad we're still friends. You can be- no, you are probably better company than my other friends are." Dan found himself admitting with a shy smile. 

Phil blushed himself and Dan marvelled at the contrast of his rosy cheeks on porcelain skin. Honestly the happy smile that took over Phil's face made Dan all warm inside and his heart beat fast. He was starting to get attached to the loveable goofball and really didn't know what he was going to do about this bet. At this point it didn't seem worth it - not worth Jessica's affections or the money or the gloating. He really didn't want to hurt Phil ... but he couldn't not continue the bet. He wasn't ready to give up his popular pedestal. He didn't want to suffer possible ridicule from his supposed friends. He didn't want to feel like an outcast even if it was his last year of school. Phil was wrong - dan was weak and a coward.

"Well thank you Dan." Phil grinned. "You're not so bad yourself." He winked.

Dan couldn't help but want the ground to swallow him whole. He was a despicable human being. "Thanks." Dan replied with a strained guilty smile.

~

"You did WHAT?!" Louise nearly shrieked. Dan winced. He deserved the yelling though - honestly agreeing to Joe's bet was such a stupid thing to do.

"I know ... I'm the worst." Dan pouted as he was sprawled across his best friend's bed. He couldn't find the courage to tell her about the bet or Phil for the past 2 weeks and only now did he feel guilty enough to admit his shame. I'm a shitty person.

"Daniel I expected better of you!" Louise [mum] pentland scolded. "All this so you can get in someone's pants!" Louise hissed looking thoroughly displeased. Dan sat up with a scowl.

He felt his defences flare up. "I'm not doing it to get in her pants. I actually really like her. I have some morals y'know." Dan snapped and Louise scowled back. The room fell into silence, both fuming silently. Eventually Louise let out a breath and her sharp expression softened. Dan's own face relaxed in response and he flopped back down on the bed. Louise joined him shortly after, blond curls fanning across his chest. 

"You do get yourself into the most ridiculous situations Howell." Louise sighed, sounding fonder than before. 

"I know. I'm sorry." 

~

Phil couldn't stop laughing and Dan flushed in annoyance. "Stop it." Dan grumbled, taking a sip from his milkshake. Phil's laughter only increased and he put a hand over his mouth to muffle it. "Seriously shut up you moron." Dan scowled. 

"S-seriously Dan? I-in-" Phil broke into giggles again and Dan couldn't help but smile despite himself. "In his parents' bed?!" He asked incredulously, eyes shining with humour. Dan grimaced at the memory. 

"I shouldn't have told you that." Dan sighed. 

"Hey I shared an embarrassing memory!" Phil protested, shoulders still shaking a little with laughter. "What did you say the next morning?" He prodded.

Dan glared at him. "I just told him he should probably wash his sheets after a party." he muttered. Phil broke into laughter again and Dan couldn't help but grin at the contagiousness of it. 

"Oh fuck off." Dan chuckled and looked out the window in embarrassment. Phil noticed Dan's flushed cheeks and calmed down. 

"Hey sorry. It is really funny though." Phil snickered and took a sip of his own drink. 

Dan huffed. "Shouldn't we be studying?" He grumbled as he flicked at the corner of his textbook. 

Phil smirked, "I said that five minutes ago but you insisted I tell you an embarrassing memory." 

Dan just smiled in response. It had been two weeks now of being in Phil's company. There was a week and a half left until the month was up. The thought made Dan feel sick. He really enjoyed Phil's company. He had let down his guard more and more around the other boy and found himself not minding the lack of his other friends at all. He hardly thought of Jessica - the infatuation seemed to have faded but he didn't feel disturbed by it one bit. He just enjoyed being around Phil with no barriers. He enjoyed not being an asshole and talking about things that made him feel happy and excited. He liked Phil. 

And he didn't want to hurt him. 

The bet was a stupid idea and Dan knew that from the beginning but at the time he had something to prove and he liked Jessica at the time. Now he didn't want to prove anything to his asshole friends and Jessica seemed long since disregarded. He just liked being with Phil and he didn't want it to end. He didn't want to hurt Phil and if Phil ever found out it would crush him. 

'Just tell him the truth. It might be hard to accept at first but he deserves to hear it from you. That way he can trust that you feel badly about it and want to make up for your stupidity.'

Louise's words rattled round his brain as Phil started waffling about something else. Dan felt too scared though. He didn't want to lose what they had. If he just stopped the bet then there'd be nothing to tell, right? Right?

~

"Seriously, you're giving up already?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dan scowled, "weren't you the one telling me to just pay up and get pissed?" He handed a crumpled tenner over to Joe who looked pleased with himself. 

"Yeah but I didn't take you for a quitter. Not with how sure you were that you'd win." He shrugged and took a drag of his cigarette. That was one thing that Dan refused to be a part of and he'd done a good job of evading his friends' pressure with carefully thought-through excuses. 

"Yeah well, I'm sick of it. Plus I'm not really into Jessica anymore. Feels pointless." Dan tried to reason although he felt a little nauseous. 

"How can you not be into Jessica?" Derek frowned, "she's the fittest girl here." 

Dan swallowed the lump in his throat. "Just seems like a lot of high maintenance to me. I don't have time for that shit." God I can be an asshole. 

"Probably still a good shag though." Derek smirked and high-fived Joe. Dan really hated his friends. 

And he hated himself a little too. 

~

"Are you ok?" Phil asked. Dan snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at the worry in his friend's blue eyes. 

"Yeah. Nothing you have to worry about. Just my friends." It was only half true. He had been feeling like shit all week. He thought the guilt would go once he ended the bet but he couldn't help but feel like he was still lying to Phil. He had spent even more time with him since and found his life as a popular becoming irrelevant when he could have the security of Phil's smile. Dan felt himself getting smitten. The thought of 'tutoring' ending made him feel ill. He didn't want to go back. His mind briefly drifted to Louise once again. He'd gone to her for advice on many an occasion. 

'It's not like he's going to find out Louise. Besides it's over so ...'

'That's not how it works Dan. They always find out, trust me. Just tell him!'

'I can't ... I don't want to lose him ...'

'But you will lose him if you don't tell him and he finds out. Believe me the consequences will be much worse the more you wait.'

'But ... I can't- I just ... alright-okay just ... I'll tell him but not right now. I just ... I need him. He's the only thing besides you that makes me feel happy right now ...'

'Don't wait too long Howell'

Dan knew she spoke the truth but when he pictured the look of betrayal on Phil's face he felt like throwing up. God he was fucked. 

"Just know you can tell me anything Dan." Phil smiled and Dan felt his heart rate increase. This boy. "Anyway, what do you wanna watch?"

Dan spied his movie collection and felt himself yearning to watch a ghibli film considering his vast collection. He still hadn't let his weaboo side out yet but he found himself wanting to surrender himself to Phil. Wanted to be completely himself around the boy. He wanted to be as genuine as Phil. 

"Um ... Howl's Moving Castle?" Dan mumbled shyly. Phil's eyes seemed to light up and Dan's breath stuttered a little. 

"You like anime?" Phil beamed. God he was too good for Dan. Dan couldn't help smile at the expression. 

"Y-yeah ... just don't tell anyone yeah?" Dan stuttered sheepishly. 

"Oh this opens up so many avenues for conversation!" Phil cheered. "You better believe I'm going to find out all your favourite ships. God I can recommend you my favourites too! Why didn't you tell me earlier?" Phil grinned. 

Dan was momentarily speechless. Phil's pure reaction had him swelling with affection and he found himself wondering why he hadn't said so earlier. Phil would never judge him ... "I don't know." Dan found himself smiling. 

"Well strap yourself in we're in for an anime-filled afternoon! Hey, that alliteration though!" Phil giggled and went to find the movie. Dan looked at Phil with an expression so full of fondness. He just couldn't contain how much he liked the other boy. Dan liked Phil ... maybe even love him a little. It scared Dan upon realisation but made him feel so warm inside. It was a nice feeling. He liked it. He liked Phil. 

Dan couldn't stop smiling all afternoon. 

~

When Phil kissed Dan, his brain short-circuited. He'd been mid-sentence when Phil suddenly put his hand on his cheek gently and fitted their lips together. They were in the park and Dan had been ranting about how his 'friends' were badgering him to go out with them. Dan had been running out of excuses and he could tell they were getting angry with him. Dan didn't really care, he wanted to cut himself off from their toxic opinions. However he couldn't help letting out his frustration to Phil.

He'd been ranting about his 'friend's' disgusting behaviour towards this gay kid in the year bellow and how no one should belittle someone for something they couldn't change about themselves. Before he could finish however, he felt the fingers glide over his cheek and then his mind went blank. This had caused him to not respond so Phil pulled away anxiously. When Dan felt the cold on his lips instead of the consuming warmth he jumped into action. 

He grabbed at Phil, fingers securing around his neck and pulling him back in for a slow and heady kiss. Their lips moved enthusiastically together and Dan couldn't help feel a happiness he'd never experienced before consume him. God, this was so much better than faux popularity. So much better than getting drunk and hooking up here and there. So much better than flirty looks in the hallway and people knowing who he was. Better than everything. 

They pulled away when they couldn't stop smiling against the other's mouth. Phil laughed shakily and pecked Dan's lips once more before pulling away. "I like you." Dan blurted out, brain a little muddled. 

"I'd like to think so after a kiss like that." Phil smirked and Dan pouted, only encouraging Phil to go in for another, slightly hungrier kiss. 

Dan was in heaven. 

~

Dan was panicking. 

Phil hadn't spoken to him all day. He kept rattling off excuses and avoiding him. Dan felt sick with worry and couldn't help think of all these awful scenarios. What if Phil realised how pathetic Dan was? What if he realised he could do better? What if he was just playing with Dan's feelings? What if he was a bad kisser? 

Dan sat in his room, everything tearing at his stomach. He phoned Louise and she told him to calm down. She asked if Phil had found out about the bet which only made Dan feel even more panicked. He should have told Phil sooner. They'd been 'going out' for over a week now, not that anyone else knew. It had been the best time of Dan's life and he had been so caught up in the affection that he forgot all his problems and worries. 

Phil hadn't talked to him since the previous afternoon before a family dinner. The guilt and worry was eating him alive. He needed to see Phil, he couldn't let him think he was using him if he did know.

And if he didn't know ...

The thought of losing Phil so soon made Dan panic. He had to tell him. He should have told him sooner. He should have ... Dan tried Phil's phone once again and was shocked to find him answer after the third ring.

"Hello?"

"PHIL!"

"Dan." Dan felt his stomach sink.

"A-are you okay? I-i just, I've been worried and ..." Dan trailed off, his voice shaky with nerves. 

"I'm fine ... well I'm not but ..." He sighed on the other line.

Dan felt even worse. He needed to speak to him face-to-face. He couldn't have this conversation over the phone. He needed to see how guilty and sorry Dan felt. "C-can I come over? Please?" Dan almost begged.

There was pause. "I'm not sure ... I don't think-"

"Please Phil. I need to talk to you. Clearly I've done something to upset you. I don't ever want to do that. Let me fix whatever it is. Please, I don't ever want to hurt you." Dan found himself pleading. The silence was deafening and he only caught on to the slightly shaky breath of Phil over the phone. 

"O-ok. Um, yeah."

Dan felt relief consume him. "I'll be there in ten minutes." Dan assured. Phil hummed on the other line before hanging up. Dan had never gotten ready so fast and arrived at Phil's door with two minutes to spare. His lungs burned his calves ached but it was worth it. He knocked urgently and waited impatiently. The minuted passed like hours until he finally heard footsteps. 

Dan was ready to launch into apology but his words caught in his throat when he didn't find Phil at the door. Jessica stood there, eyes just as fiery as her hair. Dan was confused, but before he could comprehend her expression the door was shut firmly in his face. Dan stared in shock before feeling the dread in his stomach once again. 

She knows. 

She must have told Phil. Dan can only guess one of his 'friends' had let the cat out of the bag. Louise had warned him that it was inevitable. Dan should have told Phil earlier when he had the chance. "Jessica! Please! I need to talk to Phil!" Dan pleaded, knocking on the door once again. 

He ceased when he heard muffled yelling on the other side of the door. Dan bit his lip, trying to calm his racing heart. He just needed to see Phil. A minute passed and the door opened once again. This time Phil stood in his pyjamas, eyes tired. If Dan hadn't had a shit-tsunami of worry raging through his mind he'd take the time to admire how adorable his boyfriend looked. If he could call him his boyfriend anymore ...

"Phil." Dan breathed, mind suddenly going blank. Phil had that affect on him, he always seemed to make Dan feel secure. Although there was underlying uneasiness, he still felt at ease. He knew he couldn't let the boy go. 

"Come in." Phil sighed and opened the door further. Dan swallowed when he spotted the narrowed eyes of Jessica Lester behind him. He followed them into the living room. Luckily the parents seemed to be no where in sight. Dan kind of wished Jessica left them to talk though. As soon as he sat down, Jessica burst.

"You asshole! Who do you think you are? Playing with my brother's feelings like that? You're a selfish coward!" She shrieked. Dan shrunk into himself, tears prickling at his eyes. He felt the guilt eating him alive. The volume of her voice made him shake - he'd never been good with people shouting at him. His father had often made him cry as a result. Dan couldn't help but curl into himself a little - a habit. 

Phil, although he felt angry himself, saw the way Dan flinched and knew they needed to talk privately. "Jess, please can you just let us talk?" He asked softly. 

"NO! This involves me too! How dare he? He used you Phil! To get to me! How could you let him into this house?!" Jessica shouted, anger clear. Dan clutched the armrests tighter. He felt a tear escape and quickly wiped it away. He shouldn't be able to feel sorry for himself. He was an awful person. 

Phil, despite himself, felt anger at his sister making Dan cry. He couldn't help it, he had feelings for the boy whether he wanted them or not. "JESSICA." He found his voice raising. "Leave or I will leave." Phil warned. Jessica looked ready to argue but bit her tongue at her brother's expression. She scoffed, glared at Dan, then left the room. Silence enveloped the room. 

Dan sat there, inner turmoil clear on his face. He should have told Phil, now he's lost him forever. "I-I'm s-sorry Phil." Dan shakily let out. Phil didn't say anything, he felt defeated almost. He had given Dan the benefit of the doubt. He'd seemed so genuine. Phil never even suspected ... Well he was a little suspicious at first but Dan had been so ... real somehow. Phil didn't want to believe it. He didn't at first and considered talking to Dan about it but ... it all seemed to make sense the more he thought about it. There was no reason for Dan to approach Phil of all people. He could have chosen anyone to tutor him - there were people better at maths in their class. 

He didn't want to say anything though. He didn't like being angry. He wanted an explanation. That's why he let Dan come over. He just wanted to know why. He looked Dan straight in the eyes. Continue he urged with his gaze. 

Dan tried to gather his thoughts. "Yes, it started off with a bet. I was caught up in my popular bubble and let my pride get to me when Joe dared me. At first I really did fancy Jessica and felt I had to prove something. But ..." Dan stopped, swallowing the lump in his throat. He couldn't look Phil in the eye. "But ... then I got to know you and you ... you're so beautiful. You were this ball of fucking sunshine and I felt the guilt eat me alive. I approached you out of selfish reasons and I hated myself for it. I tried to convince myself that it didn't matter but the more time I spent with you, the more I found I couldn't stand to hurt you. So I paid up, I told Joe that I wouldn't go through with it - fed him some excuse. After that ..." Dan took a breath and built the courage to look Phil in the eye. 

Phil felt tears reach his eyes. He could hear the pain in his voice. He was conflicted - he really like Dan. He liked the Dan he got to know. He was cute, he was shyer than he made himself out to be. He was slow to crawl out of his armour but Phil loved him all the more for it. For showing him the true Dan. He didn't want to believe it wall all a lie. He wanted to forgive him. 

"After that-" Dan continued, "I spent as much time as I could with you. I liked you. I stopped lying to myself. I never felt anything close to how I feel for you with Jessica. She was a passing fancy but once I got to know you, nothing compared. You're perfect. I've been agonizing how to tell you for weeks. I know I should have told you earlier and god knows how much shit I got from Louise for waiting too long. She's right - she's always right. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you Phil and ... I ... I understand if you can't trust me anymore ... if ... if ..." Dan choked up and Phil's heart clenched. "if you don't want to see me anymore I understand ... but I don't want to stop because you've become everything Phil. I don't ..." Dan trailed off, wiping away a tear. He couldn't speak anymore. 

Phil felt his own tears reach his eyes. Godammit. He thought almost angrily as he saw his boyfriend shaking, crying and almost pleading with his eyes. He knew Dan. He got to know the real Dan. Phil found himself refusing to believe it was all a lie. No matter how much it hurt to know about the bet, Phil couldn't dismiss his feelings. He didn't want to lose Dan either. 

"Dan." he said hoarsely and cleared his throat. He got up and walked over to Dan who sat on the opposite couch. Dan winced and looked down at his lap in shame. Phil's heart clenched, he looked so small. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry when Dan looked so scared. He let out a sigh and knelt in front of him. He scooped the boy into his arms and squeezed him tight. Even though Dan was taller than Phil, he felt small in his embrace. 

"I love you Phil, please don't leave me." Dan said shakily, arms curling round his waist. Phil felt a warmth in his chest and couldn't help smile against his shoulder. 

"I'm angry at you." Phil found himself blurting out and Dan tensed and tried to pull away but Phil held tight. "But I also don't want to lose you. I was afraid that it wasn't real ... that the Dan I got to know didn't exist. I was scared to lose what we have. I'm still angry that you didn't tell me and you need to gain my trust back but ... I love you too Dan. I still want to be with you." Phil chuckled. "God you're frustrating you know that?" Phil smirked, pulling back only to press him forehead to Dan's.

Dan couldn't help but smile shakily. "I'm angry at me too. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. Are you sure you want to be with me? You could probably do better-" Dan found himself anxiously rambling. Phil's heart clenched at Dan's self-depreciation and knew he was fucked. He couldn't be mad at Dan for more than a day. He smiled softly and kissed his boyfriend to shut him up. 

Dan made a surprised sound but melted into soft lips. He felt that swell of happiness once again. He felt safe. He clutched Phil tightly, he never wanted to let go. When they pulled apart, Dan breathed against Phil's lips and looked at him with heavy lids. He couldn't help but grin. "Love you." Dan mumbled. 

Phil beamed, he couldn't help it. His boyfriend was an idiot ... but he was a cute idiot. "Love you too." He gave Dan an eskimo kiss and Dan couldn't help giggle and the sound melted Phil's heart. Dan went quiet, enjoying the moment. However his brow furrowed as he let his mind wonder. 

"You're sister's going to kill me isn't she?" Dan asked anxiously. 

Phil laughed and hugged Dan to his chest. "I won't let her."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~HelloAnonymousWriter~