"Can you believe the audacity he had?!" I paced. I mean, it was hot, but still.

"Why are you talking to me about it?" Kol drawled, a book resting on his lap. "I don't particularly care how Niklaus feels about your sexual endeavors."

"Because you're here, that's why."

"So I am to be captive to your rant?" His brow rose.

"Exactly." Like I could hold an Original against his will. Which begged the question, why was he listening? "He seriously believes he has a say."

He set his book down with a huff. "Niklaus will do as he pleases, though if you think he won't kill whatever poor sap you shack up with, you're wrong. He's partial to pushing them from high places."

"Lovely."

"Try dealing with it for over a thousand years. He's insufferable."

"Yes, Niklaus can be... difficult." Elijah sauntered in.

"Understatement." Kol and I replied at the same time. We exchanged a glance. Did we just... agree on something?

"He doesn't really push people off high places, does he?"

The brothers looked at one another, and Elijah winced. "It's happened a time or two. We had a rather unfortunate incident with a governor's son once. Rebekah wanted to turn him, and he didn't approve."

"But if he killed anyone because you were fucking them, it would be out of jealously, which is an entirely different demon." Kol's eyes darkened. "He and I once courted the same lady in waiting, and he found out. I got daggered, though not before he tore her throat out in front of me."

Oh yeah, because they were a million years old, so they were around when ladies in waiting were still a thing. Wait. "What is daggering?"

"Wretched knives that Niklaus keeps close to his chest. They forcefully desiccate and incapacitate an Original."

"Kol."

He shrugged. "It's not as if she can use it against us, not unless she'd like to die while doing so. A life for a life, as if were." He added in a stage whisper. "And they don't work on Niklaus at all, fucking useless."

But it could be used against them. I just needed some poor idiot that could be compelled. I'll just file that away for later.

Well, I needed several someones.

Whatever.

"Yes, I believe your friends in Mystic Falls found a way to dagger me. Had we not needed the doppelgänger's cooperation, I would have ripped out their plotting hearts." Elijah picked at a speck of dust off the couch. "I strongly recommend not searching for the daggers. They will eventually come out, if you're successful in the first place, and I will make your life a living hell."

"Wasn't planning on it." I held my hands up in surrender. "Hey, what happened with Rebekah? Wasn't that your sister?"

"In a box. Though it was hard convincing Niklaus that it was punishment enough for her crime."

"Can I ask what she did that was so wrong? Wasn't she trying to help the person she loved?" I would too if I had Klaus for a brother.

"She summoned our father." Kol frowned. "Not even I'm stupid enough to pull such a stunt. She's lucky the dagger was all she got."

"So he just shoved her in a box somewhere?" Could, or rather would, he do that to me?

"He keeps our coffins close and ready for use, should one of us disappoint him." Kol got up. "Now I've got a witch to romance without my brother's interference." He disappeared down the hall.

Elijah turned to me. "Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"Your check up."

"My fucking what?"

"According to your friends, that child was born in an underground bunker. We wanted to ensure he was properly taken care of." He offered offhandedly.

"Excuse me?" I rubbed Bennett's back. "He's perfectly fine."

"I'm sure you feel that way, however, I would like confirmation from a medical professional."

"Fuck you, Mikaelson." Bennett hadn't been to see the doctor in the four and a half months he's been alive. In fact, I'd only been a couple of times during my pregnancy, just to make sure he was okay, that he was growing normally.

He set his hands in his pockets. "You have five minutes until we leave."

"And if I refuse?"

"It'll be unpleasant."

"Ooh threats. My favorite." I deadpanned. "Klaus and I just had a back and forth, and I'd just like to say that no one won that."

The man himself walked into the drawing room, putting on his jacket. "I'll be taking Maverick to her appointment."

"We're not going." Absolutely not.

We were not going to go to some doctor.