Tom's POV

We've been traveling for almost two days now, and I feel like something's changing between Y/N—Xenia, and I. Maybe it's just my imagining things. I hope it's not, but there's still that sliver of doubt that I am.

"We're getting close." She calls and looks over her shoulder at me with that same unreadable expression on her face. "Before we get any farther, I need you to know that by bringing you here, I'm trusting you—a lot. Still, I need you to promise me you will never tell anyone where we went."

"I promise." I tell her with a smile, "I appreciate you trusting me, and I'll prove to you it's not misplaced."

"I'm already fairly certain it's not." She whispers with a half smile. "Now, you have to be blindfolded before we can continue."

"It's okay. I trust you." I says full of sincerity. She nods and ties the blindfold over my eyes.

"Just take my hand. I'll guide you there." Her hand slips into mine in a way that feels surprisingly natural. "Lead the way."

It's another hour of walking before I hear a creaking door. Y/N leads me a few start forward before I feel the blindfold being taken off. "Welcome to the monastery of the Rashad monks." She says and gestures to the wide expanse of buildings, people, and gardens behind her. "Word of advice before we go any farther. Be respectful. A lot of people are here because they either decided to no longer use magic the way most do or because of magicae—either of nobility, the council, or those who believe the former."

I have to take a moment and look at everyone in here. There's men and women of all ages, and little kids running around cheering. "Even the children?"

"How old do you think I was when I came here?" She retorst before nodding. "Yes, even them. There are some who were born here, but most come when families can't take care of them or if their village ran them out for their abilities or lack thereof."

It's hard to process. I've heard stories about what life in some of the less caring noble's sectors are like, but I never thought it would be bad enough for children to have to leave their families or villages. It hurts. Especially to think of Y/N being someone chased away.

"Xenia," A guy my age calls as he approaches and lifts Y/N up in tight hug, and I try to bury the anger bubbling up as she laugh and smiles at him—something it took me over a month to accomplish. "I'm so happy to see you.

"Aedan," She cheers when her feet are back on the ground, "I'm happy to see you too. I just wish it was under better circumstances. Speaking of, Aedan, this is Tom"

He nods at me and extends a hand that I harshly take. Y/N seems to notice the awkward exchange and speaks up, "Who do you have covering medicine these days? I need to—to have—"

She begins to sway on her feet, and I immediately wrap an arm around her waist to stabilize her, "Xenia?" I call and feel the panic rising as her eyes roll back before she passes out.

"Was she injured recently?" Aedan asks as he looks her over.

"Yeah, she took a knife to the shoulder the other day when we were attacked." I tell him as I lift her up in my arms. "She kept it. I think it's in her bag, but we need to get her somewhere."

"Follow me." Aedan says and leads me to one of the smaller buildings. He shouts at someone in Netesh, but I can't quit understand amidst the panic taking over. "Here, lay her down here."

I set her down on the neatly arranged blankets and pillows where Aedan gestured and watch as her face scrunches up amidst the beads of sweat. My hand holds onto hers as Aedan quickly speaks to the elderly woman who enters and pushes me aside to check Y/N's injury.

The woman and Aedan speak in fast, hushed tones that only make me more worried. "Namier says it looks like someone put palicae on the knife. It's nasty stuff and can put down a Karnish wolf in the right dose." He says something else to her as the woman pulls out a cloth covered jar and rubs the paste on the wound. "She said whoever did this must not have known what they were doing or enhanced it with magic since it looks like a low dose on Xenia."

"Is she going to be okay?" I ask the woman, Namier, who nods in response.

"Just keep an eye on her. Tell me if she isn't awake by nightfall."

"Thank you." I tell her as she leaves, and I resume my spot by Y/N's side along with Kandra, who is resting her head on Y/N's stomach.

Aedan sits down next to Kandra and watches Y/N with evident concern. It's quiet as he takes some of the rags the woman left behind and tenderly dabs her brow with it.

I want to pretend it doesn't make me mad—or you know, jealous—but it does. She just seemed so happy to see him, and there's obviously history there. Y/N begins to stir in her sleep. "Aedan, he—" She barely understandably mumbles before the rest of it is unintelligible.

As hard as I try to tell myself it's nothing more than her having a fever dream, it still makes my blood boil in my veins. "I need a minute." I say and stand up to leave with Kandra closely following me.

"There's no need to worry." Kandra's voice echoes in my head. "Trust me, she has seen much worse and come out fine."

"Yeah, she's stronger than anyone I've ever met." I mentally reply. "I just need to clear my head."

"I can give you a tour if you'd like and acquaint you with some of the people?" I nod and absently listen as Kandra leads me around the large expanse of the monastery and introduces me to people. Still, the entire time my mind keeps drifting to Y/N and stupid Aedan.

It's obvious that they have history, and the way she smiled when she saw him—i don't even wanna think about it, but I can't put it out of my head. Especially considering how concerned he was when she collapsed and how he's treating her even now.

The thought sends a wave of guilt over me. I should be there taking care of her—no matter what my feelings about her and Aedan are. She took that blade to protect me, and here I am, feeling sorry for myself instead of being there for her.

I do my best to retrace my steps back to the dormitories where Xenia is, and it takes me a few minutes and a lot of wrong turns. When I enter, Aedan is still sitting next to her watching her with that same look of concern that makes me bristle.

He looks up at me and nods before looking back at Y/N. "Namier came back with another of her concoctions. She said that Xenia should be up and back to normal by the celebration tomorrow night."

"Celebration? And I thought it was powerful poison."

"It is, but I've learned to never underestimate Namier's healing concoctions." Aedan says as he pours more tea into her mouth. "and yeah, it's the traditional Rashad ceremony held twice a year. The monks have used it for decades to help cement the bonds between us."

"That sounds fun." I reply and sit down, "Back home, most of our celebrations are excuses for people to boost their own egos."

"So I've heard. You'll find our pretty quickly that we aren't like most magicae. Our foundations run a lot deep than most magicae or the council know. There's a lot of history in this place." Aedan sighs as he stands up, "Now that you're here, I need to go make sure everything is going alright and in place for the celebration."

I nod and take the tea for Xenia from him, and when he's gone, I finally let myself look at her. The color has finally started coming back to her cheeks and the fever seems to have broken. Despite it all, she still look beautiful.

It makes it hard for me to stop myself as I brush a few hairs from her face. "Tom," she mumbles, and I freeze before I realize she's still asleep. Her brow furrows as she continues to talk and fidget, "No, no."

"You're okay." I whisper to her, wondering what she must be dreaming about. "I promise."

She slowly starts to calm down after a long moment, and only seems to really settle when I take her hand in mine. It makes me smile that the simple gesture seems to bring her comfort, even unconscious.

The night passes in a restless sleep and hours pass of waiting that's only broken up by Namier and Aedan's check-ins before Y/N finally starts to stir. I swear, I've never felt happier to have to let go of someone's hand—even though I wish I didn't have to. Her eyes look all around taking in her surroundings before landing on me, "What—what happened?

"The—um—the knife you took for me was coated in—pal—palicae, I think." I say as I help her sit up. "You've been out since we got here yesterday."

"Wait, they put palicae on the knife? Whoever did it must be stupid or inexperienced for it to not kill me." She says and shakes her head. "Speaking of the knife, where is it?"

"I think Aedan has it, but he's getting things ready for the celebration tonight."

"Help me up, I need to ask him about it." She says, and I help her up. "If we can figure out where that knife came from, I can stop whoever's trying to kill you before they get another chance."

"Right, yeah." The entire time I walk with Y/N, my thoughts keep circling back to her and Aedan. "So—um—what's the deal with you two—you and Aedan, I mean. It just—it seems like there's a lot of history there.

"There is. We've been close since he came here and started training under Lakren. He wanted one of us to take over for him, but I—I felt like I was needed elsewhere." She smiles softly and stares down at her feet as she shakes her head. "They both made sure I always knew I had a place here though."

"So—so you and him talk often?"

"We keep in touch." She shrugs, and I can't stop the sour expression that breaks across my face. "Wait, are you—are you upset by that?"

"No," my voice almost cracks, and I hastily try to cover it up, "No, I'm not upset by it."

"Yes, you are. I may not have magic to read your mind, but it's written all over your face."

"Well, what if I am?" I counter as the anger starts to build just under my skin.

"Because, you have no right to be jealous, Tom. First, Aedan is practically my brother, and second, there just–there can't ever be anything between us."

"Why?" I question and take a step closer to her, "Why can't there be anything between us? And please, don't say it's because you're folamh because that doesn't matter to me."

"It may not to you, but it will to everyone else." She sighs and shakes her head. The look on her face almost makes lose it, because I swear I can see tears brimming in her eyes. "Not to mention, I'm not the kind of woman someone like you falls in love with. I don't—it's hard to explain."

"Hard to explain? Or you just don't want to tell me?" I snap before I can think to stop myself, and the moment the words leave my lips, I know I've gone too far. Because Y/N doesn't say anything back. She just shakes her head at me and walks away, which is the first time we haven't been near each other in almost a month.

It's how I know I really screwed up.

...

Y/N's POV

I brush the tears from my face and lean my head against the cold stone wall. This is the one thing I was hoping wouldn't happen. He wasn't supposed to care for me like this or I him, but It has. Now I have to figure out how to keep protecting him without hurting either of us more than already.

"You're looking rough." Aedan calls as he approaches from down the hall, but his demeanor shifts when he notices the tears that keep stroking down my cheeks as hard as I try not to. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lie, "Although, I'm starting to wonder if crying is a side effect of palicae or Namier's concoctions."

"You may be a good liar, Xenia, but I've known you for too long. What's really wrong?"

"I forgot how much it hurts to feel." I tell him as the tears come in a fresh wave, and Aedan doesn't hesitate to pull me in a tight hug.

We stay like that for a few minutes in silence before Aedan speaks up again, "It's Tom. Isn't it?" I nod. "I figured as much with how he looked at you."

"What am I supposed to do? I care about him—more than I should." I struggle to take in a breath as I continue, "But I—I can't."

"You should though." Aedan says, which surprises me. "I'm serious, Xenia. You can't spend your whole life keeping everyone at sword's length. The only people who ever knew anything about you were myself and Lakren, and I don't even know that much about you."

"Maybe you're right."

"I am right. Trust me, Tom is—he really cares about you, and I think you should give him a chance. Let him in—let someone in." Aedan says with a serious expression, "From what I can tell, he's not going to give up or run away no matter how hard you try to push him. So give him a chance, yeah?"

I nod my head absently as he leaves to go do something else. All I can think is, maybe he has a point. It's been years since I let anyone get closer. I remember it's why Lakren used to say I have an 'armor heart.' Although, I'm starting to think maybe it's time to let someone in, and I think Tom might be that person.

After all, he's hasn't run yet, and I think it's time he knows.