(Felix POV)

I can't do it anymore.

I just can't.

I frantically ran around the house, looking for the thing I hadn't used for a year...

My razor blade. (Haha you little nastys probably thought I was gonna say a dildo or something)

Where is it?

When I finally found it in my nightstand drawer, right next to some random pictures of me and you, I sighed in relief and took it out.

You probably won't be home for another hour.

I sat down on the bed and pulled my sleeve up, seeing the faint scars from previous years. I held the blade up to my wrist.

I breathed shakily and pressed down the tip of the blade onto my pale skin, and pulled it a little.

I could see a thin line of the crimson liquid I haven't seen in a while.

I smiled and pushed it deeper into my arm , pulling it across my wrist.

Soon after about 5 minutes, I had about 5 new cuts, each bleeding way more than it should, and I was also laughing. Like a mad man.

As soon as I was starting on my sixth, you walked into the room. I guess I didn't hear you come in...

"FELIX, OH MY GOD!" You ran over to me and yanked the blade out of my hand.

"What the fuck man?!" I got up and pushed you against the wall, getting some blood onto your shirt.

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA DO IT AGAIN!" You yelled, now starting to cry.

Nonononono please don't cry.

"D-do I not m-make you h-happy enough? A-am I not w-worth living for?" You asked quietly, crying a little harder.

I am stupid.

"Awh no baby don't cry... of course you're worth living for. And you make me extremely happy." I said, hugging you tightly. You hugged back.

"T-then why'd you d-do it?" You looked up at me, your tears slowing down a bit.

I sighed, looked down at you and kissed your forehead.

"Let's not worry about that right now, okay love?" I smiled a fake smile. You raised an eyebrow, then nodded.

"Let me get my arm wrapped up and then we can snuggle on the couch and watch Big Hero 6, okay?" I asked, and you smiled widely, quickly putting on some more comfortable clothes and running out of the bedroom.

I have to leave Sweden.

And I didn't know how to tell him.

And it made me depressed, stressed, all of the above.

And I didn't know any other way to handle it other than a blade.