Eleanors pov

I laid there, splayed and interconnected with Tommy. He was so peaceful and happy. I finally got my head back to reality. The weekend came and we didn't leave my room. I could feel Lucy's disapproval through the walls. 

When reality hit again, all I could see was Graham with the other girl.

I clutched on Tommy a little tighter, feeling tears behind my eyes. The morning was approaching, I had classes, I needed to eat a proper breakfast and maybe change my sheets. 

I needed to change my company too. But I didn't want to. He made the pain go away, he made life bearable. He made me forget. 

I realised I accidentally dropped tears on his chest and I used his top I was wearing to wipe it softly hoping to not wake him up. He moved and I realised it was pointless to hide it now. He sat up and held me like a baby, my head hidden by his arm in his torso. 

"You can cry, it's alright. I'll pretend I can't see or hear." I chuckled through sobs and I hid myself further in him. 

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise for your feelings."

"No, I mean I'm sorry for the past week."

"Now, that you really shouldn't be sorry for."

"But it can't be anything, I still... it needs to end." He kissed my head, and rubbed my back as I cried further. I felt guilty about him and I felt so hurt and betrayed by Graham.

"I know love, I know, and it's okay. I don't blame you or hold it against you. I'm grateful for the time we've spent together." He said and I wiped my tears. "Plus, I know you have feelings for me and I know you still have feelings for him, but like I said before, I'll wait."

I didn't say anything, just like the last time he said this stuff. I just let him hold me. I tried to embed this feeling in my brain, because I knew we'd never have this again. Maybe we might, but I didn't want to forget, just in case. 

<><><><><><><>

I sat on a chair and watched him pack. It was quiet, Dillon and Luce were out having coffee. It made me feel bad. 

"I've finished getting my stuff I just don't really want to say goodbye," he said and I gave him a tired smile. 

"I think we just have to get it over and done with," I said, standing up. 

"I just want you to know-" I began but he interrupted me. 

"I know, same here." He said softly. I walked to where he stood and wrapped my arms around him tightly and he did the same. 

We stood there for a few moments, my breathing so easy, until he let go and went for the door. 

"Bye Mary." He said. 

He walked out and it became very silent. 

I realised that I was alone and it was terrifying. I sat back down on the couch, curled my legs to my chest and hugged myself. I didn't know how much time passed before Dillon and Lucy walked in and came and hugged me. I started crying but they stayed with me and comforted me. 

"I'm sorry." I kept repeating.

"You've done nothing wrong," Dillon said. 

"You have nothing to apologise for, okay," Lucy added.

<><><><><><><>

"What do we do?" Luce whisper-yelled to Dillon, thinking I was asleep. 

Which is fair, all I've been doing lately is crying or just existing which then makes me exhausted and then I sleep for a century, wake up and repeat. I was grateful for our easter break, otherwise my grades would've taken a serious hit. 

"It's your brothers fault, you think of something." Dillon whispered back, and then proceeded to study. I could hear the squeak of her highlighter on her textbook. No doubt something for economics. 

"Well, a little is Tommy too, he left and that's when she kind of just... well you know, you were there," Lucy said and they paused for a moment before she continued. "Anyway, I finally got it out of Cohen, and apparently Gray has stopped his line of girls outside his door and hasn't left his room since then, which was like a week ago. 

I wished I was asleep right now as to not have heard that. I didn't want them to continue, so I began to move, pretending to just wake up.

"Shh," Dillon said. 

They both gave me those pity-filled smiles once I had sat up on the couch. 

"You woke up just in time for dinner." luce said, in her soft voice. It almost made me want to go.

"I'm not hungry," was my monotone response. 

"Well, that is just impossible because you haven't bloody eaten since lunchtime yesterday," Dillon stated. 

"So?" I said, and she leaned back. She doesn't usually have much conviction and she did now and I shut her down. I didn't mean to, it's just kind of been my default lately. What are the five stages again?

"There's school tomorrow, and we[ve just got less than three months left. Then we're done."

I deep breathed, "sorry," I said to Dillon, "fine I'll eat."

I stood up and went straight to my room, shutting the door behind me while I tried to make myself look human. I looked like how I felt, so that needed to change. 

I prayed that Graham would continue to wallow in his room and let me eat in peace. He hasn't been to meals with us in a few days now, which I was happy about. I mean, I've only been a few times myself. 

Why on earth is he not leaving his room? What's wrong with him? Breaking someones heart take a lot out of him?

I grabbed my glasses, not wanting to put contacts in and I walked out. 

"Let's go before I change my mind."

Once we go there, I sat with Blake while my parents - Cohen and Lucy - put me a plate of food. I told her not to put a lot, I wonder if she'll listen. 

"How have you been?" Blake asked, turning to me. 

"Meh," I said, trying to keep it light, but somehow that meant 'give me a hug'. I exhaled and rested my head on his shoulder while he rubbed my back comfortingly. I bit my tongue to hold back my tears. 

Blake cleared his throata nd pulled away. I realised why as Graham sat down across from me. 

"Hey mate," Blake said and Graham just continued to give him a death stare. 

"Don't look at him like that," I snapped, surprised I spoke to him like this and not holding back tears. 

"Why are you being defensive with him Eleanor? He isn't Tommy." Lucy and Cohen were walking back to the table and heard what he said, they stopped, worried looks on their faces. 

I stood up, towering over him. "Do not say my fucking name." I said to him and his scowl remained, giving me a strong urge to slap him, or cry. The former option was looking pretty good right now. 

 "Sorry, Lucy, I'll see you later."

She gave me a sympathetic look while Cohen looked at Graham with a baffled look. Then Lucy looked at her twin with the biggest scowl I have ever seen her make. 

<><><><><><><>

I avoided Graham like the plague, sitting with my fellow theatre kids at meal times and staying in my dorm when I wasn't in class or rehearsals. It worked out well as our performance is in literally 2 weeks. 

I may have skipped the 2 rehearsals scheduled over the break, and I wasn't badly reprimanded because Luce apparently told our director I was horribly sick and she went and sat during the rehearsals and took notes on what they went through. I thanked her for that about a quadrillion times. 

I was trying to get this line as perfect as I could and eventually gave up, dropping on my bed. 

I stared out of my window, the sun was setting and dropping below the hill near our school. I remembered what Graham looked like in the sunlight, or whatever sunlight we got in the highlands. 

"Get your sexy ass up, we're going out baby," Blake said, storming into my room in a wife beater, big cargo pants and lots of silver jewellery. I saw Luce standing at the door behind him, her arms cross.

"I told him to knock."

"It's alright, I was about to go to bed anyway, I gave up on practicing."

"No, no.No sleep for you. You need a hot dress and some eye liner because there's a hot party waiting for you to go."

"You coming Luce?" I asked her, expecting a definite no. 

"I have a date."

"Oooo, with who?" Blake asked her and I burst out laughing. They looked at me with smiles. 

"Oh, shut up, yes I laughed, I produced a happy sound." I looked at Blake, "I'll go." He cheered and started opening draws and things. 

"Oh, please wear this."

"That's honestly not even a dress, does it even cover anything?" Luce questioned before she shut her eyes and walked away. 

It was a spaghetti strap, silk dress, but it had two cutouts below the breasts, that showed my ribs down to my hips. Then it just flowed out. It was a plum colour, I've only worn it once, and it was too a pool party at someone's mansion and I only wore for like five minutes. 

I stood up and took off the big t-shirt I was wearing - may or may not have been Graham's.  

Blake turned around which made me laugh. I always wondered when he'd tell me. 

"You don't need to turn around." I told him. 

"I know," he said seriously, his enthusiasm leaving the room for a moment.  

"Alright, how do we look?" I asked and he turned and clapped.

"Yes, yes, yes. Now we curl the hair while you make those gorgeous eyes pop, and you're wearing what shoes?"

"I have black cowboy boots."

"You kill me with how fucking awesome you are." I burst out laughing again while he went and put one of my records on. Come on Eileen came on by Dexys Midnight Runners, and we danced in the bathroom, using hairbrushes as microphones. 

<><><><><><><>

"3.. 2.. 1.." We said in unison and everyone downed their shot. It was another mansion party, but in their pool house, it was fucking awesome. I saw a couple people from acting class and I danced with them. I saw other people I knew as well, fro, other parties. It always amused me how I saw the same several people at parties all the time and I'd never see them during the day. 

Blake took my hand and brought me to the dancefloor. Moth to a flame by the weekend started playing and I just danced and danced. Blake and I loved this feeling, moving and swaying and dancing with people while loud music blasted making us forget about everything. 

Blake spun me around and I was met with a very handsome guy. he was already looking at me and smiling. He grabbed hold of my hand and he danced with me. I moved so Blake was joining us, and the chorus began and we jumped. 

"You light up the room," the guy told me. I smiled up at him.

"And you are as tall as the room." he laughed. 

"You're also incredibly gorgeous, and your friend is hot too," he yelled in my ear. I smirked, starting to feel the effects of the many shots we had just before. 

He swayed with me, and I held Blakes hand, facing him. I gave him a wink and he smiled, knowing what I meant. I leaned into him, kissing him, then I turned to the other guy and kissed him. The taste of alcohol on our tongues. He brought me close to him, holding my waist. I pulled away and then he kissed Blake. I kept hold of his hand, the guy still gripping my waist. He hand his other hand on Blakes neck and they got more into it. I felt the guys grip on me tighten and Blake squeezed my hand. Well I'm glad this is going well. 

We continued dancing together, and I suddenly forgot whatever thoughts I had about sunlight and Graham. He was very pretty though. 

I love Graham. 

The guy we met was tapped by a couple other guys. 

"Dylan, there you are mate, we've been looking for you," one of them said. 

"Stop, making out with guys and come with us, we're going to Harry's!" Another said and they all cheered as if Harry's meant something amazing. Maybe it did, Blake and I would never know, we just watched the hot guy leave. At least we knew his name now.

It was several shots later and around what seemed like a hundred songs, that things started to get blurry. 

I couldn't find Blake and I just gave up and landed on a couch. 

A pair of hand lifted me up and pulled me into them, I realised it was Blake.

"Heyyyy," I said, "where'd you go?"

"You danced away from me," he laughed. "Home time love, it's like 2 in the morning."

"Wow, I love parties!" He laughed at me again so I laughed too, But it was more like a hackle. I got dizzy, and swayed a little, so Blake, the kind gentleman he is, put hi arm around me to carry me while I walked. 

We got back to our castle of a school, and laughed our way to Windsor.

"Will you be okay getting to Cromwell."

"I've walked back more drunk than I am right now, you know that for a fact."

"Oh yes I do."

"Now go up and get into bed. Try be as quiet as possible." I put my pointer finger to my lips.

"Yes, quiet, shhh," I whispered. He kissed my forehead and then turned away. 

I took each step very carefully, not to be quiet but because they were very swirly and it was dark. I've done this plenty of times before, and I;ve learnt that slow and steady wins the race. 

I looked behind me and realised I hadn't gotten very far. I also realised I was not tired. I didn't want to go to bed. I strutted back down the stairs and walked out. 

Cromwell appeared before me and I walked up to the guys' dorm. All their doors were closed, and I tumbled towards the middle one. 

I prayed that I wouldn't find a girl in there because at this point I'd probably vomit and that would be way too embarrassing. 

I opened the door quietly and and walked in, closing it slowly behind me. 

It was cold in his room, I realised because his window was open. He was standing at it, leaning on the window seal, smoking. I thought Blake said it was really late, what was he doing up?

He turned around, head snapping in my direction, and his eyes raked over my body. He was like those scanner things with the laser, copying and memersising every inch.