Eternity

Words: 14989

Prompt: eroticphan "We're soul mates and we've been reincarnated for dozens of lives but I remember nothing and you remember every single one of our lives and every time you have to convince me au."

Once upon a time there was an angel His job was to watch over the humans transitioning from life to death. One day he came across a boy who made his heart beat - he was beautiful and his soul was stunningly blinding. The angel watched the first 20 years of the boy's life with a fondness - feeling his heart yearn to know the boy and his beautiful soul. However he felt the gut wrenching stab of the fact that his death was catching up with him. The angel felt his heart break for the beautiful soul that had to die so young.

So, on the day of the boy's death a tree came hurtling down towards him - the impact would kill him. The angel didn't think, he vanished from heaven and appeared on earth to save the boy. When their eyes connected for the first time it was like magic. The angel knew he'd do anything to protect that boy and make him happy from then on. The boy had thanked the angel for saving his life and proceeded to get to know the other.

For the first few years of knowing each other the angel tried to keep what he did a secret as he wasn't supposed to mess with the balance of nature. Within that time he fell in love with the boy and the boy fell for the angel. They formed an unbreakable bond and an all-consuming love. The angel named the boy his 'bear' whilst the boy named the angel his 'lion'.

However their happiness only lasted 5 years because the archangels finally found out what the angel had done and his forbidden interaction with a human. The archangel appeared to the boy and the angel to punish and even out the balance of nature - he cursed them. The angel's powers were taken from him as well as his wings as he was not allowed to return to heaven for his sins.

The curse was made to torture the angel as he and his lover were to be re-incarnated forever yet only the angel could remember their lives together. The angel lived 10 centuries of trying to find his bear and re-unite with him. Luckily every re-incarnation he was left with a small pocket of power. He used this power to put all of his and bear's memories of their past lives into their first kiss. That way when he and bear kissed again in the next life they could remember every life they had had together.

Every century the angel turned 15, he would remember every life he'd had with his bear and yearn for his lover all over again. At the same time a dagger appeared on his chest above his heart. This dagger could be used if the angel decided to end their love. Then he would take the dagger, kill himself and be welcomed back into the gates of heaven. However he'd never see his bear again and the boy would die for good in his last human life. The angel was determined never to use it as he'd search for his bear forever.

~

Phil's heart hurt. It had been hurting since he'd turned 15 and remembered his lost Bear. He had learned how to control the ache over the thousand years of loving his Bear and it only left when they were re-united again. Phil continued on with his life, hoping that he'd meet the boy along the way. He felt frustrated every time he tried to search for his lover as he could never remember his face until they met again for the first time in their new life. 

Over the centuries Phil had taken up many professions and had thousands of centuries of experience to let him live his life comfortably. School was no problem with his vast knowledge at 15 and being an ex angel left him with his bewitching good looks and kind aura which seemed to attract others and gain him many friends. 

Phil was always excited about how the world had progressed and was completely thrilled when the humans had invented technology. It was his 11th century on earth and he wanted to become a radio presenter. He found it fun interacting with human's new creations and with every human that interacted with his show. He worked hard to make a good life so when he found his Bear again they could live comfortably and happily. 

However Phil was now 25 and he ached to find his Bear. The oldest he'd been in the past when they'd re-united was 30 and Phil didn't want to go through another 5 years of waiting for his soul mate. 

"And that's all for tonight little Phillions. Don't forget to call in tomorrow, show starts at 8pm. Go to the BBC website which is at the bottom of the screen. Now, to play us out, Sucker for Pain by Imagine Dragons, Wiz Khalifa and Lil Wayne. Goodnight!" Phil grinned into the microphone. 

The light that said 'LIVE' turned off and Phil took off his headphones. Zoe, his producer grinned as she walked up to him. "Amazing as always." she praised. 

"Aw thanks." Phil smiled and followed her - away from the wires and cameras. 

"You're becoming a vastly popular show and I've been informed that they want to send you out to do some interviewing for the main shows." Zoe informed with a proud smile.

"You're kidding!" Phil exclaimed with wide eyes and a happy grin. 

"Nope, they're sending you out tomorrow morning to interview some of the up and coming bands at the festival. Would that be alright?" She questioned.

"Of course! I'd be more than happy." Phil beamed, he did the radio show every night and had the rest of his day off which left him a lot of free time which he spent looking for and pining over his lost Bear. So a distraction would be great - as well as possible promotions.

"Prefect, I'll let the board know and we can set you up with a crew tomorrow morning. Don't worry I'll make sure you know some of them from the department." Zoe reassured.

"Thanks Zoe, this is amazing."

"Don't thank me, congratulate yourself." She winked and left to help with the next show. Phil walked home with a smile on his face but as soon as his apartment door was closed his consciousness shifted to his Bear or otherwise known as Daniel. The boy's last name changed every century because of their different birth parents - Phil's second name was Lester but the century before is had been Taylor and Daniel's had been Ackerman. This was why it was difficult to find his lover as he could never remember his face and his last name always changed. He just hoped that they were always born in the same country which had luckily happened for all ten centuries so far. 

Phil's chest hurt with the absence of his lover. He took his shirt off and glared at the dagger tattooed over his heart - the reminder that he was being punished for messing with nature. However Phil didn't regret it and would do it a million times over if he got to be with his Daniel. Phil's fingertips heat up and a faint white light appeared. Phil stared intently at the only power he had - the power to put all his and Daniel's memories into their first kiss. He couldn't wait for them to be re-united once more - he hadn't seen his Daniel for over 25 years. He was only grateful that his Daniel didn't have to be tortured with intense yearning for him.

Phil sighed and flopped down on his bed - he needed an early night if he was going to be working in the morning. He tried to ignore the pain as his heart called out to its partner's beautiful soul. 'I will find you Daniel' Phil thought in determination before slipping into unconsciousness.

~

"Howell you look like you're about to throw up." Chris frowned as the band was being driven to the music festival. 

"He's just nervous." PJ chuckled and patted Dan's shoulder. 

"Can you blame me? This is the biggest crowd we've played to yet! I have to play guitar and sometimes sing in front of them - it's terrifying." Dan nearly stuttered, playing with his fingers.

"Don't worry as soon as you start playing you have a good time - it always happens. It will all be fine. Besides Charlie's doing most of the singing." PJ replied, nodding at the band's singer. 

"Don't worry Dan, you'll do great. You always worry enough for all of us." Charlie chuckled. Dan huffed a little and looked out the window of the van. He felt excited and nervous to be playing his music in front of thousands of people. He loved how far the band was coming but it never failed to make him anxious. 

"Will Alex be there?" Charlie suddenly asked and Dan's face split into a grin. 

"Yeah he said he'd be cheering us on backstage." Dan confirmed with a happy smile.

"God you're so smitten. I bet he's going to give it to you so hard tonight." Chris winked and Dan turned beetroot. 

"CHRIS!" He spluttered.

"Yeah leave Dan and his boyfriend alone." PJ smirked and Dan glared at him.

"Oh come on Daniel you're going to have to get used to our teasing - you've been going out for over a year." Chris chuckled.

"Whatever." Dan grumbled but the corners of his lips lifted at the thought of he and Alex being together for over a year. He wasn't in love with him but Dan definitely loved the boy - his heart fluttered every time they kissed and made him feel like a teenager all over again. 

At first Dan had been reluctant to go out with Alex. Throughout his life he'd tried at many relationships but he always felt wrong - as if he was missing something important. The feeling was still there when he and Alex first met and he pushed the boy away. Somehow Alex managed to crawl under his heart and Dan had been sweet on him since. He ignores the feeling now - it was probably some stupid idea that Dan felt he needed to wait for the absolutely most perfect person for him but he knew that wasn't possible. Soul mates didn't exist. 

"We're here." A lump formed in Dan's throat. 

"Come on green face, let's do this thing." Chris teased Dan and Dan swatted at him.

Festival staff came to collect them and their things - having a run down of the schedule and making sure everyone knew what they were doing. Dan's band wasn't on for a few hours and they had an interview first with BBC Radio 1 which was making Dan shake with nerves. 

"Don't worry just pretend it's just you and the interviewer." PJ whispered reassuringly and Dan smiled gratefully as they approached the BBC tent. Suddenly Dan heard someone shout his name and he turned round and grinned when he saw Alex jogging towards him. Dan met him half way and kissed him on the lips. 

"I'm glad you made it." Dan beamed and Alex grinned.

"How could I miss it? You're going to do amazing." Alex insisted. 

"Thank you." Dan blushed and pecked his lips once more. "I need to go for an interview but I'll see you in a bit?" Dan suggested and bit his lip. 

"Of course." Alex said softly and let Dan join the others for their interview. 

~

Phil nervously tapped his fingers against the BBC microphone in his grasp. "Phil calm down." Louise chuckled as she fiddled with the camera. "You're not usually this nervous." He added.

She was right, Phil wasn't very nervous to meet people and even though he felt a little anxious about the responsibility he felt this nagging in his heart that was putting him on edge. It was like his Bear was nearby and it made Phil want to go and search for him - he felt agitated that he had to stay put. 'Oh lord why must you punish me?' Phil asked sadly but he knew the answer - it was his own fault for messing with nature. "Sorry I just don't want to mess up." Phil apologized.

"You'll do great as always." Jack suddenly chipped in, adjusting his hipster glasses and plugging his headphones into the boom mic.

"Thanks Jack." 

"No problem mate, relax - the first band is up and coming. They're not hugely famous so they're probably just as intimidated as you are." Louise explained, continuing to fix the kit. Suddenly Zoe walked into the tent. 

"They've arrived, they'll be here any minute so make sure you're all ready to go." She instructed, winking at Phil before leaving again - probably to go meet with them. 

"I need some fresh air." I mumbled and walked outside the BBC tent. He saw a black van pull up and a bunch of festival staff go over to start unloading. Phil's heart suddenly started racing and Phil's eyes widened as he felt heat where the dagger was. His Bear was nearby - this happened every time in his past lives. His hands began to shake and he frantically scanned the crowd of staff to try and pick out his Daniel. 

That's when he saw him. Phil's breath caught in his throat - the boy was beautiful and suddenly the blank that was Dan's face in all Phil's memories disappeared and he remembered his beautiful chocolate eyes, his handsome dimpled smile and soft brown hair. He was dressed all in black - skinny jeans and leather jacket. The staff seemed to be going over a schedule with him and he was nodding in concentration. Excitement filled Phil and he didn't think as he opened his mouth to shout Daniel's name. However the words stuck in his throat when someone beat him to it.

"DAN!" He heard someone shout and Daniel turned round. Phil frowned when he saw the happy smile that appeared on his perfect face. He then ran towards someone and straight into their arms. Phil's heart hurt when he saw Daniel kiss the man's lips. Phil staggered back a little and tears stung his eyes. He'd finally found his Bear after years of searching but he was in the arms of another. It hurt Phil so much. It had happened once before during their 5th century of their re-incarnation but Dan had admitted that he never loved him and broke up with him the day after he and Phil had met. Now though, Dan seemed to look at this man with a fond love in his eyes and Phil couldn't stand the sight as he went in for another kiss.

Phil breathed heavily and clutched his burning heart. "PHIL? Are you okay?" Louise exclaimed. Phil took a deep breath and pushed the pain away. 

"I'm fine." He stated firmly and tried to push his emotions down. He needed to be professional. For what he could see, Dan was with the band so he'd bee interviewing him and Phil couldn't scare him away if he acted heart broken and creepy. He swallowed the jealousy and staightened up. "I think I might have swallowed a fly or something." He lied.

Louise snorted and Jack chuckled in the corner. "You twat, come on they'll be here any minute. Let's go over the questions. As Phil read over the third question, the tent doors opened and Zoe walked in with four boys - including his dearest Daniel. He couldn't stop himself form staring at the boy he hadn't seen in years - the love of his life. Suddenly chocolate brown eyes connected with his bright blue.

Dan walked in nervously with the band and looked at the whole setup. He looked towards the camera crew when suddenly his eyes locked with bright blue. His heart suddenly started to race and his breath caught. The intense blue gazed back and for some reason made Dan want to run and drown in them. He stopped in his tracks and felt confused as an unknown force seemed to pull Dan towards the boy. He looked over porcelain skin and stark black hair - his face looked like it was carved by angels. Dan swallowed - he didn't know what was happening but that odd ache of something being wrong had vanished and suddenly everything felt right.

However the spell was broken when the man smiled almost sadly and broke eye contact with him. For some reason Dan's heart hurt at the man's eyes leaving his. "Dan?" Someone poked him and he jumped. Chris was looking at him in concern.

"S-sorry, just zoned out." Dan stuttered, not being able to stop himself from glancing back at the beautiful man who was talking to the woman behind the camera. 

"Well try focus okay? We just have to answer a few questions about the band and the show then we'll prepare for the show alright?" Chris asked and Dan nodded mutely before taking a seat with his band on the sofa provided. 

The beautiful man made his way over and took a seat across from them and oh god Dan can't stop staring. "Hi, my name's Phil and I'll be your interviewer today." He smiled brightly and dear god that voice was low and dripped off his tongue like honey. 'STOP IT!' Dan internally scolded, yet his eyes never stopped admiring the man's features. 

"Nice to meet you I'm PJ, this is Chris, charlie and Dan." PJ took the lead and Dan was grateful as he didn't think his vocal chords were working too well at that moment. Why was this man making him feel so warm? Phil smiled at each person and when he looked at Dan and Dan's breath hitched again. 'What the fuck is happening?' Dan thought in panic.

"Alright well if it's okay with you I'd like to begin." Phil smiled kindly and the other nodded. Louise turned the camera on and Jack checked the sound levels as they did a mic test. Dan was too confused to feel nervous. Once everything was working and the sound check was done Phil started asking questions.

"First off why don't you introduce yourselves and the band as well as who does what?" Phil spoke into the microphone. 

"Well our band is called Digital Heavens. My name is PJ Ligouri and I play bass." PJ started again.

"My name is Charlie McDonald and I sing and play guitar."

"I'm Chris Kendall and I play drums."

Finally it was Dan's turn and he swallowed his nerves and confusion to deliver his line. "Hi, I'm Dan Howell and I play electric guitar, keyboard and piano." He managed to say without stuttering.

'Dan Howell, it suits him.' Phil thought but tried to get the job done without getting too distracted. "Nice to meet you guys, so how did the band form?" He asked and Charlie took the lead. Throughout the whole interview, Dan and Phil kept exchanging glances but all in all Phil managed to focus and Dan managed to answer questions without being too distracted.

"Thanks guys that's all for today." Phil grinned and he shook hands with each band member. When he got to Dan, he hesitated before shaking his hand. His breath hitched a little when he felt the electricity Dan's touch always gave him. Dan was tempted to yank his hand away when he felt the tingles run up his arm but at the same time he never wanted to let go. What was wrong with him? He had a boyfriend, yet here he was making heart eyes at some bloke. "It was nice to meet you Daniel." Phil spoke softly and something about the way he said Dan's name that had Dan wanting to melt.

The band started to file out of the tent but Dan lingered. "Dan, you coming?" PJ asked.

"I'll be out in a minute, just need to catch my breath." Dan smiled weakly - he actually wanted to talk to Phil and find out why he felt like he'd known him his whole life. 

"Alright well we'll be by the van." PJ nodded and left. Dan turned his attention to Phil who was giggling at something the woman behind the camera had said. Dan's heart picked up again.

"U-um, excuse me?" Dan spoke up and tapped Phil on the shoulder. He thought he saw a slight shiver come from the man and Dan also felt a slight warmth in his fingertips. Then the man's intense blue eyes were looking at him again.

"Yes?" Phil smiled kindly and Dan had never felt so comfortable in someone's presence.

"Do I know you? I mean, I felt like I've heard you before and ..." Dan trailed off, not really knowing what he was saying. Something like sadness seemed to flash across the man's eyes before he covered it up.

"Well I do have a radio show every night at 8pm so maybe you've heard my voice?" The man suggested and Dan really did love his voice. 

"Oh ... yeah that's probably it." Dan laughed a little sheepishly - that's probably why it felt so familiar. He's probably only star-struck because of just how beautiful the man was. Definitely nothing else whatsoever.

Phil bit his lip. Just like all the other times he and Dan met, he needed to find a way to see him again before he disappeared form his life. His mind went on fast forward. "Hey, would you mind giving me the band's contact number for future collaborations?" Phil pretty much blurted.

"Oh, alright." Dan smiled shyly and reached into his pocket. 

Phil wanted to sigh at how cute Daniel was - then he felt that cold stab. He belonged to someone else. Phil could feel his fingertips heating up in anger and jealousy but he tried to suppress it - he couldn't have Dan seeing his hands glow. 

"Here, this is the number of our agent." Dan pointed out on their card. Dan bit his lip, contemplating his next move. "And this is my number if you ... um, wanna talk about the band or arrange anything with me personally or not of course-" Dan cut off his own rambling, feeling his face heat up in embarrassment. For some reason he wanted to see Phil again and definitely not because he was beautiful - he loved Alex.

Phil smiled at Daniel's awkwardness, quickly picking up on the qualities that hadn't left his character throughout the centuries. "Thanks, here's my contact info if you want to get in touch with me or the BBC. It was nice talking to you Daniel." Phil grinned, savouring his lover's face before he had to anxiously wait for their next opportunity to meet. 

Dan accepted Phil's number with a small smiled, giving him one last lingering look before leaving the tent. Why was his heart racing so badly? 'Jesus christ Dan get yourself together. It's not like you're in love with the guy - you just met. Besides Alex is perfect for you.' Dan thought angrily.

Dan started to get nervous again for the show despite his mind flitting back to Phil sometimes - there's something about him that's drawing Dan in. Finally his band got to play the set and five minutes in Dan was feeling a lot more comfortable and enjoyed playing on stage with his band. He swore he saw Phil's striking blue eyes watching him from backstage for a split second but he could only see out the corner of his eye. He did however see Alex cheering him on and that brought a grin to his face. 

~

Phil sat in his bed, chest hurting so badly. 'Damn this curse was meant to hurt.' Phil thought miserably - he tried to stop thinking about how betrayed he felt with Dan in another person's arms. He breathed in and out and tried to remember them from their past lives. 

Phil pulled away from Daniel's lips and Dan's eyelids flashed open in surprise. His curly hair had fallen in front of his face and Phil lovingly tucked it back in place. "I..." Daniel breathed and Phil waited anxiously. "I remember." Daniel whispered and Phil felt relief wash over him. He let out a breath and grinned at Daniel.

"Thou remembers?"

"I remember everything Lion!" Daniel confirmed, tears reaching his eyes. "They! They stole thee away from me!" He sobbed and clutched Phil tight to his chest. Phil's heart was warm as his Bear called him by his nickname. It had been over 70 years since they'd last seen each other. After the archangel cursed them, Dan and Phil were separated. They died without each other but then phil was born again and he remembered at age 15.

"I am going to find thee every time Bear. I am going to find thee and I am going to love thou just as much as I have adored thou from the beginning. I will never stop trying to find thee!" Phil promised as he hugged his Daniel close. 

"They took my memories! They took them from me! I forgot about thee? How could I do that?" Dan sobbed, clutching Phil like his life depended on it.

"It is not thou fault darling, I am the fault of this.  I am glad thou doth not have to remember. I do not want thee to suffer over not having me near." Phil whispered into Daniel's ear. 

"But thou will suffer!" Dan exclaimed in tears as he pulled away to cup Phil's cheeks. Phil only smiled sadly and brought their lips together. 

"I love thee."

[...I tried ok?]

Phil looked at the ceiling - he yearned to have Daniel near to kiss him. The way Daniel had looked at another with love was tearing Phil up on the inside. Was his Daniel happy? Should he just leave him to be happy? But Daniel made him promise to find him in every life time and to make him fall in love with Phil no matter the cost. But ... what if the cost was Dan's human experience and happiness? 

Phil hated this - he hated being the only one to remember. As an angel is a creature of god they are naturally caring and respectful. Breaking up a relationship for his own gain made him feel sick - as sick as them still being in a relationship. Phil wanted Dan to be happy and if he had to watch from the sidelines to make sure he was happy then that's what he'd do ... even if it killed him a little inside. 

~

Dan stared into his coffee. He felt weird. Everyday he couldn't stop thinking about Phil. He wanted him to leave his mind so he could continue his life in peace and pay attention when Alex was chatting to him about his day. Now Dan was in Starbucks trying to comprehend what his mind and body are doing to him. Why does his chest ache more than it had in the past? Why does he feel like he's missing a huge piece of himself?

Why does Phil feel so important? And important to what? To him? But how?

Dan dragged a hand down his face in frustration. He took a sip of his coffee and went to check his phone for messages. Suddenly he heard it - that deep voice that sounded like sweet like syrup. His stomach tightened and he looked up to see none other than Phil ordering a coffee. Momentarily struck, Dan was refreshed on just how attractive the man was. Seriously he couldn't be human! He had to be a vampire or something. 

When Phil turned round he saw a familiar figure sitting near the window. They connected eyes and Phil's aching heart flooded with warmth at just the side of his Bear. He watched the boy flush and avoid eye contact. Phil smirked a little and grabbed his coffee before making his way over. "Hello Daniel." He spoke softly as to not startle the boy. Dan's chocolate eyes looked up at him through his lashes and his heart sped up - he really couldn't stop loving this boy.

"H-hello." Dan replied. 'OH MY GOD I FUCKING STUTTERED! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?' Dan's mind practically screamed whilst on the outside he held a nervous smile.

"Mind if I join you?" Phil asked anxiously.

"Uh, sure, yeah, 'course." Dan rambled and gestured to the seat across from him.

"How are you?" Phil asked kindly, cradling his coffee as it cooled down. 

"Um, fine. You?"

"I'm well thank you. How was the concert? You played really well." Phil complimented whilst savouring every moment he had in dan's presence. He hadn't seen him in days and he never expected to see him so soon - at a coffee shop no less. 

"It was amazing. I've never felt so exhilarated to be honest - the cheer of the crowd just made my emotions go crazy." Dan grinned, finally feeling somewhat normal in Phil's presence. There was something about Phil's aura. It made him feel comfortable and at home yet it made his heart pump erratically and his nerves tingle. 

"You looked like you were having fun." Phil smiled warmly, not helping the fond look. How could he not when Dan looked so happy. "You were amazing on piano." Phil complimented sincerely and found himself remembering when Daniel used to play the piano for him and then they'd dance in the grand hall under the golden chandeliers - that was a century where Daniel had been born into wealth and Phil into working as a butler at his mansion. The moment they met Phil had felt so complete and happy that his Daniel was nearby. They had been 18 then. Daniel would always sneak off at parties to hide in the woods with Phil and dance and kiss under the stars. Phil's chest filled with warmth at the memory and he tried not to let it show on his face too much. 

Dan blushed at the compliment - he'd always love playing piano. He tried to push down the nerves and be his more witty self, "Are you saying I wasn't amazing on guitar?" Dan asked with a raised eyebrow and Dan internally celebrated on gaining some of his confidence back. 

Phil grinned, "Of course not. I just prefer the piano and you played very elegantly." Phil replied smoothly, glad Dan was becoming more comfortable around him. 

"Do you play?" Dan asked curiously.

"Oh no ... I used to know someone who always played these beautiful songs. I guess I just really appreciate it." Phil answered a little vaguely. 

"I taught myself how to play - I don't really know many classical pieces though." Daniel laughed a little sheepishly. Phil smirked a little inside - if only he knew that he was around when some of those classical pieces were being written. 

"Well you did a good job. Where's the rest of the band? Taking a break?" Phil asked, changing the topic. 

"Oh yeah actually. We're recording tomorrow so we're all just taking it easy before we go into full work mode. What about you? Are you on break?"

"Well I have a radio show 7 days a week. In the working week they're three hours long but on weekends they're only an hour slot. So basically I have plenty of free time during the day. They all start at 8pm." Phil explained, happy to share his new career with Daniel and hopefully if he ever got his memories back they could laugh about how much of change it is compared to english college professor which Phil had been in the previous re-incarnation. Mr Phil Taylor. 

"Wow, you work everyday? Do you get breaks?" Dan frowned.

"Yeah I get 6 weeks a year to spread out whenever is beneficial to me." Phil shrugged. "However if I start presenting award shows then I can do that during the week as well as my radio show and then have weekends off which is what I'm aiming for.  I don't really have much to do most days before the show other than planning said show." Phil explained.

"Only 6 weeks? I don't think I could bare working 7 days a week. Even if it was only in the evenings. I'd want to spend my evening eating pizza and watching junk on Netflix." Dan chuckled and Phil smiled. 

'Always the lazier one of the two of us.' Phil thought fondly. "Yeah well having lay ins in the morning is pretty great." Phil chuckled, besides I do that stuff in the day time.

"Day time? Whats day time? I'm nocturnal." Dan asked with a false look of confusion. Phil laughed and Dan smiled - for some reason seeing Phil happy made him feel really happy. He wanted to see Phil again ...

They ended up talking for two hours and Phil was beyond appreciative of that time where he got to learn all about Dan's new life and what he's missed out on. Both boys felt a sort of sinking feeling when Phil said he had to go get ready for his radio show. "I'll be listening." Dan grinned.

"That's sweet, you don't have to - it's all just a bunch of waffle." Phil blushed.

"It's a good thing I like waffle." Dan grinned back.

"Is there a double meaning there?" Phil laughed, tongue slipping out the side of his mouth. Dan stared at it for a second. 

"Of course. I love waffle and waffles." Dan confirmed.

"Alright Daniel, it was nice seeing you again. Call me if you ever want to meet again?" Phil asked anxiously. He wanted Dan to come to him so he wasn't intruding on Dan's happiness, the concept of Dan loving and sleeping with another man still made Phil's stomach twist and hurt in unimaginable ways but he still wanted to be in Dan's life making sure he was alright. Dan's heart raced when Phil said 'Daniel'. Why did it sound so nostalgic coming from his lips? Those perfect cupid's bow lips- 'Alex Alex Alex!'

"Good luck."

~

The next time Dan and Phil saw each other was a month later. Phil had been pining for dan the whole time, having his mornings and nights slowly rip away at his heart. He tried not to shed tears but it was so painful to think that this curse had pushed his Daniel into the arms of another man. 

Meanwhile Dan had spent as much time as possible with Alex, reminding himself about all the things he loved and adored about the man. He smiled and his heart fluttered when the boy kissed him awake in the mornings and snuggled with him on the couch when they weren't working. They watched their favourite TV shows - sometimes Alex begrudgingly admitting to watch the shows that Dan liked but he didn't. That's what people who loved each other did right? Then why did Dan feel so empty?

He felt like ever since he met Phil the feeling of a relationship being wrong had returned much stronger. When he was with Alex it felt wrong ... but logic argued that it was right. He was confused - he loved Alex but something else was telling him not to. Even though he thought of Phil less and less he was always in the back of his mind and Dan decided he just needed to meet him again and see if the nagging would go away. Maybe if he satisfied the nagging to see him then it would go away for a while?

"Hello? Phil?" Dan asked through the line.

Phil's heart raced and he grinned, Dan back to him. "Dan? Hey." Phil answered enthusiastically. 

"Hey ... um I was wondering if you wanted to meet up. Well ... I guess I enjoyed our last chat and wanted to know if you'd be up for hanging out?" Dan offered and his nerves were going crazy, what was it about Phil?

"Definitely, I'm not busy today. I actually have an idea for something we could do." Phil replied.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Surprise." Phil teased.

"Aw Phil come ooon." Dan whined and Phil's heart melted.

"Nope." Phil grinned, popping the 'p'.

"Meanie." Dan pouted.

"You won't think I'm mean for long. I'll meet you in an hour at Starbucks?" Phil offered hopefully.

"Yeah sure!" Dan grinned to himself.

~

"Where are we going?" Dan asked and shivered - it was late autumn and Phil loved Dan wrapped up in his long black jacket, blue scarf and black boots. What he thought was adorable however was the llama hat he had on his head. He had cooed at Dan when he saw it and the boy blushed muttering something about it being the only hat he could find. 

Dan and Phil finally stopped outside a large building. "Hey Rita." Phil grinned at the receptionist.

"Phil! Long time no see." She beamed.

"Yeah, it's great to see you." Phil agreed and hugged her.

"And who is this little cutie?" Rita smiled when she saw Dan who blushed.

"This is Dan, I thought I could teach him today." Phil winked.

"Oh, well go right ahead. Don't worry free of charge." She grinned.

"Don't be silly, of course I'll pay." Phil argued, being an ex-angel made him quite a righteous man. 

"No, no I won't accept. You helped this place it's the least I can do."

"Fine." Phil sighed in annoyance before smiling at Dan. "Come on." Phi grinned.

"Phil, what the hell are we doing?" Dan asked, anxious to know. Phil didn't reply and Dan started to feel frustrated but suddenly there was a window and he could see a huge ice rink with about twenty people already on it. "Ice skating?" Dan asked in confusion.

"Ice skating." Phil confirmed.

"Um ... I can't ice skate." Dan muttered in embarrassment.

"Hence me saying I'd teach you." Phil smiled reassuringly and put a hand on Dan's shoulder. Dan shivered at the contact. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' He thought and followed after Phil like a lost puppy.

"Phil! We will get in trouble!" Dan exclaimed as he watched Phil skate onto the lake. 

"Oh Bear it'll be fine. Come on, glide with me." Phil beamed. 

"Lion, I can't." Daniel muttered nervously.

Phil smiled softly and skated over to his boyfriend. He took both his gloved hands in his own. "You can do anything whilst I'm here. Come on now, I won't let you fall." Phil reassured and his gloved fingers stroked his lover's cheek. "I'll move mountains for you love." Dan sighed and stared at Phil lovingly. 

"You really were made by heaven weren't you?" Dan sighed and Phil giggled.

"That line was so cheesy Daniel love." 

"I don't care." Dan beamed and slowly let Phil pull him along the ice. Phil expertly glided backwards, all the while pulling Daniel with him.

"I've got you." Phil whispered and he extended their arms straight out before pulling Dan close to him. "Right foot out then left foot, like walking but with less lift of the foot. That's it. Put a bit more pressure on the front of your foot when you glide forward. That's it Bear." Phil grinned and Dan beamed at the boy, skating after him, hands still connected. 

Suddenly Phil broke one hand away and Dan was suddenly spun around like a ballerina. The boy squeaked in surprise and his foot slipped. However he fell right into Phil's arms which wrapped tightly round his waist. "I told I've got you Bear. Now Dan with me." Phil whispered and Dan shivered. He trusted Phil with his life.

With a little more practice, they were gliding with each other with ease, matching each other's pace. Dan squealed and giggled as Phil would sometimes spin him round and once even ducked him. Now Phil was just slowly leading them round the frozen pond - Dan's arms wrapped firmly round his neck. They stared into each other's eyes lovingly.

"Promise me you'll take me ice skating in another life? That way I can have you not let me fall and I'll trust and fall in love with you again. I want to fall in love with you again and again and again. Just don't give up on us please." Dan nearly whimpered. 

"I promise Bear." Phil smiled and then he stopped them in the middle of the ice. Phil let out a breath before getting down on one knee. Daniel's eyes widened. "I'know I've asked you this in our previous lives but I want to spend every lifetime with you and do it right. Daniel ... will you do me the honour of marrying me again?" Phil asked with love swimming in his eyes.

"Of course I will Lion! How could I ever say no?" Daniel asked with tears in his eyes. Phil grinned and revealed a simple silver ring with the word 'Eternity' etched into the side. 

"I love you Bear."

"I love you too."

"Whoa careful there." Phil laughed as Dan stumbled about.

"Careful? How the fuck am I supposed to be careful when it's impossible to walk in these?" Dan grumbled.

"It's all about balance." Phil chuckled.

"Fuck balance." Dan huffed. 

"You're not even on the ice yet." Phil laughed and Dan playfully glared at him. Phil rolled his eyes and took Dan's gloved hands. Dan's eyes widened when Phil guided him to the side of the rink. Phil stepped onto the ice and glided expertly backwards before stopping a few metres away.

"I can't." Dan suddenly blurted. He couldn't do it - he was too clumsy. 

Phil smiled reassuringly. "Of course you can do it Dan. Look, I'll help you." He held out his gloved fingers for Dan to take. Dan hesitated and bit his lip.

"But I can't, I'll fall." He whispered.

"You can do anything whilst I'm here. Come on now, I won't let you fall." Phil spoke soothingly and Dan's heart spiked. For some reason those words made him reach out and grab Phil's hand. Phil beamed and slowly pulled him along with him. He let a few kids past. 

"I'm so going to embarrass myself." Dan flushed.

"Not if I'm teaching you." Phil smirked and Dan narrowed his eyes.

"Smug much?" Dan challenged.

"Oh yeah, completely smug." Phil countered and they giggled. "Alright just start to walk with me. Okay that's it, it's like walking but with let lifting of the feet. You sort of just drag them along the ice. Okay keep following me - put a little more pressure on the front of your feet. Too much pressure on the back and you'll slip." Phil instructed and Dan bit his lip as he tried to follow instructions. 

He let Phil pull him around for a while until he got the hang of it. Then Phil's hands let go and Dan's heart thumped in panic for a second. He stayed completely still. "Dan it's okay. I'm right here. If you start to fall I'll catch you." Phil reassured and offered his most trusting smile. Dan blew out a breath and started to move his feet, concentrating as hard as he could on not slipping.

"Relax a little bit, if you're stiff it'll be harder to glide. Loosen the muscles in your legs a bit and bend when you move forward or you might tip backwards. That's it, slowly at first then gain some speed." Phil cheered as Dan slowly started to edge after him. Phil spent half an hour getting Dan used to the ice. 

Dan started to skate at a slightly faster pace which he was still comfortable with but he ended up just watching Phil as he glided gracefully round the rink, sometimes spinning and sometimes gliding backwards whilst his feet carved shapes into the ice. Phil skated towards Dan and grinned at him - his cheeks and nose were rosy from the cold and Dan couldn't take his eyes off the way it contrasted with his snow white face. 

His distraction caused him to lose his footing and he yelped as he started to fall. He closed his eyes and waited for impact. However he found himself falling into a pair of arms which wrapped tightly round his waist. Dan's breath hitched as he felt Phil's warm arms get him upright again. As soon as the arms disappeared Dan felt disappointment. Why was he disappointed? 

"Told you I wouldn't let you fall." Phil smiled fondly and Dan's heart raced. That look was making butterflies rave in his tummy and he couldn't stop it. "But that's only because I'm a pro." Phil suddenly smirked and grabbed Dan's forearms, starting to spin them in a circle. 

Dan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Cocky much?" Dan sniped and Phil laughed. He went to stop spinning when his blade got stuck in a dip in the ice. Phil yelped in surprise as he slipped and fell onto his back with Dan tumbling down on top of him.

"Ow my butt!" Phil whined and even though the closeness of Dan was making his heart race, when their eyes met they burst into laughter. Dan rolled off of Phil in hysterics and Phil clutched his stomach as he laughed really hard. "Oh my god!" Phil wheezed.

"K-karma's a bitch isn't it?" Dan laughed just as breathily and when they looked at each other they just dissolved into another fit all over again.

~

"Wow, you guys were great!" Phil exclaimed as Dan and the other members of Digital Heavens exited the recording studio. 

"Thanks." Dan grinned and the others said the same.

"Perfect as always babe." Alex smiled fondly and pecked Dan's lips. Phil's smile disappeared as Dan hugged Alex instead of him. 

"Alright bitches who wants pizza?" Chris asked boldly as everyone filed into the lounge. 

"Well actually I have to head back to the office." Alex admitted apologetically.

"But I thought they were letting you off today?" Dan frowned in confusion.

"Last minute call - it's an emergency. I'm sorry baby. We can hang out back at home okay?" Alex suggested, stroking Dan's cheek. Phil's heart clenched.

"Okay." Dan sighed and reached up to peck his boyfriend on the cheek.

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Phil died a little inside. 'It's about Dan's happiness not yours.' Phil reminded himself but that didn't stop his chest from throbbing with pain at the sight of Dan giving his love to someone else. "So ... how long have you and Alex been going out?" Phil begrudgingly asked. He needed to find out if Dan loved Alex - if he was truly happy without Phil. 

"It's been nearly a year and a half." Dan grinned happily.

"They're so disgustingly soppy." Chris rolled his eyes. Phil grit his teeth.

"Shut up Chris." Dan blushed.

"So how'd you two meet?" I asked, trying not to let my voice waver.

"Well he was actually a friend of mine who I brought to band practice a while ago." Charlie chipped in. 

"Yeah that's when I first saw him." Dan confirmed.

"Dan was like really cold to him at first too." Chris chuckled. I raised an eyebrow and looked at Dan who was still flushed.

"I just wasn't really good with relationships. Every time I was with someone it felt wrong." Dan explained with a slight frown and Phil's heart thumped. 

"It's because you're picky as fuck." Chris cut in and PJ and Charlie laughed as Dan scowled at them. 

"I'm not! They just felt wrong so I just couldn't be bothered with relationships. So when Alex started being friendly to me I sort of brushed him off. He was really insistent though and kept complimenting me and asking me if I wanted to hang out. He kept going until I didn't have the heart to reject him any more. So we went out and I found out he was actually like the sweetest guy in existence and I already knew he was cute. There was this little nagging though that told me I shouldn't go out with him but at the same time I wanted to go out with him. So we started to date and he's been the perfect boyfriend. I love him." Dan mumbled - his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. 

With every word Phil felt like Dan was tearing his heart to shreds. He swallowed the lump in his throat and fought hard with the tears that reached his eyes. "That's ... cute. I'm happy for you um ... excuse me I need some fresh air." Phil smiled and quickly left the room. 

When Dan finished his story he felt kind of embarrassed and expected Phil to chuckle at him like he usually did and assure him it was fine. However he saw Phil looking at his lap with the dullest eyes he'd ever seen and a blank face. When the man looked up he saw a shine in them again but not a good shine - the shine of tears? He had a tight-lipped smile forced on his face. When Phil said he was happy for Dan, Dan felt like he meant the opposite. 

He felt his heart sink when the boy left the room. Why had Phil looked so sad? Dan swallowed and stood up. The others were already in a different conversation so Dan followed Phil. He found the boy outside, slumped against the wall with most miserable look on his face. He felt a pain in his chest when he saw the boy inhale a shaky breath and wipe a stray tear away. 'Phil...' Dan thought in sadness. What could make one of the happiest people he knew hurt so much?

He decided to be a good friend and comfort him. "Phil?" Dan voiced aloud and Phil jumped, watery blue eyes going wide. 

"Dan!" Phil exclaimed and quickly turned away, sniffing and blinking the tears away. "W-what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked, his voice a little wobbly but determined. Dan's heart ached - even when the man was so clearly hurting he checked to see if Dan was ok.

"I'm fine but you're not. Why are you crying?" Dan asked quietly - not wanting to be too intrusive. Phil looked a little taken aback but let out a defeated breath. 

"I'm just ..." He seemed to be deciding on something, "... missing someone." 

"You are? Am I allowed to ask?" Dan asked cautiously. Phil smiled at him and again it made Dan's heart break because it was such a reassuring look that showed Phil was perfectly fine with Dan being curious and wanting to help him. 

"Of course you are Dan ... it's just someone I've known a very long time who I haven't seen in a very longtime ..." Phil explained, frowning down at his pale fingers. Dan worried as it was really cold outside and he didn't want Phil getting sick. 

"Well I'm sure they miss you too. Do you want to come inside and get warm? We don't have to talk about it if you want but just know I'll listen if you need me to." Dan made sure he got across the point that he was there to help Phil. The boy had become quite a big part of his life. They saw each other a lot and Dan was honestly thinking he was his best friend despite knowing Chris, PJ and Charlie longer than Phil. With Phil however it felt like he'd known the boy all his life and he felt so comfortable around him. 

"Thanks Dan. I think we should get inside, it looks like it's going to rain." Phil agreed quietly.

"Trust British weather." Dan sighed and shook his head jokingly - hopefully lightening the mood. Phil chuckled and smiled at Dan in appreciation. Dan felt warm inside.

~

"I could SO be Thor!" Phil argued as Dan shot him down. 

"No you couldn't pull off blond hair." Dan disagreed.

"I could! It's more about muscle anyway - check out these guns." Phil insisted, lifting up his pale arms and flexing. Dan laughed at Phil and rolled his eyes but really - Phil did have nice arms. Okay they weren't packed with muscles but he had more muscle than Dan did. Dan had come to terms with the fact that he found his best friend attractive but that didn't mean he was attracted to him. He loved Alex and it would take more than good looks to stop him loving Alex ... like an amazing personality and a good heart and the feeling of being at home and happy- 'Shut up! He's a good person! That's why he's my best friend.'

"Nah, you'd be a better Loki - dark hair, pale skin blue eyes. It just fits." Dan shrugged with a smirk. 

"Well I can't really complain, Tom Hiddleston is hot." Phil chuckled. "Although if we're talking about pale skin I'd probably look most like Voldemort. Just imagine me without nose."

"Voldemort's pretty fit to be honest. I'd bang Voldemort." Dan commented casually before he caught the wide-eyed look on Phil's face as well as the hung open mouth. That's when Dan realised what he'd said and blushed furiously. "I'm joking obviously, if I was banging anyone in the Harry Potter universe it'd be Draco." Dan quickly recovered and Phil gave a shy smile and nod in agreement. Dan was an idiot.

"I get to interview Fall Out Boy tomorrow." Phil stated and Dan abruptly sat up.

"Fuck off!" Dan exclaimed in shock. 

"Language." Phil pouted.

"You're so lucky! I grew up listening to them - they are amazing!" Dan whined - ignoring Phil's comment on his swearing.

"Well, why don't you come with me then? That's if you're not busy. I don't think the BBC would object to me doing an interview with up and coming talent." Phil winked and Dan blushed again.

"That would be amazing but I'm not that well known - they'll probably have no idea who I am. That's totally fine obviously but I doubt I'm famous enough to be allowed to interview with you. I'm not that great a person to be honest." Dan sighed.

Phil frowned, "Are you kidding Dan? You're following is growing by the day. You're album's nearly done and then you're going on tour which is going to be sold out I promise you. You're really talented and a fucking gift to this world." Phil argued - almost offended that Dan thought of himself as anything less than perfect. Dan felt those damn butterflies again and he hadn't noticed just how close they had gotten.

Dan's words had caught in his throat and suddenly he couldn't stop staring at how pink Phil's lips are. He drags his eyes away long enough to stare into Phil's deep blue eyes which seem sort of silvery up close and are completely focused on Dan. Dan felt like he was in a trance. The constant tugging Dan felt whenever he was around Phil was stronger as his heart thumped. Phil wanted to his his Bear so badly - just the way he was looking at him. That little hint of desire was driving him crazy.

"Why do I want to kiss you?" Dan suddenly breathed and it looked like he hadn't meant to say it out loud because he went pink and his eyes widened. Phil blinked. This is wrong. He was doing what he said he wouldn't - he's ruining Dan's happiness. Now Dan's going to feel guilty for wanting to kiss Phil and not Alex. Phil swallowed his love for Dan and put on an understanding face. 

"You don't really want to kiss me Dan don't worry. It's just a heat of the moment thought. Don't worry about it you're fine." Phil smiled reassuringly even though he was crying inside. Dan frowned then blinked a few times.

"Y-you're right it's probably just a heat of the moment thing. Sorry about that." Dan laughed a little awkwardly. Honestly he was glad Phil told him that - he was probably just imagining things. He loved Alex, they had known each other for ages and they lived together and they were happy. 

"Don't apologize Dan. It happens all the time with friends, there's always this curiosity but that's all it is." Phil continued to plant this in Dan's brain. He knew he was ruining his chances with Dan but he refused to ruin a relationship where Dan was happy.

Dan seemed to calm down. "I'm honestly glad you told me that Phil. Thanks for being such a good friend and not getting awkward about it." Dan bit his lip.

"No problem." Phil smiled and pulled Dan in for a side hug.

~

"Thank you Pippa for calling in. Again if you want to join in with next weeks show then go to the BBC Radio 1 website or Twitter and send in your tweets to that week's twitter question. Let's read out some from this week which is 'What are the biggest fails you've had with pets?' ph1ll1on1 says she was watching an episode of game of thrones before her cat threw up on her chest." Phil started giggling. "Oh god. Here's another one from pug_lver34 who says he was walking her dog next to the lake when her pug started to bark and attack the birds. The dog ended up pulling her into the water- oh god!" Phil laughed, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Okay here's a song request from Jenny on Facebook - Heathens by Twenty One Pilots." Phil introduced and flicked a few switches and then the song was playing. Phil reached to get his white board which he'd draw on during the song and try get the viewers to guess what he was drawing.

He was halfway through a video when he suddenly felt this huge painful impact in his chest and his eyes widened in shock. He dropped the board and clutched his chest - breathing hard. Zoe frowned and walked round into the camera's view before dragging Phil to the side. Phil was panicking because all his being was screaming was 'DAN!' 

"Phil! Are you okay? What's wrong?" Louise and Zoe ask in concern.

"I-I need to go!" Phil exclaimed.

"What Phil!? You can't just leave in the middle of a show!" Zoe exclaimed.

"I'm sorry but I HAVE to go." Phil shouted and then he was sprinting down the stairs and out the building. He didn't stop - he kept running to Dan's place. He just knew something was wrong - it had to do with the soul mate bond or something. He raced up the stairs only to crash into someone. He groaned and looked up to see Alex do the same but quickly get up.

"Alex! Where's Dan?" Phil asked in panic. Alex looked up in shock and sadness.

"He's at the hospital Phil. I just got the call - come on let's go!" He urged and Phil didn't argue - following Alex to his car and for once he couldn't bring himself to summon any of the hatred he had for the boy. He was just as worried for Dan. It wasn't long until we reached the hospital and I was straight out the passenger seat before the car even stopped, leaving Alex to park it. I stormed up to the reception desk.

"Dan Howell?" I pretty much demanded. The women looked a little surprised but quickly typed away on her computer. 

"I'm sorry sir but he arrived ten minutes ago in bad condition - he's in surgery right now." the women spoke sympathetically. Phil's heart was hammering in his chest and he covered his mouth with his hand - gripping the counter tightly. This couldn't be happening. His Daniel couldn't be taken away form him already. He couldn't wait another 75 years just yet. He'd only known him a couple of months in this new life. That wasn't long enough. "If you take a seat we'll be sure to let you know when there's a change sir." The lady offered kindly and Phil nodded shakily.

He wobbled over to the waiting room, collapsing on a hard plastic chair. He put his head in his hands - this couldn't be happening. Tears rolled down his cheek - he didn't protect Dan like he promised himself he would. He was supposed to make sure Dan was always happy and protected. "PHIL?!" Alex suddenly shouted. Phil looked up to see Alex's distraught face, clearly the sight of Phil was probably making his nerves worse.

"He um ... he went into surgery ten minutes ago. H-he's in bad condition! What happened?" Phil asked with a tear rolling down his cheek. Alex too had watery eyes and he took a seat next to Phil. 

"He went out to get popcorn since we were having a movie night ..." Phil ignored the spike of jealousy "About twenty minutes later I got a phone call from the police. They told me Dan had got run down and that he was being rushed to hospital. I didn't really hear the rest as I was rushing about trying to come here." Alex said shakily and wiped away the tears that escaped.

"He'll make it - he has to make it." Phil said - more to convince himself rather than Alex. It was only ten minutes later when Chris, PJ and Charlie arrived in hysterics. Phil explained the situation to them whilst Alex stayed in stoic silence, staring intently at the floor. 

"Ah shit, why Dan? Dan of all people doesn't deserve this." Chris cursed, wobbly lipped. PJ hugged him in reassurance which Chris latched on to. 

"Dan's strong - he'll get through this." Charlie stated firmly but he was shaking where he stood. 

"I called his parents. They should be here within the next hour." I swallowed, my legs felt weak and useless - I couldn't move from where I was sitting. I felt numb. Daniel. My love. Bear. I hated seeing him die over and over.

"Bear." Phil croaked, setting his wrinkly hand on top of Daniel's.

"Lion ... we both knew this day was going to come again." Daniel coughed.

"That doesn't make it any fucking easier." Phil suddenly sobbed. He rested his forehead against Dan's aged hand. He couldn't stop crying. This fucking curse was slowly destroying him. Somehow he was always the second one to pass. It always had to be Daniel first and Phil hated it - having to watch his lover die over and over. Not that he'd rather himself die first - he'd never want Daniel to experience the pain of losing him. It hurt too much and he never wanted Dan to hurt like he was.

"Don't cry baby." Dan whispered.

"Don't tell me not to cry Daniel. How can I not cry when you're leaving me?" Phil sobbed harder.

"But I'm not leaving you - not forever. We are guaranteed to see each other again - even if it takes a while. Other people ... they don't have that guarantee of ever seeing each other again. Find me in the next life Phil, make me fall in love with you all over again because it's honestly the most fun I've ever ... ever had." Daniel spoke shakily - his voice getting weaker. 

Phil lifted his head up immediately. He looked at Daniel's fading eyes. "No I love you please." Phil begged. Daniel looked at him and smiled. Fucking smiled. His grip tightened on Phil's hand as Daniel's eyes drooped. "DANIEL!" Phil screamed, tears falling down his cheek. The line went flat.

"I regret to tell you that I doubt that Mr Howell will make it through the night." A nurse said regrettably. Dan's mother suddenly wailed into her husband's shoulder and Alex gasped, grip tightening on the chair. Phil ... Phil just felt empty. He didn't know how much he could take of this - watching his precious Daniel being taken away from him over and over was destroying his soul. Could he really keep on dragging himself and Dan into this constant cycle of death? He felt the dagger on his chest burn. 

"If anyone wants to visit Mr Howell I suggest you do so now. Would the parents like to go first?" the Nurse offered with sadness and understanding in her gaze. Mr Howell nodded gravely and escorted his sobbing wife in the direction of Dan's room. Half an hour later they returned - Mrs Howell was no longer sobbing, she just looked broken. There were clear signs that Mr Howell had taken his time to cry over his son also as there were tear stains on his cheeks. 

"Would the next person to see Mr Howell come forward?" the nurse asked softly. Phil was about to get up but Alex was up in an instant, following the woman in fast strides. Phil couldn't bring himself to hate Alex - he was Dan's boyfriend and is he loved Dan a quarter as much as Phil loved him then he deserved to be worried and say his goodbyes to his dying boyfriend. 

"Phil? You haven't said a word in an hour." PJ said softly. Phil closed his eyes and just shaking his  head - he needed to think. PJ didn't press him and Phil was silently thankful. He had to stop this - he couldn't let Dan die before he'd even lived this life. He was doing things Phil knew made him happy - it was the perfect life for his Daniel and he didn't want Dan to be stripped of it. Phil couldn't be selfish anymore. Dan's life mattered more than Dan in Phil's life. 

It was only 15 minutes later that Alex came back out, full on sobbing. "Next please." The woman asked quietly. Phil looked at the other four and they smiled and nodded at him. He got up and followed the nurse. When they reached the door Phil's chest constricted painfully. "If anything happens just press the red panic alarm on the side of the bed." She informed and let Phil in. She respectfully closed it behind him - letting him have his moment. 

Phil whimpered at the sight of his Daniel. He was all bandaged up and bruised. There was a large gash on the side of his face and he had stitches above his eyebrow. "Bear." He breathed and searched for his hand which he found also covered in bandage. "You don't deserve this. You never do-" Phil's breath stuttered. "I hate it when you leave me every time ... I HATE IT!" Phil sobbed.

"I can't let this go on Daniel love. I know you made me promise to find you in every lifetime and make you fall in love again but it hurts. It hurts having to see you leave me then search for you for so many years. You deserve this life - a normal human life where I don't force you into this curse with me ..." Phil sobbed some more, finding it hard to locate his voice. "Please forgive me love but I can't give you our memories this time. Your life and happiness means more to me than us being together. I'd gladly die a million times over only if it meant you got to live just one perfect life Bear. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to die to give you that perfect life." Phil said shakily - feeling his heart break at the thought of never being kissed or loved by Daniel ever again.

"Everything will be okay my love." Phil whispered and kissed Daniel's bruised cheek. "You're going to survive and you're going to be Daniel Howell of Digital Heavens with the sweet boyfriend called Alex. You'll be happy my dear." Phil spread his hands out over Dan's body and focused on the fizzing in his fingertips. A bright white light emerged and showered Dan's body. Phil was using the only power he had to make sure Dan fucking made it - even if it meant giving Dan up for himself. 

Finally the glow dispersed and Phil could already tell the beating on the monitor was a lot stronger. Dan's skin didn't look as pale. He was going to be okay.

~

"Oh Daniel." Alex kissed his face over and over and Dan giggled. 

"You gave us a fucking heart attack!" Chris exclaimed. Dan winced a little at the volume. He'd woken up the morning after the accident which completely surprised the doctors apparently. Dan's friends and parents didn't care because Dan wasn't going to die.

"Was it really that bad?" Dan asked sheepishly, he was such a klutz. 

"You looked worse than death mate." Chris grumbled.

"But you're looking a lot better now honey." Dan's mum said happily - looking so relieved. Dan's father was grinning like crazy and clutching his mum's hand. 

"I'm sorry guys, I should've looked where I was go-"

"Shush! None of that, this is a happy moment." Alex grinned and pecked Dan's lips. Dan smiled at him - he was so sweet. 

"The nurse said it was a miracle recovery - she'd never seen anything like it. You're one lucky fucker." PJ chuckled.

"Thank god." Dan chuckled. He looked round the room, expecting to find his best friend and frowned a little when he couldn't see him. "Where's Phil?" Dan asked. His friends frowned at each other - a little confused. 

"We're not sure, he sort of hurried out last night after saying his goodbyes. We contacted him and let him know you were alive but he hasn't replied." Charlie explained. Dan's chest sank - didn't Phil want to see him? Did he not care? That hit Dan hard - the thought of Phil not caring made his heart hurt tons more than his injuries.

"However he did tell us that he rushed out halfway through a radio show to come and see you last night so maybe he's at work? He might be going through some shit with his producer or something." PJ added, seeing the look on Dan's face. Dan felt only slightly better - he wanted Phil here. He was getting used to Phil's company and he wanted to hug him like he'd hugged everyone else - because he might not have had a chance to. 

"I'm sure everything's fine, he just as distraught as the rest of us." Alex chipped in, kissing Dan's bruised hand. 

"We'll let you get some sleep baby." Mrs Howell smiled and ushered everyone else out of the room. Dan was left alone to think and he tried to remember what he last remembered. He remembered a jumble of words from his parents and Alex - he remembered being in darkness and not really understanding what they were saying. Then he remembered Phil and he suddenly felt safe wherever he was in the darkness. Phil made him feel safe. He could only remember a few of the words he had spoken but they didn't make much sense,

'Bear ... made me promise to find you ... it hurts ... forgive me ... happy my dear'

None of it made sense so Dan started to doubt if that's even what Phil was saying to him. For some reason he word 'Bear' seemed to rattle around his brain constantly as if yelling at him - yelling at him to remember was 'Bear' was. After Phil's words he had suddenly felt warm and his body tingled for a moment then lost consciousness. He had no idea what happened. All he knew was that he wanted Phil - wanted his comfort.

~

Dan was worried - Phil hadn't come to visit. He'd been released from hospital two days ago and that was a week after the accident. Apparently he was recovering at an extraordinary pace. Dan couldn't help feel like he was empty. Whenever Alex kissed him and told him he loved him he just didn't feel loved. For some reason Phil not being there and being with Dan made Dan feel like his existence was useless. He wanted Phil.

"Hey baby, you've had a rough week. Do you want me to help you relax?" Alex asked with a sly grin. Dan was about to reject it but then he realized a distraction from thinking about Phil would be nice. He nodded slowly and Alex smirked seductively before kissing down Dan's chest. 

Dan closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch letting the sensation flow through him. He moaned as Alex palmed him through his boxers - he couldn't wear skinny jeans because they messed up the bandages. Dan's breathing got heavier as Alex continued to massage him through his shorts. Finally he pulled Dan's length out and was suddenly enveloped in warmth. Dan cried out and gripped Alex's hair as he started to bob up and down. "Baby." Dan breathed, arching into the pink lips wrapped around him. 

'Oh fuck yes, this is the perfect distraction ... Phil ... no don't think about Phil. Shit now I'm thinking about Phil. Holy shit his pink lips on me- no! Those eyes looking up at me! Shit-'

"Phil..." Dan whispered but it turned into a moan halfway. Dan's eyes suddenly shot open in shock just as he climaxed into Alex's mouth. Oh shit, had Alex heard? Oh god, Dan climaxed faster because he was thinking of Phil's lips wrapped around him and not Alex's. He was so fucked.

Alex lifted his head off with a pop. "There you go baby." Alex grinned and pecked Dan's lips. Okay so he didn't hear Dan. Dan couldn't help the selfish relief he felt at that. Did Dan want Phil and not Alex? Dan bit his lip - he definitely found Phil attractive and he loved his personality but Dan loved Alex how could he love Phil in such a short period of time? He had to find out if it was love he was feeling for Phil. He made up his mind - he was going to see him.

~

"Where have you been?" Dan asked quietly as he and Phil sat on the roof of Phil's apartment building - gazing at the stars. Phil had told Dan once that he liked to come up and do that so that's where Dan went to look for him. He was right.

"Busy." Phil muttered.

"Too busy to not check up on me? I could've fucking died Phil did you not care at all?" Dan asked, his voice breaking. Phil looked up at him then with such tired and sad eyes and for a minute Dan holds his breath and he feels guilty. 

"Of course I care about you Daniel. I've always care about you." Phil said - looking so hurt that Dan would assume otherwise. Dan swallowed. 

"Then where were you?" Dan asked quietly. He wanted to know why Phil was avoiding him. He hated having a Phil-sized hole in his life. 

"I just ... look Dan I've lost someone very precious to me before ... it hurt me so fucking badly like it tore me apart. Seeing you like that ... it scared me so much and I ... I was just scared to see you again ok?" It was half true, he had lost someone and Phil had been scared to see Dan but that's not why he'd been avoiding him. He and Dan would never be together in this lifetime - or any lifetime for that matter. Phil was going to use the dagger and not drag Dan back into the curse's cycle once again. 

"Phil ... I ... I'm sorry-"

"No no please don't apologize Dan none of this is your fault, it's never your fault." Phil said firmly, almost pleading Dan not to apologise. Dan sucked in a breath. 

"You don't have to be scared to see me. Look I'm all better and I'm recovering steadily. I'm not going to leave you." Dan said shakily and suddenly Dan feels like he never even wants to leave the rooftop if Phil isn't coming with him. Phil doesn't say anything but he's looking at Dan - looking at his face and he had this look in his eyes which is making Dan's butterflies go crazy. It's as if he's savouring the sight of Dan - appreciating every fault and perfection the boy had to offer and Dan felt so safe and appreciated and ... loved.

"Hey Dan?" Phil whispered.

"Yeah?" Dan replied cautiously.

"Can I tell you a story?" Phil asked anxiously, biting his lip. Dan smiled and moved closer to Phil, wrapping a bandaged arm round Phil's waist and tucking his chin in the crook of Phil's neck.

"Of course."

"Once upon a time there was an angel. His job was to watch over the humans transitioning from life to death. One day he came across a boy who made his heart beat - he was beautiful and his soul was stunningly blinding. The angel watched the first 20 years of the boy's life with a fondness - feeling his heart yearn to know the boy and his beautiful soul. However he felt the gut wrenching stab of the fact that his death was catching up with him. The angel felt his heart break for the beautiful soul that had to die so young. 

So, on the day of the boy's death a tree came hurtling down towards him - the impact would kill him. The angel didn't think, he vanished from heaven and appeared on earth to save the boy. When their eyes connected for the first time it was like magic. The angel knew he'd do anything to protect that boy and make him happy from then on. The boy had thanked the angel for saving his life and proceeded to get to know the other.

For the first few years of knowing each other the angel tried to keep what he did a secret as he wasn't supposed to mess with the balance of nature. Within that time he fell in love with the boy and the boy fell for the angel. They formed an unbreakable bond and an all-consuming love. The angel named the boy his 'bear' whilst the boy named the angel his 'lion'. 

However, their happiness only lasted 5 years because the archangels finally found out what the angel had done and his forbidden interaction with a human. The archangel appeared to the boy and the angel to punish them and even out the balance of nature - he cursed them. The angel's powers were taken from him as well as his wings as he was not allowed to return to heaven for his sins. 

The curse was made to torture the angel as he and his lover were to be re-incarnated forever yet only the angel would remember their lives together. The angel lived 10 centuries of trying to find his bear and re-unite with him. Luckily every re-incarnation he was left with a small pocket of power. He used this power to put all of his and bear's memories of their past lives into their first kiss. That way when he and bear kissed again in the next life they could remember every life they had had together. 

Every century the angel turned 15, he would remember every life he'd had with his bear and yearn for his lover all over again. At the same time a dagger would appear on his chest above his heart. This dagger could be used if the angel decided to end their love. Then he would take the dagger, kill himself and be welcomed back into the gates of heaven. However he'd never see his bear again and the boy would die for good in his last human life. The angel was determined never to use it as he'd search for his bear forever.

However on the 11th century the angel found his bear with another lover. The angel felt like he had been stabbed in the heart. Despite this, he befriended the boy to make sure he stayed safe and was happy. He still had the power to bring back their memories but the angel refused to make the boy unhappy by ruining his relationship. One day the boy was hurt and had fatal injuries so the angel used his remaining power to bring the boy back from the brink of death. He knew then that he and his bear wouldn't share their memories together. 

The angel wanted the boy to be happy so decided he'd leave him to have his relationship with the human. The angel began to wonder if it was fair on his lover that he dragged the boy into the curse every single century with him and he started to feel selfish. He loved bear to the moon and back and would do anything for his happiness. What do you think the angel should do Dan? Should he end the curse and let his bear have a normal life?"

Dan was speechless and he felt his heart hurt so badly. He knew Phil was talking about someone and himself - whether the story was meant literally or metaphorically he didn't know. Then why did he want to cry when Phil suggested the angel give up and leave his Bear to his human lover? Also the similarities between the boy and Dan were making his heart beat fast. Was Phil secretly saying he somehow saved Dan's life and now he had to leave? "The angel shouldn't give up." Dan croaked and Phil looked at him in surprise.

"Why not?" Phil asked and he looked pained - like he'd wanted Dan to make the story easy and say that the angel should leave. 

"Because that would be giving up - it would be giving the archangel what he wanted - to ruin a love so precious that they always find each other. The angel shouldn't be made to suffer alone and his Bear would be devastated if he knew that the angel gave up their chance at love because he was too stupid not to see that the angel was his lover all along." Dan ranted - suddenly feeling tears run down his cheeks. 

"Well it's a good thing that the angel can't give the boy his memories and feel the pain of never seeing him. It's better if the angel let's the boy live a normal life then be peaceful in the afterlife." Phil said, ignoring Dan's words.

"But he doesn't want that! He wants you! He wants you to keep fighting for him!" Dan suddenly sobs and he knows - he just knows that Phil is talking about him and about how he's going to leave him. "Because he's selfish and he loves you and he doesn't want to lose you -" Dan trailed off, cutting himself off with a sob. 

"Dan..." Phil breaths, his eyes going wide at Dan saying he's the angel. Dan can feel his whole being telling him this is right - with Phil it's right. How could it be anything else? 

'Bear ... made me promise to find you ... it hurts ... forgive me ... happy my dear'

Suddenly Dan reached out and lifted Phil's shirt up. There - staring him right in the face was the dagger. Dan whimpered and Phil looked down in shame. "Do you really love Bear?" Dan asked, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

Phil looked up in shock, "Of course I love Bear - I've loved Bear for 1100 years and I love him as much as we did in our first years together!" Phil cried, tears now escaping his eyes.

"Then kiss him! Give him his memories back!" Dan urged.

"I told you I can't, you were dying and I'd rather kill myself with the dagger and let you have a normal human life than keep you in this curse with me." Phil sobbed.

"Kiss me anyway! The first kiss always brings back their memories together it has to!" Dan whimpered. Dan wasn't too far away when he thought Phil's face had been carved by angels and how he didn't even look human. He knew he probably should have questioned the credibility of Phil being an angel more but everything in his being was telling him this was right and Phil was right and Dan didn't want to even the slightest bit wrong with Alex anymore.

Phil wiped his tears away and stared at Dan. "What if it doesn't work-"

"It will work and if it doesn't work - which it will, then guess what? Bear still loves you anyway and he doesn't want you to return to heaven and leave him." Dan insisted and cupped Phil's cheeks. Phil's eyes closed shut and he savoured the electricity he felt from Dan's touch. Dan also gasped a little when he felt the tingles shoot up through his fingers. 

Phil opened his eyes and looked deeply into Dan's chocolate brown. He cupped the back of Dan's head and played with the soft hair. "You're always so beautiful." Phil smiled fondly and rested his forehead against Dan's.

"Kiss me." Dan breathed - almost begging.

Phil smiled and then Phil's lips were on his and his face was tingling and his body felt warm. He felt right. He felt at home. He felt happy and he felt in love. He moved his lips eagerly with his lover's and they gripped each other tight. Suddenly they both began to glow and then Dan was seeing the tree hurtling towards him and then Phil was there and he was safe and looking into the bluest eyes he could imagine.

He saw he and Phil sharing their first ever kiss under the stars and swearing themselves to each other. He remembers how bright Phil had glowed in happiness and he remembered how far his wings stretched. 

He saw the archangel taking Phil's wings and casting the curse on him. He remembered how distraught Phil had looked at the thought of never seeing him again and he remembers dying of a broken heart.

He saw him kissing Phil in the next life and feeling so happy that he wanted to scream it to the world. He remembers how happy he'd felt to see his angel again and how he's gladly live out their curse if it meant he got to see said angel for eternity.

He saw Phil proposing to him on the castle roof even though he knew they weren't allowed to be there as they were lowly servants. But he remembers being so happy that he cried tears of joy.

He saw himself and Phil riding through countryside on horseback to escape the war and loving every minute they had to themselves out in the open. He remembers wishing it would always be just them.

He saw himself playing piano as Phil watched him with so much love he nearly tripped up. Then he remembered how he led him from the instrument and danced to him with no music because they didn't need it when they were entertained by each other's eyes.

He saw Phil taking him ice skating and telling him how he'd never let him fall. He remembered how he trusted Phil so much.

He saw Phil playing with their dog because it was illegal for men to be married and have kids. He remembers marrying Phil in secret and getting dog to live with them in the countryside.

He saw how old he was staring back in the mirror and how Phil had reached over him to straighten his bow-tie. He remembers how much love he felt for him with just that one gesture.

He remembers growing old with Phil for 10 centuries. And he wants to grow old with him again.

"I would rather suffer this curse and have the chance to see you every century for forever than you leave me to have a normal human life where you won't be in it with me. I love you Lion. I've loved you from the moment you saved me from that tree. I want you to promise me that we will grow old together again and have kids this time. Tell me you'll continue to look for me and fight for me even when I'm stupid and fight my instincts on having a relationship." Dan begged.

"I promise, I love you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and I thought he made you happy and this life made you happy." Phil promised and pecked Dan's face all over.

"Yeah I was happy but not as happy as I am now that I've found you again. I love you Lion - to eternity and back." Dan sighed.

"I love you too Bear." Phil beamed and then they were kissing each other with all the love and passion pent up over 1100 years.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE END AND HOLY SHIT THAT TOOK FOREVER TO WRITE. Just so you now, yes ... I did cry more than once whilst writing this. This is probably the saddest piece I've done so enjoy the angst while it lasts! Hope you like it I'm really proud of it. Also thank you for 900 followers xxx :3

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~HelloAnonymousWriter~