~Cry~

I woke up the next morning. My pillow was wet from tears, and all I could think of was Felix. Was he really ashamed of me? Or was I just being an over dramatic asshole. I mean I know coming out it hard, I technically haven't to the world yet, but he didn't tell his parents.

I sighed. I was just being a dick. I brushed my hair and put on a coat and mask. I walked outside, the air was so cold. I walked around a little bit, until I found the front desk. A woman looked up. "Hello, I am Linda. You are..." She paused looking at papers. "Cryaotic? How may I help you, sir," she asked.

"Um... Is there a way I could buy flowers," I asked nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. She nodded," There is a small shop just over there."

She pointed by the fire place and I saw a doorway.

"Thankyou," I smiled at her, walking to the store.

It was a small grocery store almost. There were different things. Candy, candles, balloons, hair products, hygiene stuff, and flowers. I grabbed a nice bouquet of roses, that were arranged in a happy face. I laughed, and took them to the counter.

The man standing there looked older, maybe 60. "Is this all," he asked. I nodded. "9.06," he said.

I handed him a ten," Keep the change." And I rushed off towards our cabin.

I made it there in about ten minutes and rushed to Felix's room. I was about to knock when I heard him say,"Marzia?"

I froze. Was he talking to Marzia. There was a pause until he said again. "No, of course I love you."

I gasped and dropped the flowers. "F-Felix," I whimpered.

I heard shuffling inside the room and panicked. I dropped the flowers and ran into my room slamming the door. That was why he didn't want the world to know. He loved Marzia, he was dating her.

He was embarrassed because it was all just a pity act for me? I flopped onto my bed, ripping off my mask and shoving my face into my pillow.

How could I have been so stupid to think Felix loved me? To think that he actually cared? God Damnit.

I heard a knock at the door,"Hey, Ry?" It was Felix.

"GO AWAY YOU ASSHOLE," I screamed.

"Ryan, what's wrong, what are the flowers for,"

He asked.

"The flowers were to apologize for being a dick to you, but I guess I was right," I yelled.

"Ryan, what are you talking about," Felix asked.

"That's why you didn't want others knowing. You were just pitying me! You were still with Marzia all along," I yelled again. Anger bubbles inside of me, and it was almost overpowering the sadness.

"Ryan, I don't still love Marzia," he exclaimed.

"YOU JUST TOLD HER ON THE PHONE. I DONT WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES. JUST GO,"

I screamed again. That was followed by a loud sob, followed by a couple more.

I was nothing. Nobody would ever love me. Everyone just pitied me.

~TRIGGER WARNING~

I looked through the room, for anything, and then I remembered. I ran into the closet and smiled a bit at the mirror. I swung my leg at it, breaking it into pieces. I smiled, grabbing a big piece then walking over to my bed.

"A cut for an issue," I laughed. I felt better already.

I rolled up my sleeve and held the mirror against my skin. "First... For being hideous," I giggled. I took the glass and pulled it across my skin, the pain was bad, but the affects made me feel so much better.

I whimpered, but smiled as well.

"Second... For being too skinny." I moved the glass up a bit, and ran the shard against my skin, pulling it deep and slow. I groaned in pain, I haven't done it in a while.

"Third... For being unloveable." I moved the glass piece down to my waist. I inched up my shirt and made a deep, long cut. The pain was unbearable, and my vision began getting darker. I ignored it, this made all my problems go away.

"Four... For being gay." Everybody probably hated me because of it. I went to the other side of my waist and made a close to identical mark. My vision was blurry, and I sort of felt sick.

"And five... For being me." I took the glass and hovered it over my cheek. I took a deep breath, now I had an excuse to keep the mask on. I pushed the glass on my skin, not breaking it, just savoring the feeling. I smiled, pushing it in. Then I heard a loud sound and I jumped, the shard flying across the room out of my hand.

The last thing I saw was Felix standing over me. He was yelling, probably at me. I then saw Minx and Ken and I think Russ. Maybe this is goodbye... Friends.

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I don't know what to say lovelias... 🌺... *brofist* byeeeeee👊